I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
"Sir Cumference."
I have a hunch that might be me. ;)
Diner: Waiter! What's this you've given me?
Waiter: It's bean soup, sir.
Diner: I don't care what it's been, what is it now?
I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is you have full blown aids. The good news is you have Alzheimer's and won't remember it.
So she stripped off all of her clothes and “streaked” in front of them!
Fred: “Did you see that!? It was Bertha, and did you see what she was wearing?!”
Homer: “Not very well, but whatever it was looked like it needed ironing!”
Anyone can popcorn
Donald Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night
together in a hotel room and Donald wanted to do some
‘horizontal dancing’ with Daisy.
The first thing Daisy asked was, "Do you have a condom?"
Donald frowned and said, "No."
Daisy told Donald that if he didn't get a condom, they could
not do the ‘wild thing’.
"Maybe they sell them at the front desk," she suggested.
So Donald went down to the lobby and asked the hotel
clerk if they had condoms.
"Yes, we do," the clerk said and pulled a box out from
under the counter and gave it to Donald.
The clerk asked, "Would you like me to put them on your bill?"
"Thit No!" Donald quacked, "I'll thuffocate!"
His reply: "I want you to be a widow bit nicer!"
hahaha
HOW TO TREAT YOUR HUSBAND
Always kiss him when he goes out and comes in.
Always give him the best chair for watching the television.
Do not ask him where he is going when he steps out at 9.45 pm.
Always have a meal ready for him each evening, and give him what you save out of the housekeeping.
Do all you can for him, and if that does not satisfy him----
Shoot him.
than to open your mouth and prove it.
Bit like me :s
"What's the name of the other eye?"
She said, "How do you know he was on his way to work?"
"Is this stool taken?"
- get the cat on your arms like a baby
- press the sides of his mouth, so he opens it
- throw the pill in
- tickle his nose, he will have no choice but swallow.
Worked like a charm.
Funny thing is, I thought the cream would be more difficult, since I would be touching a hurt area, but he accepted it well. Maybe the medicine was painkiller. However:
Vet: "to avoid the cat licking the cream, play with him for three-to-five minutes, letting the medicine dry.
Very smart me used his hands to play with the cat. Ouch-ouch-ouch.
Icy dead people
P.S. I crushed the pills and sprinkled on their food then popped a little more food on top. :)
I ended up poking it down her throat.
How did you win?
So I was there, caregiver of my mother.
BUT my sister-in-law got a temporary job and started leaving her two daughters at my parents house, two angels of six and four years.
So I was there, caregiver of my mother and sitter of two girls.
I promisse all those barbies and nail polish didn't hurt my masculinity.
A week laker, the cat appeared with a leg injuried. Rush to the vet, she said not to worry, he just fought another cat or dog.
"Here, twice a day give him these pills and aply this cream."
So I was there, caregiver of my mother, sitter of two girls and nurse of a cat.
Do you think I got any work done?
A coda:
I asked the vet how could I give pill to the cat. She said it was easy, Just mix with a food he likes, and he will swallow it.
I got a small strip of ham and wrapped up the pill on it.
The *beeeeppp* pet unwrapped it, ate the ham and left the pill.
I was all "Oh, yeah? You ancestors were licking their butts, mine were discovering the fire. You're still licking your butt. Let's see who wins."
I got a tiny chunk of cheese, bury the pill inside it, gave to the cat.
"Unwrap it now, you freak."
He ate around the pill.
"Well," she replies, "You succeeded."