I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
Susan: "Some boys are playing football their ball is fallen on the tree.
They asked me to bring it."
Susan's mother: "My dear , they only want to chech your pants."
Susan: "Don't worry mam, I hav'nt put on my pants!"
"Do you want to hear this blonde joke"
"Sure" - they think I'm playing ball now
"Why are blonde jokes so short"
"I dunno...."
"So MEN can understand them"
Badump pump!!
He mentions marriage as a life sentence without parole.
I hope these don't offend anyone. We have been married 23 years and he is a keeper - a great DH.
"If you can read this the b*tch fell off."
Bit of a naughty one lol
A quote from John Barrymore: “The good die young. Why keep living if you’ve got to be good?”.
A novelist I’ve never heard of: “He decided to live forever, or die in the attempt”.
A quote from Quentin Crisp: “Life – a funny thing that happens on the way to the grave.”
So cheer up! It could be worse!
The little boy goes to his father and asks, so daddy how was I born?
The father answers, "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!
Your Mum and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mum and we met at a cyber-cafe.
We sneaked into a secluded room, and Googled each other.
There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:
Scroll down...You'll love this ....
YOU GOT MALE (boom boom)
A quote from Paul Erlich, scientist: “To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer”.
A quote from WC Fields: “If at first you don’t succeed, try try again. Then give up. No use being a complete fool”.
A quote from Ava Gardner: “Deep down, I’m pretty superficial”.
A quote from Aneurin Bevan, UK politician: “We know what happens to people who stay in the middle of the road. They get run over”.
Baboom! And what's with a scientist splitting infinitives? No better things to split?
Peggy Sue's father answers the door and invites him in.
He asks Bobby what they're planning to do on the date.
Bobby politely responds that they'll probably just go to the malt shop or to a drive-in movie.
Peggy Sue's father suggests, "Why don't you kids go out and screw? I hear all of the kids are doing it."
Bobby is shocked. "Excuse me, sir?"
"Oh yes, Peggy Sue really likes to screw. She'll screw all night if we let her."
Peggy Sue comes downstairs and announces that she's ready to go.
About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Peggy Sue rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father, "Dad! The Twist! It's called the Twist!"
Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels.
...
What do you mean I am banned for life?
my dogs were chasing people on bikes.
I don't get it, my dogs don't even have bikes.
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.
The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray,
"Take only one. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
One child whispered to another, "Take all you want.
God is watching the apples."
After 5 days of extreme pain... the snake died.
Arrived to my parents' house yesterday for lunch. Just before eating, my mother:
Mother: I saved you a piece of cake, for desert.
An hour later
Mother: did you ate the cake?
Me: no, I had plenty to eat, don't want desert now.
She had dinner in bed, but asked me aftewards:
Mother: did you ate the cake?
Me: no, I am not in the mood for anything sweet right now.
breakfast:
Mother: did you ate the cake?
Me: nope, I forgot.
Mother: So I save the cake just for you and you don't blah, blah, blah.
half hour ago:
Me: there, mother, I ate the cake for the 5 o'clock snack.
Mother: did you ate the veggie loaf?
I have soooooooooo much to give - lol FAT
And I know you meant MALE or female (May be admin will change it for you? Just tell them you had borrowed Buzzys 14 fingers, on a bad day)
What is it about a car that makes people think you can't see them picking their nose?
Why is it called "beauty sleep" when you wake up looking like a troll?
Why hasn't someone come up with a way to donate fat like you do blood?
FREEZER BAGS?
They are male, because they hold everything in and you can see right through them.
PHOTOCOPIERS?
They are female, because once turned off it takes a while to warm them up again. They are an effective reproductive devise if the right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong buttons.
TIRES?
Tires are male, they go bald easily and are often over inflated.
HOT AIR BALLOONS?
Male, because to get them to go anywhere you have to light a fire under their arse.
SPONGES?
These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.
more to come...
C-A-T
A rip off
(My comment - Ouch)
I always thought that was a Blonde joke!
"Check if the turn signal is working."
"It is... It isn't... It is... It isn't..."