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Cwillie, how true that is. Back when I was grumbling to Dad about trying to empty out the house that he and my late Mom had shared, he would say "rent a bulldozer". Believe me, there were days that I was temped :P
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Books are problematic. Now mine have all been exposed to ash from the forest fire so the local library will not take any. I expect the same from the second hand store. A bonfire sounds good. I don't have many left, but enough that I need to develop a plan. The last of the family silver is nearly ready to go overseas. I did keep a few old lace tablecloths - not even sure why, but they would look nice on the dining room table once my house is less cluttered. Just keep at it - eventually it will get done.
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Golden can you get rid of them on Craigslist or something like that? Lots of people may want them to read and not care about the ash thing? If no one will take them you may just have to send them to the recycle center.
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Thx pam - I could try the local face book page for give-aways. Good Idea!!!Many people lost so much in the fire they may not mind the "ash" factor. Paper recycle is another alternative. I have other more pressing things right now like cleaning out under my vanities which was not done by the cleaners after the fire. I suppose that cleaning products are OK. I have lost the head of steam I had, and am having trouble getting it back. At least the extra laundry is all done. I had a call from our local heritage society about some linens etc that
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oops t
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oops again - that they may be interested in and need to get back to them. I find I am just tired of dealing with it all, and insurance and... and... Maybe I need a holiday!
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The newest "trick" I learned to help with clean outs is to have someone completely outside the situation, outside your family, help assess what to keep and what to donate/trash. I can get too caught up in the nostalgia of it, the responsibility of it. (These are my grandmother's {deceased} and father's things I'm whittling down to a more manageable quantity. Hoping to have my father moved out of the house owned since 1950s by this time next year. They both kept "everything" - old correspondence, old coffee cans, "everything.")

Each time I do a clean out, more and more things go. Having an outside party to give input about pros & cons of keeping something is helpful. Things I linger over, he would say things like "if you don't use it, you shouldn't keep it" or "you don't need that" and then I knew it was time to let it go. It gave me a chance to bemoan that I had to let these things go - like old, classic 45s and LPs - but also know it was the right thing.

Having an outside person pushing me (gently) to let go of things helped me do my biggest clean out yet this past Sunday. I put everything on the curb the day before local trash pick-up then put a "curb alert" ad online for free stuff where I listed the major categories of what was there and a few pictures of the items. People came and took things and I'm glad I decided to handle things that way instead of trying to determine what was donation-worthy. Less work for me.
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But going back to the original point of this thread...

It would be great if people would do their downsizing while they can, choose what's important to them, go ahead and gift heirlooms, etc.

I don't think most people "work this way." Not in my family they don't. I do wish they did. Maybe this will change more and more in the present and following generations, as children see the mistakes made by their parents. Once a LO has a dementia, then it's too late to have them deal with their things... and... we never know when dementia may onset. Maybe it never does. And that argument is what's kept my father from not only downsizing or facing the fact that he must move out of this house, but he won't even give POA at 78 after years of medical problems. :-/

I think I just turned this into the "Whine" thread. ;-) It's a great idea to get your logical parents involved in proactively downsizing while they can. I don't have logical parents.
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don't think many of us have logical parents..., but some of us are trying to be logical parents ;p
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This morning I was busy getting family photos out of their frames. I am not one to fill wall with family picture, but I want to keep the photos.

My gosh, some of the frames used back in the 1940's the people who did the framing used these tiny thin nails which are a bear to get out of the wooden frame. And the photos are on very thick cardboard. I plan to donate those frames that are still good and more into this century.
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some of those frames could be worth some moolah! any antique shops in your area? mom sold alot of them in her shop
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Pam, wish I could but the frames weren't in that good of shape nor where they fancy like some of the older frames I have seen in antique shops.
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I decided a few years ago to start with my own things at my mother's house. Yes, left them there. Guilty of that. My mother was all for it until i started. My high school jacket....too good! My moldy drawings... how could I? I had to wait until she was napping and sneak it out.
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Rosy, that's funny you had to sneak those items out, because your Mom wanted to keep storing them :)

The opposite happened with my sig other, after his parents had passed he finally went to their house to look for his high school letter jacket and other things.... boy was he surprised not to find those items in the attic where he had left them 50 some years ago. I wouldn't be surprised if years ago his parents told him to come get the items or the items would be tossed out, and sig other dragged his feet as usual... [sign].
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Well, I went this morning to the hospital rummage sale just to see if any of the items I had donated were still there... today was the last day of a two day sale. The place was packed [held in horse barns out in the country].

I remember someone saying earlier this year on this forum that the younger generation isn't interested in some items that we use to collect, like fine china and glassware, and silver sets. Yep, all that beautiful Forstoria was still looking for a new home :(

I went to the fine clothing section and saw some blazers I had donated. Saw my Mom's winter coat, but didn't see her black mink half jacket cape. I did buy myself a vest for $4 which looked like something that Sonny and Cher would have worn :P

Saw some wonderful big old antique desks at very good prices. These were heavy duty, curved leg, leather top, type desks. Some lovely sofa's, nice dining room sets, etc. A young couple could have easily furniture a new home with these bargains.... I call it "early attic" design. Nope, kids today want new.
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So very true! I'm still trying to get rid of things and it breaks my heart. I can't even give away the 19" color tv. Mom's Noritake china was still in the nearly new shop after 3 months - an entire set for 8! I'm slowly bringing things to one of three charity houses. My stuff too. It really hurts to see nice things be shunned by the gen-ex and millennial generation, passed over for cheap China made stuff just because it is new and "modern". It is truly a throwaway society. When we move hubby will want to keep it all and put it in storage for "some day" so I'm slowly moving things out (hurts less!). I wish my daughters would want something but they don't!
Just imagine the wonderful things that are buried in landfill (things we would have given our "eye teeth" for when we were just starting out with Salvation Army furniture, egg crate shelves and Mom's old pots and pans and hand me down linens!)
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Ha, Ha,,, my mom lives in a small apt, so we only have to off something like 1,000 books - piece of cake!
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My hubs is the stall in my moving our things out... if it;s been here, it belongs here...lol. And the stuff his dad sent over when they moved.. tons of deer antlers and stuffed animals,, old prints of wildlife he swears are worth alot because he knows the artist ( can't even find them on ebay...LOL)
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Pam, oh my gosh deer antlers and stuffed trophy animals... those poor animals. Those would need to go into paid storage somewhere, way out of sight !!

When my sig other moved here, his late wife had collected some type of "collector edition" Normal Rockwell plates that he thought must be worth a ton of money. He was so disappointed when he learned that the plates maybe were worth maybe a dollar more ten years later, but the cost of having them professionally wrapped and moved across country from his former home put their value in the negative.
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Oh yes the Hamilton Mint plates.. my parents had tons of them, and I even bought a series about gnomes for kellys baby room,, can't give them away now! But I loved them in her room! Trust me, the mounts are in the storage room!
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I just finished reading all these posts and amazed at how similar our stories are! Encouraging or even making the slightest suggestion to my 87 yr old mom to downsize, purge, gift, donate, toss ANYTHING makes her fighting mad. It's just not her precious momentos, priceless furniture, 6 closets full of clothes snd shoes that she cannot wear, or the 50 years of photographs that she is going to get into albums someday, or the china, crystal, knick knacks and framed photos or even the tons of awards, plaques and newspaper articles related to my dad's career that concern me. We all realize she's not budging until they take her out on a gurney. But what DOES drive me crazy is the crap! The stacks and stacks of mail, magazines, Costco catalogues from three years back, every single drawer and cabinet packed to the breaking point! Her personal phone books are 6 inches thick bound with 3 rubber bands, post it notes everywhere on cabinet doors, shoes boxes and pink plastic toss-away basins brought home from multiple hospital trips being used to stack mail, old bills, advertisements and months and months of church bullletins! She gets incensed if I show her that a coupon book expired and blasts me with, "I don't need you to tell me whst I need or dont need!" She has 4 tall file cabinets with every invoice, policy, receipt or instructions for the past 50 years. I think it's downright disrespectful and selfish to one's grown kids to put this off on them. She focuses only on the negative, refuses any real help then cries out in panic and expects me and my kids and a few other adult grandkids to drop everything and help her when she panics over something (something we tried to get her to do prior). She thrives on drama, nothing is ever done to. her exacting standards and she has become just plain ol' depressed and bitter. She flat out told her Dr's she won't take antidepressants or sleeping aids yet she is very, very depressed, full of anxiety over EVERYTHING and cannot sleep until 5 or 6:00 in the morning because she's scared (she has a huge locked yard, high tech monitored security alarm system, outdoor spot lights all around the house abd triple dead bolt locks on the windows and lives in a good neighborhood and has a Life Alert pendant). She csnnot live with anyone because she won't get rid of anything, gets furious at the suggestion that we store anything and there's no room fir anyone else's belongings. She won't allow any strangers into het home and again, gets unbelievably angry at the suggestion of hiring someone to do ANYTHING and yes, she can afford it! She is in constant pain and does not eat sufficiently and is undernourished. I cook tons of home cooked meals and stock her fridge and freezer. The kids take her out to eat or bring her dinner. Yet all she does is say negative things about everything esp me. She actually told my oldest daughter the other day after I'd gone over, took her food, vacuumed, took care if some mail, "I don't know why your mother came over today... she never helped me before." Gasp in disbelief! She is also extremely jealous when I babysit my grandkids or my daughters drop by for a visit. I have to constantly remind her that she babysat for me and how much I appreciated it. Bottom line for me: lots of prayers and realizing "it is what it is"!
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Sorry for going off on a tangent. Feeling guilty because in addition to all of the above, my mom is very loving and has always taken care of her family, She's just sad and unhappy and nobody can fix it.
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Laralu
Welcome to the enchanted land of eldercare

My mom had warranty slips and instruction manuals on kitchen gadgets she didn't even own anymore

Mom also liked to hide money so it makes going through old paper a bit more time consuming - nearly shred an envelope with $800 in it

It is difficult to do but try not to get upset with what you cannot change -

This is a safe place to vent
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LaraLu, oh I hope your Mom has everything in a Trust. If not, and heaven forbid something happens to Mom, the probate court will want to know the value of each and everything your Mom had as per the date of passing. Yikes !!!

The way I got my Dad to go see an Elder Law Attorney and do a Trust, was when I told him "The State will get half your wealth".... he was ready for the Attorney. We had a Trust set up, but sadly Dad [95] passed before I was able to transfer anything into the Trust.... hello Probate :P It will a tad easier since my Dad did move into senior living and we sold the house and emptied the house out. Dad didn't have much of his things at Memory Care so inventory of those items will be easier.
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@LaraLu; Are we related? I think we have the same Mom LOL!
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They consider this a mental illness now, hoarding disorder, and like other mental illnesses treatment is voluntary til they are a danger to themselves or others. My sympathy, this is a tough spot to be in. But always consider that she might become unable to manage her home or affairs, or that something bad will happen at some point, and have some contingency plans ready, If she is at least seeing doctors maybe one of them could at least do a mini-mental status exam with her.
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Thanks all for your comments and support. Yes, fortunately everything is in a trust and she has allowed me to have contact with her banker, her attorney and her accountant. She does trust me as she makes sure I go with her to these appointments and fortunately for me, her banker, lawyer and accountant have stressed to her the importance of making sure I know everything. She did need my help desperately with her taxes and like I mentioned before, when she needs me to help with any sort of thing that comes in the mail, she calls me but wants me to come running immediately. I know she's just scared and feeling vulnerable. But she's so set in her ways and her perceptions are truly her reality and there's no convincing her otherwise. Literally, every single day there is some sort of drama. She has three locks on her doors and two days ago one broke, lodging the dead bolt into the door jam. OMG, you would not believe the phone calls to multiple people in the family trying to find a locksmith. When we finally set her up with one he fixed the lock and corrected the wrong way in which it had been installed 40 years ago. The knob on the inside had to be turned in the opposite direction of the other two locks. So this guy fixed it. Sounds good, right? Nope! She went outside, supposedly got locked outside even though she had the key in her hand; had to go trekking down the sloped mountain rodeway to a neighbor's house. He was able to get the door open for her (they also brought her dinner afterwards!). So today, she called the guy back to come out and take the perfectly okay lock he fixed yesterday and put it back in the wrong way that it had been for the last 40 years because in her own words, "I am not going to change and try to get used to turning it the other way." When he refused to come back out, she called the bank to try and cancel the charge but it was too late so, get this...she actually cancelled that bankcard because "the guy was rude to me and I don't trust him with my bankcard number." I had 6 phone calls related to this drama. I won't go into the other one related to family issues!!!! I wouldn't mind, but she gets annoyed when I want to get off (temporarily) to actually eat a meal with my husband. I truly know that this is going to just get worse as time goes on, but it is good to be able to vent to others who understand. So here's a big hug to you all! (I am supposed to go on an overnight field trip this weekend with my 9 year old granddaughter...I am sure she will not be happy with that!) And so the story goes....
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My SIL is a geriatric nurse that does in home visits to housebound patients. We had a talk in front of my MIL/FIL about what frustrates children the most after parents move into care. She mentioned having to deal with 70 years of stuff. I laughed and mentioned that I told my mom I was going to hire a company to come in and clean it all out - I didn't want anything. My MIL said she hoped we would divide and take her furniture, china etc. and both of us said nope - we have our own furniture etc. Kind of shocked my mother in law, but she and FIL are horrible hoarders and won't get rid of appliances that don't work -my FIL is cheap and buys cheap stuff that breaks down - then it goes in the basement. He doesn't want to pay the few bucks per appliance for disposal.
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I remember when I told my Dad I was going to be very busy the next couple of months cleaning out his and my late Mom's house, getting it ready to sell. Dad said "hire a bulldozer". I had to laugh, then I was wondering what would the HOA {homeowners association] would think about THAT :)
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My mil lives alone in a 2-story house on 40 acres in upstate NY. The house,basement, attic, barn and another building are full of "stuff." She has made little to no effort to downsize and get rid of any of it. (This is the same person who has put her second home -- a small 1960s cottage on one of the Finger Lakes -- into a life estate for herself and made her 5 children joint owners with right of survivorship. It's essentially going to go to the "last sibling standing" and to heck with any of the descendants of the rest.)

We are the farthest away, so the problem of dealing with mil's junk after she dies is going to mostly be on her darling daughters....one is the executrix of her estate, and the other one apparently gets the old house on 40 acres (because she's not married and is most in need of help, according to mil).

I am not willing to contribute anything to mil's maintenance and upkeep in future years. She spent an inheritance traveling the world, redoing her kitchen, etc.
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