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I have a bumper sticker that says, "Honk if you think I'm sexy!", so I just sit at green lights until I feel better about myself.
(10)
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Man says to his boss "Can we talk? I have a problem."
Boss says "Problem? No such thing, we call it an opportunity!"
Man says "Ok I have a serious drinking opportunity."
(8)
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Buzzy: Idkwhatmomwasdoingbecauseijustdontgetit.
(4)
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How do you know when a blonde used a computer?


There is white out on the screen!


How do you know when a blonde is used a computer after another blonde?


There is writing on the white out on the screen!
(6)
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Buzzy. . .Guess Mom wasn't joking.
(2)
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It took me a minute to get that one Buzzy
(haha)
(3)
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My mom said that if I don't get off my computer and do my homework she'll slam my head on the keyboard, but I think she's jokinfjreoiwjrtwe4to8rkljreun8f4ny84c8y4t58lym4wthylmhawt4mylt4amlathnatyn
(7)
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A man walks into a Barber Shop and asks the Barber how long of a wait before I can get a haircut? Barber says 3 hours. Man leaves.

Next day the man comes back and asks the Barber how long until I can get a haircut? Barber says 2 hours. Man leaves.

Third day the man is back again and asks the Barber how long before I can get a hair cut? Barber says 1 hour. Man leaves.

A friend of the Barber was visiting the shop at the time so the Barber asks him for a favor and follow this guy to see where he goes.

In 10 minutes he returns and the Barber asks, well where did he go?

Friend says......Your house.
(11)
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what's the best treatment for people who can't shut the blank up?
'On and on and on Anon'
(3)
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Eight hours into his trial Paddy pleads guilty.
"Why didn't you plead guilty at the beginning and save the court's time?"
The judge demanded.
"Well," Paddy responded, "until I heard all the evidence I thought I was innocent."
(10)
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I asked my wife what she wanted for her birthday. She said, "Something crazy and expensive that I don't really need!"

So I signed her up for radiation treatments.
(7)
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A blonde woman was cleaning her husband's rifle
when it went off and hit him.
She frantically called 911 and said
"OMG I've accidentally shot my husband, I think I've killed him!"
The dispatcher replied "ma'am calm down, first I want you to go and
make sure he's actually dead"
"Okay" she replied...
- BANG -
"I've done that, now what?"
(11)
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I posted a blonde joke on facebook accompanied by:
"for my blonde friends... an apology".
One of them responded.
"You don't have to apologise for having blonde friends."
(5)
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Some days I
eat salad and
go for a run
Other days I
eat cupcakes and
wear my baggiest sweat pants.
It's called balance.
(9)
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I think it's hilarious.
(2)
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I hope this does not offend anyone. I laughed when I read it.

Mr. & Mrs. Wong had a baby boy. The nurse bought out a white baby. The father looked confused. He said 2 Wongs don't make a white and they named him, Sum Ting Wong.
(16)
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My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 180 in about 3 seconds.
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started......
(15)
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Well that resolution went down the pan. lol I put on twenty pounds, now they all look skinnier.
(4)
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My New Year's resolution was to help all my friends gain ten pounds so I look skinnier.
(8)
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Three old guys are sitting in the sun. ‘Sunny day today, isn’t it?’ says the first. ‘No it’s not, it’s Thursday’ says the second. ‘So am I’ says the third, ‘Let’s go and find a drink.’
(9)
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A martial arts skilled baby deer = Tae Kwon Doe.
(5)
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Never laugh at your significant other's choices - you are one of them.
(13)
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I took a viagra the other day. It got caught in my throat and all I ended up with was a stiff neck.
(7)
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I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that.
(14)
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My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off.
(14)
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I always thought if it was black and white and red all over it was an embarrassed zebra!
(5)
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I always thought if it was black and white all over it was an embarrassed zebra!
(8)
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What do you call a pig that knows karate? A pork chop
(7)
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A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
“You’ll get your chance in court.” said the Desk Sergeant.
“No, no no!” said the man. “I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife.
I’ve been trying to do that for years!”
(11)
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A man was very proud of his guard dog, he would leave it to roam free in the garden to show the world his house was guarded.

One day a woman knocked at his door.
“Is that your big dog outside?”

Wondering how she had got past him he said: “Yes why?”
She said "I’m sorry but my dog just killed him!”

“What?” Roared the man “What kind of dog have you got?”

“A Peke” Replied the woman.

“A Peke? How could that little thing kill my big fine guard dog?”

“I think it got stuck in his throat!” replied the woman.
(7)
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