My "whine moment today." What's yours?

lois,
i hope your grief is alleviated somewhat by the relief of seeing your husband free from sickness and pain . among all the other emotions when my mom passed away a year ago was this relief . id kinda hoped mom would die from heart failure as opposed to dementia but dementia seems to be what shut her organs down . another 6 months of life would have resulted in death from kidney cancer . so yes , it can always be worse ..

Lois, maybe tomorrow or down the road a way. We never know just when it will be. Big hugs to you and your family. The things that neighbors bring taste extra good, and takes so much of the burden off. You are so lucky to have good people around you. I hope that your husband passes without pain. And I hope your back heals quickly.

Lois, you and your extended family are in my prayers as you go through this process. Let others help if they offer to - many times, we are reluctant to take people up on their offers of "If there's anything I can do..." - take the advice of those who have been there (me included) - take some of them up on it and let them help take care of housework or provide meals, etc. You have enough to deal with right now.

CountryMouse - thank you for that thought - yes, Mom has some sleep issues, but not sure it's really apnea - because of her erratic sleep cycle we have never been able to get a good sleep study done in order to get her a CPAP or any other remedy. We've tried to have sleep studies done, but the docs told us that she never entered a deep enough sleep cycle for them to get a definitive diagnosis of apnea. She doesn't stop breathing when sleeping, but she snores something terrible - which weight loss should help, once she loses enough. I'm excited by the fact that by next week, she might be under the 300 lb. mark for the first time in decades - and so is she. :-)

(I know this is long, but I am hoping by posting this, it might help someone else dealing with the same issues, so forgive me....)

I've been keeping track of her progress over the past week, and so far:

-Mom is now able to walk further than normal under her own steam, with a cane and my assistance. Last weekend, she walked from the van, all the way into the restaurant and to the table where we were eating without stopping. In the past, she would have to stop half-way and sit down at a table to rest, and then continue on to our table.

-More alert and aware of her surroundings and interested in reading, etc. Not so zombie-like. She used to actually fall asleep in the middle of a conversation - I'd be talking to her and her eyes would close and she'd be gone. Hasn't happened for about a week now. Also, her memory issues seem to be somewhat better - still something of an issue, but I'm hopeful that they're diminishing a bit. I know they'll never go away or be completely resolved - it's just part of the aging process - but they do seem better. I'm not having to do quite as much reminding of basic tasks.

-Sleeping better - she has been telling me for the past 3 days or so that she is sleeping well at night now - is only getting up once vs. several times. She actually slept from about 11pm to 5am last night, got up for about an hour and then laid back down - that's almost a record-breaker for her! She still takes a few naps during the day, but not near as much as she used to. Now she will stay up for 2-3 hours at a time, and then lay down for an hour or so. I think the adjustment period may be ending - she's not hopping up every 10 minutes now, like she was last week. I think her body just needed to adjust to not needing so much sleep.

-She's more positive about the diet changes than she was at first. As long as she can still have a little bit of fruit now and then, she's happy. At her age (74), I'm not going to completely restrict her to an all-out low-carb way of eating, because I think that would be unfair to her. She is open to not eating the high-sugar sweets like candy, chocolate bars, ice cream, etc - and she LOVED the frozen banana "ice cream" I gave her last night - so we might be able to eliminate even the low-sugar ice cream now. She still pulls the "pouty little girl" act - in public even - when I tell her she shouldn't have the pie at breakfast on Sundays when we go out - but I think this week I'll make an LC coconut pie at home and tell her we have that waiting for us, so she'll leave the full-sugar pie alone at breakfast.

ok fellow friends and suffering caregivers I had the hip replaced on September 10th and it was quite horrible had some problems like excessive bleeding and found out that it's congenital rather than osteoarthritis so the pain was pretty bad had to have two nerve blocks one before one after and still didn't cut the pain the second day was pretty rough also but I'm finally doing better with physical therapy and medication on time and don't really want a lot to eat but this making myself eat to keep my strength up and then they say I should get to go home tomorrow where I am going to my sister's house for about a week even though its chaotic there most of the time but my good Obama care insurance doesn't cover but one nursing home and its in Lincoln city and I refuse to go there so I shall go suffer at my sisters. I am grateful, its just that everything has to be her way or on her schedule when right now I think I should be first priority. After all, let's remember who dropped everything to come get you at hospital after your hysterectomy when your own husband was too busy to pick you up but yes, I am grateful for the help and we are kicking her hubby out of the bedroom and I will be in there so that's pretty nice right?

Hey there Terry! Good to hear you made it through the surgery...sorry it was such an awful ordeal and painful. The elderly secretary I used to work with had 2 knee's done (not simultaneous) one healed then she did the other. Took her forever to heal the last one as she was in such a hurry to get back to work.... motto, take your time!!! Be oh so careful of those pain pills... my friend also ended up hooked on em.

Are you sure you'll be able to be on your own after just one week? I dunno about that....

Of course you should be first priority!! Get yourself a whistle or better yet, one of those little call bells ;) I'm sure her hubby will be plenty of help since he might want his room back!! LOL!! besides, I think it will be easier for you to suffer among family, I think.... not so sure I really mean that?....nah, I'd rather go to rehab where they will MAKE me move my butt and see to it that I heal properly with exercise.

Take it easy.... all of this will still be here when you're ready :/

Just a very simple whine in comparison.... bought a new high efficiently [he] washing machine 6 months ago and once again I am going to have to call for service, the spin cycle is back to sounding like it is spinning a bucket of bricks [the balance got thrown off again, was fixed a month ago]... thank goodness I don't need to wash daily like some do.

Just irked that years ago we could purchase appliances and they would last 20 to 30 years without any service calls :P

Lois, I'm torn between "oh what lovely neighbours" and "well I should think so, too!" - but it is good to hear how they're finding ways to support you. I'm sorry for all you're going through at this time. Hope his passing is peaceful at last.

FF - just an afterthought - that washing machine has been installed so it's properly level, has it? If you've got a spirit level in the house, a quick check might be worthwhile.

FreqFlyer - I hear you there. I used to have an HE washer and dryer, and I never had so many problems with a washer/dryer before!! Aside from the noise factor - the washer sounded like a jet airplane taking off when it went into spin mode - it was constantly giving me error messages on the digital screen or breaking down. Fortunately, I had an extended warranty on it and repairs were free for the first year - which was a good thing, because the pump died on it twice in the first year. The second year, some kind of connection broke inside the dryer (a gas dryer) and filled my house with the alarming smell of a gas leak. One fire department trip to the house to determine the source of the leak and 2 repairmen later, we had to give up using the dryer, because no one seemed able to fix it.

I was happy to move in with Mom and start using the regular ol' washer/dryer I gave her 8 years ago that's still going strong.

SusanA43, oh my gosh, the spin cycle on those HE washers.... I, too, use to use the example of a jet engine taking off whenever I described the sound to someone. Well that jet engine also likes to rip off buttons.... never had that issue with a regular old fashioned washer.

This is my second HE machine, the first one lasted 6 years until the spin cycle finally gave out. I should have gotten the extended warranty on this newer machine :(

I am 3 days post cataract suegery on left eye. my whine is the fact that despite removing the lens out of my glasses My brain cannot accept the change so I am not wearing them at all. vision is fair so for the next 10 days really limiting my driving so no weekend outing with dad. And I also have a cold so I do not want to get the folks at his AL sick. And this no bending over is driving me crazy. but I have to admit being able to see pretty clearly out of one eye is amazing as I have worn glasses for 47 years.

Lois, I'm glad that the kids were able to come together and present a united front at this time. No bickering, etc... helps a lot. And shifts helps a lot. I hope your husband doesn't suffer too long. My mom couldn't talk at all. Towards the end, I noticed that every time we turned her on her side (to change pamper), she would grimace in pain. So, we did our best to limit turning her unless it was necessary. We were in the process of fighting for hospice care (unfortunately red tape due to Medicare requirements) but the clinic refused to send a doctor or someone to come over and recommend she needed hospice. They insisted that we bring mom over over our dirt road, on an ambulance, transfer her from the gurney to the clinic's exam table, just so that the doctor can look at mom and declare she needs hospice. Then transfer mom back from exam table to the gurney, on a bumpy road ride back home, transfer from gurney to her hospital bed. We decided not to do that for mom. So, we fought for someone to come and just look at mom and get the ball rolling. She died. And a week later, Her Medical Case Worker (who happened to be 'unavailable' and did not return our calls) actually had the nerve to call me and offer her condolences and to ask how my dad was doing. I had nothing to say to her. I told her to just call my dad and talk to him. I think she got the message.

We use mainly fitted sheets for dad's hospital bed. It drove me crazy trying to fold it. I had googled it, tried and followed the YouTube's videos. I finally found the most quick and easiest way to fold the fitted sheets. This is for fitted sheets that have elastics completely around it (and not just on the top/bottom end.)

Just google....
How to Fold a Fitted Sheet in 30 seconds (OCD Experience Way)

I tried it and found it to be very quick. Not perfect but .. who cares? As long as it's folded and makes room for more blankets, towels on the shelf.

FYI, I tried to do the 'perfect' way of folding the fitted sheet on 2 of the YouTube videos. I kept giggling because what I was doing as I watched them do it- came out NOT like theirs. In the end, practicality ruled... find a simple, fast way without having to go bananas over it not being folded perfectly.

ok, 57twin, how many fingers am I holding up?? :D hehe....kidding. Glad
it all went well for you!!

I tend to do my sheets like ff.... wash and put back on the bed (if I remember) if I forget well, I just pull the comforter up and all is just fine.

Susan, that is awesome how your mother is taking her new diet!! She will more than likely get more into as the pounds melt of of her! Kudo's to mom and you!!

Thank you thank you Book!!! I will hurry to that site immediately - the air turns blue when I'm trying to fold mother's waterproof under sheets (the ordinary ones are all right because I iron them ruthlessly so they've got no option but to lie down and behave).

Hmmmmmmmmmm.. ':/

Well I suppose it'll have to do.

57twin, does your eye actually feel as though somebody has wiped a misted up window? I've been trying to empathise with what it feels like for my mother, but she's too distracted to give me much of a description. Wish you better quickly, and with no complications.

My whine moment today (have to remind myself we're only allowed one!) is more of a seethe moment. It's good to talk, yes? We're supposed to keep communication open? But the trouble is that by the time I've thought through what I want to say to ex-SO I don't want to talk, I want to walk right in to the sitting room where he's watching motorbike racing and punch him in the head. I think I'd better go and dig the garden…

Just in case anyone is anxious, I would never actually do that, by the way. Just saying how I feel.

man, i feel like somebody walked in here and punched me in the head . probably a little sinusitis , bronchial tubes have been a little rattle - y .. oh well i have a cool project for today . a rear window protective grid for the small truck . it should lie between the bed and cab when not in use , then slide up in its two tracks and lock in place when i need it ..

Darn stupid packaging... you know that clear plastic that cover a brand new product which takes a reciprocating saw just to get into.... what the____? I usually have to use tin snips to start getting into the packaging then rip the packaging all apart, including the directions on the back. I usually keep a box of bandages near by.

If I had trouble getting into such packaging how does an elder.

Country my left eye had the fast growing cataract and think of looking through an opaque piece of plastic I suppose a car window with windshield wipers that didn't work well could be a good comparison too. The right eye isn't nearly as bad but bad enough to be fixed under insurance (whew!) so until the 24th my vision is probably a little worse than before but tolerable.
Quick stop at Dad's AL because of my cold I wonder if Dad put on more weight his sweatshirt was really tight around his stomach. I will have to have him try on more of his clothes to see what I need to buy in a larger size.

well my rear window protector does just what its supposed to . vertical bars 3 inches apart , locks upward , lies downward out of sight when i dont need it . i cant be breaking my one piece rear truck window . most of em came from the factory with cheap plastic sliders . my one piece glass is rare , gotta take care of it .. the window cost me 50 bucks . the steel protector cost me nothing ..

Cap, glad your project was a success. I tried to imagine it in my head.up down locks and lies...d*mn if it didn't remind me of every day life.

Is It A Full Moon? I don't think so but wow.....mom is on a "show" of her own since last night. No one has been excluded.... not me nor the dogs. This may sound strong but phuck I hope she tires out.. I cannot stay up another night! ;/

I take nyquill zz to help me sleep. Unfortunately I have been out for a week or so... would it be awful of me to give mom a giant tablespoon?

I am so tired.......

Bought mom one of those at home UTI tests. Now to figure out how to collect the sample. I have a few ideas, none I like. Idea's?

For my viewing pleasure I am streaming live the dissection of the colossal squid they retrieved off Antarctica. Yes, I do like watching science stuff. Fascinating.

I can't decide which is grosser.....collecting urine or dissecting a squid.

This isn't just any ole squid, it's a colossal squid. 2nd one of it's kind retrieved fully intact.

Voting on the urine ;)

Took my 93 year old Dad to see an orthopedic doctor to see about Dad's knee pain... this doctor/surgeon came highly recommended.... after x-raying, the doctor decided that Dad needed his knee replaced.... OMG, in my mind this was going to turn into a landmine as Dad would be laid up for weeks and no way Mom [96] could care for him or be alone if Dad was away in rehab, yada, yada, yada. I went into a cold sweat.

After the doctor left, I asked Dad what he thought.... boy was I relieved when Dad said he didn't want surgery at his age, he rather keep using Tylenol as that does help with the pain.... WHEW.

I think it's just ridiculous to put a 93 year old through a knee replacement. It would have been a colossal landmine!!!

Wonder if the knee replacement comes with a life time warranty :P

Whoose life freqflyer?
Glad Dad saw the light before you had to.
If the Tylenol is not working he can go on to something stronger especially if it's bad at night or maybe a knee brace would help. I know he is no longer driving so if you can keep him off ladders he should not come to too much harm with something stronger.If he is not on blood thiners has he tried Advil or Aleve. they do have the benefit of being anti inflamatory which Tylenol is not. applying heat might help too.
A knee replacement takes a great deal of rehab although some very elderly have done well and some haven't.

Type your comments and experiences here.my 90 year old father in law moved in With me and my huSband a few weeks ago. He is in great health and drives. We have a house with finished Basement with kitchen so he fixes his own breakfast and lunch. We had become empty nestErs last year and enjoying it. My husband travels ALOT so it is just my fil and I ALOT. He is a great guy and I feel guilty writing this but I enjoy being alone and every day at 5pm he comes upstairs and have a cocktail together and then dinner that I was getting used to fixing every night. It just feels awkward! I feel selfish!! One minute I'm angry and the next angry at myself for feeling this way. Okay I feeL a bit better now after getting it off my chest. Anyone with similar feelings?

Karen, absolutely I have similar feelings. Time alone is so precious. It's also something that it is impossible to compromise on - either somebody else IS in your space, or he isn't. Very difficult, because, I agree, one feels an absolute xxx even for thinking it, let alone finding a nice way - ???!!! - to say "please go away, nothing personal, I just can't stand your being here."

Just one thing occurs to me to wonder: was your FIL living on his own before he moved in with you two? Was he lonely before, and now glad to have company? It's just if he lived alone, and was mainly content like that, you could see light at the end of the tunnel; because maybe while he's adjusting he feels politely obliged to be sociable, and as time goes on he too will prefer to limit the cocktail and dinner parties to, say, a couple of times a week? Fingers crossed for you!