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Youve a great emotional intelligence Cap and thas something alot of people dont have i cant really be bothered with people who dont have it which is why i chose my friends wisely everyone is messed up in some way the a**holes dont want to believe it and the others know they were messed up have dealt with it and move on and can show empathy for everyone its a gift! And im just glad im not thick!
youre not messed up Cap you just need a good woman who gets you! Ask angel Chaumel to bring her to you! Hes already looking for me but the timing aint right yet!
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Cap if you hang on i have some white sage here and can do a quick reading for you! whats the harm! can see when and if your soulmate is around or on her way?
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angel chaumel is a wuss . i have screening devices in place . the gal who sees those for what they are is gonna have a verbal contract till death parts us .
d*mn , cant believe a wuss rock song means so much to me but olyvia newton johns " let me be there " means a lot to me ..
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Ok cap ive done a reading do not tell me youre not curious?
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nope !!
not curious . there are nice people everywhere its just that a school dropout at the age of 15 can only relate with the highest intellect of women . it isnt going to be easy .. they were taught corporate success . ive learned old school, living a life you can and should be proud of . money is a necessity but shouldnt be a goal .. its unnerving and sad . the people in the mcmansions are pissin up a rope . ( moderators , kaz gets by with this language , i should too . )
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moderators ; hope you kept ashley around tonight to keep me out of trouble . shes pretty sweet . carol is nice but shes got the bad cop role of a stick up her azz . its ok , i get it ..
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cap not every woman is materialistic? i meet guys like this too its not easy but my soulmate is on his way just have to look after mum first then he.ll just arrive at the right time!! happy days ahead!
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Yeh i know someone on this site with something up her a**? oh you know who i mean captain!! hope she gets it out before she ends up a lonely old boot eh?
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Last night, at the last minute I decided to go to my friend's house for Tuesday nite gathering. It only happens twice a month and felt like I could and needed to get out. I used to go regularly but I often can't due to staying with mom. But I felt like things were ok and done here (i.e meals given, meds given, signs put out, told here where I would be etc). In hindsight, I maybe should have listened to that small voice that said, "stay home", but I didn't.
My evening with friends was lovely and I get up to go around 9pm and check my phone. There are 2 messages from two of my brothers telling me that mom had called 911 telling the dispatcher that I had gone out and didn't give her the evening insulin shot. It was, of course, not true as I had given it before I left. So since 911 was called, the sheriff got involved who, in turn, called me. Mom told the sheriff that she hadn't seen me (her daughter) all day---also not true as I had been with her all day including taking her for a short ride and listening to the rain together. So I had to call the sheriff's office back to straighten that out.
I headed home angry because I knew now that I would not be able to leave her alone anymore and have these evenings out. I also felt a little embarrassed by it all because I feared people might have thought that I was a lousy caregiver. Or....that on some level mom had pulled this shennanigan on purpose because I left her for the evening. Which isn't true but I was really caregiver-exhausted. I have really tried hard to do the right thing for her all along and it has been a trying road lately watching her get worse and demanding more and more of my time. Actually, I really didn't want to go home at all.
I get in my door and the house is dark and she is in bed sleeping (at least I think she is). I notice that she has scooted our heavy loveseat in front of the sliding glass door (Her increasing paranoia). Now this is a lady who grunts and groans at every movement sometimes. She does have a little arthritis but I notice that the 'grunting' becomes more pronounced when she wants attention or when someone is watching. But she sure didn't have trouble moving that big piece of furniture last night.
So now I think that big changes have to be made. Either I can never leave her alone again and possibly hire respite care when I need to go out (don't know how that will work when I have a job to go to) or it is time to find assisted living that is affordable for her. This night was definitely the turning point.
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Daughter52, my heart sinks for you. I've just overheard my mother telling the district nurse that she is lucky to be able to manage everything by herself at her age. She sounded so sweet and plucky! I'm sure the nurse half thought "ah bless..!" and half thought "yeah right I've heard that one before." We got it all ironed out in the end.

Same goes for the emergency services, social workers (did she remember to call the coast guard?!) and everyone your mother rousted out last night. Those who haven't been in our shoes will have thought "how could anyone be so wicked and cruel as to leave this poor sick little old lady all on her lonesome?" Those who have, will have thought "pull the other one, lady, it's got bells on."

And the rearranging the furniture, isn't it amazing? That same helpless little infant who can't cut up her chicken leg is suddenly hefting sofas about. What a shot of adrenalin will do, eh?

I've pretty much given up on our local Friday night at the pub, and instead invite people who do go regularly to join us for supper on their way; I still don't get to the pub, but at least I do glimpse friends every so often. And if I really have to go out and leave mother unattended, I stick a post it note on the front door forbidding anyone to knock at it and giving my cell phone number in case of emergency.

I think in general that letting local officials and emergency services know the score will help. Of course you still want them to respond to actual emergencies, but not to false alarms. I agree that it's incredibly difficult to get the balance right.
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Soooooo grateful to hear from someone who's been there and understands. Thanks Countrymouse.
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I am seriously considering a shingle to hang on the front door. "Abandon all hope ye who enter here." Dante understood.
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daughter52 YIKES! my biggest fear is that mum pulls a stunt like this? i think that will be it for me! Gosh how awful i guess you just cant go out and enjoy yourself in peace and i know that little voice like when mum burned the butter dish last week someone was telling me not to go out until shes eaten? I do having done this job believe in a higher power i havnt worked out what his plan for me is yet but im waiting and waiting and waiting...........
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my whine is as if life wasnt bad enough we recieved a residents warning there have been a few break-ins here and weve been warned to be vigilent i wont sleep now as im still not over the break in 3yrs ago it all comes back to haunt you! I will be sleeping with one eye open now thanks more stress to my already stressful life! Ever just want to stay under the duvet and stay there until its all over?
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Kaz have Mum pull a heavy couch in front of the door every night. Problem solved!!!!
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My Mom who cannot walk without a walker and barely a few steps then, was able to walk to the door, open it and go outside almost naked, down the steps, and thru the yard by herself in the middle of the winter. That is when I brought her to my house to live with the doors bolted. Amazing the strength that these older folks can muster up when they want to. PS: She has not tried it again since she is living with me.
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daughter 52 don't feel bad.
Mom knows she needs Insulin.Has not had dinner and you have been missing all day. What a wonderful memory that old lady has. She can even remember the number for 911.
When she gets to assisted living she will have not trouble taking care of herself. Perhaps you could have a Tuesday night gathering at your house instead.
Just keep the noise down till she is asleep. poor you. I really do sympathize.
My husband has started checking on me and wants to know where I am going, when I will be back and what I am doing in the house. he will even see me to the car and advise me to turn on the lights (They are automatic)
I don't check on him and he does disappear for extended periods. he does turn up for food on a regular basis - so i postpone sending out search parties. Oh I forgot he has On Star in his car. Isn't it h*ll getting old and senile. getting on for time for my nap
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Well V the house is pretty secure as you cant get in the windows as they are quite small BUT my biggest concern is the window on the garage roof beside my bedroom i may get some bars there will ask brother to fix this! Yeh i dont feel safe here with just mum and me where is a man when you need one!! its a quiet estate the nearest house is only 6ft away but i dont think theyd hear much if anything did happen! I have put salt and holy water all around the perimeter of the house for protection dont knock it so far so good? also my friend blessed the house last year yeh when all else fails i pray to Arch angel michael to protect us!
I have a crow bar pretty lethal would i use it who knows people will do anything to protect themselves i guess? yeh crime is getting bad here its not long ago that you could leave your doors open here? I was a basket case after the break in we had a few years ago and was a nervous wreck! im alot better after PSTD therapy im tougher and probably would fight to protect my mum and my cat! Yeh maybe god help the burglar who confronts an already stressed out carer "make my day mfcker". HA!
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PS Kaz we get regular call from telemarkets telling us that there have been a number of serious breakins in our area and we should buy their security system. I do wonder how they know about the breakin when no one else does.
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HA! V never thought of that if mum can remember 911 shes playing you for a fool! i know my mum genuinely wouldnt know the emergency number even though its all over the house? AHA they are clever old boots sometimes! poor daughter52 even though you know its not true and shes doing her best it still hurts gosh even to be acused of some sort of abuse is very scary like when mums nurse rang her doc and said she was conerned about the atmosphere in the house here I sh*t a brick that you can so easily be accused of something thats not true!
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I just dont get people apparently someone called to this ladys house after 11pm and asked to use the toilet? she let him in and he pushed her to the ground and robbed her house? WHY did she let him? in her response................ he had a BMW parked outside I thought he was genuine????? oh dear! I mean who lets a stranger in let alone even answer the door? sometimes people are silly and just dont think! I had someone call here a few months ago after 10pm I turned on all the outside lights and called the cops yep aint taking chances!
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I've often wondered how a person with dementia can seemingly forget where the bathroom is but know how to spin fabulous stories of the care givers supposed wrong doings? Boy oh boy can the spin some good ones too!!

The cops/paramedics and neighbors ALL know us very well. Embarrassing? Yes. My fault? No. Doesn't matter whose fault it is, it's still unnerving being known for the crazies that goes on in this house. Some days I just shake my head and hide in the back yard...

If a stranger knocked on the door, they'd better watch out cuz I might just let them in and escape out the back door!!!

Jesse....I like the idea of a sign on the front door. Yeah, be careful all who enter!!!
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mums here eating brocolli with her hands? I feel like slapping her hands with my hand like she used to do when we were toddlers! do you remember getting a slap on the hands when you touched your food with hands? it hurt like h*ll cause mum had BIG rings on her fingers and the rings seemed to turn and youd get hit with a big diamond!! TUT TUT! so gross but shes enjoyed her dinner! was organised today managed to give her dinner before there was a Low Blood tantrum!! See this job is easy peesy lemon squeezy you just gotta be organised!!!!!!!!! LOL
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Ive decided to learn spanish teaching myself until i can afford classes ive been at it all afternoon and all ive learnt is "necessito chocolate" I need chocolate!!! ill get far!
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kaz, "uno cerveza mas, por favor" is also helpful.
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I know thats a beer MAS i presume is small? as i know grande is big!!
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kaz, it means "one more beer, please". But adding grande certainly wouldn't hurt....
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See learn something new!!
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Grrrr!!!! I am trying to setup an "in home" surveillance camera so I can see what's going on when I finally do hire a sub care taker for a few hours ... I am so behind in technology !!!!
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That and mom keeps asking me where she can sit down at? OMG!! I must say "right there" a thousand times a day. Where? Right there. Right there? Yes, right there? You mean that chair? Yes mom, RIGHT THERE!!!! OMG! this is non freaking stop all day and through the night. RIGHT THERE!!!!!!
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