mrsribit Posted August 2012
Jokes needed to lighten our day. Enter at your own risk!
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its called " nacho mama's " .
Cute! 😊
The lawyer was stunned. These people were close to 100!
”But—why now?” was all he could say.
The wife replied, “Well, we wanted to wait until all the children were dead.”
a guy all dressed up with nowhere to go.
moments later something similar happened to a mutually rich friend of theirs -- also at the restaurant . the first guy told his wife " see, we all have side chicks, just comes with the territory.
the wife indignantly told him that she wouldnt stand for it and wanted a divorce asap .
husband told her to suit herself but it would be the end of the exotic traveling , yacht club , etc . the wife pondered on that for a bit then ' resignedly ' said " well at least our mistress is prettier than his ".
i know what the hell im talking about . until 6 yrs ago i drove a ' repaired ' 51 chevy truck . still have it . my motorcycle trike is just a bunch of glob welded , crazy sh!t , put together . my current truck is a 700 . 00 gmc sonoma that just keeps ' coming up ' . its now a stout ass little miniature dumptruck . there is NOTHING i would replace it , or the junk trike with .
i think the guys are paying attention .
He told him, “It’s good to see you. How have you been?” His friend responded with, “It’s good to see you too. My aunt died a couple of years ago and left me $10,000. He said to his friend, that was kind of her to remember you. That’s a lot of money.
His friend looked sad. So he asked him, “Why do you look sad?” He said, “Well, my grandmother died awhile ago and left me $35,000.” He responded to his friend, “Gee, that’s nice that she thought of you. That’s a lot of money.”
Still his friend looked glum. He asked his friend again, “Why are you looking so down? Is something wrong?”
The friend replied, “Well, my great uncle died and left me a quarter of a million dollars.”
He said to his friend, “Wow! That’s a lot of money. You can travel, buy a new car and put some money in the bank. It was so nice of your uncle to think of you. I don’t understand why you look so sad.”
His friend replied, “No one died today.”
She looked at me and said, "so your telling me I'm all screwed up?"
I will never forget that moment. It makes me laugh to this day.
like an axe wound in a gorrillas back .
never mind theyre already done .
" does this dress make my behind look big ? "
he said " no , its all those fn pies " .
socialism came dragging in ' more than acceptably ' late , and explained that he had to stop for a hamburger and there was unfortunately quite a line .
capitalism said " whats a line ? "
communism said " whats a hamburger ? "
They had gotten ready, all dolled-up, dog put out, etc. The taxi arrives and as they start out, the dog jumps back into the house. They don't want the dog shut in, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the dog out.
The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty explains to the taxi driver, "He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother."
A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab.
"Sorry I took so long" he says. "Stupid b*tch was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out. Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching and biting me as I hauled her arse downstairs and tossed her out in the back yard. She better not sh*t in the vegetable garden again."
The silence in the cab was deafening.
ya know how many feminists it takes to change a light bulb ?
two . it takes two . one to turn the light bulb and one to......
oh hell .
your going to have to use your imagination and finish this joke yourself cause if i finish it the moderators ' heads are going to explode .
>After January 14th you will be charged a fine for having your Christmas decorations still up.
>You may not step out of a plane in flight.
>Shotguns are required to be taken to church in the event of a Native American attack.
in Augusta -
>To stroll down the street playing a violin is against the law.
Portland -
>Shoelaces must be tied while walking down the street.
California !!