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Dadshelper you will still have parents, they have gone to a better place and are together again. My mom often asks about whether her folks are still alive. My answer changes depending on where I think she is. But she often gets upset when I tell her that they would be 114 years old. And she cries about not having parents any more. I assure her that she still has parents, just not here any longer.
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Had a great night with some good friends. We had a drink or two and watched the fireworks. The only whine I have us another holiday without any siblings paying attention to mom. I'm having a little get together tomorrow with mom,hubby,son and daughter so my son and mom can meet my daughter's boyfriend. Should be a nice time.
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Sallie that's so sad but it's their loss. Other than my mother in the NH who's pretty much out of it, I have no family so any holiday it's just me and my dogs but I'm good with that. My fur girls, Sue and Ashy, are my family.
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My whine moment? Narcissist MIL has another 9.1 years to live, according to the actuarial statistics for a woman her age. I looked it up and felt a stab of horror. That will mean a total of forty years of my putting up with her sneakiness, lies, triangulation and fake crying when she's confronted with having done something awful, like telling everyone she meets that I'm looped out of my mind on Vicodin all the time. Not true, although visits with her would be much pleasanter if it were.
She's always been this way. Always. Dementia is just making it worse. If there was a way to divorce an in-law, I'd do it in a second and never talk to her again. Then I'd throw myself a big party and do a hula dance to celebrate.
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Yes thier loss Sallie! Mum has seen a shrink and her geriatrician in last 2wks and NOTHING from 2 sisters and brother down the road?? I will tell them nothing! maybe a phone call when shes passed away? but im not sure that ill even bother then.

Yes its times like this you really feel you are on your own! My other bro rang as usual thankgod at least he gives a crap!
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Good news though sisters are back from paradise! AND im off next week so for once ill be relaxing when my sister is here cleaning up after mum!!!! CANT WAIT!!
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I am now pod#2 after neck surgery. Just now have caught up on most everybody's posts. Please take care of yourselves.Holidays are the worst because they seem to point out how you are the only one taking care of the mom/dad while everyone else is having fun. Karma wil get them . Otherwise sometimes we have to realize we can't do it all and a NH or hospice is enevitable.That is not giving up, just facing reality. We can't give them their youth and health back.And you do deserve to have some kind of life. I f you move them to NH or hospice and check on them that is so much more than others have done for them. If I sound loopy I am on a little pain meds. Just love all you guys and couldn't sleep until I read how everyone is doing. Don't beat yourselves up . You are a great group of people. Can't be perfect everyday but just remember while your loved one cusses you out , there ain't anyone else there and the golden children aren't there but you are and that makes you the best.
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sodoneiwthis? What are you doing? torturing yourself? statistics? Nip that in the bud now! Your Narcky MIL could fall and break her neck so stop torturing yourself think positively! you cannot live like this ask your angels to help you! works for me!
How old is she? does she have any other health issues apart from ALs?
I would love to see that "HULA".
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Glad it went ok Tex! Look after yourself now!! Hugs hope youre not in too much pain!
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Tex, glad your surgery went ok. Hang in there.

Mom's memory is pretty bad today. She's forgotten how to leave a message on an answering machine (looking at me blankly with the phone in her hand when my sister's voice mail picked up, saying, "It's (sis)....what do I do?" - as though someone were on the other end talking to her, when in fact, it was my sister's voice mail greeting playing. It completely confused her. She's asked me what day it is several times. When talking to my sister on the phone (she called back), Mom tried to tell her how we got stuck in the woods on our vacation while trying to get to the lake - and she left out several important details - so I'm pretty sure older sis now thinks I took Mom out to the woods to dump her off and leave her. (That one was actually pretty humorous to listen to from this end of the conversation...) She's neglected going to the bathroom to the point of having accidents, so I've started reminding her again, which she hates. She gets irritated at me when I do that.

These days are not coming all that close together right now, but when they do, it's very disconcerting. Looks very much like the early stages of age-related dementia, and also very much like what happened with my grandmother (Mom's mother). She was fine living alone, going out with "her ladies" for lunch, and doing all her own housework and driving. Then slowly, things started slipping. First it was the driving (Mom's not driving anymore now), then it was the toilet habits (again, Mom's already there), and then it was the memory - not remembering her pills or forgetting to get dressed, etc. (Mom is definitely entering that territory). I hate this.

We have another trip coming up soon. I need to visit my youngest son, whom I only get to see once a year, because his father won't make the trip to bring him to see me, nor will he let me have him for the summer (he blames me for our older ADULT son's bad choices in life, and thinks I will "let" our youngest get into trouble if he's up here with me...gee...thanks for making me feel like parent of the year, buddy...). Because I can't rely on anyone else to check on Mom or stay here with her, and I can't leave her alone, she has to go with me. That means 11+ hours of driving with stops to get mom out of the van, onto her scooter or into her wheelchair to make restroom stops (hoping she doesn't have an accident requiring a clothing change), get the dog out for his potty break, then back on the road....staying in a more expensive vacation rental than originally planned so that it's easier for her to navigate and has a shower instead of a tub...and taking her everywhere with me down there.
I'm glad she's going with me, and that she'll get to see my son - because who knows if she will ever get to make this trip again. Next year could bring all sorts of things, given her current situation. I hope she'll still be in good enough shape to make the trip again, but ....?? I'm SO worried about this trip...

Mom turned 74 today. As hard as this part of her life is to watch, and as hard as it is on me, I hope she sees 75...and longer.
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Texarkana, I hope you feel better soon. Pain meds rock! I thoroughly enjoyed them when I had titanium plates screwed into my spine after a horse fell on me three years ago. (Don't worry, the horse was fine.)
What is Pod #2? It has a sci-fi sound to it.
Kazzaa, MIL just turned 81. Apparently if you make it that far, you'll live d*mn near forever. If she were to fall down the stairs and break her neck tonight, I'd not only do a hula, I'd twerk like a crazy woman.
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Susan you Mom is sooo young that is so scary. I am 75 and will probably drive five hours alone to visit eldest daughter to give myself a break.

Sodonewithsal. POD took me all day to work out but I think it is "post op day #2"
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Well Hubby and I have had a grand time at my godson's wedding. Enjoying spending time with friends and family.
My sister and her friend are minimizing contacting me about dad. They did take dad to the assisted living place he is moving into tomorrow and asked what if he doesn't like it there? But he probably doesnt remember
saying that . I am sure I will get all the details later today when back home.
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Veronica - I know, 74 is relatively young in these days when people live to be 90+, but to be honest, I don't know that Mom has that many years left. I could be wrong. Her mother was 89 (I think) when she passed away, and at that point, had spent about 5 years in a nursing home and was completely incoherent much of the time. Dad was only 76 when he passed away last year, but he had major health problems with multiple co-morbidity issues (several various things that in and of themselves could - and did - take his life). Mom is relatively healthy other than the obvious joint, incontienence and breathing problems caused by her obesity, which hampers her mobility greatly.

Mom's best friend will turn 75 in a couple of weeks, and just goes, goes, goes! She's on a plane to see her daughter in another state, then she's babysitting her great-grandkids, then she's off on a road trip to a friend's wedding, and she is employed part-time as a "classroom grandma" at a local elementary school. My mom, by contrast, sits here in the house day after day, and only goes out if I take her somewhere...she can no longer drive because she can't get herself in and out of the vehicle - so her independence is completely gone. She couldn't do the classroom grandma thing, because she requires too much assistance with her mobility, and her patience for dealing with young children is also gone - she doesn't tolerate them very well for longer periods of time. She won't even go outside to sit on the deck in the sunshine unless I push her to do so. She is completely happy just sitting here vegetating in the house - which is why I push her to do more - go outside, walk up and down the wheelchair ramp at least once a day to keep her legs moving, just get herself moving a bit and get out of that darn chair now and then!
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My mum is only 77yrs old but i feel as if she has the body of a 90 yr old? shes been ill ALL my life so its all about your attitude mum never looked after herself she should be jumping around at 77? i look at fairly spritely elders older than mum walking around and it makes me so sad. Shes too young to be this way but its after years of abuse and not doing what she was told ie diet and lifestyle!

I just pray she dosnt suffer and goes peacefully in her sleep. I dont feel she has much time left as her will went along time ago. So sad. all i can do is never end up like this and enjoy life no matter what it takes!

Susan your mum sounds like mine just happy to sit and watch TV all day and night and be served meals all day! Ive given up trying to get her out and about much as she just dosnt want to go? they say the home is thier "comfort zone" its where they feel most safe so i dont push her anymore as i know my old mum would have gone anywhere as she loved getting out and about. Yeh have to push her a bit to get some "vitamin D" on her bones shes better this year than last year and is doing a bit of gardening? well? making a huge mess in the garden but im done caring ill clear it all up in the fall? as long as shes outside i dont care.

Its so hard to watch this as they are so young gosh i hope to God i am travelling at this age and having fun life really is short!
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Kazzaa, my mother sounds a bit similar to yours. She's never exercised, has been very overweight for most of her life, and seems to have no tolerance for physical exertion (would never deliberately work up a sweat or get out of breath, would never stretch, would never do ANYthing physical.). She doesn't have diabetes or a heart condition, and has never broken anything though, so she believes she's in very good health. I can't imagine her being able to "rehab" or recover from something like a bad fall though. The pain would be too much, she has very little muscle strength now, and I don't see her being motivated at all.
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Boy, today was sure an interesting one. We usually go to breakfast every Sunday morning with my brother and his family, and today, we went somewhere a little different. Got Mom into the restaurant ok, she walked up the wheelchair ramp and our table was right inside the door - but it was quite an effort for her. On the way *out* of the restaurant, however, she caught her foot on the ramp (because she doesn't pick up her feet but kind of shuffles when she walks) and fell against me, nearly sending me crashing through the wooden railing on the ramp. Fortunately, brother decided to help with Mom today and was on the other side of her and grabbed her arm. Mom kept asking if I was ok - she was worried she had hurt me when she fell on me. Truth be told, I think I strained some muscles trying to stop her from falling, but I'm ok - just a little sore. I was more concerned that she was going to fall. Fortunately, she didn't, but it was a close call.

I swallowed my pride and *some* of my anger at my ex and called and left him a voice mail asking him again to allow my youngest son to come visit me here. I assured him that: 1) YES, son will come back to live with him after his visit - he will not be staying here; 2) Son will be with me 24/7, so no opportunity for him to get into trouble (he thinks I will "let" him get into trouble); 3) he will not have to even lift a finger or spend a dime for son to come up here - I will come get him and bring him back myself. Reminded him that our son has family up here that hasn't seen him in 2 years now, because I haven't been allowed to bring him back up here due to older son's shenanigans, which my ex blames me for. Guess I'll wait and see what his response is tomorrow....if he bothers to call. He likes to conveniently "forget" to call me.
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Well one good thing being overweight...........if they fall they have a cushioned body maybe less chance of breaking a bone? Mum fell out of bed last week quite a height she has very light bruises nothing major? maybe she bounced?????? LOL
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Kazzaa - I think the weight issue only compounds the fall risk and the damage done when they do fall. More often than not, when Mom falls, she hits her knees, twists her back trying catch herself on the way down, and slams her face or head into the floor or ground. Then she's incapacitated for about a week while she recovers.

She's had some wicked bad falls. One resulted in a chipped tooth and permanent mark on her shin where she hit it (not a scar, more like a dead tissue area). The worst fall she's taken was when Dad was in the hospital just before he passed away. I was up in the room with Dad, answering questions from the doctor, knowing Mom was waiting for me to come get her from the parking lot with a wheelchair, but I couldn't get away fast enough, and she tried to walk in on her own. Big mistake. She made it as far as the sidewalk ramp, and her steam just ran out - she couldn't lift her feet anymore and caught her shoe on the *very* small incline on the ramp and fell flat on her face. She completely avulsed her toenail from the nail bed, banged both knees hard on the concrete, and worst of all, slammed her face right down on the concrete. She almost broke her nose, scraped her face up, blackened both eyes and had a huge lump on her forehead.

I swear, I need to wrap her in bubble wrap.
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Gosh susan shes lucky she hasnt had anything major happen to her all those falls! Sorry you are having trouble with ex like you need the added stress. Oh yes glad im divorced and NO contact with him for years! we had no children though so i know its different. Just glad hes not in my life anymore!
Friend did card reading and travel and holiday romance came up!!! Yipee! cant wait to have a week of "normal" im scared i may not come back!
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Where you going Kaz?
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Feel for you Susan - falls have been an utter nightmare for us, too.

I expect that, like me, you're only half joking about the bubble wrap - and actually, if she's going to make a habit of chucking herself down access ramps, you could think about those hip protectors, maybe? Admittedly my mother would have me certified if I tried getting one onto her, but I do browse the mobility catalogues sometimes and wish...
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Off to Seville in Spain! thats where all our oranges come from! Yes a wk of sun,sangria and tapas food cant wait AND sister will be here looking after mum. I am quite nervous but excited i havnt had a holiday in 4yrs so being "normal" again will be a bit strange! going on my own but that never bothered me! asked Cap to come with me but he dosnt like to fly!!!!!!!
Friend read my cards so its looking good for "romance" HA! i keep saying its like riding a bike? ill get back into it???
Mums not really bothering me this week as maybe im too excited that nothing can bring me down!!

Theres a spanish guitar festival on while im there so i cant wait as i love this music and would love to learn to play it but had better learn guitar first i guess i mean its something you could learn while being a caregiver will get myself a guitar soon!
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My whine of the day? I'm over it. Over caretaking, over FIL, over dementia, over instructing him what everything is and what he's supposed to do next. If I hear " yes ma'am" one more time I'm gonna snap. Going on facility tours next week. Hoping we can figure out the money. I'm done done done. Maintaining my patience with him but losing it inside. Done. Simply done.
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Poor mum shes being doing "crosswords" all night and ive just had a peek and god love her shes hardly finished one time for a cry and a ciggy in the kitchen things like this really upset me it just brings this illness in your face and how much she is progressing only a few weeks ago she was doing ok on them? d*mn this illness its a curse!
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I know what you mean, Kaz. When I first moved in with Mom, she was still mobile, cooking for herself most of the time, and doing dishes and laundry. Now she does nothing - no dishes, no laundry, can't stand up for more than about 2 minutes without needing to sit, falls are a huge issue, and when she got confused by a voice mail recording yesterday (she thought it was a person talking to her and handed me the phone), well, that was just IT for me. I had to choke back tears. It was so hard. It progresses so quickly sometimes. Some days are pretty good - others are horrible.
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Heidi....hang in there. Keep us posted on your search for a facility. We're here for you.
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Ok enough already! its 11.15pm here! Go to bed mum go to bed mum go to bed mum pleaseeee go to bed!! want some meeeeeeeeeeeeee time! Been on the go now as maid,cook,cleaner,handyman,companion,doormat since 11am.

Thanks SKY TV for putting "devious maids" on at this time youve really messed up my life!
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Susan when you parted from dumb a** ex was there not a co-parenting agreement setting out who could do what and when? Here in Canada, as part of a divorce or separation, the children come first and there's always a written agreement filed with the court in such matters. If there is such a thing in your case, go after him!
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Ahh, come on Cap, go with Kaz! What a wonderful invite! And Seville?! You bet!

If my, I guess she is a step neice, can fly with two little ones, she hates to fly, you can too!
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