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Margaret, I’m eating late breakfast while reading here. I almost choked on the 1st one about husband and their dog - laughing. That’s my favorite of the list you posted. 👍
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There seem to be a lot of jokes circulating around here. This lot goes:-

Sitting on the couch and my husband said quietly ‘The good part of all this is I get to spend more time with you’. I turned my head and looked at him lovingly, and realised he was talking to the dog.

My wife said if I don’t get off the computer and do something helpful she’d slam my head into the keyboard, but I think she’s jokiq[qweiprvjh fiugncpeohnc ;lzdohcn

Day 7 at home and the dog is looking at me like “See? This is why I chew the furniture”.

This one comes with a picture of a hole in the lawn, about 7feet by 2:
Day 8 of quarantine. My wife has taken up gardening but she won’t tell me what she’s going to plant.

Love to all, Margaret
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Yes indeed Riverdale and I hope there aren't any reruns.
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When does season 2 of 2020 start? I don't like season 1.
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Im not sure why I put my lipstick 💄 on & then put on my mask 😷.....before going out for my daily walk or trips to supermarket or to get supplies for my mother 🙏🏼
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Woman talking to an officer that pulled her over for failure to stop.
“I thought you didn’t give pretty girls tickets?”
“Pardon me?”
“I thought you didn’t give pretty girls tickets?”
“You didn’t think we gave pretty girls tickets? You’re absolutely right. We don’t. Sign here.”
-Reddit
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To polarbears comment regarding haircuts - a meme my hubby just showed me cuz I keep lamenting missing my upcoming hair appointment...

”If you think toilet paper is bad, just wait until 300 million people want a
hair appointment for the same day”.
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Bookluvr, I laughed out loud about surprise dinners.

Sometimes I will ask my husband if there is anything he feels like for dinner, I am looking for ideas and he will say, surprise me!

So I serve nothing and say surprise, no dinner!

He doesn't think it is as funny as I do😁
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Netflix should change their message from,"Are you still watching" to "You should take a shower and come back"
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How was Howard Hughes like Coronavirus?

He could travel anywhere.
He could shelter in place.
He could buy off Hollywood.
He could buy off politicians.

But he could never buy clean hands.
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"For a few months when I was little, we had ‘surprise’ for dinner. Not because we were poor (we were but it wasn’t why) but because my 4 year old self tore all the labels off the cans when my mom wasn’t looking. My mom said she learned two things:
1. Cans of fruit are generally larger than cans of vegetables and
2. They bought way too many cans of beans."
-Reddit
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Fave sis thought I was crazy when I decided to go to the salon to have my hair cut really short. This was after all gov't offices closed but before any executive orders for non-essential business to close. I hate it when my hair goes past my shoulder because it tends to flip out - like that old TV show "That Girl". No matter how much I try to flip it in (gel, spray) - it will just flip back out. My current short haircut should last me 3 months before it starts flipping.
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No joke, Polar - you may have hit on a way of saving many small businesses from going bankrupt.

If all of their customers do indeed schedule an appointment, that hairdresser will have a big fat full order book to show her/his bank when negotiating a short-term loan.

Since we don't know when we'll be allowed back to the salons, customers could buy a ticket and then be contacted in ticket number order when it's time to confirm bookings.
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I think after the stay at home order is lifted, everyone will need a haircut. Better get your appointment scheduled right away to save your spot.
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Think of the money that we are saving on hair appointments! Well, my stylist cost more than my husband’s stylist.

Gas money too.

Restaurant and coffee shops.

What else?

Wait, what are we spending more on? I can’t think of anything at the moment.
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Looking back at my 1975 high school senior photo, it will not be much longer for my curvy, wavy hair to grow over my ears and down my back like it was then. The only difference will be the color will be white instead of red. :) :) :)

A good friend of mine from high school thinks if this goes on much longer that she'll be able to sit on her long hair again like she could back then. That's a lot of hair and it was beautiful!
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Charlie Brown: "Someday, we will all die, Snoopy".

Snoopy: "Yes, but on all the other days we will not".


🐘🐘🐘🐘🐘🐘
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Riverdale: That's funny about The Sound of Music! I told my husband that we're going to be watching Mary Poppins!😁
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97yearoldmum posted this on another site, and it’s too good not to share it here. Thanks, OP!

*  Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. 
  The other half will come out with a drinking problem.

 *  I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.

 *  I need to practice social distancing - from the refrigerator

 *  Still haven't decided where to go for Easter -- The Living Room or The Bedroom

 *  PSA: every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit.
   Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.

 *  Homeschooling is going well. 2 students suspended for fighting and 1 teacher fired for drinking on the job.

 *  I don't think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we'd go from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone

 *  This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her.  I came into my house, told my dog..... we laughed a lot.

*  So, after this quarantine.....will the producers of My 600 Pound Life just find me or do I find them?

*  Quarantine Day 5: Went to this restaurant called THE KITCHEN. You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have no clue how this place is still in business.

*  My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it 
   cleans the toilet.

 *  Day 5 of Homeschooling: One of these little monsters called in a bomb threat.

*  I'm so excited --- it's time to take out the garbage. What should I wear?

 *  I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to Puerto Backyarda. I'm getting tired of Los Livingroom.

 *  Classified Ad: Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun.

*  Day 6 of Homeschooling: My child just said "I hope I don't have the same teacher next year".... I'm offended.

 *  Better 6 feet apart than 6 feet under
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River,

My elderly neighbor has told me that she walks into a room and forgets what she went in there for so she walks away. As soon as she gets back to the other room she remembers and has to walk back to retrieve it.

Or she says she is cooking and will open the fridge for an ingredient and forget what she needed. Hahaha
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At our age we can hide our own Easter eggs,wait half an hour and have no idea where we put them.
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The one below reminds me of the few times (okay a lot) I thought someone was smiling to me and I smiled back. Only to find out they were smiling to the person behind me...

"I was jogging late at night. A guy reached out his hand in front of me as I passed. I high-fived him.... Turns out he was hailing a taxi."
- Reddit ?
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"The Hills Are Alive With The Sound Of"...Oops,sorry, no they're not they're closed.
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Bookluvr, that's adorable, and so sweet!  I wonder if the little old lady realizes that she's creating a diversion as well as a treat for the Troopers?   And it's probably a welcome change to those who don't appreciate what challenges law enforcement face, especially now.

Thanks for sharing!
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"Best friend of mine is a State Trooper. They have this little old lonely lady that calls. She tells the dispatcher that there are aliens/demons in her house and needs help. When the Troopers respond, they check the house. Sometimes yell that whatever is there has to leave. For this service, she gives them a huge box of cookies. They bicker with each other as to who gets to go that day. This happens at least twice a month."
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cwillie: Cool new Avatar!😁
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Yoda: Really funny.
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New 2020 Airport Codes for Travel Destinations.

LVG               Living Room
KIT                 Kitchen
BTH               Bathroom
MBR             Master Bedroom
PAT               Patio
BAL               Balcony
HOFC            Home Office
MC                Man Cave
BKY               Backyard

Enjoy your trip!!!
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River,

So cute!
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Gonna ask Mom if that offer to slap me into next year is still on the table.
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