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Thank you JeanetteB for the encouragement.. Many here have it much worse than I - my hubby is always kind and grateful for my help, tho' he thinks there is another 'Lois' out there. He wanted to be sure that I had notified her that he was in Hospice care this morning. Very thoughtful of him! smiling...
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Lois, Capt IS a GEM alright, and after reading some of your comments and messages I believe you are one too! The BEST things are in Indiana.......mostly my GRAND CHILDREN! They are right up the road from you, in Chesterton. Ever been to the Wizard of Oz festival there?
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OMG! I was born in Chesterton. 'Lived in IL for my school years when my folks followed their jobs to IL, but moved back after the war -(DH was in England for that) and began our family. We met in HS and both worked in Chesterton since 1946 , working mostly in the local bank and Drs. office.

It's a small world, afterall....

The Oz Fest - a thing of the past now.. big mistake.. Fun while it lasted..
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Yes, the one I attended was 4 years ago, and I believe the last. The memories I made with my Grand daughter that day will last forever. Plus I took pics, knowing I'll need them someday. lol! Nice to meet you Lois!
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Same here, Boni - Glad you enjoyed our town!!
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trippy ..
my oldest son lives in chesterton right now . i visited there twice this summer . lois, im from martinsville , bout 120 miles south . chesterton had a nice small town feel and look but trying to find rural enough roads to take g kids trike ridin was not to be . the rural roads were still grid - ish and in suburban " block " form . lots of intersections / stop signs . im going back up there nov 2 lois to see alice cooper in hammond .
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I think that I am becoming stupid. My brain is on overload. I am trying to just play a game where you get letters and make words out of them and my brain hurts. Is dementia contagious? I worry all the time and I cannot stop the thoughts in my head. I am by far the worst worrier ever. I am afraid all the time. I fear how much worse this disease will get. Then I worry if my mom with be breathing when I look in on her in the morning. I stand and watch her breathe and freak out if it looks weird and wake her up and ask her if she is having trouble breathing. I just am looking for a way to control this fear. Can anyone help me please.
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correction ; the kids and i went riding and it was nice but not as rural as id hoped ..
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fligrl.
i straight up drank 190 everclear about 1 - 2 times a week and ive never felt the need to apologise to anyone for it . i well remember sitting at the pc with a muscle in the back of my neck hammering at times . stress . extreme stress and about a dozen other emotions swirling around .
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fligirl58 I know what you mean.... it's like watch TV in our head and every 10 minutes the same commercial will play but that commercial is about *worry* :0

I am trying so hard to be just a *bystander* when it comes to my parents who still live on their own by themselves.... less hands-on care. What will be will be. One can't change the course of life. We can make suggestion for an easier life, by not all the time will one's parent(s) listen. Since thinking *bystander*, I now find myself sleeping better... which means 6 hours of sleep instead of 4.
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The nicest country roads around here are east and south of Chesterton. We live on one of them - tree-lined, curvy and hilly.. You gotta try again... Look for Greening Road. But perhaps you don't want hilly??
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I had to look up everclear. It's apparently illegal in my. Oh well.
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enjoy " bystander " for the time being freq . the last few months of a parents life can get very real for you whether they are in home or NH . youre going to be taking a journey with them and its not all a sad time . youll learn more about yourself if you let them offload their stories onto you . they will want to review their lives . its a somber time . its the changing of the quard . the fact that you have become the community elder will knock the wind out of you ..
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lois,
" hilly " is specifically what we wanted . my son isnt familiar enough with the area to take us out very far . it was nice tho . beautiful day . if my ave pic were scrolled out more , you would see three kids holding their hands over their ears . they were making fun of ikes muffler - less - ness .. ike sounds like a pissed off mule in a tin shed is what im sayin ..
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Not a whine but a vent .Would welcome any suggestions. My mother's has elephant feet and in the 60's still insisted on wearing the fashionable pointed high heels.,Well now even I am paying the price. When I first took her to the podiatrist I wanted just 2 toes amputated that would have solved the foot problems once and for all, they weren't even toes needed for balance. Well she had a bunionectomy first,which required many return visist because it got infected and now the little toe has an abscess because of one of the 2 toes I wanted removed.I am making another appt for tomorrow because this abscess is going to get away from me and just putting betadine on it ain't going to work.Even if it healed it is going to happen again. Her toes on this foot look like Chinese foot binding. These 2 toes are going to have to come off because she will eventually get an infection into the bone and then things are going to really have to get amputated. I know it 's not my foot, I would have already gotten rid of them and moved on but my very vain 78yr.old mother is a nut,not dementia,just a narcissistic person.Putting pins in the toes is just kicking the can down the road.I told her the infections are going to get away from us and get into the bone ,why wait for that,? Just exasperated with her and MD.He is a good MD and I know he doesn't like to amputate but I am really pushing for it this time.Anybody's thoughts?
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Tex, isn't your mother diabetic? Have I remembered that wrongly? I'm half impressed that her MD is being so conservative, but I'm also half surprised - it's a bit dilatory of him, isn't it? What does he say he expects to happen?
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I am not only sick of making the meals, but the clean-up is just as bad. She is getting heavier since she just sits in front of the TV. She will not cook and admits it. The few times she has, I end up cooking something else and still have to clean up her mess! Her idea of cooking is a sub or ordering pizza or takeout. Not healthy for me or her.
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Ernie, not everyone likes to cook.... I would order carry-out every day if I could as cooking for me is like a science project that goes horribly wrong :P

Why not get those Lean Cuisine quick dinners that you just put in the microwave? The portions are small but that is all someone really needs to eat unless they are football player. The sodium count I found is less in the Lean Cuisine meals compared to others.
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Texarkana, I wish the male designers of those shoes would be forced to wear those pointed high heels or 6" heel shoes or those platform shoes or wedge pumps for a month and see how well they fare :0 Bet we would find more comfortable and safer shoes to wear.
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Mama is still in the hospital, and it has been one of those weekends of staying there the entire time except for when my brother did come and let me go home for the night to rest...thank God...I needed it...but so interesting...the stayed with her for about 20 hours or so and it is much appreciated...but that is apparently all it took for him to be caught up in everyone's eyes...I am deciding it is not my brothers fault...he is being helpful..I am just so sick of the extended family members who continue with all their whiney excuses for why they can't come and see Mama, why they can't stay with her a few hours to let me do things that I NEED to do....(not just fun stuff, literally things that I need to do to wrap up legal matters on my former life) and their number one excuse is always church related...this one is having Jubilee this week...that one is having an association meeting..this one is a deacon...he HAS to be there ...(otherwise how on earth would people know how to sit down I suppose)...in summation I am sick of all of them...BUT....they ALL think my brother hung the moon...again, not his fault...but I have given up my entire world, lost all of it...my choice I know...my brother is riding high...good...happy for him...but why do these people whom I used to call family put him on a pedestal and think I am a horrid person...It is hurtful...and I don't understand...also, brother's wife, who has not been to see Mama in over two years, heard I would not be at the hospital while brother was staying there so she followed in her car and made an appearance ...then when I texted to check to see if he wanted me to bring some more gowns from home or if they would prefer the hospital ones and she thought I was returning ...she left....again...hurtful....I swear I have never done anything to these people.....other than be here 24/7 for Mama...I don't get it...and I am so fed up....

Then again, the only thing that matters is they can't get the clotting factor numbers or whatever they call them to the correct level, so she can't come home til they do....so it's back to the hospital after a pot of coffee and a few minutes of putting my feet up.....I feel delirious....
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Wow and I thought I had it rough. I have to give you credit for holding it together. You don't think you are but you actually are and that says alot about what kind of a person you are. You are strong and compassionate. Trust me on this, from someone who thinks I am the worst person in the world and I am trying to do good things even though I do not enjoy it at all. You deserve better from your family and I know about sisters and reasons not to come. God Bless you and better things for you, I have faith for myself and so I have faith for you. Hugs..
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Today is my nephews 5th birthday. It is one of the 3 or 4 days a year that I actually look forward to FUN! I planned his party, will be doing all the cooking, will get to see my friends from my brothers Law office, that I talk to all the time, but see rarely.
My nephew fills a small part of the void of NOT being with my own grand children for THEIR birthdays. He's a doll and I love him

My "sister" who tore our family apart for years, and said who when Pearce was born that "I'm going to ignore him, why fall in love with a child when you KNOW his father will abandon him sooner or later" Invited herself to OUR party. My brother said NO, until MOM put the pressure on him and he relented.
I look forward to this every year. I go all out with watermelons cut into sharks, and dinosaur pinatas, and pounds upon pounds of my famous home made ribs.
I guess I'll cook and clean and go hide in my room. I TRULY HATE HER!....Can ya tell? lol
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I am just sitting here in shock right now. And I go back and forth from ok to suicidal ...I hate this feeling...I do not hate my brother...and I want him to be successful and happy, but I do NOT understand why I such a villain...Whatever I do I am damned. If I am firm and speak up..I am damned. If I sit there and take it...I am damned...I hate all of them right now....Mama is the only one in this life that holds me here....I am sitting at our home right now feeling numb, typing with my eyes closed..praying for a peace that never comes...and wondering what I did to bring this much wrath from God....I think it would be a lot easier to not believe in God.....it would make more sense...but nothing about any of this has made sense for a very long time....how a woman as good as my Mama would end up at the end of her life being so abandoned..how a brother I have admired all my life could abandon me...knowing how much I am hurting....how a family that had their butts bailed out every time they got into a financial bind by my parents have just sat there and knowingly watched my house go down in flames....I don't even care anymore about my financial situation. I will bounce back from that one day and again "stuff' doesnt matter anyway....but the only way I can describe the way tehy have made me feel..in a word...DESPISED......for whatever reason....I don't feel just hated...I feel despised....God forgive me if I am feeling sorry for myslef...maybe I am and I am ashamed of that too...but I am so tired from trying to put on a happy face and suck it up and let them keep sending their tacky jagged barbs and just continue to suck it up, suck it up....I do believe in you God....I just don't understand where you are.....
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Party is tomorrow, btw. Today is CLEANING DAY!
My SIL Annie, who you might have seen me mention on other threads, cried when I told her sis was coming. She truly needs a fun break from her mothers bedside vigil. My sister has treated SIL and both brothers, very meanly and rudely for years.
Ok, done whining, back to cleaning.
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Like I said Hope, you just never know when something good might happen. My sis is a b*tch. Minimizes everything I do. questions what we are having for dinner, calls mom drunk and asks her questions that she has no idea how to answer. Starts problems with money etc. Well as of Thursday of this week she hired a caregiver to come in for 2 hours 3xweek. She keeps saying its for mom, but will say its respite for me. I may not like her at all, but I am grateful for this. That was a God thing and you never know when its going to happen. Again, you need tons of hugs.
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Captain, clue me in here. Is Ike a motorcycle or truck or what??

Tell your son to explore country roads east of Rte 49 and south of Rte 6. It's called the Valparaiso Moraine (I think) and it is lovely. You will run into county roads and routes around the Hwys, We have part of that Moraine across from our house on 950 North which is a sort of extension of Greening road just south of the Toll Road. The Toll Road bisected Greening when it went in, etc.. I know - kinda' complicated.

Whatever - enjoy your next visit..
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Here we go again about my Mom's hearing.... last week the ear doctor that Mom has been going to for years, who I think is great, told Mom there is nothing more she can do for Mom's ear, thus there isn't a hearing aid made that will help her hear any better. End of story....

Well, Dad called me this afternoon and he said after calling all around to different hearing aid places he found in the phone book, one that sounds good. Say what? What part of "there isn't anything more anyone can do" didn't he understand for Mom's ear. "Oh, Mom doesn't believe the doctor."

At first I said *NO* this trip to a new hearing aid place will be a waste of time because I know it will be 3 or 4 trips. I understand Mom's frustration but she has to realize that her 96 year old ear can't be made to be 26. Then I told Dad ok but if this new doctor said there isn't anything he can do, will Mom stop looking around? Dad said yes. Then Dad said what about surgery? HELLO, surgery on someone over 90? What was he thinking?

Now comes the logistics of trying to find free time so that I can schedule an appointment. It's not like I am sitting by the phone waiting for my parents to call to go somewhere.... I have a career that helps keep me sane.
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I know everyone is sick of me at this point....I am going to make one more whine and then head back to the hospital.....I literally feel like I am about to drop dead from stress.....all the judging....all the abandonment....my house will be foreclosed on Wednesday....Mama's numbers are not adjusting the way they should (blood clot issues)......no sleep last night because the CNR or whatever they are called keeps waking me up to help him change Mama's underwear...not to mention they filled the room with that odor ban spray that literally suffocates you when you use more than one small puff of it....God in Heaven.......where are you........
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hope, if Mama is in the hospital, why is the staff asking you to help change her underwear? Is your mom anxious about someone other than you doing this?
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Oh my goodness!! Seems like there is quite a few of us that need time away desperately!! For those of you dealing with sibling issues, no contact at all, has worked wonders for me. Out of sight, out of mind. If I have a need or a question, I send an email.

Hope, why are they waking you up to help? If you weren't there what would they do? Sweetie, you need to take a deep breath and get some rest. I can't believe you haven't dropped yet with all you've been doing this past week.

Boni, happy birthday to your nephew!! He's a lucky fellow to have you make cut outs from the watermelons!! LOL! That is a lot of work!

You know, I really feel empathy for all of us. I wish I was better at putting my thoughts into words so I could truly express myself. What we do is HARD. Not just the physical work, the mental work is just as hard, if not harder.

Please, someone tell me how long this excruciating pain going to last? I' scared to cough or move to quickly cuz when I do .. I almost drop to my knees in pain. he muscles in both arms are now sore.... each breath I take is a stab of pain... Oh God.... I promise I will never cannon ball into a pool again.... waaahhh You'd think the could just shoot my back up full of lidocain or something similar.
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