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What's the world going to have about 13 years from now?

Lots of quaranteens.
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Here's definitive proof that the Earth is round...

If it was flat, cats would have pushed everything off the edge by now!
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What is 50 attorneys at the bottom of the ocean?















A good start.
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But some good news........the funeral homes are doing great. People are dying to go there.

Sorry............that was in very poor taste but I couldn't resist.
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It is with great sadness that I have to mention the loss of a few local businesses around town

The bra manufacturer has gone bust.
The specialist in submersibles has gone under.

The manufacturer of food blenders has gone into liquidation.

A dog kennel has had to call in the retrievers.

The Heinz factory has been canned as they couldn't ketchup with orders.

The suppliers of paper for origami enthusiasts has folded.
The tarmac laying company has reached the end of the road.
The bread Company has run out of dough.

The clock manufacturer has had to wind down and gone cuckoo.

The Chinese restaurant has been taken away.

The shoe shop has had to put their foot down and given their staff the boot.

The laundrette has been taken to the cleaners!

The pet shop has gone to the dogs.
The butcher's had the chop.
The veg man is in a vegetative state.

The venetian blind shop has closed, so it's curtains for us all

The wall paper shops taken a pasting.

The florists are now pushing up the daisies.
The fish n chip shop has been battered.

The milkman's lost his bottle and finally,
the bread man's toast.
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Rejuvenation!

Here’s one suitable for children:

Hickory Dickory Dock,
The mice ran up the clock.
The clock struck one,
The others escaped with minor injuries.
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If you're dancing with your honey and your nose is getting runny don't think it's funny cause it's snot.

I thought I was wrong once but I was mistaken.

What's black and white, black and white, black and white, black and white and red?
Ans: A nun falling down the stairs

Ta Da! My pathetic attempts at humor
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Most of these corona comedy jokes need to be followed by rim shots _ Ba Dum, PSHH.
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Please do not read this too quickly.

Well COVID-19 pandemic has finally affected me financially. In order to offset the extra cost for prepared food, electricity, cutting the grass, house repairs and gas prices, I’m needing to make some extra money on the side.
So...

I am now humbled to announce that I am selling Adult toys.

I hope no one is embarrassed to ask for them. I have all kinds, sizes and styles according to your needs. Discretion is guaranteed!!

I am more than willing and able to demonstrate any items for you. Ask for yours anytime.


I have everything listed below.


-Walkers
-wheelchairs
-oxygen tanks
-canes
-disposable diapers
-fixodent
and more!

copy n paste if you have a sense of humor!!!
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Send, you forgot the corn cob joke, again.
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Use toilet paper instead.
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🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🌽
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Send, you forget the corn cob joke.
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This will be the last corn cob joke ever!

But I will still be returning to this joke thread again and again.

All of our dogs think we quit our jobs to spend more time with them.
All of our cats think we got fired for being the losers that they always thought we were.
All of our narcissistic moms thought we were only there to serve their needs.
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I prefer that this thread keeps going. I don't think a new thread will make any difference.

Agreed we need some humor to help us through this trying time.

The grocery stores in France look like tornadoes hit them. All that’s left is de brie.

I’ll tell you a coronavirus joke now, but you’ll have to wait two weeks to see if you got it.

Finland just closed its borders. You know what that means. No one will be crossing the finish line.

What do you tell yourself when you wake up late for work and realize you have a fever? Self, I so late.

Did you hear the joke about the germ? Never mind, I don’t want to spread it around.
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An elderly woman was walking her dog when a young man grabbed her purse and ran off with it. A neighbor who saw the scene quickly asked if she was okay, and she smiled and said that it was no big deal because she always carries her old purse when she walks her dog to put the dog's poop in until she can get home to dispose of it.
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Cwillie, I think that the ‘scrolling back’ is a bit overwhelming in view of the size of the site. It might be easier to get the moderators to remove a troll if there were better guidelines. The last guy stood on his dignity about ‘don’t berate anyone for their choice of humour’. One option might be about a requirement for ‘likes’. Admittedly the troll set up several site names and ‘liked’ his own posts (almost no-one else did), but the moderators eventually looked at all the ‘reports’ and seem to have got rid of him until a couple of ‘dwarf’ comments recently. More ideas, please!
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I don't think a new thread with carefully crafted stipulations is going to keep the people who post questionable comments away, those who troll (and their fans) like to offend and provoke a response.
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I think a new jokes thread would be good, but like you Margaret I do not want filth; there's enough alternate and porno sites around for that. I'm fine with suggestive humor, everyone on this site is (or should be anyway) an adult. I like my humor kinda like my mother always taught the best fitting clothes were "tight enough to know there's a woman in there and loose enough to know she's a lady".

Good luck on working the wording out!
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I suppose that it would be fine to just recycle some of the earlier jokes from this thread for new people who don't want to bother scrolling back - unfortunately the site where I got most of my jokes was taken down so I haven't had anything new to contribute.
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Friends, this thread has been running since August 2012, and it seems to have run out of puff. It started off with ‘likes’ well over 20 for every post, and was almost killed a couple of years ago by the bloke who continually posted absolute filth. We need a good joke site right now! I kept copies of good jokes from years ago, and am thinking of starting a new joke site to use them again. I felt ashamed when a new member asked a few weeks ago if no-one wanted to help lighten the load we all feel, and I have tried.

I will wait and see how many people think this is a good idea before trying a new site. I’d appreciate suggestions about how to word the intro. “Naughty but nice is OK”? Or what? We don’t want anyone else insisting that filth was their ‘choice of humor’ and so within the guidelines.

Please answer.
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Lilhelp, I have been tempted to add lippy onto my mask for that pop of colour 👄 😉
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I called & suggested all government forego their paychecks until everyone went back to work, paying those taxes and the economy took off again.  They hung up on me.
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Women wearing corona masks makes lipstick manufacturers worry about going out of business.  Dentists, too, for men & women.  Breath mints will be a new surplus.
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I was enjoying The Zoo on tv.  Then I started feeling like the animals, sort of free, but not really lately because I kept running into a wall.
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This is hilarious! Hairdressing with 'physical distancing' - video made by a couple of hairdressers in New Zealand while in lockdown:

https://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/video/news/video.cfm?c_id=1&gal_cid=1&gallery_id=219664
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COVID Mask Video

https://youtu.be/U4c5eo_3-y0
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Perhaps she thought that Fifi could just do the business via Peep-a-View!
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A woman was considering breeding her fancy pedigreed French poodle. She was surprised to hear about the stud fee and asked, "You mean, Fifi is the one who has to pay?"
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Hey, MargaretMcKen, that reminds me of a comment about a restaurant (pre coronavirus of course): Nobody goes there anymore because it's so crowded.
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