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Dadshelper, you should get your dad an electronic cig :)
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I hear us Kazz, our siblings suck, they have no conscience, they lack manners and respect. I hear people say" they will get theirs in the end." Well I want it to be now so I can see it happen. In these siblings minds mom/dad are being taken care of so they have nothing to worry about. It seems everything we say goes in one ear and out the other and every time we think of a good point of view thinking we will open their minds and magically make them realize how hard we have it, they stomp all over us and send us back to our black hole. They are slick aren't they ?
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Hmmmmmmm Sallie, what's that thing about feeling hatred being "like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die of it"? Our siblings make their choices. We make our choices. What right have we got to blame them for the consequences of our choices and demand vengeance?

I'm not saying you have to LIKE their choices. I'm not saying I don't think my dear darling brother is a complete emotional f*ckwit sometimes, or that my other dear darling brother appears to have left the planet. But stop ill-wishing people! - what good does it do you?
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When I first found this site, I was suicidal. I was drowning with caregiving 2 bedridden parents by myself in this house with my oldest brother next door with his 3 grown children and wife. NONE of them came to help me. I figured the only solution was death. I already spent about a year googling for the sure-fire way to kill oneself Painlessly. I found it. I had a date to execute the plan. In my struggle against death, I googled "how to take care of 2 bedridden elderlies." And I found this site. I was very very angry and bitter.

JeanneGibbs was very firm but understanding as she imparted her words. We All have choices. I chose to take care of my parents. My siblings have a Right to choose whether they want to help me or not. They chose Not to. That is Their Right. She went on and on. I was angry at her words. I Fought against it. I Refused it. Went to sleep. Woke up the next morning, and accepted her words. It was true. I Chose to be here - not out of love for them - but of my religious obligation.

If one was able to retrace my beginning here on AC, you would have seen me posting all over the site. I was venting everything that I kept inside for over 20 years. Vented my anger, my bitterness. I'm still working on the Resentment. As you can tell in my current posts. But, hey, 2 out of 3 ain't bad!

I don't remember what I said about my siblings. I do remember one night, standing near the sliding door, staring at my brother's house and up into the sky - cursing all my siblings. Over and over. Asking, begging Karma to visit them. Then a few days later, 2 of my sisters in Colorado had that wild fire in their neck of the woods. I felt sooooo bad. That night, I went back to the sliding door, and wished back the Karma and curse. I changed my mind. Now, I just ask Karma to please please visit them. No more cursing bad stuff to them. I'll settle with Karma - what goes around, comes around.
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Yesterday I learned from the grape vine my brother was having exploratory surgery ( he has cirrhosis) two of my sister's knew, but didn't tell me or my mom. I also found out my sister who shows up out of guilt every two months has teamed up with our bi-polar sister who we haven't spoken to verbally for 3 years because she treated me and my mom like sh*t! They can have each other!
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CM i hear what you are saying BUT i have not made a choice to look after mum? i had an accident which meant i was forced to stay here until my injuries healed there is a high court case which has taken 5yrs and will be over in October. In five years my siblings wanted to get ME out of the house as mum was telling them lies as they wouldnt listen to me saying she is showing signs of dementia now she is diagnosed theyve become more selfish thats fine stay away dont help but why should they come along then when mum dies and claim a share in her house? this is what gets me does my poor old mum really owe them anything? Things are going to change in October as i will be asking for either mum goes into care OR we pool all our money even it means getting a loan against mums house and hiring a carer for a year? they refuse to talk about this they dont want to know as long as im here thier "inheritence is safe" well they are in for a massive shock i couldnt careless about mums house and would rather have my life back than live like this.
The guilt i have is that i cant look after mum 24/7 with no support so they can just get on with life as if nothing is happening its not fair and shes thier mother too she brought all of us up in very hard times and they all have a part to play in this role ive tried the old "well theyll get theres" they wont.
If i didnt have siblings i would look after mum until she takes her last breath but i am not letting them away with this. SO no i have not made a choice here to look after mum im here looking after her until my finances change then either she moves with me goes into a home or we spend a fortune for a 24/7 carer and lose the house but my life is not going to be taken away from me because of selfish siblings. And when mum goes i will not be having a relationship with them but i will be letting them know how much ive moved on and how happy i am as they will never be happy my two sisters are all about money thats thier mentallity. No matter what they have they are never happy. One sister has and owns TWO houses? other sister has over 90000 in savings and im here with no car to drive mum around in the little time she has left.
We come here to rant and if we say we hate our siblings then no need to take it so serious and make us feel bad for feeling like this?
Obviously your siblings havnt treated you as bad as some of us have been treated here so please "HOLD" on the lectures as i cant abide being lectured i do wish bad things on my siblings but i also know from experience of life that selfish people sail through life i mean how can you get stressed over something when you simply dont care? Roll on october because as much as i love my mum and will do right by her i will not give up my life to look after her while this lot take several holidays a year and gripe when i need a break. Mum refuses to go into respite free? a really nice NH but she wont go so another reason for me to leave here and let my siblings wake to this serious situation.
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Did i mention that my sister has been living in paris for 20yrs and is desperate to come home to live? she was offered a job here a few months ago but surprise she refused????? now with mum being ill she is no longer ina hurry to come home?
Also CM we had a break in, the back door was KICKED in we had NO back door for 3mths had to put stuff up against it to stay safe?? my sisters even with my screams wouldnt pay for a new door so you can imagine how that makes me feel about them!
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Yeah, my siblings are a delight…

Kazzaa the point is that I care about YOU. And the point about that is, that I think hating people is bad for the person that does the hating. So I don't want people I care about and sympathise with to get sucked under by feelings that harm them and don't get them anywhere. That's all. I'm not lecturing anybody about their moral shortcomings - apart from anything else, I'm not in a position to. Big hugs.
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Like i said CM we are here to "whine" and we are "whining" yes hate is a necessary word sometimes i said i want to tear thier heads off but i cant do that can i? I CAN rant though and i am not arguing with you but to even come here and "scream" and hate them helps!! Dont worry about me ill be fine once my money comes and then i have "my power back". Once im good to go they will sh*t themselves! First trip is my bucket list to Argentina and send them a postcard everyday! Yes ive been told by fortunes tellers that my sisters will never be happy but i will and that as the Dalai Lama says "the best form of revenge is contentment" yep when the people who hurt you along the way see that after it all you turned out to be the happy one PRICELESS!
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Oh and hugs to you too CM!
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I chuckled when someone here hoped they would win the lottery. I have that hope, too. Except I don't live in the mainland, and cannot buy the lottery. I've tried online sweepstakes, even the Kmart stuff is only for the 50 states. So, I will never win the lottery since 99.9% of the time, it's only for the 50 states.

I always daydream of winning. I would choose the yearly stipend. On the first year, I would give to all my siblings. The ones who helped me (physically, morally, etc...) would get the larger portion. The non-participants would get a measly amount. After that, the yearly stipends would go to me and those who supported me. It sure would be nice to win. I just reminded myself. I need to pray tonight fervently for Karma or mother nature to please let me win the local giveaway. I don't even have to be present to win.
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This is my 'whine' moment from yesterday. I'm better now, btw. I was on the treadmill at the gym after work, and my phone rings. It's my mom. Who practically NEVER calls. I thought in recent months she must have forgotten my number but didn't want to admit it. I had spent last Saturday breaking the news to her about her no longer driving, and then on Tuesday (was it only 2 days ago?), I drove back down to introduce her to her home care/transpo person. I knew she was upset, confused, and indignant (extremely indignant). She made a lot of noise about hiring an atty to get her driving privileges back, but I figured I'd let her just get it all out, feeling relatively confident that she understood, but was trying to save face.
Anyway, I pick up the phone huffing and puffing, and she's terribly upset and completely confused. She had a very hard time telling me (what I think happened but can't be sure) that she called her dr. She's not able to process much at all, especially anything procedural. I had to explain again, exactly what took place, that led to this decision, and that there really is no recourse (I had responded to all of her ranting about taking action by making mostly noncommital "we'll see" type noises. It was the best I could do at the time). After this conversation, it seemed to sink in. God, I really hope so. She actually stated that she would then need to get rid of her car, wouldn't she? And I told her I'd help her with that.
Now, my mom has always been a narcissistic, critical, disapproving, rather mean-spirited, pain in the a**. But she told me, "Thank you for breaking the news to me so gently." I don't think she was being sarcastic (believe me, my ears really pricked up to decipher what she REALLY meant). So, I was thrown a bit by that. And I told her I'd call her today to see how her first appt. w/the home care person went, which I don't really want to do.
I told my husband it's a shame there's no holder for a shot glass on the treadmill, because I really could have used one! The sadness of it all just hit me, and I really prayed that this "Groundhog Day" of giving bad news would just please end. I think this hurdle has passed, so that is good. Now, onto the next one, sigh...
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Bookluv! where on earth do you live? No lotto? Tell you what light a white candle later put your palms out and ask "angel of abundance please bring me the money i need i ask this trhough christ our lord".

I have been doing this now since last year since my friend got me asking my angels for help! my life is bad BUT not as bad as it was and when i need a few things i buy a scratch card and win a small amount IE the other day as im going to spain i saw this fab dress beautiful colours etc i wanted this dress but couldnt afford it i went away bought a scratch card and asked the angels to get me that dress "i won 20 euros" the dress was 25 and im now looking at it!

I light a candle every night and beg for an end to all this suffering for mum for me even though i dont feel it my friend says things are moving along fast. And if i think about it things are moving mum is progressing and now shes fallen out of bed so i think its only a matter of time beofore something happens and the nurses and docs will take this more seriously!

Try it Book i was a big sceptic but i have to say since dad dies and spooky things happened to me i definetly believe. You have to believe for things to happen! Its worth a try!

The woman in the taxi said you must be lucky as shes seen me win a few times i told her about the angels and now in the past month she has won over 200 dollars?? So go figure!!

I do money rituals also as im desperate! yes im turning into a white witch! I have angel cards and i do them everyday to see what crap is ahead of me and its spooky i know when something is going to happen.

Also as its not that easy to attract good things "thank the angels for all that you are grateful for so far" the more you do this the more will come to you. I do this every morning brushing my teeth!!

You can ask your angels anything you want Green candle for money,red for health pink for love which is what im doing now so i am bound to meet a man on my holidays!!

Trust me try it i am not nuts!! let me know if anything in your life changes!! and good luck if i happen to win the lotto before you i will send you on a nice holiday!!
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Kazz, you have every right to rant, hate,scream,cry,yell and whine. You have been and continue to live through hard times. Your story reminds me of mine so much. I hate being told by my guilty once a month visitor sister " Well you moved her next to you!" I could punch her when she says that. The reason my mom moved here was because I was driving 50 minutes twice a week and working part time. My sister hardly ever went back then and she lived 20 minutes away. Also at the time my older sister was coming once a month and both sisters were elated when mom was moving next to me. They both promised at the time they would help me. Well that didn't happen!
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PS.... i want enough to buy this house, a fulltime carer for mum, a house in the west and why not a house in the sun i am not greedy i deserve it all "reach for the stars". I will buy my siblings out give my brothers alot my sisters $1 each see how many hols they get for that!!!!!!!!!!!
Watch this space! We all gotta have dreams if not whats the point! Where do i see myself in a years time my own home, a nice man, two donkeys, my cat and a golden retriever dog! You have to believe it will happen and ask for it!!
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I meant once every 2 months sister
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Kazz, I think you should give your sister's half that because they could buy a lottery ticket with a dollar and you don't want that.
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Well sallie at least your mum moved near you! i hate this place i am divorced 23yrs and still get asked by nosy small town people "so you never remarried". I hate my life HERE i would be alot happier with mum living with me my house my rules so this will be her choice move OR a NH also she cannot go into a NH here as i refuse to live here so she will have to move with me and when things get bad she ca be ina home near me.
My sis(bitch) still hate her right now! said mum should be in a home HERE do you know why so she can flit in easy from airport she dosnt give a sh*t that mum would be in a NH miles from me but luckily she dosnt get to make these decisions as im the "caregiver" mum will go where i decide. My sis wants its all mum in a home near the airport so she can visit mum AND visit her friends win win! for her!
I never knew selfish until mum got ill i cant ever see us getting on ever again. But i will say my piece when mum goes then move on.

Sallie like ive just written "ask your angels for help" if you dont then i will ask them for you! weve been through crap ive had a hard life what with mum and dad killing each other then my own ex being abusive lots of failed relationships now this crap with mum i deserve to be happy and youre too darn right i will be i havnt gone through all this for nothing!! I do believe the good you do comes back to reward you tenfold and my reward is coming!!

Stuff my siblings they will never be happy i am determined to get exactly what i want out of life when mum passes i will be so happy people will think im NUTS why is that woman always smiling? HA!
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Sallie my elder sis when she did visit? always looking at mums things jetting on eye on stuff she could take when mum goes ( i know a parasite) anywhoo she noticed mums "pee pot" was an antique and valuable she said she wants it when mum passes!! ( i know a b*tch) SOOOOOOOOOOO i told mum as mum is not a fool and mums agreed to let her have it in her will (with pee included) hee! hee!
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Mum is not stupid when it comes to one sister (the christian) believe or not?? she has told me she wants her out of her will and im saying nothing but she has never helped mum out EVER so i can see mums point although i cant get involved but i will make sure mum gets this done soon i say nothing but i push with arrangements!!
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Huh, wine moments. When I saw this I thought it meant moments that made you want some wine to drink! Lol
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No nannie we "whine" and most of us have a big bottle of wine to drink while we are "whining"!!!!!!! I am thinking of starting a local "wine and whine night" but i dont know anyone who cares for their parents here!
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My whine moment for today is Mom constantly saying people's name wrong. She has always done this to some degree but lately it is getting worse. It drives me crazy! She adds an ..ie.. to the ends of names or says the name wrong and gets mad when she is corrected. Petty stuff compared to other whines but it drives me crazy. My name ends with an ..ie sound but I refuse to be called by someone else's name. I think a Wine and Whine night would be a great idea although I think I will have a beer (hate the taste of wine).
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Sherridene my mother mixes up gender pronouns. The dog is a boy, and she always says "she", and the cat is a girl, and she says "he." It's not that she doesn't know which way round they are, either; I think it's a sort of extra gremlin mixed up in her nominal aphasia. So I know it's not her fault but my God it's irritating. I end up squawking at her "He! HE! Zach is a BOY..!" And she says "I know *that*! - of course she is…" AAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHH.
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CountryMouse, my Mom also does that.... she's been doing that for decades. I think she believes that most cats are female. She never had a pet cat growing up.... and when I was 5 years old Mom got me a kitten which was female. Thus all the cats I have had in the past 60 some years were *she* no matter if they were males ;)
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Does anyone else's aging loved one CONSTANTLY CLOG THE TOILET AND BLAME EVERYONE ELSE ?? Happens every time. Im so glad my children will be gone for most of the summer so he cant blame them for anything else. He is actually supposed to stay by himself overnight this weekend so we will see how that goes. Oh wait let me guess he will pretend like he didnt know that the weekend HHA will not be staying overnight with him and then I will have to wind up staying home..that better not happen. The good news is if he can stay by himself overnight, then I will be spending alot more time away from the house..
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FF unfortunately she does it to people, too. They can find it quite disconcerting, as in when she turns to me and says "what did he say?" when the nice lady is sitting right in front of us…

In the marketing people's minds, too, cats are girls and dogs are boys. But then in the Boddington's Bitter - "the Cream of Manchester" - ad campaign the cow character was voiced as a boy, too, and quite frankly they really hadn't thought that one through.

I hope your boy cats were neutered? I'm just picturing your mother trying to figure out what on earth those funny little round fur balls were on the cats' bottoms… :0º
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Giving the pee pot with pee in it is a great idea! My guilty sister asked my mom if she can have these four small wall pictures which have always hung in every house my parents have owned. I was sooo angry she had the balls to ask such a thing! I think they may go missing when the time comes or they may get broken when I take them off the wall. Whoops! Lol
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Whine for today: Traveling with an elderly loved one is like traveling with an infant. It requires an entire separate set of items from your own. Clothes. Extra clothes in case of potty accidents. Every pair of underwear in the house (again, in case of the aforementioned accidents). Medical supplies. Pills. Bath chair. Her own pillow, because she can't sleep on anything else. Her own lawn chair, in case she can't use the chairs in the motel room (she's very short). Sweater and coat, even if it's 80 degrees out, because she gets cold. Her "ditty bag", filled with potty supplies that goes everywhere with her (just in case). Her step stool to get in and out of the van. Her scooter - which she hasn't used once on this trip. Her wheelchair.

...and people wonder why we drive a big conversion van w/handicap lift in the back. We need it to haul all her stuff!

Don't get me started on the motel room beds. Great beds. Comfy beds. But entirely too tall for Mom, who, as I mentioned, is very short. Sooo..when it comes time to get her into bed, she puts one knee up on the bed and I shove from the other side to roll her into bed in some sort of weird looking tandem ballet move. This occurs any time she wants to get into bed - so about 5 times a day and 4 times a night - meaning she wakes me up to get her back into bed after she goes to the bathroom at night.

Learning new and interesting ways to cope and deal with things here....
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Susan, I'm so glad my mom won't travel. I couldn't imagine to pack the stuff she would need. If we go out for a day we have to take her wheel chair, extra oxygen tanks and an extra set if clothes.
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