I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
Well, taking my mom anywhere is always a challenge. She gets fidgety and whiny and uncomfortable in a car trip. I do EVERYTHING I can think of to make her comfortable. Keeping her body temp at a comfortable setting is one frigging huge challenge. Mom sweats alot (which we are addressing with her doctor). She is always sweating. Ok, I get that. I keep the house air-conditioned at a reasonable temp so she will be comfy. But the car ride is another story. Right now in our area it is in the mid to upper 90's. It is hot. So all along the ride I get to hear, "I'm sweating. Can I have some air"? "It's too cold on me. Can you turn it off (or down)"? "Can you roll the window down. OR...Can you roll the window up"? She does this CONSTANTLY and in succession and doesn't even remember what she was just asking me to do the moment before. I feel like a yo-yo.
There.....I've officially whined. It didn't fix the problem but I feel a little relief from the pressure.
I finally gave in today and ordered some pretty hospital gowns for Mama. I found some really pretty ones online at a great price and if I bought five I got one free! So I stocked up on all kinds of pretty prints. Maybe it's hard to let go of the other ones because it is like taking one more step "closer" and that in and of itself is so frightening to me. I am realizing a lot these days...including where a lot of anger is coming from I think. Mama is my best friend. She has been my Mama, my mentor, my idol, the glue that held our family together, the comedian, the nurturer and the one who always believed in me even when I didn't believe in me. It's a scary feeling to know I am going to lose her, and I am not wanting to accept it...My personality is such that I am realizing when I can't control something, anger wells up in me. And this is something I can't control...I know that is ridiculous to think anyone can control life...I'm not saying that....but I want to fix this, and I can't. So instead I want to be here for her and I am trying so hard and yet I still have those horrid moments where the fear (disguised by anger) sneaks in...but focusing on this moment...today is a good day. I have some pretty gowns headed this way for my sweet Mama and I am going to get out into the sunshine and work in our flowers...try to get them back to the way she always kept them....going to try to make today a better day...Thinking of you Ashlynne...and hoping and praying everyone has a good day.
I guess the moral of my story is.... let some of that anger go, do some of those things you love doing. Especially outside where you can absorb some vitamin D !! If your mom is bed bound she should be okay for a short bit while you enjoy your outside zen. Once you find your inner peace it will make the rest of your time with mom so much nicer and you'll have all those wonderful memories.
Like Ash said, lightning bolts will surely hit those dolts!!
((((hugs)))
Water coming into the rental, be it basement or attic, can be very time consuming trying to find the cause. I am in my second month of trying to fix a basement water issue at a small commercial building I manage.... repair companies try something new and we have to wait until the next heavy rain to see if it was a success.... if not, back to square one.
Some landlords will charge an extra months rent for any lease that is broken before the lease expires. As for the utility bill, how long did your Dad live at the rental before he moved? Even though your Mom's name was on the bill, your Dad was stilling using the utilities until he moved out. Once he moved, than the customer becomes the landlord.
Hopefully all your questions will be answered and you can close that chapter.
goin to see my aunt / cut wood . worthless drunk 2014
I have to tell you -- my own mind went off on a funny tangent when I read this. I thought of that scene in A Christmas Story, where the father reads the box containing his "special award," and he thinks it's Italian because written across the box is "FRA-GI-LE." Hope it's not wrong for sad situations to sometimes conjure up a funny memory. It happens to me a lot, actually.
Looloo all I can do now is go with the flow. When I went yesterday and insisted she had lunch and wheeled her to the table she was all smiles - a life long narc, she was the centre of attention dontcha know. She's been refusing lunch for ages but if I ran down there every day and made a big song and dance about it she'd go every day. She's always been one to do the helpless thing, use FOG for all it's worth, create chaos, and expect others to pick up the pieces and make everything wonderful for her, though it would never be good enough.
I shan't go back for some time as it so unhinges me. As I told her some time ago "Either put on some big girl panties and get on with it or lay in your bed and rot until you die - your choice". I suspect she'll continue to refuse food unless she's the centre of attention, which of course won't happen, She eats next to nothing and drinks little ... her choice. You can't save someone from themselves. I refuse to enable her.