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What is WRONG with those women!! Gosh I am up to speed now & bug-eyed with shock...

Trying to stop relationships, saying a marriage is not legal, wanting to be in a delivery room, choosing an engagement ring.. they have ZERO respect that other people get to decide things for themselves.

I had one in-law that was upset with our choice of baby name (had wanted to use it first - we didn't even know). Another that dropped endless hints of what name they liked (was upset we didn't use it).
Just shows you can't please 'em all!

I was upset at both at the time but feel I got off lightly now!

I'm picturing all those MILs as female Foghorn Leghorns.
Puffed up loud-mouthed chickens 🐔
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Soun,

That would be a dreadful thought for some!

You sound like a reality tv show! Tons of drama!

I don’t know which television show has more drama, a soap opera or a reality tv show.
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Imagine polygamy and having several MILs.
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River,

Did you accidentally change a setting using the widget? That’s all I can think of.
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I thought Halloween was over. One comes to this site for consistency and relief. It took awhile to get used to the new font especially since the old one would pop up first. This is a color coded nightmare!!
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I read to my husband your comments about MILs and births plus the illegitimacy of your nuptials due to your lack of mass. While he was sorry to hear you are subjected to such rubbish, he admitted being relieved that his own mother and MIL weren’t the only difficult ones out there.
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Hothouse,

A Mass is not a requirement for a wedding. This is a perfect example of an overly zealous individual!

Personally, I feel like the couple should be married anywhere they desire! It’s their day!

Some people are insane!
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You can bet they would never have allowed their own mothers-in-law in there 🙄
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I cannot imagine a MIL demanding to be in the delivery room. What a total invasion of privacy.

Here's another one for you: Years ago my husband's brother and his wife regretted not having a nuptial mass when they married. They decided to have that mass and renew their vows, which was a nice thing to do.

However MIL began telling me that DH and I were not really married because we didn't have a mass when we married. We were married by a priest in church. Apparently it became not good enough. Told her it is legal in the eyes of the state which, when it is all said and done, is all that matters.

MIL also worried that because we did not go to church that we wouldn't be all together in heaven. Can I just say that spending eternity with my MIL would be my idea of hell.
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Anna ,
You were smart to not allow visitors . I wish I had done that . I did not know that my mother was going to come over so often when I brought the kids home .

I don’t understand mothers who demand to be in the delivery room . No way would I have wanted either one in there .
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First my MIL tried to get rid of me by telling my husband to date her best friend’s daughter because they were the same religion . Then MIL wanted to pick out my engagement ring , plan the wedding and then wanted a say in naming our children . None of that happened and she had criticisms for all of it . She didn’t like my ring , the venue ( we subsequently canceled ) was too small and not fancy enough , we eloped which she somehow perceived as embarrassing her in front of her friends , my son’s name was too common and my daughter’s name ( which was DH’s idea) was “too Christian sounding” . ( DH family is Jewish ).
MiL also wanted to take the kids to places for the first time , the zoo, the movies, a play, the beach . NOPE wasn’t happening . She said I was taking her rights as a grandmother away because I wouldn’t let her take them anywhere . I told her those “firsts are for the parents “ . We wanted to see our children’s first reactions to seeing animals , the ocean etc .
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Wow, I almost forgot about my MIL’s anger about not being allowed in the delivery room. Nor allowed to visit right after the baby was born. I made my own mother wait a week. No way was I going to look after or listen to either of those women until I’d had a chance to catch my breath.
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Wow yours sounds like a piece of work too.

MIL was something else . You could always count on her to say the stupidest dumbest most insulting thing at the most in opportune time.

It was an amazing talent. She’s gone now but those memories linger.
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Hothouseflower, do we have the same MIL? First she told me I was obviously unfit to be a mother. I asked why and she said it was because of the way I train my dogs. I pointed out that I train using positive reinforcement but stopped short of asking if she thought I should hit them, same as they raised their kids.

We told them I was pregnant in person (they were visiting) and was promptly informed that they would never babysit. Trust me, never left our children in their care.

My husband’s mother wasn’t any better than my own.
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Hothouse,
I’m not holding grudges . It’s just the things that MIL says are so “ different “ than a normal mother would say …that it sticks in the back of my memory and comes to the front of my mind when something reminds me and I just shake my head . That being said , I don’t put up with her nonsense either . I may get angry for a bit like the other night but then I brush it aside . It is much easier to brush aside because I never liked the woman to begin with . It was harder to deal with some of the things my own ( narcissist ) mother pulled and said even later when I knew she had dementia , because I loved her . Many others had even worse narcissist mothers than mine was . I did Ok dealing with Mom until she got dementia , and she got much more difficult and refused care , living in her own filth etc . But she’s passed at peace now . 2 days ago was 5 years.
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Way, Sounds like neither of our MILs had a filter. And they probably didn't realize that their careless statements would never be forgotten. I don't consider myself a grudge holder, but when something is said, it is just out there forever.
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Identifying with many of you, I was getting ready to share some things about my own mother, and Mil. The words they had said, the pain that it caused me.
I remember what they said. Fortunately for me, I had a good friend, about 12 years older, who was a compassionate mentor to me all through the hard times.

But then my dH walked into the room, bringing me a plate with a treat on it.
It was a ripened kiwi, cut into a flower. A beautiful green flower, with black seeds.

Oldies are playing on the Roku. What a wonderful world by Louis Armstrong.

I see trees of green
Red roses too
I see them bloom
For me and you
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world
I see skies of blue
And clouds of white
The bright blessed day
The dark sacred night
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world
The colors of the rainbow
So pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces
Of people going by
I see friends shaking hands
Saying, "How do you do?"
They're really saying
I love you
I hear babies cry
I watch them grow
They'll learn much more
Than I'll ever know
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world
Yes, I think to myself
What a wonderful world.

Have a great day everyone! The sun is shining, fluffy white clouds outside.
77 degrees F.
That's where I will be.
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Hothouse ,
Geez,

I didn’t forget my MIL’s many unbelievable statements over the years either . BUT she does !!

All she does remember is the times I lived my own life instead of doing it her way .
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Way, When I called my MIL to tell her that I was pregnant with her first grandchild, the first thing out of her mouth was not to expect her to babysit.

It should have been a joyful phone call not a discussion about day to day life.

Life went on afterwards and our relationship (both the good and the bad) continued but I never forgot it. I actually never asked her to babysit. I had other family nearby so it was not necessary to ever ask.

But it was a memorable statement.
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Alva ,

My daughter is trying to keep her wedding plans small , but fiancé has a big family. Sometimes she tells me she wishes it was just parents , siblings , siblings partners and a very few close friends . Other times she says to just elope . ( I could see her doing this , like me she avoids confrontation in certain areas, and will fight to the death in a few others ) .

She bought her dress online , its at my house . They have not set a date . They both would like to not have a long time between setting a date and the actual wedding , mostly because fiancé thinks his mother will expect a large tadoo and will drive them crazy over wedding planning . The bride and groom prefer low key , without the big stressful windup ahead of time . We will see what happens . I’ll show up when and where I’m told .
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My mother had numerous hissy fits about various things in the months leading up to my wedding. She sucked the joy out what should have been fun days for me. And at 21, I was an idiot for not moving out of my parents house, we had already bought a house. I don’t know what I was afraid of looking back on it now.

But we are still happily married for 46 years now.

Out of all her SILs my mother bashed my husband the most before we were married. He’s now the one who visits her everyday when we are in NYC, even when I don’t go if you can imagine that.

My two BILs don’t go at all.
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Sendhelp,

OMG ,

That reminds me of my MIL when my first child was going to be born . MIL was giving me the longest explanation about how she wouldn’t be around when my son was born because she had scheduled a trip with friends and she could not ask them to change it after she had asked them to schedule for the week after my due date to begin with .

I truly didn’t care that she would not be around, In fact I was glad . BUT…… she blamed it on me for “ missing my due date” !!!

She said had I given birth on time she would be in town but now she won’t be .
Again I was fine with it . My parents couldn’t stand my MIL either . MIL not being around would avoid potential running into each other at the hospital .

Then she added, “ besides babies are born everyday , I’ll meet him when I get back “.

Send , I know it’s not the same though , a wedding is one day . But it reminded me of this anyway .
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I miss a time in my life, when everything was going well. Recently, I saw the true nature of some acquaintances. Shocking. I don’t think people change. They must have been like that all along.
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Happy Thanksgiving to all!
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Way, when my daughter told me that she and her hubby had eloped (after buying a gorgeous wedding dress she never wore) I told her "He's great for a first husband".
Married now for more than 30 years, the parents of my 24 year old grandson, and she now claims I love him more than I love her!

All tongue in cheek, of course, but that "loving him"--I don't love him more than her, because I love her to the moon and back, but I sure do love him lots and lots and lots. And they both know it.
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Twenty-three years ago, my husband's mother declined our wedding invitation by saying:
"Can't come, maybe next time."
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Way,

Oh my gosh! Your MIL is a real piece of work!

My husband’s grandmother was like your MIL. She tried to invite everyone to our wedding. She was never a pleasant person. Ever!
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We got our Sinus Blaster Spray at Sprouts.
It can be found on Amazon, in various formulations. This had horseradish as one of the ingredients.

My dH was improving, but needed to get to an event the next morning.
I bought everything I thought would help, plus this spray.
He had spent his two weeks sick, and was still in bed when this arrived, delivered by Instacart.

The next morning, he was healed, no sinus pain, cough gone, no nasal congestion.

My URI was behind his by about 3 days. So, I tried it, since I do not usually experience bad sinuses. But, I was afraid it would burn, or something. But the pain! The pain was gone, and after the second dose, I was well.

I don't know why we never try things that cost a little money, but we did order Zinc, Vit. C, Manuka Honey cough drops, Echinacea cough drops (did not like the elderberry), and stuff like that.

Once there is colored gunk, see a doctor for a secondary bacterial infection. imo.
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Need,
You asked what my MIL’s reaction was to us eloping ….
Of course my MIL DID NOT see that HER actions were the reason we eloped . We were supposed to marry in June . We married in March . When DH finally told his parents two weeks later ……
My MIL asked if I was pregnant !
Between both our mothers I should write a book !!
I told my kids , I don’t care . It’s their day , do it their way , just don’t forget to invite me ! Lol. I agree with you , it’s the bride and grooms day ! The mothers should not even be speaking to the wedding planner .
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Hope that you feel better soon, Ali.
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