I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
their days interesting.
Well, for example, the other day, my spouse and I went into town and
visited a shop.
When we came out, there was a
traffic cop writing out a parking ticket.
We went up to him and I said, "come on, how about giving a senior citizen
a break".
He ignored us and continued writing the ticket.
I called him an arsehole . He glared at me and started writing another
ticket for having worn-out tires.
So my wife called him a sh*t head. He finished the second ticket and put
it on the windscreen with the first.
Then he started writing more tickets.
This went on for about 20 minutes.
The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
Then our bus arrived, and we got on it and went home.
A woman was flying from Melbourne to Brisbane.
Unexpectedly, the plane was diverted to Sydney along the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft the plane would re-board in 50 minutes. Everybody got off the plane except one lady who was blind. A man had noticed her as he walked by and could tell the lady was blind because her Guide Dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of her throughout the entire flight. He could also tell she had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached her, and calling her by name, said, 'Kathy, we are in Sydney for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?' The blind lady replied, 'No thanks, but maybe Buddy would like to stretch his legs.'
Picture this:
All the people in the gate area came to a complete standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with a Guide dog! The pilot was even wearing sunglasses...
People scattered… They not only tried to change planes, but they were trying to change airlines!
Have a great day and remember things are not always the way they appear.
Pretty obvious, can't even remember the last time I ate a monkey.
Just told my kids I'm older than Google. They think I'm kidding.
(I am also older than computers!)
A: Because she peeked over the garden fence and saw Mr. Green Pea.
it's the side effects
A: Because she expected some change in the weather.
10. Decorating the house (boarding up windows).
9. Dragging out boxes that haven't been used since last season (camping gear, flashlights).
8. Last minute shopping in crowded stores.
7. Regular TV shows pre-empted for "specials".
6. Family coming to stay with you.
5. Family and friends from out-of-state calling.
4. Buying food you don't normally buy ... and in large quantities.
3. Days off from work.
2. Candles.
1 And the number one reason Hurricane Season is like Christmas...At some point you know you're going to have a tree in your house!
Here are a few aging (old?) jokes from my BIL.
60 may be the new 40, but 9:00 is the new midnight.
If you answer the phone with "Hello, you’re on the air!" most telemarketers will quickly hang up.
To me ‘drink responsibly’ means don’t spill it.
When someone asks what you did over the weekend, squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?"
The cop stopped a speeding car, went to the driver:
"Papers, please."
"Sorry, officer, when I stole this car I found no documents."
"You what?!"
"Sure, I opened the glove compartiment to store my pistol, and saw nothing there"
"Pistol?!"
"How do you expected me to shoot the car owner with no gun?"
"You shoot the..."
"Yes, the body is at the trunk. Just be careful not to rip the cocaine bags also there."
The cop was nervous, called for back up, including the police chief.
They arrived in a flash. The commander was quickly asking:
"So, you have no documents?"
"No, officer, they are right here."
"And the gun on the glove compartment?"
"you can open it, there's only kleenex and candy there."
"And I imagine there's no body in the trunk"
The driver opened it, the cops saw it was empty. The chief turned to him.
"I don't understand. The first officer told me you stole a car, had a gun, drugs and a body on it."
"... and I bet he told you I was also speeding."
“Don’t worry,” said the doc. “Those are just contractions.”
"Single black female seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good looking girl that loves to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping, fishing trips, and cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Call XXX-XXX-XXXX and ask for Daisy."
Over 15,000 people found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society about an 8-week old black Labrador Retriever named Daisy.
Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese Mafia.
Mine: The Mover
His: The Shaker