I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
My mother talks out loud when no one is in the room. It is not uncommon, I know. But---how can I describe it---she says out loud what she is thinking and it is not always nice. Mostly I notice the things she says about me when she thinks I cannot hear.
Last night, after a reasonably good day for her with an outing and a visit to her sister, I fix her dinner and her meds and get ready for an evening--a moment-- of peace and reading my new book. All of a sudden I hear her get up from her room and begin (outside my door) singing loudly and complaining loudly (like muttering) about me and how selfish I am and how nobody cares and on an on..
This went on for a few minutes. I became surprised at the behavior out of the blue and was upset. Should I disturb her rant? Does she even realize I hear her? So I go for a long walk to get away from it. Now it's morning and she's not up yet. I wonder if she'll even remember. It upsets me though when I am doing all I can and she still thinks nasty thoughts about me.
Mother was confidently telling the community dementia nurse yesterday that she could make telephone calls, look up contact details in her address book, manage the tv and her computer and was going to retake her driving test 'as soon as I'm a bit better.' I felt like a cruel robot sitting there saying "No, she can't. No. No. No. No…" The sad thing is that it's not that long since it was yes, she could. And the other sad thing is that I was kind of glad that she was so away with the fairies while the nurse was actually watching - you know that uncomfortable feeling that people might think you're making up melodramas and claiming your mother's worse than she really is?
I know what you mean with the worry that someone will think you are making things up or making it seem worse than it is. I deal with that with one of my siblings. She's out of state 90% of the time, comes home every other month or so for a few days, and spends about 30 minutes with Mom when she's here. She sees nothing wrong with Mom at all - but she's not here when Mom leaves urine puddles on the floor, waste on the toilet seat or bath seat, needs help to get in and out of the tub, to walk, even to cover herself up in bed, because she can't reach behind herself to get the blanket.
I got a new whine today. I have a friend coming to visit tomorrow. I told my mother and she got mad. Why is she coming here? Mom is most unhappy now and giving me the stony treatment. Sigh.
Is it permissable to post a 2nd whine of the day? This day just isn't going well at all. I'm trying to work, dealing with torrential downpours and thunderstorms that threaten to knock my power (and thus my internet) out at any moment, had to run the van to the shop for work to be done prior to our travel, PLUS....we have to attend a birthday party for family members tonight...on a weeknight...in the middle of the week...at 5pm. Are you kidding?
So, yes, my stress level is more than a little high today. I have to get all the day's work done before 4pm, take care of the van (done), and get Mom ready for the party. Thank God I have a small gift stash that I could pull from for the birthday gifts, or they'd be getting nothing.
Told Mom she needed to shower today. She hasn't been able to get in and out of the tub without help, and today, she's resisting showering. I go to pick up the van from the shop, and return to find her with her hair wet and combed back, saying, "I showered while you were gone!". Hm. Really? I was gone all of about 30 minutes - and considering that she can't get in and out of the tub without help, I'm immediately suspicious that she didn't shower at all...so I go into detective mode and start asking questions and looking around. "Mom, are you sure you showered and didn't just wash up at the sink?" - "Yes, I showered." - "Mom, if you showered, why aren't there more towels or any washcloths in the hamper?" - "I used washcloths, they're in the bottom of the hamper!" (no, they're not - her underwear and a single towel are in there, and she's a creature of habit - if she showered, there would be 2 towels and a washcloth in there.) So I check the tub - nearly dry - and the bathroom doesn't "smell" like she showered.
I'm so frustrated right now.....so now I have to tell her she absolutely cannot shower when I'm gone, and approach it from a safety aspect - not safe for her to do it when I'm gone - rather than approach it from the angry standpoint I'm at right now - that she didn't feel like showering, so to get me off her back, she wet her hair down, dried it on the towel and combed it, and took her underwear off and put them in the hamper, to make it look like she showered.
It's a vicious circle...
I ran into the same problem when I bought Mom organic bananas instead of regular bananas, I thought she would enjoy trying them as I think they taste better. Mom doesn't like the word *organic* and makes a face whenever I say it. I tried to convince her that organic is how her Mother use to cook for the family.
Sigh... guess old habits are hard to change.
I was a grouchy, irritable jerk yesterday to everyone around me, and last night, when I apologized to Mom for being grouchy, she said, "You were fine, dear!"....thus making me feel like even more of a jerk.
I feel like such an a**.
:-(
If anyone ever 'deserves' to be grouchy once in a while, it is a caregiving person. Yesterday I exploded when my husband knocked a plate that I treasured off the wall and I exploded with, "If you'd just stay in bed at night instead of roaming around with your flashlight, this would not have happened."
When he said, "It's not as if I did it on purpose - you don't have to get so mad!" I came back with, "Well, I get to be mad once in a while, too, don't I?" No answer to that.. and no mention of it today, so I guess it's over...