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I just realized today that from Jan.1 thru July 19th of this year I have taken my mother to the MD 25 times,dermatology,Primary MD, Pain MD, Dentist,Foot doctor , Surgery on foot.,Hip injections for a total of about 2000 miles of driving as each trip is about an 80 mile round trip.No wonder my neck hurts but my turn for the doctor comes July 3rd for neck surgery,hooray!
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Texarkana, it's funny you bring that up. A while back I sent my sister's an e-mail letting them know between me going fir cancer treatments and my mom going to the doctor it was 78 times between November 2012 and September 2013. Pretty crazy when you think about it. I haven't calculated it lately and God knows how many other trips I've made with her banking and shopping.
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Well ,Sallie, can't anybody say we arent' taking care of them.We just don't take care of ourselves.
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Regarding running all over hill and dale for doctor appointments I finally had to put my foot down.... twice a year for your primary doctor unless there is an emergency to which I can call 911 or drive up to the corner for Urgent Care..... once a year for eye doctors and I will schedule both Mom and Dad for back to back appointments, no more separate day appointments.... same with the dermatologist.... and the dentist. Now I need to talk to Mom gyn, isn't it time to stop the mammograms since Mom is 96.

I really believe that my parents like to go to the doctors so often is reassurance when they hear the doctor say "see you in 3 months, or 6 months".

Back when I was driving all over the place I was also working full time... I used up all my vacation days and all my sick days... in fact, my manager had to keep reassigning my work to other employees and eventually headquarters decided that my job position was no longer need.
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The Incontinence & Memory Battle

Day before yesterday:
Me: Mom, did you change your pad? (as she comes out of the bathroom)
Mom: No. I'll change it later. I'm too tired now and need to sit down. (Shuffles across the living room and sits.)

2 hrs later....

Me: Mom - you should go change your pad.
Mom: Ok. (shuffles to the bathroom and sits in there for 20 minutes, then comes out)
Me: Mom - did you change your pad?
Mom: Um...yes. Yes? I think so. Um...no. (shuffles back into the bathroom to change it)
Me: Mom - did you change your pad?
Mom: Yes, I did it this time.

Yesterday:
Me: Mom - did you change your pad?
Mom: Yes. (and this was the case all day, no problems)

Today:
Me: Mom - did you change your pad?
Mom: No. I don't feel like it. I'll do it later.

2 hrs later

Mom: I need to pee.
Me: Mom, you should change your pad while you're in there.
Mom: Ok, I will.
Me: (as she emerges from the bathroom after 30 minutes) Mom, did you change your pad?
Mom: Yes. Yes? No. Yes? I think so...wait, no, maybe not. (Shuffles back into the bathroom.)

(sigh)
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Oh, Susan. My mother does that with her medications. I give them to her, remind her to take them, then remind her again. I come back later and there they still sit. So I give them to her and she says she'll take them in a minute. She thinks I'm so mean when I make her take them NOW. A good part of my life is spent chasing her around with pills.
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I know what you mean, Jessie - I do that battle every day too. Mom definitely shows physical signs when she doesn't take her meds in the morning. I'll be sitting here working and I'll *know* she didn't take them, because she's laying on her bed behind me and her legs are twitching and jitterbugging so bad, she sounds like a cricket rubbing its legs together (the sound of her feet sandpapering against each other drives me insane and sends shivers down my spine).

It's just like the incontience issue - I remind...she says she will...I remind again...she says she will...I remind AGAIN and then watch while she takes the pills.

We're going to be totally screwed if I lose MY memory.....
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I stand right in front of my mom, with water.. and make sure she takes them. She can get all temper tantrum if she wants but she takes them...or I withhold her ice cream bar!
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I am suddenly running an animal hospital as well as taking care of dad and mom..LOL One cat need thyroid surgury ( yeah thats gonna happen this month) one has a huge abcess ( treated that myself with Moms help.. two medical professionals (one retired) can do this job and save hundreds of dollars.. I'm an old country gal! He is doing great and Hubs has calmed down about it.. Then dear daughter's chihuahua tore off a toenail on her deck last night. Insisted I call vet as she had a meeting. Vet said it's not a "toenail emergency" ( I about lost it laughing) Brought pups here and she is running around like a nut ball and bouncing all over the place.. problem solved by coming to grandma's house . Luckily it is a grey kinda day so Dad is all calm and mellow.. we wandered around outside and now he is watching NASCAR with hubs and Mom and I are haveing some wine.. So I guess it is all working out
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Go to shoeloverscare (you know) to vote for DSW Shoes to donate $75,000.00 to the Alzheimer's Association. Voting ends tonight.
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Pam at least toe nails grow back not like the end of our old cat's tail
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How did your cat lose his tail??? LOL
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She rushed through the door as hubby was slamming it. Big howl. I thought of hanging it from the mirror of his car like a lucky rabbits foot, but resisted. It was only the last couple of inches but she was not amused.
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This is more than anything just a vent post, but boy I really feel the need to whine.
Caretaker promised mom she would take her to church today... another promise fell through and cancelled plans :/ I feel like it's honestly impossible to find someone who is at least the majority of time reliable! I wish I could afford to go through hiring someone individually, unfortunately the rates that some people expect for care for my mom.. :(
It makes me really sad to say that I feel like NH isn't far at all from now. It is coming to be so much to take care of my mom. I have always felt weak at moments, but was able to bring strength from myself and still be able to help mom... but it's getting bad. I am drained and I don't have time to take care of my physical or emotional help. My mother is 61 and I am 40 years younger. I want to fit helping her into my life with school, work, a SOCIAL LIFE! for goodness sake.. but it is very challenging. at the same time, she is very argumentative, and at some times aggressive. I find myself having a hard time controlling what I say to her, too. I have never felt this way towards anyone. At some points, I just feel like it's not my mother I'm taking care of anymore...
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Boy, I cannot imagine what it is like at the age of 21 having to take on that responsibility. I am 90, but have lived more years than I could have anticipated; health is not too bad and am looking forward to a few more years..

At 21 I was married and awaiting my husband's return from England after WW2 ended. We began a family immediately and enjoyed 70+ years of marriage - so I cannot complain too much about having to care for my husband now that he needs me.

It is difficult to understand where he is coming from when we converse - never know what is coming out this time, but it is a challenge and sometimes quite annoying. Understanding dementia is the challenge and this site has been a great help.

I hope there are others in your family who can step in and take their turn in caring for your mother... I do not envy your challenge! Hugs..
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Ive been reading this site for 6 months and today it made me laugh so hard my mom insisted I read it to her. This was the first time we have shared a laugh in weeks. I helped take care of mom and dad when my father had lung cancer. I drove 130 miles round trip twice a week and according to them that wasn't nearly enough. My dad accused me of shunning them lol. Dad lost his battle in 2011 and I moved my mother into my one bedroom apt with me. She has the bedroom and my bed resides by the front door. And, I have a bell hanging from the highest point above the door as an extra percausion from nightly excapes. My complaint for the day is silly but true. I'm done taking care of this elderly baby. Like the rest of you I miss having a life and I'm tied of try to fix something that's not fixable. I love my mom but lately every little thing she does bothers me to the point of sarcasm in my own head. I have hatefull thoughts not to be confused with evil thoughts. Thoughts like "shut up" "are you stupid" "leave me alone" are at the tip of my tongue to often. Mom uses 4-5 rolls of toilet paper a day to make her 'pads' and no matter where I hide it she finds it. She has even lined her entire 'wet' bed with toilet paper and slept it. I'm tired of cooking rich meals for her 74 pound body only to gain 40 pounds myself this past three years. Anyway, the sad part is that she is a very sweet lady with a cruel case of Alzheimer's. I wish she had had another daughter to help us both.
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Brazilian you have taken on an almost impossible task. Your Mom is only 61 and could easily live many more years so now is probably the time to make some hard decisions. You could wait another 10 -15 years and end up in poor health and many years older than your real age. That is not responsible for you or your Mom.
She is agressive and argumentative and this will only get worse. if she has dementia she is only going to get worse. She is not the same person and her personality will slowly continue to slip away.
The time to consider placing in her a the nicest facility you can find is now. Let yourself grow up and in the future you may be in a position to bring her home if her personality becomes more mellow.
Don't expect her to like this decision or even easily agree to it but stay firm and finally it will happen.
Do not feel guilty about making a decision like this, you will be doing the best for her and you. No loving mother would expect her daughter to give up her whole life and freedom and any hope of having her own family. You certainly have my blessing for whatever that is worth. I have been married 50 years and at 21 was a recently graduated RN and just about to meet my husband. Many Hugs. Keep talking to us many people are here to help.
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Somedays so many people here will feel your whine about the TP it should be a symptom of ALZ Keep reading but don't forget to comment and ask questions. There is not such a thing as a stupid question. sorry no answer for the T/P except to buy one roll a day and keep you share under your matress or start using newspaper. at least mom is creative.
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Welcome Somedaysmile ...Since you've reading this site for 6 months you realize by now that you're not alone and it is not your fault. So many wise people here... tired, lonely, depressed but very wise loving caring people.

Seems like aggressive argumentative foul mouth dementia loved ones is in the air this lovely (ha) Sunday.

Mom slept in which was lovely.... but oh my did she turn into a raging accusatory bitch shortly thereafter. Just so happens both my older brothers stopped by to finally witness what I go through... she cussed them out, told them if they liked me then she hated them. She was ridiculous.... on and on about people trying to kill her, kill the dogs.... she told them they could just go and F themselves... needless to say they didn't stay long. They did try and appease her but there is NO appeasing a raging demented person. I just sat there wide eyed, teary and tired.... no matter how much I do, how I try and initiate activities with her, keep her involved.. none of it ever matters ....sigh
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Oh JB that sounds awful but at least your brothers get to see what shes like!
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Sitting here TRYING to watch tv mum is sucking her teeth a new disgusting habit shes doing now............ id love to just run and keep running!
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My mom does that too or she pulls them out and picks stuff out of them with her longest fingernail and eats it again soooooo gross we got into our one and only fight about it.
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Yes Kazaa they got to witness it firsthand today.........BUT, they have friends with relatives with AD. Not as if they didn't know. Denial.
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Oh theres no point in fighting as they dont know how bad they are. I just leave the room! I know its not her fault but yep gross!
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Well JB im still waiting to have family experience her "tantrums". My friend told me to ask my "angels" and hers to show my sister when she arrives just how mad she can get as they have never seen this side to her! and yes she uses dreadful language! right now shes making noises upstairs like moving furniture she lost her "teeth" and is probably searching the room for them.
Mm? i think thats about the 5th time this week she has lost them i wonder if you can get something to tie them around her neck like a necklace with her teeth on it??
Its 1.30am here and i have to listen to this moving stuff around now for hours until she gets tired i suppose? What a life? meanwhile the couple nextdoor have gone to Italy!!!!
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So my sister asked me if I am going to have dad over for dinner every week once we get him moved into AL. She lives 1000 miles away and only sees parents, now just dad 2-3 times/year.
I told her I don't know as he is going to have an adjustment period and I do not want to confuse him by coming back to my house where he has been living since June. She said you aren't just going to dump him there! again she sees hardly ever. I told her I will be stopping in 2-3 times a week but the visits will be brief. Getting frustrated with her comments.
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Oops living here since March.
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57twin, I've had one of those weeks, where I got all the wrong feedback from people. I've been pretty stressed out, and hearing their opinions and comments was extremely irritating and unhelpful. Your sister has no idea what is really going on, or what is best, and her comments reflect it. It's yet another thing we have to handle, and some days I handle it better than others.
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57twin, the next time your sister accuses you of abandoning your father, look in the calendar for a long 3-day weekend. When sis gets in your case, pull out your calendar and tell her these dates, and that She Too must not abandon their father just because she lives 1000 miles away. There is the train, the airplane or something. Offer your place as a free place to stay so that she cannot complain about the expenses. And tell her that when she comes, she needs to visit father several hours EACH day. That he is not only your father, but also hers.

Also tell her that since she lives 1000 miles, the least SHE can do is call him daily (just like she expects you to call him daily.) And not just a quick 'hello. how are you doing?" If she calls, to make it worth it, then try to stay on the phone for atleast 10-15 minutes. Do her daughterly duty of alleviating his lonesomeness. I wonder how long that would last????
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Siblings who don't do the caregiving have no clue what it's like. I wish they would all look at these site's to see just how stressful it really is. It's made even more stressful with their ignorance and unhelpful ways! My mom went another week without a single phone call from my 4 siblings. One sister text her every morning with a set text of ( "how's everything") When my mom text " everything's ok" she receives a set text of " ok, I'll call u later" . There is rarely a call later!
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