My "whine moment today." What's yours?

Got the yard raked...again....now it will be an almost daily thing for another month or so.....I cannot believe how tired I am in that yard. I have always enjoyed yard more than indoor work, but these days it feels like I am wearing concrete boots....I swear I am not lazy....just exhausted...so embarrassed to get this tired so fast....at least that's done for the weekend anyway and I will get to enjoy my coffee in the AM admiring my nice work.....

Hope, I love the smell of the leaves, and I start out all conscientious with sweeping them into a special bin for leaf mould next year (that tends to wear off quite quickly though), and it is good for the grass, but honestly? Isn't raking leaves at this point pretty much the definition of a hiding to nothing? They'll be back again tomorrow, you know! Don't do more than you enjoy, promise.

D'oh! Too busy smelling leaves to remember my whine moment - I don't care if I have never met him, not even set eyes on him, I am still going to judge my daughter's ex (as of today) boyfriend as a louse and a pig. Lucky for him if he never crosses my path, I'll tell him that for nothing.

Thank you for sharing that poem.... It gave me goose bumps. I read it many times to get the full meaning ( not sure I did that),,, it was lovely!

hope, i tire easily as well. Tiny steps..they will be back tomorrow. I have the same problem with apples/pears/leaves. No, I have no use for akathousand apples/pears. How I solved this problem? I looked on Craigslist for someone/student who needed to make some spending money...I found a good kid who works very hard for 10 bucks an hour...I usually will give him some extra, but it's not necessary.... this gives me more time to do for mom instead being a slave to everything.

I too have a great kid that does the hard physical stuff for me for $10 an hour. I have also recently realized I do so much house work that nobody cares about but ME. I'm getting to old and unable so I have been letting things slide. Time with Mom or time in the basement doing laundry? No brainer. You can only do what you can do.

BoniChak, I think we have spent most of our lives doing housework. It's not like being out in the paying workforce where if you have to do a project, that project gets finished, and you are on to another new exciting project. With housework, it's the same old projects, and when you finish you have to re-do again next week for the next 60 years :P

Ok. How many cups of water does it take for you loved on to pee in the hat? One, two...maybe three with some jumping jacks and dancing in the room to bring it down? Nope. Didn't happen. They happily sent us out without a urine sample and a scrip for antibiotics. OH THANK GOD. 3 hours and no pee pee.... she could hear everything they said outside of the restroom. (nurses said, oh, she's still trying to give us a sample) mom goes, "yeah lady, I am". Never ever a damn dull moment until sundowners hits and she turns into a anxiety wreck.

As long as you got the script... :)

fligirl58, if that comment was directed to me because I think I made a comment "burst of energy". Its been said that just before someone passes on, they can be very lethargic and look like they are on their last legs, when all of a sudden they get this "burst of energy" and you wonder if they are getting better. Actually what I've heard is that when they are looking like they are at "deaths bed" they get this last burst that makes you wonder if they were even sick at all and they are coherent. I don't know for sure how this is because I have never really seen or dealt with something like this. I am learning as I go and last week Dad was all fired up from golf and today he is so much more confused asking for things that he needed "Now" only to let those things sit until another day. He got mad at me today after the bath aide got here & showered him and he was ready to go to the store as he was clean, however he had drank 5 drinks and 2 beers by 4pm, his feet were so swollen that my fingerprint left a mark and I said he needed to put his feet up. He said "aren't we going to the store?" and I replied "no, you are drunk and feet are so swollen you cant walk". He said "well you go and when you get back, leave the keys on the table and I will go somewhere". Geez, sometimes I just wanna scream!! He has macular degeneration in one eye and depth perception is so off that he would crash just turning onto highway!! Told him "no way dad" and left. When I got back I saw him sitting in his chair at the window & when I got upstairs he went to bed to take a nap at 5pm & pretended to be asleep. I saw him hurry to get into bed so he wouldn't have to talk to me. Whatever. But, back to the topic, he was full of energy last week and today he is back to the same confused, struggling, breathless guy he's been the past 4 months. Don't know how long he will last and I don't care that he gets mad at me. He would regret pissing me off over foolish things as there is no one else to take care of him and he'd die alone.

Don't worry about the burst of energy thing. Read up on end stage diseases, death & dying and whatever related to your issue. Its very common and to be aware of what happens to those close to end of life is normal. Didn't mean to scare you.

Fligirl, you are right about the burst of energy thing. It is called surging. For many people there is a surge of neurotransmitters in the brain when they near death. They feel a lot better and often enjoy a good meal when they are surging. The phenomenon happens soon before death and is not of long duration. If someone feels good one week and bad the next, it is just the roller coaster we find ourselves riding, and not surging.

My father surged about an hour before he went began his final descent into death. He drank a whole container of Ensure, then ate most of a huge turkey sandwich. Then it was like he choked on a little bit of turkey and started rattling in his throat. It wasn't the turkey, but the rattle of his lungs filling with fluid. The turkey sandwich was his last taste of the good things on earth before he took his final worldly journey.

:( my father did the same... for months he didn't shave, just existed ad barely ate food no matter what I made for him. The morning hospice was to come, followed by the veterans folks, he asked me to get him a mirror and his shaver... clean clothes and his navy baseball type cap. I did. He shaved, his eyes sparkled and he talked and talked.... hospice ladies loved him ( of course) navy vet guy admired him. Hospice dropped off his meds (did not give him any) he drank an ensure and "furniture ski'ed" to bed... and like Jesse's father, the rattling started. I slept with him that night... he said he wasn't scared... I said I AM. You will notice the difference in the roller coaster and surging... for me, it was the both... the sudden energy followed by the rattle. I loved that man more that night than my dysfunctional childhood. He was and is my father. To which I have been told by all 3 of my sissy ass brother's I am just like him. What a compliment!

I know that I'm not on here a lot. But my life is so focused on mom in law. She takes up %100 of my day. I can't even take pee without her in my life. I'm sick and tired I have degenerative disc desease in back and I still have to lift and carry her. So sorry for her cause she doesn't know what's going on. But I'm so sick of her and her ouch act every te try to even move her. I'm sorry just tired and have insomnia.


MUTE

I don't wanna soundike I'm bitching. But absolutely know one has a clue what I do. Okay I'm so tired this insomnia has to stop. O

Turnofthepage, any chance of a respite break for you, so you can reset your sleep patterns? Insomnia is NO joke - hits you when you're at your tiredest, not fair. Hug and sympathy to you.

Reading recent posts and realizing I have missed so much in the past week or so.

Lois - so sorry to hear of your husband's passing, but sounds like it was peaceful, and I do believe he was simply waiting for permission, or the "ok" from you and your daughter to leave. I've seen it happen twice now, with my grandmother and my father - even though they were very ill and close to death, they were clinging to life until someone told them it was ok to go. Within hours - or minutes in my grandmother's case - they were gone.

Cap, I have no doubt your sons will be so confused when you reach that point, they won't know whether to scratch their watch or wind their butt.....and they'll be on here asking for advice. LOL

Reading all the discussion about surgery on an elderly person, I have to wonder about the doctors sometimes. Here's our experience on that front:

1) Dad was in the hospital at a weight of 460 lbs, almost completely immobile because of loss of cartilage in his knees (they were bone on bone at this point, and the heads of the two bones tended to "jump" or "skip" off of each other if he put weight on them, causing him intense pain and creating a huge fall risk), and his general practioner, who had been our family doctor for over 40 years, came to see him. Took one look at Dad's inability to stand for more than 10 seconds unassisted and pronounced he needed both knees replaced and gastric bypass - this, after 40 years of treating the same man, who was now 74 years old, 460 lbs, unable to stand on his own, had a pacemaker and congestive heart failure, COPD, a huge umbilical hernia and a history of massive blood loss during surgical procedures. Dad lived another 6 months after that pronouncement (and had to have emergency surgery when the hernia became strangulated, resulting in multiple antibiotic-resistant infections), so in hindsight, had we followed his doc's advice, we probably wouldn't have even had him that long.

2) Mom had a hysterectomy almost 10 years ago due to a large growth found during her gall bladder removal. After that surgery, she was on a ventilator for 48 hours because she wouldn't breathe on her own. Same doc as Dad's recently told her she should have gastric bypass and knee replacements. Mom is 74. Seeing a pattern here? I reminded him of what happened when she had the hysterectomy, and he backpedalled - quick, saying, "Oh, I guess you're not a candidate for it then..." Gee, ya think? I mean, does this guy even LOOK at his patients' charts before throwing out a serious recommendation like surgery?!

Bottom line: I see no reason to perform invasive procedures requiring long-term rehab and recovery when there are several other co-morbidity factors that make surgery too risky. Too many doctors are too fast to jump on the surgery bandwagon. It's not always a case of improving the quality of life when the patient may only have a few years (or months) left in the first place. If they are in excellent health and are a good candidate for it, sure - but to recommend it for someone who is otherwise in bad health and will probably not live to see the improvement from the surgery is just foolhardy.

Stepping off my soapbox now....

True enough, the yards OR the house items don't matter right now..other than just keeping things relatively clean, time with Mama is what matters to me...thanks all for saying and confirming that...the others "out there" sure don't get it...I think I allow them to make me feel guilty because they come and start pointing out this needs doing and that needs doing.....etc. and it really angers me...because I KNOW why it is not done...and I also know it does not matter that it is not done..sometimes I get in the yard for a bit just to get some fresh air. I never choose between Mama and whatever though...Mama is ALWAYS first...and the only time I will step away for a bit is when I have just gotten her changed and fed and she is napping...and then I am in and out peeping at her...

Hope, no one tells me this or that needs to be done. I am the cleaning fanatic. They have been telling me for years to slow down. It was my body that finally convinced me. I am used to a spotless home and It is only me that the little things bother. I'm getting over it with the help of OCD meds. :)

Boni...that is my problem too, I think I obsess way too much over things not being perfect...and I have learned the hard way that there is no such thing...and especially not in caregiving....I think it does bother me more than anyone else and hopefully my doctor will get me back on my meds that used to be so helpful with this issue...I should never have gone off them....

No whine or complaints or venting. I went through my scare last week with my first official report from the social worker regarding my dad's care. I was able to answer each of her concerns and even invited her to: 1. meet with dad's home care nurse and get her answer from an outside source 2. come over and persuade dad to do what I, the APS, the ambulance, hospital doctor and his primary doctor could Not Do - which is to see a urologist for his problem. ... I passed that first report. Seems my dad instigated the report with his unhappiness of his situation. Ain't My Fault!

Anyway, I have a question that I've been going back and forth for the past 2 days.

Does anyone have a Kindle? Have you taken advantage of that "kindle unlimited" which allows you to read for free the ebooks. The catch is you pay $9.99 a month for this. I have found some ebooks that I would love to read but am Not willing to pay $2.99 for a 70-page ebook. BUT, I tend to like books. If I like it, I want my own copy.

So.... If you are doing the Unlimited program, are you satisfied with this? Do you think it's worth $10/month? I'm debating and $10.00 is for me 'unnecessary' expense. I do spend money on books but I limit myself and only if it's my most favorite authors. Other than that, I read the freebies. Or the 0.99 books.

{{Sigh}}...If I hadn't had a $200 pay cut per paycheck, I wouldn't be agonizing over that $9.99/month to read these ebooks for free. As it is, that $10/month is a luxury now. $10/month doesn't sound so bad, right? Well, $9.99 x 12 months (year) = $120.00. I then realized that I would be spending $120/year just to READ ebooks that I cannot keep. No, it's not worth it. Impractical at this time.

book, have you tried bookbub? They have loads of free books and they send you a daily email with the latest freebies

God, I miss reading. Mom does it all day long and I'm so glad she still can. I just can't concentrate any more. It's either the OCD or the PSTD or CSI or SVU...I get so confused!!!!! Can't do movies much either. The Internet has so much more to offer me now, that I primarily just jump from one Favorite site to the next.

And YES, this is my fave of the faves.

BoniChak, welcome to the can't read club... I use to read, loved magazines, and now I just can't get into them any more... the "Good Housekeeping" just sits unopened.

I tried to watch "Notting Hill" last night on TV, always enjoy Hugh Grant, but I just couldn't keep my mind on it. Fell asleep.

But I do spend a lot of time on AgingCare website. I've learned so much. My sig others use to complain about all the time I spend on the website but then again he can spend 12 hours straight watching football games. So I told him this forum is my *sport*. He understood and never complained again :)

My whine of the day is that this living situation depresses me. Its going on two years. I feel like I have 4 children. Everything revolves my father and his behavior. You never know what is going to trigger an "episode." It can be something as simple as a phone call. He gets so many sales calls. If he get a call while he is talking to my sister on the phone he gets all upset. He swears whoever called planned it on purpose. He will sit and stare at the answering machine just to see her number appear on the screen. If it is erased due to a new call coming in, he gets angry.
You never know what the day will bring and what will turn into a daily argument. I have no life at this point. I cant even be bothered to make friends or go anywhere because I feel like "what is the use ?" I feel like I no longer have my own thoughts and feelings. From the moment I get up my thoughts are "What is going to happen today ?" I cannot get a good night's rest because I listen for his footsteps in the kitchen late at night. When I hear the TV at full blast at 7am..I know that the day no longer belongs to me and my children. Its all Dad all the time. Between his behavior and having to deal with caregivers in our home on a daily basis, I feel like I have 4 jobs. I feel like I have lost my personality.

I have not read a book in ages it seems, but there are certain authors that I know will get me interested again. I went to the library yesterday and picked up two books, one for me and the other for my son, and then we will switch. This way I do not have to pay for any books again. I also cannot read as my concentration is all over the place, but this book is working and good. Boni I hear you on this.

You can also "check out" kindle "books" electronically from some public libraries. There is an on-line source (sorry I don't have it at my fingertips- just google "kindle other sources" or something like that) that notes which libraries carry kindle editions and you apply for a library card and can get the kindle edition free for a regular library check-out time. I joined the $9.99/mo everyting free and am still on the free trial. If you're an avid reader, this may be a good deal (& I was unaware that you couldn't keep the book; I thought you could keep it until you needed more space to store something else. I wanted to re-read The Hobbit (to see what happens after The Desolation of Smaug - I'm an avid fan of J.R.R. Tolkein's novels that have come to life on the screen by director Peter Jackson. Anyhow, there are many ways to get kindle input where you don't pay anything.

Too much 4 me, I felt like that yesterday. Now that I can go out when the companion is here I feel like I do not know how to do anything outside of the home. I have not bought a pair of jeans is so many years that I had to ask the person who worked the fitting rooms how they looked. I was just so grateful these people were so nice to me. I was embarrassed that I was not sure how to use the library since I have not been in one in 10 years maybe. Its like I want to be who I used to be but have no idea who that person was. I keep trying to tell myself it will get easier as I get out more, but in the long run I know that a nightmare is ahead with Mom. I have no self confidence any longer.

I read the fine prints. It's an automatic renewal subscription basis. If your original credit card expired, they will try your alternate card. If they cannot automatically find an alternative card for your payment, your subscription ends and all books will be withdrawn from you. Unless I misread it, but that's what I understand from it. Thanks. I will try the suggestions given.

Easier said than done toomuch, but you need to take a break. If you cant get away for a bit, at least make a time for yourself, alone everyday and do something you like. ( I play scrabble and spades online) You might be clinically or situationally depressed as well. They kind of go hand in hand. You are doing to much and losing you. Put yourself first! Even if it's only for a half hour a day. Set a time and let everyone know you are NOT to be disturbed.