I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
There was an old picture of one of my brothers that I found a couple of weeks ago while looking for another picture of my mom and the friend of hers who recently died. My mom let him know about it and I put it in an envelope and intended to give it to him last week while he and his family were in town visiting. However, I accidentally forgot to bring it to him while delivering the Christmas gifts for him and his family. It was under a couple of things in the house and I literally forgot all about it.
I realized I forgot it earlier tonight when she asked me if I gave the picture to him. My mom's afraid that she accidentally came off as passive aggressive and spiteful. She wants me to tell him that she wanted him to have the picture and that I accidentally forgot to bring it to him. She's afraid she accidentally made him think she was withholding the picture because of her voicing disagreement over memorializing my dad's FB page or because of an old plaque my dad got that still hasn't been found, at least to this point. She's complaining about how so much has gone wrong of late and went on about how he and my other brother are unpredictable and that the older brother didn't directly thank her for the Christmas ham she got him. They're from my dad's first marriage and they and my mom didn't have that good a relationship until he passed. It was more them than her. I should note while texting the oldest brother a couple of weeks back, he told me to tell her thanks for the ham.
I was planning on texting him and simply say I forgot to bring the old picture to him...and note that the forgetfulness is most likely a sign I'm suffering from caregiver burnout and just leave it at that. But no. She wants me to start it off by noting she intended on giving it to him and THEN note I forgot it. I highly doubt he'll make a big deal over it, but mom thinks I'm naive to believe that and to never take anything from him for granted. I really don't think he'll be that bent out of shape over it and that he'll understand that forgetfulness sometimes happens and there was zero underhandedness going on.
My mom has admitted on some occasions she worries too much about things and I'm willing to bet this will be another one of those moments.
You are correct.
So many focus on the rights of an elder who is no longer capable to make decisions on their own behalf. And then walk away.
I say their loved ones need to take action on their behalf, both to benefit the elder, and to secure their elder's rights, as well as safety.
You said, and I agree:
"If someone is on the fence regarding their parent and there is a choice then please make that choice. These elderly individuals are no longer capable of making decisions and what they think they want is simply not feasible...."
If someone is on the fence regarding their parent and there is a choice then please make that choice. These elderly individuals are no longer capable of making decisions and what they think they want is simply not feasible and most likely won't result in feeling any happier.
Oh my word, my daughter is a brunette who has the blonde highlights. Whatever…it looks pretty on her but she pays a fortune to keep it up!
They are wearing more than one dress nowadays for weddings. It’s hard for them to decide what styles they like.
I hear tons of stories from my friend’s daughter who is a wedding planner. She only does one million dollars and up weddings. My girls say that they would spend that kind of money on a house instead of a dress.
Some of her clients spent a fortune just for their dress! Then they have another dress for the reception! It’s crazy.
Rich parents! We aren’t rich! We are middle class.
Your daughter is going to be a beautiful bride no matter what dress she wears.
I understand !!! My daughter keeps sending me pictures of wedding dresses. She’s all over the place . One week it’s one style the next it’s something else .
And BTW she already bought one online that is in her closet at my house and she’s having second thoughts . So now she’s thinking of wearing the first one for the ceremony and getting a different one for the reception. 🤷♀️🤦♀️. But neither is expensive .
I didn’t love the first one . But she did , so I said I did not to ruin it for her.
Now I don’t know what to say about her second dress choices.
And she recently had her hair dyed back to her normal blonde color . She’s been dying it dark since she got out of college , to make herself look older and be taken more seriously at work . So now she looks like she’s 16 again .
Oh my gosh, my daughters are so much like me. No one can tell them what to buy or wear. I don’t know how my mother put up with my eclectic tastes when I was a teenager! LOL 😆
My girls are still a pain to shop with. One is 35 and the other one is 27. I have heard that sons are easier to dress. I don’t have any sons.
Well, my oldest daughter has specific taste but isn’t a diva like my youngest one. She’s more practical.
My mom said that I would ask which outfit that she liked and then I would pick out the opposite one. Well, she said that she started telling me the one that she didn’t like so I ended up with the one that she liked. Hahaha 😝
I would ask my girls, do you like it? If they said yes, I said that I loved it. If they said no, I said that I didn’t like it. It saved me time from explaining why I didn’t like something! Plus I wanted them to develop their own style.
I get a headache when I shop with my youngest daughter. She’s tiny and has to try everything on. It. takes all day!
Need,
I agree , I don’t see him getting strong enough to have any success at PT.
His muscles have been slowly wasting away . However he gets into magical thinking mode . I told DH going to have to just ignore it if he asks about PT , or fib , or just keep reiterating that he’s not strong enough to walk .
He called twice at 5 am and 6 am this morning , saying no one has come in to tell him “ what the treatment plan is”. He’s getting more forgetful , confused and anxious at night . He’s been calling up early the last few mornings saying he had a lousy night and didn’t sleep and one morning he said he had a panic attack at night . And when he’s uncomfortable he calls DH instead of using his call bell . DH said the nurse gave him something for anxiety the other morning but he can’t remember the name . He gets a sleeping pill also ( taken it for years ) maybe will have to change it or add something . I also don’t know if the anxiety pill is being given automatically or as needed . Will see how it goes , but I fear many more phone calls from him instead of using his call bell .
He sounds like he is getting weaker and weaker. There isn’t any way that he could have continued going out to restaurants.
A wheelchair would be helpful. He is fighting being in a wheelchair, but he isn’t strong enough to be independent anymore.
FIL was barely walking when we were there on Saturday , He stopped walking on Monday I think . His Covid symptoms started Sunday . We had to help him get up from his chair . He’s been refusing to use the wheelchair , or to sleep in the bed because he could not get out of it and he didn’t want the aides helping . He’s been in his recliner all the time . This is why we have been expecting the call that he was going to get kicked out .
We were not taking him out to eat because he refused to sit in the wheelchair and we weren’t going to deal with him falling in a restaurant . Also it was too difficult to get him up from a chair in a restaurant because they don’t have arms for him to push himself up . He would literally grab hold and hug the edges of the table to try to pull himself up , meanwhile we would be trying to lift him up . What he was doing was working against our backs . This is another reason we wanted him to sit in the wheelchair in a restaurant . So we brought the food to him instead .
When is the last time that your FIL walked on his own? It’s been a while, hasn’t it? You and DH stopped taking him out to eat because he wasn’t able to handle it.
It’s sad that he feels like he will be able to improve when he can’t.
Well, one day not long after we were married I decided to make meatballs and spaghetti for my Italian husband.
For some reason, she jumped up onto the kitchen table and started eating the bowl of meatballs! LOL 😝 My husband was a little upset about it but then said, “I guess we are going out to dinner tonight.”
The only thing that my cat destroyed was all of the ornaments on our Christmas tree!
Again, it was shortly after we were married. We were renting a small townhouse. When we came downstairs we saw that she had demolished our Christmas tree! She knocked all of the ornaments off and was playing with them.
The dog didht want to be fenced in . Smart dog .
OR he’s only thinking short term …. get med for pain and stay out of hospital or SNF . This is what we fear .
If he feels better he may go back to his magical thinking that he will be “ independent “ again . He’s had 2 goals all along
1) maintain his version of “ independence “ which includes ( only ) dressing self and walking , no wheelchairs , and no help from the aides .
2) No SNF and for the past 6 months no more trips to the hospital .
He does not realize that he can not get PT if he is on hospice . He hears what he wants and discards the rest . This is the man that pitched a fit over going to rehab last year because he felt he could go straight back to AL from the hospital if he wanted to because he was “ paying the rent there” . This is just one example of how there is always some part of something he wants changed . He’s pitched fits over the most ridiculous things as well . They got new plates and coffee mugs at AL and he didn’t like them , he wanted the old ones ( which were thrown out ) etc . I bought him multiple mugs , told him pick one he likes and bring it with him to the dining room in his storage under the seat on his walker. That wasn’t good enough .
He mentioned the other day he will need PT after he gets over Covid . We will see what happens . Every episode he wants to pick from an a la carte menu when he can only choose from column A OR column B .
Just saw this on television today. A couple was saving money to build a fence for their adorable dog. They had $4,000 on the kitchen counter.
The money disappeared from the counter because the dog ate it!
They took the dog to the vet and they recovered over $3,000 of it back. It was a very tedious process!
Oh my gosh! I can’t even imagine how they were feeling when they saw that the money was gone!
They showed a photo of the dog. Of course, he was absolutely precious!
My daughter’s dog is fast! I took a roasted chicken out of my oven and placed it on my counter to cool before cutting into it.
I didn’t notice the dog going into the kitchen. Yep! He snatched it up. I heard the crash. He wasn’t happy when I took the chicken away from him.
I wasn’t happy with him but I learned my lesson about leaving food out where he could jump up and grab it.
Yes , I noticed the whoops kitty looks like my cat .
Thanks. And yes he has comorbidities . He was failing prior to coming down with Covid and we were losing sleep waiting for the call saying he has to go to the hospital and then SNF. FIL would have been irate if he got kicked out of AL . I’m actually a bit surprised FIL was on board with hospice . It was the back pain that had him lean that way . Interesting that he chose hospice ( at AL ) over going to SNF.
You don’t have the ‘kitty’ by your profile. Many of us are experiencing technical issues. You’re the first one that I see that doesn’t have the kitty face.
Way,
The Whoops kitty sort of looks like your kitty.
Yep! Looks like technical issues are around now. A few people have posted about it. I have a kitty too.
Thanks. DH is very quiet this evening .
The in person caregiver meetings that I attended were held at an assisted living facility.
A couple of the attendees had husbands who were in the assisted living facility. The facility did as much as possibly could to keep them there.
When the care exceeded what they could provide the men had to move into skilled nursing facilities. It’s sad but that’s how it usually works out.
They settled in after a while. It’s definitely a step down as far as amenities go but at that point they can’t participate in anything anyway.
I am sorry that your family is going through this situation.
I don’t think he’s going anywhere soon unless something catastrophic happens .
He is still getting all his meds , he had extra Lasix given and he’s taking the antiviral . He mostly wanted pain relief from the back pain . He is also bedbound for now . So his choices were to go to the hospital ( which would have lead to a nursing home ) or stay at AL on hospice . We will see what happens. He always has the option to change his mind which is a possibility . I could see him wanting to try to get PT to walk again , which I do not think would be successful . He would have to come off hospice for that , however I doubt the doctor would give him an optimistic prognosis about him ever walking again . He was in bad shape before he got Covid , we were waiting for the call from AL saying he needs SNF .
I have horrible allergies so I think I will buy one since you have seen good results.
I’ll check out the YouTube videos too.
You should watch videos on how it is used, it is pretty simple but does take a bit of practice to get it right. I still get some water coming in my throat but it doesn't bother me. I don't swallow it and that takes some practice.
I think you will like the end results.
Good luck with it.
Maybe your FIL is approaching the end. I am glad that hospice is involved. It is so hard to watch a parent decline. How is your husband holding up? I know that he must be exhausted.
My mother was ready to go. She was tired of suffering. She was content in her end of life hospice care home. She received excellent care. They kept her comfortable towards the end and that’s all we wanted for her. She had suffered enough.