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My whine for the day. My brother is dying of cirrhosis and won't let me bring my mom to see him :(
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Got home this afternoon after my typical 3 hour drive back from my mother's, to work on her yard and tour an AL place. Felt good that I could cross some things off my list, which never gets shorter--whatever task for her I manage to complete is immediately replaced with something else. I check the mail. Evidently, she applied for a line of credit at the bank this week (thanks to the helpful bank employee who must have swooped in and convinced her of this totally UN-NECESSARY thing)! It's not the end of the world, but I do have to call and cancel it.
I happened to be in this same bank today, asking them what I could/should do since she has dementia. They suggested that I get a not from her dr. saying she's no longer competent to handle her finances. So, that's another thing I will do this week. And I'll need to drive down AGAIN as soon as I receive it, to give it to them in person.
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HI!!!!!!!!!! BIG WHINE IM BACK!! DEPRESSION HAS KICKED IN! had a great time now back to smelly clothes and caring again!

Seville is lovely food etc was great BUT it got up to 50 so too hot to walk around spent most time IN the pool!

Home now and its 23 here so im cold! Sister gone today and guess what? shock horror????? Mum was FINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh piss off! either my sister is so self obsessed OR shes not very clever to notice mums behaviour?????? given up just do what i can and stuff them!

cat was well looked after so thats good as missed him terribly! he didnt talk to me for a few hours boy was he angry with me for going away!! but he cant keep it up for long and slept at my feet last night!

Mum was a worry guts as she saw the plane crash and couldnt sleep until i came home she was never really like this before must be the dementia?

House is a mess and sister never cleans like i do so lots of washing to do?

Yeh back home so whine,whine,whine!!!!!!!!!!!
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I had a taste of freedom for a week and now i want my life back more than ever? all i had to worry about was what to wear out? oh just BLISS! i mean this is how my life used to be once? how did it come to this?

Yeh will take awhile to get back into carer mode again!
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Kazz, I am so happy to hear you had a good time! I will get my turn next weekend, for THREE days, to worry about what to wear. nOT! Never been much of a wardrobe nut , what's that some about faded blue jeans and a favorite dress? Well anyway, I am sure it is difficult to come back. I know it will be for me.

Good to have you back.
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Gladimhere! glad youre having a break any break is better than none!! yes its depressing to come back to reality with a bang!

Have a great time and where are you going? somewhere nice i hope!
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Kaz when you feel the anxiety rising just close your eyes and let your mind wonder back to you sitting at the pool!!! Aaaahh!
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Yes when i came in the door mum rushed to hug me and PHEWY? she smelt pretty bad! then it all just hits you YEP IM HOME!!!!!!

she was so happy to see me though god love her she was so worried with me flying after that awful crash im only now just seeing it on the news, i make a point of never knowing whats going on when im on holiday as id rather not know!

I want my life back booooooooooooooooooo hoooooooooo

Was so excited to be alone and free that i got up at 7am every morning and did everything i possibly could! it was like i had a week to live!! good thing though made me realise that i have to go away more so am planning a weekend now for my birthday YEP life is very short ill be damned if im going to spend 24/7 caring as my brother will just have to start staying here now. Im going to save every wk and treat myself to a wkend away once every six weeks now it may keep me saine!!
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Glad to hear you will make more time for yourself.You have to take care of yourself, it isn't a selfish thing to do , and anyone that tells you that, well, the words I would give to for you to tell them that would probably get me banished from this web site.Take your time off, remember at these NH there is a reason that they have shifts of nurses, no human being unless you are a robot can do this caregiving thing 24/7 unless you are wanting to drive yourself crazy.Batteries have to be recharged and so do our minds. I am glad you had a good time.
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I was feeling like that yesterday, wishing I could have my life back. Oh sure, it is my problem, because I just keep trying and trying to fix something that can't be fixed. Had a meltdown yesterday, when Charles got home from his meeting I went to bed and pulled the covers over my head. And tried to think of something happy to focus on, but couldn't think of anything. Sad. And I wondered what I used to do on the weekends before this. Ah well, it is just a matter of time before FIL has to go to a NH. MIL is annoying but I can manage her. FIL has been doing increasingly bizarre things. Like prowling around the house at night, taking things out of the kitchen drawers and putting them on the table, rattling around in the box with their meds, (Hid those yesterday). I am thinking of getting childproof latches to put on the drawers and cabinet doors. Every day I wake up to some new insanity. I feel like I live in an asylum. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Thanks for listening to me whine,
Christine
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Oh Camary! what a nightmare mum hasnt started this yet? BUT house was a mess when i got back she has started clearing under the stairs mess everywhere sister said house was spotless on friday when cleaning lady was here and now its a nightmare again. BUT ive let it all go over my head ive had to i just tidy it up like a robot and keep telling myself its not her fault????? i know it dosnt help but you cant turn round to her and say "wtf are you doing you crazy woman?" !!!!!
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Kaz, I am going to visit Ash though I haven't told her yet! LOL! Her little house on two acres in the middle of nowhere sounds like heaven to me!

Probably head for the mountains, cooler there, a friend will let me use her condo that overlooks a lake with lots of boat activity! Hopefully, there won't be too much activity as I really crave solitude.
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Kaz, the house was a disaster because your sis could not care for mom and clean up too. And the cleaning lady was there on Friday?! Sis was overwhelmed regardless of what she says.
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Yes Glad i know what you mean! i didnt meet anyone on holidays BUT wasnt bothered and quite liked just doing stuff on my own! my friends think im nuts as they would never travel alone BUT they dont get it and how you so much need a break that being on your own is heaven!!!!!!!
I ate in some lovely tapas bars the food was great i just pigged out and went to a flamenco show then a horse and carraige around the city it was bliss VERY hot but i was just so happy not to have to think about mum or look after her!
Back at the hotel bar in the evenings a few men were chatting me up as i was on my own why do men think because youre alone youre looking for a man??? always annoys me! people seemed shocked youre on your own? i felt like screaming my head off one night "YEH IM ON MY OWN I HAVE NO MAN"!!!!!!!!
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Kaz, the last thing I need or want is a man! Just more neediness and things I do not need!
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My whine moment: The only person who ever sits with my Mama has had a mini stroke and is now moved from the hospital to rehab, just thankful she is going to be ok, but still worried about her....thankfully, I know she is in good hands.....NOW...the whining starts...my brother texts me early this morning (he never moves early on Sundays) and lets me know he can come and stay with Mama while I go and visit my cousin in rehab today as he knows I need to do it.....ok...here's the deal, I spend my life caring for Mama, with NO help, other than the cousin, who knows I love her and to whom I speak every day. She knows I cannot come to visit and on Sunday, she is going to be covered up with all the other family members who also have not been to visit Mama since her horrid accident almost three years ago now...I told him Mama and I had a very busy week, I did not feel well (I never feel great but today I am hurting all over...literally feel like I am going to cry) so I do not think I will be going today..also she has been moved from our town to an adjacent town...but WHAT GRIPES ME...is he is soooo worried about my cousin and could give a rats butt about me...EVER. I anticipate he will make the big journey to visit her, probably take the wife, who also never visits my Mom and they will make their politically correct appearance, because then they can be seen ...unlike coming here and helping his sister take care of their mother....

Also, the week one of my aunts, one of two who does come for short visits now and then, told me she would be glad to come and stay with Mama BUT cannot come next week (which is when i needed her) because they are having revival at their church...that starts a whole "nother" whine with me. I am not a biblical scholar, and may get struck down for saying this, but in my mind, God is happier when we are actually out in the world helping folks instead of dusting off a church pew....I get into a lot of trouble for my views on this, but that is my opinion on that topic...I just don't get where someone thinks it is better to be sitting on their butt all dressed up in their Sunday go to meeting clothes than it would be to be helping the ONE sister who was always there for the entire family .....just sitting here shaking my head in disgust. One thing for sure, I have finally seen that if this old gal doesn't start looking out for my own self, there is going to be no one to take care of Mama. Thanks for listening.
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And so again I say, one day, if God allows me continue living til then, I will have no problem walking away from every single one of these morons....were it not for Mama enjoying their company, I'd just as soon they stay away now.
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This morning was the icing on the cake for me. I normally prepare Dad's breakfast on the weekend. He and my sister were going out so he was pacing around waiting for breakfast. So I started the meal. Our HHA walks in says hello. My sister and I were chatting. I guess the greeting wasnt good enough so she tells me "You can handle things here today right ? Im tired and Im going home" My sister comes over and asks if everything is okay. She tells her "Im tired..she (meaning me) can handle things..Im leaving.." My sister did nothing. She didnt tell her that its her job to stay. No she told her, "do what you think is best.." So while they are chatting, IM FIXING THE MEAL. Excuse my french, but that @#$ had no intention of leaving. She was upset because she doesnt want to take direction from me. She wants to run the show. Instead of her asking what she could do to help, as always she pulls a diva move. My sister (just like my father) rushes to please her. At this point, Im living in a Twilight Zone. There was also an opportunity for my sister to address the issue of her bringing her son every day. My sister asked what does with her son during the day. She blatantly lied and told my sister she brings him "sometimes" My sister said, "thats great" Im done with this situation. Its a shame that this witch is driving me out of the home I grew up in but clearly that is the case. She sees I no longer bother with her, so she tried to suck up to my sister in order to get her way. My sister even told her she could "rest" while they were out . HUH ????
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Because it's so difficult to sit quietly, even if the moment presents itself!--I drafted my request to my mother's dr. for his letter stating that my mother is officially, formally, undeniably, heretofore perpetually INCAPACITATED! Hoping he can fax or email to me this week.
I'm expecting a busy week at work, and don't want to try to cram this task in, along with everything else.
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toomuch...I don't understand...if YOU are the one who is doing the heavier part of the work...or seemingly ALL of it, I don't understand why you don't just dump her...I would rather do it ALL myself than to deal with someone like that in my home...Can you not dump her? just wondering...honestly I could not take it...
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JeanetteB, did you ever think you would have over 1,000 postings to your question ~ My "whine moment today". What's yours?~
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Our caretaker made $60 worth of phone calls from our parents' phone. Just another headache! Plus a breach of trust by someone we like and depend on.
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caring for my mother ended a year ago . my aunt is now in NH and its hard to say how long she'll be around . i can honestly say this tho . when aunt edna is gone i have no animosity towards any of her family members or for that matter , my own , but i dont like them , have never liked them , nor will ever like them .
i do write to my one sis every now and then tho . i feel shes the only one who has learned a dam thing from all this family turmoil ..
i have to make yet another automotive reference . if you look under the hood of modern cars you will see an electric fan in front of , and another electric fan behind the radiator -- so , it is physically possible to suck and blow at the same time .. my family in a nut shell .
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Christine I've got news for you, you do live in an asylum. Yes put latches in the drawers but more important make sure he can't get out at night and wander off. Can you listen to music when you feel bad or burn some scented candles that will transport you somewhere wonderful like a forest or seashore. Listen to the sounds of birds singing or the ocean waves crashing onto the beach/ the occasional meltdown is not a bad thing especially if soothed by a good drink or a favorite food. I could just fancy a bar of Cadbury's fruit and nut chocolate right now.
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Kazz, since sis had No Problems with mom, you can now use her to babysit mom while you take another trip. You may need to start decluttering around the house. What you don't need, store it in the garage or sell it off. Just try to go down to the bare necessities. Or if you have a spare room, store it there and Lock the door. I have gone to Bali Indonesia by myself for a week. I scheduled tours and just did a lot of walking and shopping. On my last day there, there was an aggressive Australian man trying to pick me up in our hotel. He just didn't know what NO was. I was soooo glad that I was leaving that day. I was getting so uncomfortable how he kept trying to get me to go to his room!

Camaryllis, please make sure all knives are safely secured from FIL. Disconnect the stove at nights. And keep an eye on him. He might progress from moving things around inside the house to opening the door and wandering outside, getting lost.
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I finally caved in. The kitchen sink was filthy. Why do I always think that sis will eventually do it? It was so disgusting, I had to clean it. At least sis finally bought her own toilet tissues, bread, and some food condiments. I was using my own money to feed both of us. She gets allowances from dad and from me. I've been resenting how she was eating my food and yet not pulling her weight. Yeah, yeah, she's babysitting dad Mon-Friday from 830am-630pm. But, I do the pampers (all by myself), change his bedding/clothes when he's soaking wet from the day shift, etc... Progress at work here. So, just a tiny whine today - the sink.
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One whine...today. Anyone have a parent who INSISTS on feeding your pet extra food when you ask them not to. I have a cat that I TAKE CARE OF. I feed it and water it every day. I groom it and take it to the vet when needed. I have asked my mom and asked her and asked her over and over to PLEASE NOT FEED THE CAT! I tell her there is food and water down for her at all times. My cat is not skinny (13 lbs). Lately I find full bowls of milk on the floor. I tell her and even make huge signs: DO NOT GIVE CAT FOOD OR MILK. This morning I find another bowl on the floor. I can't decide if she's doing it to just defy me cause she is stubborn as Taurus h*ll or what.
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Little Whine: I was out with the dog no longer than what? a minute? and my mother is getting her own orange juice. I come back in and she's pouring some juice back into the juice container. So, I say, "What are you doing?' She says: I had too much juice. I say: "Did you drink out of that glass?"

Now this is when she usually doesn't answer me, in fact, many times if I confront her with something like, "Hey, the toilet isn't flushing, what's up?" She'll say, "I didn't do it". So, she says to me: I'm not dirty, my germs aren't dirty".

ICK. I'm going to die doing this! I swear, I'm the one who's going to go nuts!

Each day I wake up I believe I'm in the movie Groundhog Day where that reporter is doomed to repeat his day forever!

Take a deep breath! Close my eyes. Try to remember what it was like before last year!
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OMG Daughter! My mother was feeding the dog GRAPES one day.

Me: What are you doing?!!!!!
She: She loves the grapes!

Well, if you have a dog you know grapes are really bad for dogs, i.e., probably deadly.

So, I ask her how many did she feed her?

She: Not many.
Me: Now many?!!!!

Always, always there is no answer after that.

The dog was fine, but gees, I've told her before, DO NOT FEED THE DOG!
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Oh, and what about when they burp and fart!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She just walked into the room and just let out a huge one but she just walks around, like nothing is happening! I think I'm in some sort of hormonal phase today! Everything she is doing so far is driving me nuts! My God, just shoot me! Plus she's always, always putting her hands in the rubbish to put something in. She can't drop it in like normal people. She has to put it in. Years ago, she used to do this and twice she was taken to the ER with a cut on her finger from canned stuff (before recycling). I remember my dad getting really angry with her for doing this. I don't know how he ever lived with this woman before he died!

And TISSUES! There are tissues all over the place. She uses them to wipe her face, never blows her nose, just lets it run (this is something she did when I was younger, as if she'll blow a gasket or something if she actually blows her nose!)

Yesterday, she jammed the toilet at least once. The day before, "Will you come look at this'...What! Come look at what! So, there's a little pee in there with tons of toilet paper and I flush it and boom! Up it all comes. She says, "I pooped" ...
No, you didn't ma, you peed. Then she says, Well, I pooped a little while ago.

So out comes the plunger and she watches. I have to tell her to get out of the bathroom, please! I'm plunging, she's watching some infomercial on television and thinking it's a show!
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