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Pam, my boss took that route when he had to leave his home and he was very disappointed with the amount of money he got, and here he had high end furniture and other decor.

Come to think of it, donating might be the best route as my Dad will eventually need to sell some stock and if there are profits, the donations would be a good write-off to counter balance the profits.

It's just sooooo much work :0
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I feel for you.. my parents had an antique shop and a house full of high end antiques. and we hired a good acution house.. got diddly squat.
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Murphy's Law is following me. Found a small pool of water in my Dad's basement and had no idea where on earth where this came in, as it was in the middle of the basement, no trails to follow. My first guess is from the underground gutters my Dad put in decades ago, probably broke over the years. First time I have seen water since my Dad finally moved out three months ago... we have had a week of rainy weather. This no doubt has been happening the past but my Dad wasn't allowed down the basement stairs and the caregivers had no reason to go into the basement.

Of course the pool of water decided to head to the boxes of basement "stuff" I had packed to decide what to do next with it. Those boxes were like sponges. I was so heart broken that the water got into a large antique radio, so that had to be trashed.

Now I got an appointment with a gutter company to come out and give me estimates on new gutters and downspouts. Also had to set a time with a plumber as one of the toilets isn't flushing. Wonder what will haunt me next :P
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FF, you're sure it's not a leak from a pipe overhead?

Is this in an area of the basement that's lower? If there's a drain in that area, it could also have been a backup.
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FF, as a consolation.....maybe this experience will help you feel better.

My parents spend the winters in Texas; my sister and I took care of their house. I lived about 30 miles away, fortunately not too far. They also owned a rental house across the street.

Tenant (not a good one) called one afternoon in the winter and advised the furnace was out, and that he was going out of town for the weekend. My car was in the shop; I had to ask the HVAC repairman to pick me up from work.

We arrived to a very cold house. Furnace out, crawl space, pipes in danger of freezing. Needed immediate attention. Fortunately the HVAC contractor was flexible.

HVAC man fixed the furnace; I said I'd drive my father's car home; he left. Surprise - battery was dead. Neighbor came over and charged the battery. Eventually I left, I think sometime around 9 or 10 - I know it was late, dark, and very cold. Long day.

I told my parents that I thought it would be a good idea if they sold the cottage; it was just too much for me to keep up my house, theirs and the cottage as well. They did sell it and one of the greatest neighbors ever bought it.
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Another thought - are all the gutters underground? If not, gutters with leaks can usually be spotted from the exterior - look for stains underneath the gutters, especially at the seams. Sometimes the bottom of the gutters are discolored from leaks.

I'm not familiar with underground gutters, but am thinking that even if they were leaking or cracked, there might be some tree roots in the system that prevented flow and caused a backup. If the ground in that area freezes deep enough to reach the level of the basement, or if there were some clogged leaves in the exterior portion of the gutters, that may have been a factor as well.
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GardenArtist, oh my gosh, I can just imagine how you felt when you turned the key in your Dad's car and it wouldn't start. I would have been in tears by then.

As for gutters, the bottom of the downspouts are buried underground where the water would come out maybe 3 to 5 feet away from the house. My gutters/downspouts are the same way, and mine are broken, too. Will get an estimate for my own house, also.

Yesterday while at my Dad's house trying to tidy up the basement chasing the cobwebs, and other rolling matter on the basement floor, I noticed the sump pump wasn't speaking to me... normally during a rain it would be running frequently. Hopefully the plumber can replace it today.

A handyman can into my office this morning and I mentioned what was going on in the basement as he's familiar with the house, he said that a waterproofing contractor can come in and drill holes into the concrete floor and fill it with a material that would spread under the foundation. Whew, glad to know there might be a Plan C, if Plan A and B doesn't fix the problem.

Are we having fun yet?
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I know the feeling. Cleaning out my mother/stepfather's house when she moved to IL was a nightmare. He was a pack rat. He had stuff in boxes I couldn't believe. 95% of it went to the dump and it took 4 truckloads. It was moldy, full of mouse poo, and smelled. There was even an old toilet seat.
Off the subject, but the old rat was jealous of my father (who had passed away in 1975) and he secretly threw away everything of my father's. I will never forgive him for that. There was nothing left from my Dad!
My mother just passed, and we had gotten rid of almost everything when she went into the NH. My basement and living room were full of things like collectibles, limited edition art, porcelain dishes, etc. I tried and tried to sell it - no one wanted it. No one in the family wanted much. I even brought her elephant collection to her memorial lunch and invited everyone to take one as a rememberence. It broke my heart to take most of the rest, including very expensive china to charity stores. Since then, I have been going through my own drawers and all the rooms, getting rid of stuff.
If something happened to me and my husband, our children would have a mess to clean up. I would really love to find a nice little cottage to buy and get rid of this 9 room house full of stuff we don't use or don't need!
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Well, since I last wrote on this thread I had to empty Dad's house completely as it sold which was great news, but then 6 weeks later I had to downsize again.... Dad had to move from his 2 bedroom apartment at Sunrise over to Sunrise's Memory Center in the next building. I told Dad that this move would be like he was going into a college dorm room..

Nope, sorry, Dad, the sofa can't come with you, no space.... same with Mom's dresser... his desk... and computer desk. Dad understood. We are able to move his bookcases and all his books so he was happy with that. I did promise Dad I could get him a lift recliner so he let out a huge smile.

I was able to toss some items, donated some, trashed some. But it was backbreaking work for me. Thank goodness Dad's regular caregiver was more then happy to help me. She found a cart we could use. That helped with all of Dad's books, even his two sets of encyclopedias.

Then last week my Dad passed unexpectedly. He was only in his studio apartment one month and he loved it there.

Now I am trying to empty out his apartment before the end of the month. Oh gosh, what to save, what to donate, what to trash all over again. The lift recliner I had rented so that Dad could give it a test drive before buying it, oh how he loved that chair :)
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My mother loves her lift chair as well. lol
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Well, I am the aging parent and my daughter was starting to get worried as I am still in my 6 bedroom house, but I manage OK and love stairs. It was a bit cluttered in places, but we have had some basement floods which have forced the decluttering issue and I am enjoying tossing, donating to charity and sending to people who want things like the family silver, or fine china. The amount of belongings is decreasing and it is such a relief. I will sell soon and move with a minimum of my stuff to a warmer place (less cold really - not Arizona warm) near my oldest son, and look for a 55 + community to have an opportunity for more socialization. I still want stairs for now as they keep my legs and cardio in better shape.

I don't want to leave a lot for my kids to deal with, so it will be downsizing with every move. I moved my mother 4 times in the last 6 years and it was awful. Fortunately she is down to one smallish room now and a rented hospital bed, so there will not be that much to deal with when she passes - just a few bits of furniture and some clothing. You almost wonder if it would be worth renting a furnished place as it would be easier on everyone to move out of.

Good luck to everyone. This is a difficult stage in our lives.
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This is a toughie! My Mom is a hoarder(saves EVERYTHING even JUNK MAIL) & has lived in the same house for 60 years! Just writing about this gives me anxiety. For many, many years we have tried & tried & tried to get rid of the useless/broken crap & then catch HELL from her for ex:throwing out rotten food from the fridge. Eventually, I started to bring the crap home & throw it away here because if I had thrown it in her trash bins,she would retrieve it & put it on the kitchen table for me to see the next time I visited. This is embarrassing, but we feared there were rats in the overly stuffed garage & this past December, my nightmare materialized. RATS! I lost it & broke down. After moving my barely mobile mom(& ALL her "elderly equipment") to my Aunt's house, the emptying of the garage began by professionals. She still blames us for throwing out things & the junk mail pile is growing again. I'm done😖
PS- one thing I'll never understand- 6 months after my Dad died, all his belongings were gone. When I asked here about it, she said "I complied with my marriage vows". ???
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FF, I am so sorry for the loss of your Dad. Thinking of you.
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CaringRN, guess your Mom meant the part that says in the marriage vows "till death do us part".... thus parting of your Dad's belongings.

When my Mom passed, a couple days later my Dad wanted me to take all of her clothes out of the house. So I complied. But that was all that he wanted removed.
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So sorry for your losses and the difficult times ahead, focusing on clearing clutter and also nice belongings kept over the years.

Making a note, a mental note, and also writing it down about how to clear stuff, what has to go, and starting the process, before we are unable to do it ourselves.
Taking it slow, even though I would have been able to clear a 3 bdrm. home in a couple days in years past, today it will take a lot longer due to body aches and pain. I thought it was only me that had to experience throwing somethings away and they reappear from the trash-getting so very frustrating-it has become one of my pet peeves. However, I must be true to my principles and not throw out other people's belongings without their permission, making this all so very much harder.
Thank you FF for letting us all know.
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@FF-I get that. What I don't get is she hangs on to dried out/broken pens forever, but within 6 mths, all the belongings of the one she loves are trashed
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CaringRN - your mother is a hoarder. It may help you to read about hoarders though that doesn't explain why she threw your dad's stuff out. From my experience with a hoarder, he hangs into his stuff, but has no trouble getting rid of other people's things - in fact seems to enjoy it. I don't know if that is in the literature but it is my experience. No doubt she will continue to blame you. I hope you can let it roll off your back. I also hope your aunt is prepared to deal with the junk mail etc. It would not be fair for her to have her place filled with your mum's stuff. Maybe your mum needs to be in a facility where they would limit her accumulation of things. I understand the being "done".
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I come from hoarding families, so I know what you guys are talking about. My parents' house was a disaster, with little walking room. Cabinets and counters were stacked to the ceiling. The refrigerator and freezer were packed with food. Some of the food dated back 20 years. There were boxes of paper records going back for 30 years. It was awful to try to get through it all.

My life, OTOH, has been just the opposite. I have very little. I lost everything I had when I left my ex to move here. He did give me $3K for everything. (roll eyes) Now all I have is my computer, my rabbit, my books, and my inventory. Kind of pathetic. :'( The bad thing is that I still have a hoarded house to try to clean out. I'll have to wait until after my mother is gone and hope I'm not too old to get it done. I've had a lot of fantasies about a huge bulldozer just demolishing everything, then rebuilding. But I know it won't be that simple.

CaringRN, it sounds like your mother is an obsessive hoarder. Those are the hardest kinds to work with. My mother was a little easier. Most of her hoard came from thinking something would be needed again and from being too lazy to toss or donate. Her only stronghold has been her old clothes, which fill three closets and one bedroom.

The bad thing about a hoard is that it makes the house impossible to clean. I've given up even trying because it takes too much of my physical and emotional energy to work through it.
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I hear ya. During the last 3 years of her life, the only things mom got rid of was all of her late husband's clothes/belongings and every b-day/Xmas gift I'd given her in the past decade. But oh the fury when I suggested paring down the 2-foot pile of expired coupon flyers on the kitchen counter. Or reducing 42 boxes of BandAids to a reasonable number.

Yeah yeah, it's dementia. Can't take it personally. Try telling that to my blood pressure! Lord what a ride.
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On the funny side of downsizing and clearing out after a parent has passed.

We initially downsized and moved our parents out of our big family home once Dad was retired and they no longer wanted the yard and upkeep of a big home. They went to an Apartment nearby, and lived quite happily there for about 8 years. Next they downsized again, to one of my sisters attached MIL apartment. The began declining and the fact that it was small and conveniently located was helpful, as we all (6) live only minutes from each other, then our Dad died, and a few months after, our Mom went onto Hospice, she was moved into my eldest sisters home, never to return.

One day a couple of weeks after Dad had passed, and at our Mom's request (this was before her health crisis and Hospice), we all met up at her place to go through our Dad's things, his clothes, closet and dressers, to really go through it all, as he was known to secret things away, and it was in on of his suit coat pockets, that we found an envelope with several thousand dollars in it! My Dad, such a sneaky little squirrel, but he had to be because our Mom had always kept him on a strict allowance, while raising 6 kids on one salary!

So, Here's the funny part.......

Upon further going through Dad's closet, my prankster little brother K and I found an interesting box containing A Penis Pump! Yes, a Rx medical device type pump, issued by his Urologist, along with instructions gel and everything! So now, both K and I were laughing hysterically, but trying to keep it under wraps, so, K decides to write a little note, as if were from the grave from our Dad, "Gifting" this Penis Pump to my Oldest brother J, now in his 50's, stating he knew that he would "soon be needing this". So, with the note tucked safely inside the box, K made sure my older brother would open it. The confused look on his face when he opened it was Priceless! And then we All broke out in hysterics! Then, to hear our Mom try to explain away that she knew Nothing about it was even funnier! She was never a good liar! Lol! The laughter continued throughout the afternoon, bringing a lot of relief to the sadness of having to go through his things, and us all there doing it together helped too.

Interestingly enough, the amount of money Dad had tucked away in his suit, was the exact amount that it cost to bury him, within a few dollars, almost as if he planned it that way.

My husband and I, now 56 and 60, are in the downsizing stage of our lives. My husband has a bad back, and I have arthritic knees, and we want to sell our home this next spring, and get out from maintaining a larger home. We are ready to travel, enjoy our kids and Grandies, their homes and their improvement projects, as hubby does still enjoy this. We have a sports car and a new SUV, and we're ready to travel the open road! We intend on buying a Condo, hopefully for cash from the proceeds from our paid for home, and not leave a burden for our kids to go through. But STUFF! We have loads of STUFF, as both hubby and I are "collectors"! In hindsight, I'll never know why we thought we needed all this, but it's almost embarrassing how much we've accumulated over the years! Time goes by much faster at our age, and there are only a few months left til spring, and I am feeling very mentally motivated to get rid of it all, now if only my ass weren't so stuck to the couch, we could get through this much more quickly!
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@ Golden23-I'm the opposite of my Mother. I cannot stand clutter/mess, so you can understand my anxiety when I go visit. I feel claustrophobic. My Mom stayed with my Aunt for 3 days while the garage was been evacuated. My Aunt hoards also,but not as bad as my mom(what is it with the elderly& their junk mail?)@Jessiebelle-I use to help clean her house, but you are right, It's IMPOSSIBLE with all that crap everywhere.I stopped doing it 3 years ago when she would complain & blame me for "moving her stuff".Sheesh, can't please her, so I stopped doing a lot of things for her.
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CaringRN - it must be awful! I am elderly (79) and I don't keep junk mail and neither did mother, so it isn't universal. I burn it regularly. Actually I don't even get much any more. I think you did right by stopping doing things because she complained. Some people can't be pleased by anything you do so why bother.

Jessie - you can't clean when there are piles of hoarded stuff. I am so glad I have hardwood floors as they are easier than carpet, but you still can't clean them when they are covered with stuff. The flooded basement has been a blessing in a disguise. Lots of stuff was tossed. Yay!!!

I have given myself a break for a while from tossing stuff and need to clean out the vanities under the sinks next. It will feel good when it is finished,
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FF
Love the comment a few months back about the royal doulton with the periwinkles

I loved that show along with its mate - every Saturday night so many years ago

I have a stockpile of unused contact paper - I can't even get up the motivation to go to the grocery store let alone clean a cupboard and lay down new shelf paper - lol

I know my mom never threw anything away from being raised during the depression - but isn't always after you get rid of something you haven't used in years you suddenly want it and think why did I get rid of it?
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Jessie for me it;s the top shelf of the fridge tomorrow before mom's dr apt. I swear it has not one inch of space left and things in there are talking to me!!
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FF, I'm sorry about the loss of your father.


The good thing my mother did was have us help her downsize her stuff for years before she was ready to sell her house and move to a community. We did this for about 10 yrs., one small item at a time.

She offered things to the children and grandchildren,  but she handled it in her usual way -- offering everything to my sister first. The rest of us got offered sis' rejects, which were often garbage-worthy. There was some resentment and hard feelings. Sis got a lot of our late father's things.

I've seen a lot of posts about parents' hoarding problems. It's almost like my mother had the flip side of hoarding -- she got rid of too much, things that she really needed. She was 84 when she decided to sell her house, and I thought it was already pared down enough. But she said she was going to get rid of most of what was left and buy all new things when she moved to her new place. That would've made sense if she was moving to AL or living with a family member and only had a bedroom and bathroom. But she moved to 2 bedroom condo and decided she was going to go shopping to furnish and decorate it and restock her linens and wardrobe. How did she think she was going to do all of that shopping, for all of those things -- at her age, her health problems, falls, surgeries, mobility problems, and barely drives? I told her she should keep what she thought she'd need in her new place. She didn't. She got rid of most of her furniture, all the pictures on the walls, the tvs and cabinets (so when she moved in, it was a scramble to replace them), all her winter coats (she told me this in the fall after she moved, so it was a scramble taking her shopping for a new coat), etc. She got rid of her living room furniture. Her condo has a living room, didn't she think she needed her furniture for that?

Since she moved, she's expected it to be one long shopping spree, with no end in sight. I spent the first 6 months after she moved running myself ragged taking shopping all over the area. She didn't buy much because she's insanely picky, like OCD-level pickiness. I took her to stores as much as an hour away because she rejected the things I showed her at stores nearby. She says: "Well, I want what I want!" I stopped doing that kind of shopping for her, I can't stand it. (she won't buy furnishings or decorations from a catalog or online, she needs to see it in person)

It's been over 2.5 yrs since she moved and she still complains that her place is too empty, her walls are empty, she needs to go shopping. (she had plenty of pictures on the walls of her house, she got rid of them). I told her she should've kept some of the things she had at her house, she says: "Well, it's too late now!"

There were pieces of furniture at her house that she insisted she was keeping, right up until a few days before she moved. After she moved in, I didn't see those things and asked her where they were. She had the junk guys take them, along with everything else. There were sentimental family items and things our family had given to her as gifts that I haven't seen since she moved and don't know what happened to them. Did they go out with the junk guys too? If she didn't want them, I would've taken them. There were some sentimental items from her parents/my grandparents that she insisted she was keeping. Since she moved, she hasn't been able to find them. Maybe they got swept away in her frenzy of getting rid of so much so quickly. So now some sentimental things from my grandparents are gone.
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phoenix03, makes one wonder why anyone would start over from scratch who is an elder. I could see if there was a divorce and everything in the house was a reminder of the ex-spouse.

How sad that your Mom got rid of sentimental family heirlooms, it like she wanted to erase her history for some reason. Or was she trying to impress neighbors by having new things?

When my Dad moved from his house, he took as much stuff as he could over to Independent Living, he didn't need to buy a thing. But I bought him new bedding and new towels as what he had my Mom had bought probably 25 years ago... good grief, the pillows were so flat it was like sleeping on a Kleenex.
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Great advice!!
I am afraid that there never was a time for me to have done this. Until June Mom was the care giver. dad was already dealing with dementia by then, so he was not much aware of how the place was getting.

After Moms stroke, it was necessary to move them. Wow...I couldn't be everywhere at once...I just hired mowers that came in, packed everything and moved it...then unpacked at the other end. They did a great job...but there is a mountain of unpacked stuff stacked everywhere. Wow. Wish I had realized what was going to happen

Since Mom couldn't come home from rehab without a handicap place to come to, and since Dad was completely unable to be alone at all....the move had to happen like that

Now... We have to sort this place out. We have to get rid of the mountain of tools and books, and hobby stuff, and computers (5 of them..I think). Cables like you would not believe. Quilts. By the hundreds. Fabric in piles to the ceiling. I don't think a towel or pillow case was ever worn out or donated in 40 years!

Stuff.....everywhere. Stuff

The job to sort it out. Donate..give away. Sell. And down size into a 1 bedroom place is daunting. Now add to this all of my Dads stuff too. His stuff fills a large walkin closet all by itself! Just Wow!
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FF,
Good point about the neighbors. When her new neighbors started to invite her to their condos, she compared her place to theirs and says they're full of things and big pieces of furniture and her place looks too bare. I told her that's because they kept their things from their houses and she didn't. She said again: "Well, it's too late now!"

I've never heard of an elderly parent doing what she did. The more I think about the situation, the more I wonder about problems with her judgement.
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phoenix03, one thing my Dad had to take from his house to his apartment were all his books. The standing joke before he had moved was he needed to sort through 200 books, and he finally narrowed it down to 199 to move :P

Dad's books and bookcases were like a cocoon for him.

So I am on my third move with all these books, now back to my house once I get the bookcase set up I can empty all those boxes and bags of Dad's books. If they are neatly placed in the bookcase, then I can deal with them later on. I did throw out the most current encyclopedia, it was 1960. The other set is over 100 years old, so some day I will go through the books.

I think my cats have OCD, they tend to get upset if there is something new brought into the house, or if there are bags/boxes of "stuff" on the floor.
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One of the benefits to living in a rural area is the ability to have a giant bonfire, there's no second guessing that. Get it big enough and it will even consume encyclopedia sets.
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