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Three retirees, each with hearing loss, were playing golf one day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?" "No," the 2nd man replied, "it's Thursday." And the 3rd man chimed in, "I'm thirsty too, Let's have a beer."
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Senior Texting Codes:

ATD - At The Doctors
BTW - Bring The Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring Your Own Teeth
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
ROFLACGU - Rolling On Floor Laughing and Can't Get Up
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This is the joke thread right? Humor is like beauty. It's in the eye of the beholder.

Let's just all laugh.........the world needs it right now.
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mrsribit
Posted August 2012
Jokes needed to lighten our day. Enter at your own risk!

I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor.

🍇🍇Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o) 😍😂😒
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97yroldmom posts this joke:
Jul 2, 2020
DOES ANYONE KNOW WHICH PAGE OF THE 
BIBLE EXPLAINS HOW TO TURN WATER INTO WINE? 

ASKING FOR A FRIEND

Sendhelp says:
Not too many understand my jokes at all. I think if one has to explain the joke, it takes away the humor. I doubt very much once 'explained' that it will be better understood. A multifaceted joke....
One might need to be Catholic, or understand Catholics.

Part one:
97 y.o. mom makes a joke. It has a question.
Sendhelp answers the question, 'as if' it was a real question, and not a joke.
Part two:
Sendhelp explains that Jesus performed the miracle because his
mother told him to. ?What? Nobody knows any men who do what their mothers tell them to, even into adultood?
Part three:
Sendhelp continues to answer the question about which page of the bible explains how to turn water into wine, by actually posting the referenced 'page', literally.
Part four:
It is one of those jokes that you would have had to actually have
been there....🌠
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Margaret: You can actually see who 'liked' the water to wine joke post? No kidding - how do you do that? "The penny dropped?" What does that mean?
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I keep reading Sendhelp’s last post on July 2, and thinking ??????? I have read many explanations of the water into wine, from total faith to the (rather way-out) suggestion that ‘John’ was actually Jesus proving that you shouldn’t believe everything you read. I have never read it as a Joke, to be posted to a Joke site. Curioser and curioser! Two people liked it, so perhaps they got the joke. It didn't make it to my 'Church Chuckles' book!

PS Since writing the above, I've just gone back to see who 'liked' it, and the penny dropped.. Someone was asking how to turn water into wine, to save on alcohol bills! Duh!
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The congregation was meeting in the Church Hall to discuss raising money to repair the ceiling. The local big-wig stood up and said ‘’I’ll donate $50”. As he sat down, a bit of plaster fell on his head. He stood up again and said “I’ll make that $500”. Another Church member said quietly: “Hit him again, Lord”.
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Sign on the Church Office door, after the Vicar had a short but dangerous illness:

‘God is good. The Vicar is better.’
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What did the man say to the bartender?

"I’ll have a corona, hold the virus."
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Here's another miss-spelt sign

The choir needs more sinners.
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I tried opening a German deli but it's just gone from bad to wurst.
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Likewise, (as seen in a used book shop) "Books Sorted by Authors" (DH noted the sign and, when I asked if he was getting bored waiting for me as I browsed, said "No, I'm just waiting for Stephen King to come on shift..."
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That's funny, Margaret. It remind me of a sign in a laundromat: "When the wash cycle finishes, please remove all your clothes."
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My trip to town produced a small joke book called ‘Church Chuckles’:

Sign in Church Hall kitchen: ‘After use please rinse teapot, then stand upside down in sink’.

!!
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FrazzledMama,

ha, ha, ha, your friend's mom just needs to be encouraged to take plenty of condiments which I don't care for, but I do like condominiums! or you could tell her to encourage her mom to take her adult toys with her like a walker and other such toys
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My friend's mom just announced that she is going to her first sex party and wasn't sure what to bring. After some delicate questioning, my friend laughed and said, "Gender reveal, mom. It's a gender reveal party."
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Jesus changed water into wine, because his mother asked him to.

LOL, 97 y.o. Mom.
Cannot give the pages of the bible, because there are so many different translations and paraphrases, all listed under Chapter and Verse.
John 2:1-12 New King James Version (NKJV)
2 On the third day there was a wedding in Cana of Galilee, and the mother of Jesus was there. 2 Now both Jesus and His disciples were invited to the wedding. 3 And when they ran out of wine, the mother of Jesus said to Him, “They have no wine.”
4 Jesus said to her, “Woman, what does your concern have to do with Me? My hour has not yet come.”
5 His mother said to the servants, “Whatever He says to you, do it.”
6 Now there were set there six waterpots of stone, according to the manner of purification of the Jews, containing twenty or thirty gallons apiece. 7 Jesus said to them, “Fill the waterpots with water.” And they filled them up to the brim. 8 And He said to them, “Draw some out now, and take it to the master of the feast.” And they took it. 9 When the master of the feast had tasted the water that was made wine, and did not know where it came from (but the servants who had drawn the water knew), the master of the feast called the bridegroom. 10 And he said to him, “Every man at the beginning sets out the good wine, and when the guests have well drunk, then the inferior. You have kept the good wine until now!”
11 This beginning of signs Jesus did in Cana of Galilee, and manifested His glory; and His disciples believed in Him.
12 After this He went down to Capernaum, He, His mother, His brothers, and His disciples; and they did not stay there many days.
New King James Version (NKJV)

Taking the bible literally.
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97yroldmom, the bible's only explanation is that Jesus made it change from water into wine.
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DOES ANYONE KNOW WHICH PAGE OF THE 
BIBLE EXPLAINS HOW TO TURN WATER INTO WINE? 

ASKING FOR A FRIEND
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Yesterday my husband thought he saw a cockroach in the kitchen. He sprayed everything down and cleaned thoroughly. 

Today I’m putting the cockroach in the bathroom.
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I like the M&M's in the mask memes too, I made my masks with extra space in front to keep them away from my face so I have plenty of room for a whole bag!
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New uses for masks:

1) Add some M & M's inside and snack on the go.
2) Wear your mask to bed, and just slip it up over your eyes and use it as a sleep mask to block out the light, sleep better.

You got anything?
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Time to recycle the toilet paper.

No, NO, not the paper, the toilet paper jokes!
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One for the road, from DH's car club:

I woke up exhausted this morning.
I dreamed I was a muffler.
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Running out of jokes, so I bought a book about work. Some famous people said:

The Peter Principal: In a hierarchy, every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence. Laurence J. Peters

Parkinson’s Law: Work expands to fill the time available for its completion.
C. Northcote Parkinson

The volume of paper expands to fit the size of the briefcase. Jerry Brown

More to come when I get back from trip to town!
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Frazzled: Too funny. Ergo, I'm well beyond "the edge of the bed" thing.
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Once you reach the age of 40 and after, you've gotta sit on the edge of the bed and warm up like an old Buick before you get up.
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I shouldn't have left this one off the list – the worst one for people who have leased a shop!:

Business is so quiet you can hear the overheads piling up.
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With commiserations to all those whose friends and relatives have suffered in the business downturn:

Business is so bad, even the shoplifters have stopped coming.

Oscar Wilde: It’s better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.

Two of the town’s manufacturers met. ‘Trade’s bad’ said one. ‘I heard that your factory burned down today’. ‘Sssh’ said the other ‘It’s tomorrow.’

Before you argue with the boss, take a look at both sides – his side and outside.
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