I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
Yep, hanging in limbo. Really sad all around.
Exactly, she still does all her ADLs .
Her brain is wacky though . Nephew started turning the circuit breaker off to the stove each night after dinner and leaving it off and when he’s at work until he needed to use it
I think nephew is trying to get her to rehab to see if her mind gets clearer and bring her home . The issue is I believe she will still need supervision when he is at work even if she got back to where she was (cognitively based on how he described how she was ) just prior to this surgery.
They are saying she doesn’t need rehab , she walks with her walker etc . Sis has said she is willing to go to rehab . The hospital is saying there is no medical reason and she will be discharged . We are pushing for rehab for now as nephew can’t be home with her during the day . She is still experiencing delirium as well . She does belong in AL , no money for it and she is not in need of SNF . I believe she will need supervision at home while nephew is at work . He’s hoping rehab will give her time to improve from the delirium . He’s between a rock and a hard place . I will tell him today will need to see what help there may be from his county . But I’m not optimistic . They live in a rural area about an hour or so from me . I doubt adult day care is available or supervision coming into the home . I will advise him to reach out to social worker and his county agency for aging .
But most telling of all is that nephew has admitted to you that putting all this puzzle together now is bringing to his mind things he knew/saw, and just wouldn't see.
I well remember when my brother's neighbor cradled him in her arms waiting for the ambulance to take him to hospital after smashing his truck back and forth between a large palm tree and the refuse containers. He kept telling her "I knew something was wrong. I knew something was wrong". He later told me so many things he had hidden and ignored. His accident was the beginning of his diagnosis with probable early Lewy's Dementia (diagnosed by his symptoms).
Thinking of you, Way. I don't come to discussions often, so this was a catch up on your situation for me and I am so sorry.
The PA who called my nephew trying to discharge sis said that her delirium was gone and getting her out of the hospital environment is best . She said there is no medical reason to keep her in the hospital or for her to go to rehab but she would need 24/7 supervision at home . She was assuming my nephew could provide that . Seroquel is a drug that they use for delirium . They say she doesn’t need PT . My nephew told the PA about the wacky phone calls we were receiving from sis today and she backpedaled and acknowledged , well there were some things today , but getting her home out of the hospital environment would help and then kept repeating that there is no medical reason to keep her as my nephew explained to her what happened last spring when she had metabolic encephalopathy and delirium so bad he had to call 911 . Yes , she is exactly 10 years older than me . I was born on her birthday . She’s a bad 68 , she’s more like an 80 year old at least.
I agree , a lot of it is fear . My sister has had bad reactions to meds in the past .
I will share with you about how my mom was dealing with her journey of declining health.
As you know, she had Parkinson’s disease. Depression occurs in Parkinson’s disease. When her doctor or nurse would question her on this topic, she would deny it. I couldn’t force her to be honest.
It’s hard to deal with this situation. We can sometimes feel like we are walking on a tightrope waiting to fall off.
She was afraid of mentioning her depression or anxiety to the staff because she had a fear of meds.
Fear is natural for us to have but it is also crippling. It will prevent finding solutions for our problems.
I tried being patient. She didn’t always listen to my point of view. Fortunately, my brother was able to get through to her and she went on Ativan and Seroquel.
The difference in her behavior after she was on meds was amazing! She had been trying to escape out of the front door in the middle of the night.
Did I get upset because mom listened to my brother’s point of view and not mine? Absolutely not! I didn’t care who got through to her. I was just glad that she finally heard someone.
Maybe one day someone will be able to get through to your sister. It may not be you. It may not be her son either. I hope she will hear something from someone else who will cause her to understand that she needs to be honest with herself.
A person has to learn to calm their fears and be honest with themselves before they are capable of being honest with others in order to receive help.
Going through these difficult situations is a process and usually takes time. Nothing gets resolved overnight. The waiting part is always unnerving for everyone. I feel for your nephew. I’m sure that he’s having a rough time.
He is fortunate to have an aunt that he can share his feelings with. I’m glad that you are there for him. I’m sure it helps him not to feel so alone during this difficult time in his life.
I agree. Here is the problem , Sis has no money , just gets her SS check . AL here is all private pay , Medicaid won’t pay .
My aunt died over 3 years ago , had no children of her own . She had two sisters , one of which was our mother who died before my aunt. My aunts trust was to be split between her two sisters . But since my mother died , the trust says that my mothers share is to be split between her children . So still waiting for that . Nephew wants to use sis’s share for AL .
My obnoxious PIA brother is trustee and claims it’s all tied up with an IRS issue from income tax filing with errors done previous to my aunt dying .
I think if sis was more honest about ALL her symptoms she would get to the bottom of this . Unfortunately I think it’s too late to hope for honesty . She did tell me a year ago she thought she was getting dementia but told me not to tell anyone . I of course told her son ( POA) . I fear she has gotten worse lately where she most of the time does not recognize she is having problems . According to my nephew , she showtimes well with doctors , no cognitive tests have been done . I suspect at this point she may refuse to do them anyway . IMO Nephew is going to have to start giving a heads up before doctor appts of what he sees at home . But he is POA. I’m not driving the boat . He’s been treading lightly with sis for quite some time , he says so he can bear to live with her . However I do believe he is getting to the end of his rope . He says she’s been getting more difficult at home .
He is going to push to put her in rehab for now , he needs a break .
oh , my previous post I wrote doctors are aware of cognitive problems , that was incorrect , I meant to write ARE NOT . I type too fast .
Hoping they find out what is going on with your sister soon. Not having any answers is the worst!
BarbBrooklyn, yes, the ex has the money for someone to haul his stuff away. He's still thinking he can take some of it with him! He sometimes loses the thread that he's going to a place where you have very few personal items. I know that I'm not paying for it!
waytomisery, thank you! I appreciate it and (((Hugs))) to you, too!
Sendhelp, I love your story about the engraved card! I might just do that myself once I land somewhere. I guess it's times like these when you know who really cares, and I've gotten a lot of caring on this forum. I plan to do a lot of quiet time, meditation and prayer over the next couple of weeks and will hope for the best. If there is a door somewhere, I'm paying that it will open. Thank you!
Some things to be encouraged about, and other things to endure and heal.
Your friends/family may not know what to say, as divorce is a very personal thing. Thank you for sharing with friends here on the forum.
Over two decades ago, I sent out a tiny announcement (engraved), as an address change when finalized and moved in. It read like this:
"(My new name), (dog's name), (second dog's name)
are happily ensconced in our new home
(address)".
Just getting that done helped in the process to make my new life real.
Very few replied, except for that good friend (yay!) and sister (yay)
who were there to walk me through every step of the way.
Ten years later, I remarried my husband-a very kind and unique man!
Give yourself some time to adjust to the new you, and to become who/what you want to be now that chapter is ending and winding down for you.
💯
Update . Sis called me . She’s not right in the head again today . I suspect it’s because they cut her Seroquel dose in half last night at her request because she complained about feeling twitchy with it . She’s been having arm/ hand tremors anyway and gait problems , speech problems , as well as cognitive problems ( which doctors are aware of ) . Parkinsons was very recently ruled out . I do believe they need to consider that this may be Lewy Body .
Good luck moving forward . (((Hugs)))
Does ex DH have the funds to pay Junkluggers or 1 800 Junk to haul away?
I love to make a list with goals that I can check off as I accomplish so that I feel like I am moving forward and not as overwhelmed by all the tasks/things that need to get done.
I hope the next couple of weeks you can get your now ex husband out of the house and into a facility.