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Hope I don't know if it's any consolation but I was tearing my hair out with my mother in front of her doctor this afternoon. And it was only supposed to be a five minute check-up - poor man didn't know where to put himself. It's sheer frustration. And your mother goes silent and helpless like that (in my livid, more paranoid moments I'd probably call it 'dumb insolence' though of course it isn't) because she doesn't know what to do about it either. Babe, we can only keep going.

You reckon we'll miss it when it's not there? Hmmmmmm…

Any WHY do they always pick the worst possible moment?

(And when would be a good moment…?)

You are not a joke. You are having a life: this life. It's just a bit shabby at the moment. In fact, appropriately enough, it is poo. But time marches on, and venting helps, and hearing other people vent helps even more, and this too will pass. Thank you for making me feel a bit more normal and a bit less like a drama queen-cum-evil sarcastic nut job. Big hugs.

PS I ignored all beeps and got my salvia planted after we got home. Dug proper planting holes, added compost and everything! It's only taken me a fortnight to get round to it...
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Countrymouse, girlie....it surely does help me to hear I am not insane....sorry you are having that kind of encounter...don't you wonder what these docs think when we do that...I have done it myself..only in front of our hospice folks...who seem to see it all the time and thought nothing of it... and are you ever right, it always seems to happen at the worst possible time...even though I am not sure when a good time would ever be either...I used to could deal with things like this without acting so psychotic...but then in those days...way back in the far off recesses of my mind..I vaguely remember having other things to do later that took my mind off these things....I've only been doing this now going on three years, and I see folks who have been at it much longer.....wow....I don't even know what else to say other than wow......and again, I heard that comment....you will get your crown in heaven....friend I won't even make it there to pick that little number up at the rate I seem to be going....I got so mad the other day and was just yelling to myself to be yelling and spit was flying everywhere...I suddenly reminded myself of that cartoon character that can't talk without salivating...Daffy Duck? I need to change my avatar to Daffy ...lol you have inspired me to head to the yard as well...plus we got a little burst of fallish air this morning which should only get better as the afternoon goes on...a nice day to get out and feel the sunshine....thanks :)
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(((hope))) did you call about getting back on the meds? Not the perfect answer to an awful situation but it really helps squash the feeling on "hopelessness". We'd all rather have hope, without the less!!
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Hope I'm actually giggling now - is that what my mother sees when I'm lecturing her? Daffy Duck going yap yap yap with added spray???

Crown in heaven, eh? Not a dunce's cap? I'd swap it for a week's formal one-to-one training from Teepa Snow.
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I went shopping today then went for a coffee and a smoke! i was sitting there enjoying my peace when this woman came and sat next to me she took out her mobile and i could tell straight away from the conversation that she was on the phone to her mother and that her mother had dementia!!! she ended the phone call by never mind mum you cant hear me as youre not wearing your hearing aid!!!!! she then gave out a huge sigh i looked at her and said "excuse me i couldnt help overhearing but was that your mum and does she have dementia?" she laughed out loud and asked if i was a pyschic? she looked stressed and older than her years? she was so happy to talk to someone who understood and we had a good laugh more coffee and a bitch and a moan!! weve agreed to meet up every week now as she is like me alone and stressed AND surprise surprise family dont want to know! She was so happy to just let off steam and said her friends just didnt understand and shed noticed them backing away alot lately?? i felt good that i made her day and she said you cheered me up today i was meant to meet you!

Yeh life is strange but its nice to have a friend to have a coffee with once a week who is going through what youre going through!!

Yeh funny you get out to escape dementia and end up talking about it to a stranger but i could see she was delighted to have that chat!! meant alot to her so made me feel good!
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kazzaa, wow talk about being in the right place at the right time. It will be nice to something else to look forward to each week :)
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My whine for the day... just got back from my parent's home for a short visit and to pick up their grocery list. Mentioned to my Dad about updating his Will, he said he wants to put in his Will that only the nieces and nephews who communicated with him and Mom throughout the year should get anything.... all well and good, and I understand where he is coming from.... but heavens sakes, Dad, how will the lawyer know when the Will is probated what nieces and nephews remembered your birthdays or send holiday cards, or called on the phone.... [sigh]
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Yes then i was talking to the waiter and he noticed i was drinking mint tea i told him the things i couldnt eat or drink and he went and gave me some FREE green tea AND hes an "insanity trainer" hes offered me 3 free sessions at his gym and says he can get me superfit in 3wks!!! I think his training maybe a bit too insane for me right now as im only getting back cycling after my accident! NO baby steps you have to have some level of fitness to start that kind of training BUT maybe later if my doc allows it? for now im only allowed yoga,cycling and walking a year after my accident i thought i was superwoman took the bike out went flying out to the beach feeling like i could fly..... collapsed and ended up calling an ambulance my whole body packed in HA! muscles didnt know what hit them!! my doc rang me and said "what the h*ll have you been doing?" yeh i learnt to take it easy after that!!
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I am beyond tapped out.
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cool story about the stranger on the cell phone kaz .
im learning some things right now about the importance of restful sleep in combatting stress . last night at sons house i felt physically and emotionally ill . it was the stress of events in the last few days , weeks , months , years , not the least of which was elder care and loss of my mom . my liver was enraged but i knew the hepc hadnt returned , there was no liver swelling , just agitation . son gave me two zans at bedtime , i laid down and the next time i blinked my eyes it was daylight and i felt like a newborn . i dont have a zan addiction ive just always used ( abused ) them to make my workday fun , focused and enjoyable . never thought of using them for sleep purposes and indeed would have considered that a waste . jeanne told me to fix my dumb a** a few weeks ago and i listened . its sleep and nutrition that i need even if it takes medication to get the sleep for now .. im just trying to tell you guys what a full 8 hours sleep did for me . ambien gives you 4 hours , its not enough . good sleep rebuilt me over night , never mind how i got there .
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Sorry what is Zan?? is that short for zanex?? my sister is a zanex junkie thats why she cant get it about mum has been on them for years takes one even if Ireland are playing France in the rugby???? i was a very stressed one day and she gave me one my feet went numb and i was just as stressed?? ive always tried to do things the natural way but am slipping and knicked another one of mums sleeping tabs last night? yep stealing drugs from my mum this cant get worse!!!
i went through five years of h*ll and even though i was stressed i had no idea how stressed until my head was about to burst one day and i had to get down on the ground as the whole world was shaking and i wasnt moving bad trip wasnt the word!! of course my dad had just died so i think that was "the last straw" it was probably the best thing to happen to me as ive let go of alot and refuse to let myself get that stressed again its hard but i had no choice!

Pity you havnt a few bob (BOB) come over here and have a real break greener than green mountains and wild oceans youd love it!! Guinness and turf fires with irish diddly music in the background!! And id get mum to make you beef stew n dumplings!!!
Glad you had a good sleep Cap thats your body telling you to slow down a bit youve been through alot and as much as we think we are doing ok the body will let you know you aint!
What happened to me was five years built up thinking i was coping? sometimes i think we get a wake-up call and i know that one was mine your health IS your wealth!!
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Sorry but i just cant whine today its been a good day!!! ive just won 400 euros on the lotto and im going to go and stay somewhere alone this wkend and chill! Just texted my bro and hes going to sit with mum Fri and Sat and feed my cat!!

Things are looking up for me! biggest mistake was telling mum though she will be counting every penny i spend! but i like to tell her good stuff its not often we get much luck here!

Im only staying nearby but she dosnt have to know that!! texted my friend and shes keen so looks like a good wkend ahead!

I feel high things are getting a bit better for me ive been skint for 5years and now a holiday and this!!

Lovely thing was guy in the shop hugged me as he knows how hard things have been for me nice when others share your joy!!

Funny thing is i knew something good was going to happen today i could feel it!!
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Jeanette...I am working on getting the meds going again...because the script was so old I will have to go back for a checkup, which I understand..but my only sitter..aka cousin, is currently in rehab herself and I'm guessing will no longer be able to stay with Mom...other family is busy going to revival....yeah....I'm sure that is what is important...make sure those fannies are warming those church pews while your niece is losing her mind caring for YOUR sister who also took care of all of you all your lives growing up....I know the meds will help and our hospice nurse seems to think I could benefit from a chiropractor....never been to one in my life but feel certain I have gotten some important muscles and nerves pinched or twisted and something is off as my left side is in constant pain. So glad you had some time out Kazz....I don't know how it feels to ever get out of this house...I have not been away from the place for over an hour or so in over two years now........Countrymouse...yeah, from now on I'm thinking I'm looking like Daffy Duck for sure....at least that might make me laugh....spent my afternoon looking for adult briefs of all things...the ones hospice provides are worthless, something they best be getting fixed pronto...I kept having to run home to check on Mama...can't even leave here for over a few minutes at a time...totally crazy...
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Sorry things are so bad for you right now Hope BUT? im confused as i dont really know much about hospice? if hospice are looking after your mum why cant you take a break? even a day or two or is hospice not the same as here?

And even my blood was boiling when i read that family are warming thier butts in church when youre being run ragged??? shame on them yeh like god cant see that?
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Kazz did you when another lotto ir is that the same one? Congratulations. Hopefully the good luck will continue. Hope22 can you get out and get the meds while Hospice is there or maybe do a mail order? Wish I could do something to help.
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Sorry did not see Kazz peot about hospice. Hope that some help cpmes soon
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Its a lotto scratch card i buy one every week but this is the most ive ever won! i believe in angels and when i ask them to help me out they do? no sh*t! i had a good feeling all day but wasnt expecting that BUT at the back of my mind i was depressed as its bank holiday here this wkend as everyone is talking about getting away and again i wasnt going anywhere then WOW am still on a high! i dont get out much as i cant afford it so when i get some money i make sure i get out and see some normal when i can or else i feel like im in prison!!!! thats enough money for a few wkends out so i can stay motivated as mum is wrecking my head with her constant complaining its a very dangerous place to be mentally when youve nowhere to run to and just need to get out of the house so this money will keep me saine and drunk for a few more weeks to come!!!!!
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Have noticed Ash isnt on today i hope shes alright and mum is ok? but then i always forget its early for you guys and very late here! Just feel for her right now cant be easy!
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The Hospice CNA comes three times a week...each time for about 35-40 minutes max....the nurse comes the same day but only here long enough to check vitals...that's it...I hear folks talk about how they get away for a while and don't get it...neither of the hospice providers I have had do that. I think they have volunteers who can sit up to two hours...two hours would help, but it is not during the evening, which is when my friends go out..also there is NO going out for me anyway as I could not drink more than one and even that I would rather not do with Mama requiring the attention she has to have...I have kind of learned to live with life as it is, but I see and hear folks talking about going out at night, going out with friends, that doesn't happen here. it just is what it is...
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Hope that is so tough i am not clued in to hospice so i didnt know this i always thought they were also there to give you a break? Its seems we do have a better system here where carers can get a break free paid for by government? I wish i could fly over just to give you a break!! i know how stressful it is to have noone to help but im getting tougher with bro and am starting to take back my power a bit and taking no shit anymore!
Is there no volunteers that could just cover for a few hours i know a few women here that do this here from the church for hospice?
I will light a candle for you and ask someone higher to help you get a break from somewhere! i dont know how you havnt burnt out by now! mum is nowhere near this level of care and i was warned to take a holiday or else?
I met an old school pal today asked how her parents were? fine great marvellous????? Oh slowing down a bit but still playing golf they are both in thier eighties? I didnt say anything I just couldnt but i wanted to scream BULLY for you!!
Hang in there Hope your life will start again soon!!
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For me, that is part of my challenge, as I don't look forward to life starting again as that will mean that my Mama is no longer here....I cherish her. I just don't understand how so many people can see me falling apart and worn out and still chirping about they would help but they need to be at revival, (yes, they do indeed).....as hard as it is, I do believe in my heart that all of this will nonetheless still be ok, somehow, though I cannot see it now. I want to enjoy my time with Mama, I just feel so tired all the time I don't want her to pick up on how tired I am....I am about to get her changed again and get her ready for bed and then sit out on the deck and watch the stars for a while. We got a nice cool front and it is rare in the south, so am going to enjoy that and just reenergize my soul....tomorrow is hospice day, which you'd think that would bring a relieving bit of fresh air, but not the case to me....just means that my entire morning will be taken by not knowing when someone is coming so I can't get moving on other things that need doing...ah well....once again, it is what it is....and tomorrow is another day...
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My mother argues at me every night because I don't go to bed after she does. I am 46. She is speaking to me as if I am 12.
.she is driving me up a brick wall
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Rioblu, same here with my dad. I'm 48 and he still nags me to go to sleep. I know that I need my full 8 hours of sleep. But with my full time job, then come home and take care of him, my only true free time for ME is when he sleeps. Then, I'm able to relax. So, every night, I go to sleep at 1am, then get up at 630am. Only 5 hours of sleep. My goal is to try to ease myself back to 8 hrs.
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oh , sigh , piss , grrr .
my sis and niece absolutely couldnt help with mom on sundays because of church routine . does any one else see the hypocracy in those priorities ? let the pill chompin sinner watch her today ..
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Cap, I've seen over and over on this site that hypocrisy. What's worse, one brother was praised by his religious organization but he has completely ignored his parent's needs, rarely visited, etc.... Not rare at all. You know what it is. They have this need to look great to others. Maybe verbally telling them how the parent is doing, as if they are there with the day-to-day caregiving. Those people won't know. I learned this when my mom died. People were Praising my brother and his wife for taking good care of my mom. Yet, they RARELY visited. When our house electrical was flickering, we asked for electrician bro to come check it out. He told me to buy what he needs to fix the problem and he will check it. Uhm... I don't know anything about electrical. Then a few months later, he re-did the electrical wiring for my dad's sister's house - for FREE! I bet she praised him to everyone! See what I mean? Anything that would make them look good to others, they will do it. Caring for their parents - who's going to see them doing these good deeds? No one. That's my theory.
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Captain and Book...amen and amen...exactly what I have been griping about...my aunts WOULD help but can't right now because they have church revival...or because it's bible study night, or because it's supper for the preacher night or whatever night there is ALWAYS A NIGHT they can tie to the church to find as a good excuse NOT to help their parents, or siblings with their loved ones or whatever...I ran into the same type issue re fixing things around here and just helping with Mama...couldn't and wouldn't do one thing BUT was raring to go to the nursing home where their neighbor had PLACED HERSELF....just because she didn't want to be home alone anymore and so here went my brother and SIL to visit her, carried her AND her roommate all kinds of goodies, including ecigs for the friend who was in there...and yet, here Mama and I sat, struggling, at times I was selling scrap metal to pay for meds....but they weren't as visible helping us I suppose...thank God we did finally get something coming from the VA Aid and Attendance...they did not count some things that we are advised should have been counted but I am working on that...at least in the interim it is a huge help...but yep, hypocrisy rules....
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Ha! My Eucharist Minister sister doesn't call and rarely visits Mom...
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Hope in reading your posts I'm totally at a loss for words. You don't want to know what I think of bible thumpers. I have one house across the road then nothing and, yep, she's a bible thumping looney. Threw her screaming a** off my front lawn last summer so she'd leave me alone. You'd think she'd be out and about doing good deeds but, nope, never leaves the property.

I really don't know how you hold up. I'm sure I would have had a stroke or heart attack long ago. Is there help available anywhere down there? A youth group, ladies auxiliary at the local hospital, something like meals on wheels, shriners or the United Way as we have here in Canada? Perhaps Google key words like "associations", "clubs", "volunteers" and the such like..

I've never been one to go out at night but towards the end of my care giving I was trapped all day - flew to the dog park (we had no back yard for them) early morning, skidded into the grocery on the way back and often returned to find my mother on the floor or wandering with blood and poop everywhere.

We can't be of any physical or practical help to you but we're all here for you and most of us are on some time 24/7 to listen. Dog Bless you - that's not a typo either, I prefer animals to most humans!
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Kazz, yep I'm still here. Thanks for thinking of me. I was at the NH on Monday and it's only a matter of time before my mother passes. It's almost impossible to keep her awake, she can barely speak, her mind is gone, she eats and drinks next to nothing but she's in no pain, just shutting down. I'm gathering paper work and making a list of what will need to be done when the time comes.

Going full speed ahead on the renovations which I hope to get finished before winter - more lists of to do! I was thinking of going to the farmer's market today then on into town to check out and price wood stoves but I'm staying home to get on with the mud room reno. Joe was here all day yesterday and by the time I took him home and fed the critters it was 7.30 and I was too tired to eat. I look in and read every day but, as I like to respond properly, I'm often too tired to do so and leave it for another day.

I'm so happy for your windfall! You really need and deserve some time away to let your hair down!.
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Kaz. Didn't you take a loan for your trip to Spain? $400 could help pay it off...lol
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