I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
Wow! 😮 Your victory was short lived. What a terrible disappointment. Hopefully, your appeal will be successful. Best of luck to you!
Oh no . So sorry .
I don't know. It's just not my favorite year so far, and it is a "POLITCAL year" and I fear the division that can cause among kind people/good friends.
Everyone stay safe, stay healthy, be good to yourselves. Hang in there with a little help from your friends.
I hope that your DH feels better soon. Sending hugs to both of you.
I can’t imagine living in a place with lots of snow. If we happen to get a few flurries, which is only once in a blue moon, the entire city shuts down.
That’s terrible . So sorry . Do something for you today . (((Hugs)))
DH also just came back from a work trip 2 days ago and yesterday had fever of 102 and bad sore throat . He just came back from the urgent care . Strep throat .
Also waiting results of test for mono and
Doc did a Covid PCR and RSV test too , just in case .
I want Spring.
Nothing like sacrificing your life for the care of a parent, only for that parent to be a cruel as possible.
I wonder if there’s anything else in life as painful as your parent betraying & abusing you. I wonder how much more I can take.
I am sure that before I was a caregiver that I didn’t fully understand how much caregivers went through.
Neither of my parents were caregivers to their parents, so I had no frame of reference as to what caregiving entailed. I learned firsthand just how difficult it was. It’s the toughest job that I’ve ever had.
Gosh, I remember working two jobs for a while when I was younger and it still wasn’t as exhausting as being a full time caregiver.
Unfortunately, people forget about them and their tremendous struggles propping up their loved one, let us all make an effort to ALL the caregivers we know to remember them and ask them how they are doing.
Even strangers, in obvious caregiving roles, respond to this question and it makes their day a little brighter, speaking from my own personal experiences.
May The Lord touch each of you that are still in the role and give you strength to finish the walk you are on. Great big warm hug from one that has finished and knows the trials you are facing.
Believe me when I say that I can totally relate to your feelings.
One time a friend of mine who was very fond of my mom asked me how she was. I responded by saying, ‘I am fine.’
My friend didn’t catch the hint and asked me again. “How is your mom doing?” So, I said, ‘I am fine but a little tired.’
She still didn’t get the picture! So she said in a rather annoyed tone, “I asked you how your mother was!”
I said, ‘I know exactly what you asked me, it’s the same question that you always ask me. You totally missed my point that I was making! Then you want to discuss my mother the whole time that we are together. For a change, I am telling you how I am doing whether you asked me about my mother or not.’
So, instead of saying or feeling that sometimes she should ask how ‘I’ am doing, she says to me, “That’s a lovely blouse that you are wearing.” I realized that she was totally dense and gave up on being facetious to get my point across. I guess she thought that a compliment would square things away or make me feel better.
Perhaps, I was wrong in being a smart a**, but I was sick of my friend not asking how I was doing. She never did take the hint and ask me how I was.
My friend is sort of nosey and enjoys hearing sad stories. I needed a break instead of focusing on my mom while I was out of the house for a while.
She is also the type of person who likes to one up a person. Her mom died in her 70’s and didn’t live with her. She had a heart attack and died suddenly. It wasn’t a long drawn out thing. My mom was in her 90’s, with Parkinson’s disease and lived with us!
From then on when she asked me how my mother was I said to her, “Mom is in her 90’s, has Parkinson’s disease and she is never going to improve. I came to meet you for coffee because I desperately need a break and I don’t want to talk about my mom. I love her but I just need to have time away to talk about anything other than my mom. I know that you mean well but please stop asking me about her. I will tell you news when I feel like discussing it.’
I don’t know about you but I would get horribly depressed when people only wanted to discuss talking about my mother. I started meeting with other friends who understood that I needed a break. People that I could relax with, laugh about things and talk about other things in life.
That statement annoys the hell out of me. I always respond, no, God Bless the caregivers and their daughters for keeping them going at this point because let’s face it without good care and advocates they’d be dead already. My statement is usually met with silence because no one knows how to respond to that.
Just one of my pet peeves that just rub me the wrong way. Just wish I wasn’t so angry.
I tell people “After years of trying I learned that I cannot make her happy. But I found an excellent care home and she is safe.”
So very often, caregivers feel invisible. I know that I did when I was a caregiver for my mom.
The majority of people asked about mom, which I completely understand. All but a few people failed to ask me how I was holding up. This is something that I vividly remember discussing with my therapist because it caused me to be depressed.
One positive thing that came from this experience though, is that I always ask how the caregiver is doing when I inquire about their loved one.
I honestly don’t think people realize how emotionally difficult that it becomes for caregivers. They automatically think about the person who is in need of care, usually without giving a second thought for the caregivers.
When they experience caregiving themselves, then it sinks in.
That is so similar to what I resorted to saying to family who were stating that elderly LO was not happy .
I used to say “ He’s getting the care he needs “.
LeighAT,
I get wanting to say “ go visit and see for yourself “. The roller coaster is exhausting . No guilt, you need to take care of yourself .
Mom’s been on my plate since dad died almost….8 years ago. This holiday/Christmas season she got aspiration pneumonia, was about to go on hospice and then after the holidays passed, bounced back! I truly thought she was starting to go. The doctor ( who I think is great ) told me she could keep going for a looooong time. I walked into my bathroom and wailed! A) some holiday B) Enough already!
When people ask me how mom is doing, I think what you wrote, but the out loud answer that works for me is, “ Mom is well taken care of. “ This answers the question truthfully and the line of inquiry almost always drops after that. No way am I going to do some fake happy song and dance and say what most folks want to hear. I just can’t. And it’s not a really rude answer either.
Best to you! And everybody here!
LOL 😆 I am not interested in visiting Antarctica at any time of the year.
Now that she has declined so much cognitively, I have stopped going to see her as much. Which makes me feel terribly guilty. She was showing signs of transitioning and actively dying over Christmas, so for days I was bedside, professing my undying love and support, crying, etc. Now she's perked up a bit, but is so heavily medicated that she just stares at me like I'm crazy. So I'm just exhausted from all the ups and downs. When someone asks how she's doing, it reminds me that I didn't go see her today, so I start feeling guilty all over again. I want off this roller coaster!!!!
Below freezing for the next 7 days.🥶🧤