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You shall not bear any grudges against anyone but you shall love your neighbor as yourself. God Bless You and be strong she is still your mother regarless.
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Know what, Delia. That statement does not help. It may be true, but there is no experience shown...in your short two sentences...that you have actually done this.

When one is in the middle of years long caregiving, situations come up that are not just "the situation," like a situation from years ago that is congealed into a single story. These people and situations are unfolding, changing, tripping us up, sabotaging our efforts, putting us on the defensive. Yesterday, today, tomorrow, next year.

Here are some tricks I've learned from various sources to keep going in spite of the highway spikes others throw in your path:

Whoever the other is, "pray for the magnitude of their soul" or ask blessing for the magnitude of their soul. So the other(s) grow into understanding of what is really important, fair, just, kind. One might imagine their soul is far away from their words and actions, from how they decided how to act. So, pray their soul grows to be more in contact with what is truly important in life.

By doing this, you do not deny your own common sense that they are wrongdoers. At this point, you don't have to love them, or even to like them. But it is a form of blessing or wish that is for their own interest, and ultimately for yours and the person you are caring for. Best for the situation, and you are not fooling yourself bestowing a blessing you do not really feel.

Another approach. "Pray for divine intervention for understanding." Must be willing to get understanding for yourself, of course. This allows one to "let go and let God," to put this situation "in God's room," and keep going without overly concerning yourself with the other. And you open yourself also for insight and transformation. Meanwhile, annoying thoughts about the person is somewhat off your plate.

Story: A man and his son are driving their wagon to market, when a man in a carriage drives madly past them, whipping his horses wildly. The man and his son are driven off the road, and their wagon almost overturns. As they pick themselves up from the ditch where they have landed, the son is about to hurl curses and insults after the wildman.

But he hears his father yell after him, "God bless you, son. God bless you!!"

The son is shocked. "Father! Why did you bless that man. He almost killed us!"

"I know," said the father. "But if he did not go forward in life without a blessing, especially now, he would be an even greater danger to others."
***
Taking that up a notch, wish even for great fortune, new job, new love, trip to FARaway land...for those bothering you. Not punishment. If they are so involved in their newfound goodies, they will not bother interfering in your life. Or perhaps feel secure and unstressed enough that they have more ease in actually helping. Perhaps they'll feel generous...or that nice offer from Argentina or Moscow will sweep them out of your life.

Little things like this, one can actually do. Growing into a totally forgiving being, turning the other cheek over and all the time that is hard. Admirable. Maybe we grow into it.

There is a new book out called "Spiritual Bypassing" by Robert Augustus Masters. He criticizes the New Agers who keep holding on to platitudes, spiritual posturing, wishful thinking. This goes for the religious as well...Rapture anyone? (today's the day...or not).

It is time to do the hard work of really working on oneself and not dreaming one's problems away. Doing these sorts of things helps dissolve the bitterness of dealing with the injustices/unfairness we often face as chosen caregivers.
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After nearly 26 years of caregiving my 86 yo mother, I have to agree with the others and say, "Run, don't walk!" It doesn't get better . . . love is bliss, but doesn't cure all, believe me.
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