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My whine moment is putting up with brother who refuses to help with Mom. Mom was admitted to hospital on Sunday. I tried to call my brother to let him know. Of course no answer. I called back the next day and he said he must have been out side or had already gone to bed and the phone was not working. Same excuse he always uses when he doesn't want to answer the phone. Anyway... I let him know Mom was taken to the hospital by ambulance due to difficulty breathing and I ask him if he was going to come and visit her in the hospital. He said he does not like hospitals and did not want to see Mom sick. When I got frustrated at him for not wanting to see her, he just laughed at me. I asked him if he would at least pick her up when she is released because I had to drive down the Los Angeles to pick up my 14 year old daughter who was returning from a trip to Australia. He said he did not want to and ask if there was anyone else who could do it. What a sh..t ! I ended up making the 600 mile round trip to L.A and hurrying back to get Mom. Feeling frustrated and hurt and thinking some not to pleasant thoughts about him. If a person could be prosecuted for their thoughts I would be getting the death penalty! On a brighter note, some of the nurses I work with were doing overtime at the hospital where Mom was and took fantastic care of her.
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I just have to say EVERYTHIGN TAKES FOREVER when I take my mom on an outing. she is so SLOW.
I want to blame it on her, but really, I have to think in God's time frame.
It's truly not her fault that I forgot to put the handicapped parking tag on my visor (thank God I didn't get a ticket).
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Sherridene, I think your brother just took the worst sibling award. He sounds like a real whiny baby. I would have asked him if he'd fallen off the wagon again or something. Sorry -- don't mean to talk about your family so bad, but this was the worst I've heard. You asked so little and he couldn't even do that.
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JessieBelle, it's ok to talk bad about my brother. Sometime he can be a real pain in the butt. He hasn't always been this way, just in the. Last 4 or 5 years. He really earned the worst sibling of the year award on Christmas Day. My Mom has COPD and asthma and went into respiratory distress Christmas afternoon. I had to rush her to the E.R. I gave my brother a choice between taking her to the hospital or staying at my house with my daughter (I'm a single parent). He went home and left my daughter home alone. On Christmas! I think I am blessed with the greatest child. She was so understanding about the whole thing. I called frequently to check on her and went home several times that day. I still feel guilty about her being home alone that afternoon but she always says I understand that Granny needed medical help and I was ok so quit beating yourself up about it. What a great person she is. Very proud of her. She came home from her trip to Australia to a clean room and a thoroughly vacuumed carpet (my stress reliever is vacuuming) it was the first thing she noticed and commented about when she saw it :)
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Sherridene, what a strange brother! He doesn't like hospitals? Well isn't that odd - I mean, everyone else I know absolutely adores them - how else would you explain why we're all prepared to go and visit our friends and relatives when they need us?

Apologies for the sarcasm. It's just that sometimes nothing else will quite scratch the itch. Hope your daughter had a fantastic time in Oz!
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Tex and Emjo, thanks for understanding about my scapegrace brother. He has a lovely girlfriend who's put up with him for - gosh - pushing twenty years, it must be; but no she's not such a fool she'd count on him for anything much. Damned if I can see what's in the relationship for her (I have said cruel things about doormats in the past, I confess, but I'm trying to be a reformed character and stop wanting to shake her), but I'm grateful for his sake that she still cares. Actually I worry about him too. We're all a bit scarred, but I think he's worse than that - I've wondered before if he's anorexic, for example. He is a very damaged, very self-destructive man. But I put him in my "too difficult" file a long time ago.

Mind you, my mother put every problem she ever faced in the "too difficult" file! - that's how come we're all in this pickle. I find it sad but sweet that she still worries about this brother. Not that it would help him to be told that, it would just give him something else to beat himself up about.

I think he's lost two lower front teeth, but I couldn't quite believe my eyes and how do you check without staring?
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Cap, I don't post much, but I read these comments every day and I have missed yours.. Was just thinking about you yesterday...

'Glad you are back with your wry, witty comments. They come across to me as sincere and realistic..

Have a great day!
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I bought a beach house and because my selfish sister won't give me a break, I have to bring my 90 year old father on weekends. Yippie, my walks on the beach have turned into getting him his 3 meals a day, giving him his supplements and steering him around. Is the ever going to end?
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Decided to start a diary of mom's daily issues today. I think I'm going to need it to keep track of her decline, as it seems every week there's something new. Today it was, "Is it 8:00 in the morning or 8:00 at night?" (Broad daylight, bright sunshine outside - I know it stays light later in the summer, but....) That's a new one. She's usually very oriented to her surroundings, other than needing to know what day it is so she can take the right pills out of her pill box. This is the first time she's mixed up day/night. Sad.
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I think the diary will come in handy when I have to explain to her doctor (and siblings) how things are going downhill.
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CM and Sherridene -- is there a 'useless brothers' club yet? If not, we should establish one! My brother has moved to within 1/2 hour drive of my mother, and I'm about a 3 hour drive away. Who's handling her yardwork though? I am. Who's handling her vehicle sale and donation? I am. And everything else too. His excuses are that his work takes him out of town most of the time (ok, maybe that's true, but he's home SOME TIME). Technically, I'm out of town all the time too, because I'm 3 hours away, and I work full time! So there.
Harumph....
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Good idea, Susan. Otherwise the doctor is saying 'in what way is she behaving strangely?' and you're going 'well she's just barking, frankly.' Much better to have specific instances.

And, you get to note the good bits too, which can really cheer a girl up I find.
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OMG! I thought I was the only one. I'm tired of preparing the special meals because I was so used to living alone for the past ten years, I used to just graze during the day! I hate the fact I have to get her breakfast, she HAS to eat lunch, which I never eat, and supper is eaten at the table (I always ate at the breakfast bar) and I have to adhere to the diet, i.e., kidney failure diet, heart diet, diabetes diet, etc. Basically, she can't eat anything 'normal' so I have to look up recipes, which I stopped doing when my family was out of the house. Unlike you, I'm losing weight!

AND if I want to have something not on her diet, I have to hide in order to have it because if she sees me eating it, she wants 'some', to which I have to say no which makes me feel doubly sorry!

Wake up call came a month ago when I went to the doctor and I was found lacking in exactly what she can't have!

Plus she just shoves it all down without looking up. She can eat an entire meal in less than five minutes. I've stopped looking at her when she eats. I've stopped warning her that she can choke. I feel like turning on a recorder and just taping the first 'conversation' then pushing replay each time it comes up again and again and again.

So, that's my whine moment!
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freqflyer, I have shopping problems with my mother too.

I told her I'd set up online grocery shopping for her and I'd order what she wants. No, a couple of people told her they had that service and they didn't like it, so she's not doing it. I offered to take her shopping at a small grocery store because it would take less time and walking for her. No, she only wants me to take her the supermarket superstore and it takes her over 2 hrs. to do her shopping. (If I try to take less time, because I have other things to do, she gets annoyed. Maybe she'd like to wait for my siblings and in-laws to help her, but she's going to have a long wait since they're not doing anything because they're busy. Some of them told me flat out that they won't take her shopping.) She wants me to take her to a separate drugstore for her toiletries, she doesn't get them when we're at the superstore, she wants the drugstore brand. She wants me to take her to a discount store to buy greeting cards for my siblings and their children, she doesn't buy them when we're at the superstore, they're too expensive, she wants the discount store. She wants me to pick up food at a specific take out place, one we never go to on our own. The closest one is several miles away and out of my way. She could've gotten the same kind of food at the superstore, but no, she wants it that take out place. (did I mention my siblings aren't doing any of this?)
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I spent a while this morning talking to my mother. She made up a new story about the plumbers who came yesterday. The plumber, according to her, had told her he modified the toilet so it doesn't use as much water. She said the toilet isn't flushing so well anymore. The trouble is that she didn't talk to the plumbers at all. She was in the bedroom and kitchen the whole time, and I did all the dealing with them. And the toilet flushes like normal. Listening to her made-up story made me very tired. I didn't respond, because I know I'm going to be hearing this story for a long time to come.

She also has this story of how she was on the bank of the creek next to the house, and how she hurt her foot, and how she must have been allergic to something there. She said she was all broken out and itching. She hasn't been on the bank for months now. She didn't hurt her foot. And she isn't broken out.

Sometimes I wonder what I must have done in a past life to merit what I go through now. Life doesn't make sense anymore. It is a "Road to Mandalay" existence.
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BTW, by the "Road to Mandalay" I meant the nonsense child's poem. There's also a Kipyard poem and song called that, so didn't want to confuse.
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JessieBelle, my mother has been doing that 'storytelling' for a few years now, and it was -- and still is -- so challenging to deal with. The first time you hear it, you're confused, because parts of it may be true or accurate. But you're never sure. And you spend a lot of time and energy trying to get to the bottom of it. At least I used to. After one of her 'stories' this week, I realized it's necessary to detach from my compulsion to figure out the truth of everything. My new rule is: if 911 didn't need, or doesn't need to be called, then forget it. And if she's not being taken advantage of in any way, then forget it. And try to stop fuming over it. This part is difficult, but since it's probably a very ingrained behavior, it's best to keep calm and carry on.
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phoenix03, are we having fun yet shopping? I really believe those 2 hours in the grocery store is like going to Disney Land for our parent(s) as they can get out of the house. I had to stop taking Dad to Home Depot every time he asked, he would stay he had a long list, but once we got to the checkout, almost 2 hours later, all he had in his cart would be a package of light bulbs and a tube of Epoxy. I took time off from work FOR THIS???

I stopped taking my parents to the super size discount stores, it's too exhausting for me as Mom gets her cart and goes in one direction, and Dad gets his cart and goes in the opposite direction. I shadow Mom so I can help her get things off the shelves and re-shelve 90% of the things because she grabbed the wrong product. And for some unknown reason, if she can't find the chicken soup she wants right at the area where ALL the soup is located, she will go into other aisles looking for it.... don't think that soup will be down the soft drinks aisle or with the personal care products, Mom. Mom finishes her shopping and sits down while I go looking for Dad, remember I am at a super sized store.... I find him and go back to Mom, but she had left because she was worried that something happened to Dad so SHE went looking for him.... ok, Dad, now you sit here and I will look for Mom... after going around and around like this several times, I am so frazzled I am ready to drop :(
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MY BIG WHINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OFF TO SPAIN IN 6 HOURS MY WHINE IS I CANT AFFORD TO BRING Y'ALL WITH ME!!!!!!!

Keep whining!! oh i mean SMILING!!! sun has put his hat on hip hip hooray the sun has put his hat on and were going out to PLAY!!

How happy am i? no mum for a week yipee a whole week no washing no cooking no nagging no STRESS!!!!!!!

Have a great week guys stay SAINE!!
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Hugs Captain dont work too hard hope youre feeling better sounds like you did a "mighty fine job" on those boys!!!
Hope aunt edna is doing dancing her heart out in the NH!!!!!!!
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Well, it's been the week from h*ll. Talk about my blood pressure! Been on the run for Mommie Dearest and at the NH four days out of the previous five. Had a stiff drink (so sue me), took an hour's nap and I'm feeling fine. So far as she's concerned I've disappeared for the next couple of weeks. It's me or her and she's not pushing me into an early grave!
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Kazz, have a wonderful time! Forget about your worries and relax, you more than deserve it :) xx
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Kazz, we are all so happy for you! (and just a tad bit jealous...)

Don't you dare log on here while you're on holiday. Just tell us all the details when you get back, ok? :-)
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Have a brilliant holiday, Kazzaa - woo-woo sunshine! Enjoy x
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OMG! guys you have got to read what some "creature" named Stefani just wrote me on my thread I started about what could I bake to make the house smell better because some church ladies were coming over. I checked her profile and their is little info. Intimated that I should get rid of the dogs, 2 are my mother's and that would kill her and then intimated that I wasn't taking care of my mother.Has anyone her of her, maybe she is one of those site trolls I hear about, it was a little upsetting. And I am still trying to recover from neck surgery. My friend still comes over 2x a week to help clean, it's not like there is urine and feces everywhere, these guys are pretty well pad trained, we have the occasional accident,so do I when I had my gi bug ,guess she thinks they should take me to the shelter and dump me. Really some people need to get a life.
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Tex; there are folks out there who just aren't animal people. Their lives are poorer for it, we should feel great pity for them. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have a couple cats sleeping on my feet at night.
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R U hyperventilating, Kaz? Fresh air is better than used.... LoL... I was just giving you a tool you could use to relax a little. I know from personal experience what a monster I morph into under just a little stress. Relaxing is not something we think about when all wound up tho.' Hugs to you. Hope your holiday is FUN (keep you passport around your neck under your blouse... just another suggestion).
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I think freqflyer has good advice for Phoenix.. If my mom started in on having to get "certain" label goods from "certain" type stores, I'd most likely tell her, "No. Sorry. Can't do that. If you want oranges, we will get them from the corner market. Gas is over $4/gal and I just don't have the money to spend. So sorry, but that's the deal." Then let her whine about it. If she doesn't take what's offered, she does without. I don't understand driving 3 hours to do yard work. Phoenix, that's a bit above and beyond anyone's capabilities. You might suggest brother puts in his 2 cents worth by doing the yard for his folks once or twice a month. Sheez! Why do you let this go on like that? Remember, you have to take care of you. Set some boundaries, or start loving the 3 hr road trip.
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Hey Kaz what happens in Spain says in Spain!!

Anyhow My sis and I picked up Dad and took him to the doctor for his POA activation. Confused most of the way in the car. Thought he was going back home repeated this a lot. My sis told him he was having a vacation at a resort. We went past the road to my house he sort of recognized that but not once did he ask why he wasn't living with me nor did he seem to remember he had been living with me the past 4 months since mom died. That really surprised me. We did get him calmed down and explained why he cannot live where he used to and that he does live closer to me so I can see him more often.
My sis left to drive back home today but stopped in to see him before she left but do not know how that went yet. I will stop in and see him on Sunday perhaps bring one of the cats.
But as usual my sister gave me some "suggestions" that of course I will disregard.
My hubby is golfing tonight so it's just me and the cats it feels odd to he the only one in the house. Had a couple nights with better sleep and now I can sleep in guest bedroom again if hubby's snoring bothers me.
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looloo, I stopped helping with my parents yard work this year.... and here I live about 5 houses away. But Dad will still hint around about getting 20 bags of mulch... and I will hint back that I can no longer lift those bags of mulch, that ship has sailed. Last month we were at Home Depot, Dad said since we were at the store, let's get mulch. Dad said an employee can load my Jeep.... but I said "BUT I can't bring home the employee to unload the mulch and carry the bags to the backyard !!!"

One trick I found to remind my parents that I am no longer a spring chicken [I'm pushing 70] is once in awhile I will show up for a shopping trip with them using a cane. I tell them I hurt my back. Most of the time this magic cane does work :)
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