I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
My arm is so weak I can hardly hold this coffee cup...
Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad I can't see to pour the coffee...
I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck...
My blood pressure pills make me dizzy....
Well I guess that's the price we pay for getting old. It's not all that bad, we should be thankful that we can still drive!
2000 BC Here, eat this compound of root..
100's AD Don't touch that root, it is the tool of the devil, Say this prayer.
1850's AD That prayer is pure superstition, drink this potion
1940's AD Believe me that potion is snake oil, swallow this pill
1970's AD That pill is ineffective, you must take this antibiotic
2000's AD That antibiotic is artificial, Here, eat this compound of root.
Because they arrgh!
He was just going through a stage.
A woman in labor suddenly shouted, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Couldn't! Didn't! Can't!"
"Don't worry" said the Doc. Those are just contractions."
A nervous wreck.
There's no menu;
You get what you deserve!
Loved it - but, you had me going when I read the first line on the news feed and I was scratching my head wondering why it would be posted on the joke thread! :)
My husband's younger nephew actually had a PB Doughboy costume 24 years ago when he was 15 and he had just the right personality for it - he's changed careers since then from being in the bakery business to now being a lawyer!!
Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.
The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly.
He was 71.
Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin.
Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies and Captain Crunch.
The grave site was piled high with flours.
Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded.
Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes.
Despite being a little flaky at times, he still, as a crusty old man, was considered a roll model for millions.
Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough; two children John Dough and Jane Dough; plus they had one in the oven.
He is also survived by his elderly father Pop Tart.
The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
It wanted to be a Smartie.
(I love you M&M's just the way you are - don't go changing...)
Because he lost his filling.
(I hope I find it because it's so good!)
I don't know how to operate a helicopter.
"Sometimes I want to ask God why He allows injustice, violence and evil, when He could do something about it" said one man to his friend.
"So, why don't you ask Him?" the friend responded.
"I don't like to", answered the first,.."because He might ask me the same thing."
Why is it when you open a can of evaporated milk ..it is still full
If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash...why isn't the whole plane made out of the stuff.
Why are there five syllables in the word monosyllabic?
How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges did not grow in it?
Light travels faster than sound, so is that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
"Is it true" the woman wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?"
"Yes, I'm afraid so" the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence before the woman continued.....
"I'm wondering, then, just how serious my condition is. This prescription is marked.."NO REFILLS".
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar.
"Get out of here!" shouts the bartender.
"We don't serve your type!"
Because they make up everything.
He just needed a little space.
"Why the big pause" asks the bartender.
The bear shrugs.
"I'm not sure; I was born with them."
The space bar.
Bison
What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present?
THANKS - I'll never part with it!
How do you keep a bagel from getting away? (besides me eating it :))
Put "lox" on it.
Glad your DH thought the "hat" joke was funny - so did I!
As far as him thinking the church chuckles are better - that is just another example of how we all like different things like foods, music, movies... and jokes.
Just like the old saying goes "different strokes for different folks!"
Here is my last one from the 'wine' collection:
Every time I say the dirty word exercise,
I have to wash my mouth out with red wine and chocolate.
What did the shark say when he ate a clownfish?
This tastes a little funny.
What did one hat say to the other?
You wait here. I'll go on a head.
What kind of exercise do lazy people do?
Diddly-squats
Oooh - that sounds painful!
to which the doctor replies:
"Sorry, I don't follow you..."