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Not a joke, but funny for me anyway. A post from a brilliant poster about sitting on a bench in NY in 40 degree temperature. I think ‘WHAT? Surely it’s cooled down by now in NY. The forecast for today here is only 39 degrees’. Duh! It’s not just early summer here, the temperature is in Centigrade. I’ve managed to change to US spelling most of the time, but I still get caught sometimes.
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Day of the time change instructions:
Smartphone: Do nothing, it's magic.
Car: Wait six months, it'll be right again.
Microwave: Obtain a degree in electrical engineering.
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metoo,

Hahaha, too funny! I was a huge Beatles fan. I also loved them individually. Adored, John but wasn’t a fan of Yoko.

She did inspire John to write good music though. He loved her. Guess that’s what matters the most.

Beatles came to my city, New Orleans when I was nine years old. I begged my parents to go. Tickets were only $4.00. Mom said she didn’t want to be around all the screaming girls. I told her that I wanted to be one of those screaming girls! Hahaha

They played at City Park but I missed it. 🙁 My parents wouldn’t bring me.
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Gaining another hour in 2020 is like getting a bonus track on a Yoko Ono greatest hits CD.
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Caregivers are not going to like having to relive that hour we just gained,
making the work day 25/7.

And thanks to the full moon effect, it has become apparent just how little understanding one has about the change in time.

You don't understand it either? Click "like" to agree.
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In honor of Sean Connery: I once heard it said by someone poolside "I have to jump out of these wet clothes and into a dry martini".
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The Lord wants you to be a spiritual fruit, not a religious nut.
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Am I the only one worried about all the AI being advertised?

I mean who really wants AI to be in every aspect of our lives?

Oh, wait my generation knows AI as Artificial Insemination not Artificial intelligence. Oops! Whew! I was getting worried.

What's with all the changing acronyms, getting old is hard enough.
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Grandma, that should be the back of the shirt.

You can continue your education, not to mention the hobbies and crafts that you can do.
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Isthisrealyreal...
Not just that the "Life Imprisonment" is not a deterrent think of the advantages.
You don't have to shop for clothes
"free" healthcare
No bills, gas, electric, mortgage....
You don't have to cook or clean
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As seen on a sweatshirt:

Don't tick off old people!

The older we get
The less "Life Imprisonment"
Is a deterrent!
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Stay home. Practice social distancing. Clean yourself often. On no! We're all becoming cats!
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Anyone else feel that Halloween is unnecessary this year. I have been wearing a mask and eating candy for seven months now.
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What do they teach elves in elementary school?

The elf-abet.

What did one earthquake say to the other?

"It's not my fault!"

What did one volcano say to the other?

"I lava you."
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Hi! I wasn't criticising your taste in jokes, just sharing DH's little groan! I'm always grateful to you.
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Mr. and Mrs. Brown had two sons. One was named Mind Your Own Business & the other was named Trouble. One day the two boys decided to play hide and seek. Trouble hid while Mind Your Own Business counted to 100. Mind Your Own Business began looking for his brother behind garbage cans and bushes. Then he started looking in and under cars until a police man approached him and asked, "What are you doing?" "Playing a game," the boy replied. "What is your name?" the officer questioned. "Mind Your Own Business." Furious the policeman inquired, "Are you looking for trouble?!" The boy replied, "Why, yes."
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"MargaretMcKen,"

You can refer back to my reply on August 31st (page 8) regarding my joke posts! :)
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"Countrymouse,"

That was a fantastic and clever addition to the joke - my husband and I both got a kick out of it!!! :)
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Nobody - I hope they wrote a Liszt.
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I read the jokes to DH and usually get a laugh, but he reckoned this last one was really scraping the bottom of the barrel. A wet barrel of course...
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Here's a riddle for a change of pace -


Why is an island like the letter "T"?




They're both in the middle of water!
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What was Beethoven's favorite fruit?





Ba - na- na- naaaaaaaaa!
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Anyone like delving into genetics?


What did the DNA say to the other DNA?


Do these genes make me look fat?


( just don't ever ask your husband that question!)
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For any classical music lovers out there:


A sign at a music shop:


"Gone chopin.
Bach in a minuet."
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Knock! Knock!

Who's there?

Control freak.

Con...

Okay now you say,
"Control freak who?"
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Why did the pine tree get in trouble?
Because it was being knotty.
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Why did the frog take the bus to work today?



Because his car got toad away.



(I hope he got to work on time!)
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"notgoodenough,"

Thank you for the vote of confidence with my joke postings - glad you like them! Most the time I just like to post them when I feel either in a funk, in a silly mood after a long day or after reading a lot of serious, sad stories on the forum.
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NobodyGetsIt, you have the best "dad" jokes ever!!
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Why do we tell actors to "break a leg?"



Because every play has a cast.
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