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i dont know why the euro cousins dont just go to spain and take their sunshine . doesnt germany build the worlds best battle tank ? , france the best helicopter carrier , uk the most advanced nuclear powered submarine ?
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I swear, I swear, I swear...I was NOT gonna whine today about anything. I swear I told myself just this morning that I was not gonna let things bug me and just deal with what is. But.......
Well, taking my mom anywhere is always a challenge. She gets fidgety and whiny and uncomfortable in a car trip. I do EVERYTHING I can think of to make her comfortable. Keeping her body temp at a comfortable setting is one frigging huge challenge. Mom sweats alot (which we are addressing with her doctor). She is always sweating. Ok, I get that. I keep the house air-conditioned at a reasonable temp so she will be comfy. But the car ride is another story. Right now in our area it is in the mid to upper 90's. It is hot. So all along the ride I get to hear, "I'm sweating. Can I have some air"? "It's too cold on me. Can you turn it off (or down)"? "Can you roll the window down. OR...Can you roll the window up"? She does this CONSTANTLY and in succession and doesn't even remember what she was just asking me to do the moment before. I feel like a yo-yo.
There.....I've officially whined. It didn't fix the problem but I feel a little relief from the pressure.
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Hope, are you by any chance in touch with your family's pastor? Most ministers I've ever met are pretty practical people who would take a dim view of congregants who mistake attending services for leading a Christian life. Maybe he could help, especially if your mother was also a church member.
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Captain, I think we've lost it. It was probably in service photographing endangered penguins or something and took a wrong turn on the way home. As the late, hugely-lamented Kenny Everett said: "we've only got, like, one wooden rocket…"
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CM, good suggestion. Hope, see if you can ask him to lead his flock over to your place!
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Ashlynne, thinking of you as your are going through all this with your Mom...Keeping you both in my heart, thoughts and prayers....I'm like you, prefer animals to most people I know, but I know there is a God, I just believe He sees folks who profess a LOT but do nothing and He is not pleased...I am going to be OK here. Yesterday was a rough day, as was the day before, but today has been better. I am slowly getting into the rhythym of the new hospice and so am feeling like life is getting a little back to normal again...I don't know why all that affected me so, but I think I am just one of those people who does not put confidence in folks easily, and I had placed tremendous confidence in the first provider and so when all of it started to fall apart, it felt like I had been abandoned all over again, or let down again or whatever I felt, even though I initiated their departure, it just inflamed me to no end that they took on such a cavalier attitude regarding my Mama...it wasn't the first time, but it was the last...anywho, hoping now that we are all getting used to one another, that issue is resolved.

I finally gave in today and ordered some pretty hospital gowns for Mama. I found some really pretty ones online at a great price and if I bought five I got one free! So I stocked up on all kinds of pretty prints. Maybe it's hard to let go of the other ones because it is like taking one more step "closer" and that in and of itself is so frightening to me. I am realizing a lot these days...including where a lot of anger is coming from I think. Mama is my best friend. She has been my Mama, my mentor, my idol, the glue that held our family together, the comedian, the nurturer and the one who always believed in me even when I didn't believe in me. It's a scary feeling to know I am going to lose her, and I am not wanting to accept it...My personality is such that I am realizing when I can't control something, anger wells up in me. And this is something I can't control...I know that is ridiculous to think anyone can control life...I'm not saying that....but I want to fix this, and I can't. So instead I want to be here for her and I am trying so hard and yet I still have those horrid moments where the fear (disguised by anger) sneaks in...but focusing on this moment...today is a good day. I have some pretty gowns headed this way for my sweet Mama and I am going to get out into the sunshine and work in our flowers...try to get them back to the way she always kept them....going to try to make today a better day...Thinking of you Ashlynne...and hoping and praying everyone has a good day.
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((( BIG GROUP HUG TO ALL OF YOU)))
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Thought I was doing well until I got the long waited security deposit back from the house my parents had been renting. That made my blood boil. They of course held out the utilities despite my sister calling the utility company who told her since mom was the only name on the bill and she died the responsibility went back to the landlord. Then my dad had stumbled in the shower and put a crack in it despite it being installed about 2 months before the repair was not covered under warranty which I think was a bunch of bs. It was a $150 repair bill so I left a message for the repair company because I think Dad got stuck for a repair due to improper installation. Then I called my sister and ranted over this and she said why bother I was pissed at her and told her Dad was getting screwed over by landlord, so goes back to well they closed the lease early blah, blah blah which I responded again they made no effort to rent it quickly as they had due to weather conditions water in the basement and dragged their butts getting that solved (several weeks after dad moved out). So I hung up on her. For my peace of mind I want the repair explained and also I will call to utility company to get clarification on who actually was liable for utility bill. My sister can be irresponsible with money that is why I have the POA's.
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Countrymouse and looloo, excellent advice...except...it has been so long since Mama has been able to go to church and our pastor there has changed many times...I don't even know him now. The sad thing is that all of my Daddy's family goes to that church and while all of Daddy's siblings have passed, all of the cousins who my parents were always there for go there and yet not one single one of them has been to see my Mama in over fifteen years...even though they pass right by the turn in to our subdivision numerous times a week. God forgive me, I have grown to despise them all. The only one who is of any help was my cousin who would sit with Mama and she is now in rehab...BUT, I did see (thanks again to FB) where they had all congregated to build one of the church members a nice decorative wheelchair ramp to her home FOC even though she was able to go to church but just didn't...Mama wasn't able...so I saw that, and then venom rose in me all over again...and then theres the other side of the family...Mama's side...always in church....never here.....go figure....all of my friends I left behind three years ago..they are over 150 miles away....my hometown, where I now am...most of my friends moved away a long time ago ....there's a reason behind all this...I just need to keep pressing forward...
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Hope your mama was a wonderful mother and all around fantastic human being and you're very lucky. When time comes you will have a lifetime of happy memories. As far as the bible thumpers go, as they sit smugly in their pews they should be looking around for lightning bolts lol (my bad!)
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You're right hope, there IS a reason behind all of this. One day we will come to understand it, for now, we take it one day at a time and just do our best. Remember those three C's ? We can't Control this. We did not Cause this and.... and...uh oh, I forgot the third C? Anywho you get the point. Like you, I had a lot of anger and I do mean A LOT of anger. It was consuming me. Truly, I think I hated everyone around me and even those great friends I left in Florida. I either deleted them or stopped talking to them. HOW UNFAIR life was that I was stuck in the house for 2 years and their life continued?!?! I deleted my brothers, even my own son. I was Angry at it all. Then I took back Control of ME. Not my mom, not her illness and not other people. Just me. I felt a peace set in. Got my friends back and chat with them. Heck I wanna have those friends when I emerge from this. The only people I did not let back in my life was my brothers and their families. Nope. They caused me more grief than anything else. Let them live their life and leave us the hell alone is my motto. For the past month it has been lovely

I guess the moral of my story is.... let some of that anger go, do some of those things you love doing. Especially outside where you can absorb some vitamin D !! If your mom is bed bound she should be okay for a short bit while you enjoy your outside zen. Once you find your inner peace it will make the rest of your time with mom so much nicer and you'll have all those wonderful memories.

Like Ash said, lightning bolts will surely hit those dolts!!

((((hugs)))
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grope hug . man im IN !!
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i wanna know why kaz gets by with cussin on here more than i do and often without even asteriks applied . this is some kind of cultural or sexist f ' n bulls*it and i plan to get to the bottom of it . maybe she doesnt have an appointed personal moderator like i have ..
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57twin, I don't know if this will help put your mind more at ease regarding rentals.... landlords have to wait to get repair done for the rental property no differently with the wait time that a regular homeowner has to wait.

Water coming into the rental, be it basement or attic, can be very time consuming trying to find the cause. I am in my second month of trying to fix a basement water issue at a small commercial building I manage.... repair companies try something new and we have to wait until the next heavy rain to see if it was a success.... if not, back to square one.

Some landlords will charge an extra months rent for any lease that is broken before the lease expires. As for the utility bill, how long did your Dad live at the rental before he moved? Even though your Mom's name was on the bill, your Dad was stilling using the utilities until he moved out. Once he moved, than the customer becomes the landlord.

Hopefully all your questions will be answered and you can close that chapter.
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Careful with the groping cap, I bite! rofl
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My whine is on August 5th it will be two months since my sister has seen my mom. I hate her!
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Sallie, I understand your feelings...My SIL has not been to see Mama since Easter of 2012....to me that is totally inexcusable. Mama was always so good to her and she knows it...never had a cross word or a hurt feeling between them...I have no idea why people act this way, they ought to be ashamed...but if they were ashamed then they wouldn't act that way in the first place...
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home from chicago. realized on the drive home that im no longer a caregiver , remote or otherwise . aunt is in NH and now im just a visitor . ive seen this play out before . the rest of ednas family will get sparse around there , especially PIA . they are free at last . im going to visit her every day because shes done as much for my emotional state in the last year as ive done for hers . we needed each other , still do .
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Captain if that's not caring I don't know what is. Isn't that the point? - that even when there isn't anything practical you can do to help you still turn up and pay attention? Hug, if no actual grope x
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i figured out why edna and i arent allowed to truck ride . when i bailed a couple weeks ago and forced pia to care for edna while i went to chi , the sweetest nephew in the world became the devil in person who had been seen with a cup of beer in his hand at IL . just a worthless drunk . IL now knows the real story as does aps , etc .. i think their trust can be rebuilt its just a slow process .
goin to see my aunt / cut wood . worthless drunk 2014
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My mother desperately wanted a radio so I got her a boom box with big buttons on the front and showed her how to use it. When I visited yesterday it was on the floor in the corner because "It's no good, it's all in Italian". Um, I put an Il Divo CD in it, which she loves, but she's pushing the CD button instead of the radio one. No point in explaining or showing her again as her mind is too far gone now. Oh well, I tried.
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I love that Captain......you show up, you care and you're there....Lord I wish a LOT of others folks would take notes.....
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Fought the urge to give in to the pain in my leg and side yesterday and got the lawn raked, then mowed and even worked my way into the flowers and got the bulk of the "non fun" stuff done....NOW I can tweek and make it pretty again....raoming around the yard this AM with coffee in hand admiring my hard work.
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I'm sorry, Captain. What a horrible thing to happen.
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Ashlynne, sigh ... sad when you think a simple thing might cheer her up, and it's no longer possible.
I have to tell you -- my own mind went off on a funny tangent when I read this. I thought of that scene in A Christmas Story, where the father reads the box containing his "special award," and he thinks it's Italian because written across the box is "FRA-GI-LE." Hope it's not wrong for sad situations to sometimes conjure up a funny memory. It happens to me a lot, actually.
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Had a great night out with my friend went for dinner then back to hers for a few drinks anyway ended up being a few too many!I am not well at all! I am never ever ever ever ever drinking again!!!!
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Until next week!
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Kazz good for you! If you're drinking remember to eat and you won't feel half so awful ... so they tell me (wink).

Looloo all I can do now is go with the flow. When I went yesterday and insisted she had lunch and wheeled her to the table she was all smiles - a life long narc, she was the centre of attention dontcha know. She's been refusing lunch for ages but if I ran down there every day and made a big song and dance about it she'd go every day. She's always been one to do the helpless thing, use FOG for all it's worth, create chaos, and expect others to pick up the pieces and make everything wonderful for her, though it would never be good enough.

I shan't go back for some time as it so unhinges me. As I told her some time ago "Either put on some big girl panties and get on with it or lay in your bed and rot until you die - your choice". I suspect she'll continue to refuse food unless she's the centre of attention, which of course won't happen, She eats next to nothing and drinks little ... her choice. You can't save someone from themselves. I refuse to enable her.
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Caregiving is hard! cargiving when your head is a bag of frogs is utter TORTURE!!
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Sis empties old rice into plastic bag to throw. This was yesterday morning. I came home after work and she leaves the sealed bag on the kitchen sink. This morning, I just can't stand seeing it there. I picked it up and just threw it in the trashcan beside me. An observant poster here made me realize that sis is doing that"passive-aggressive" thing... and I'm falling for it. Time for me to come up with a game plan.
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