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squee - one of the most frustrating things about my experiences with mom's nursing home were the many ways I was excluded as part of the care team. Mom lived with me prior to moving into care so I was intimately familiar with every aspect of her physical and mental needs, but despite that I often felt like they viewed my questions and observations as.... less than relevant. It is remembering the many little things that might have greatly enhanced her comfort and QOL that can still anger me today - bottom line these are INSTITUTIONS serving the needs of the many, not the "homes" they try to peddle to the gullible public.
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My mom's nursing home may be the death of me. I've been trying so hard to make the best of things, but I feel like I've reached my breaking point. I know many of these issues are just inherent to the places. There are the problems that are universal - the missing/broken/stolen items, dirty rooms, insolent employees, food not fit for a prison, blahblahblah. It's been 10 years. Things change but they don't improve. Complaining into a void solves nothing, but there really isn't anyone in a position of authority who can or even wants to improve things. I'm tired of the hostility and indifference. An elder care atty. told me at the onset of this that facilities don't like family members. I assumed it was from family making unreasonable demands or just being hovering and difficult. I'm a reasonable gal. I was an unpaid caregiver for a few years prior, I know what a tough ride this can be. *pause* I'm not really making my point here, am I? I'm rambling a bit. I need to better assemble my thoughts, talk to people in the same situation, get some feedback and opinions. Thank you for letting me vent.
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Speaking of visiting graves. DH and I went to my mom's bench we had dedicated to her instead of a grave. (she was cremated) It's such a nice, serene spot. Her bench is directly across from a nice pond with lots of ducks and geese.

I felt her presence today. As soon as we sat down I got this shiver down my right side and could smell her. No lie. I don't look for things like that so I'm sincere when I say this.

It's been a while since we've gone there cause of my foot situation so maybe she was acknowledging that. Who knows.
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Need: What a wonderful story! Thanks for sharing.💚
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Beatty: Hugs.💙
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Way - your dh is doing so well drawing boundaries. Yes, his mum will call him when she needs him. I hope he keeps his boundaries firm then too. Sounds like he will.
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Golden , Thanks. I’ve recently seen a big change in DH compared to last year when this all went down . He’s so out of the F.O.G now….he regrets being POA because of how FIL treats him . And DH’s Mom ( divorced ) won’t make any plans . DH says she’s on her own , he’s not asking her anymore to make plans , he’s asked her for years. But I know that she will be calling us when the you know what hits the fan.
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Need - that is a lovely story.

Way - your dh is right. I am so glad he sees it that way. What the flying monkeys think of you and him doesn't matter and what fil thinks doesn't matter either. He doesn't appreciate what you do for him now anyway.
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I swear my autocorrect is hexed! It really is!

Should read ‘Their mother did an incredible job, not her mother.’ I know that I proofread my post and hit save edits. Yet, my autocorrect does this crap all the time! Grrrrrrr!
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Way,

I like your husband!
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Need , that’s a great story about your cousins!

I just asked my DH what we are getting FIL for Father’s Day. DH reply was , “ we look after him all year in AL , that’s what he’s getting and that it’s more than he deserves “ …..Ouch !
I said yeah but the flying monkey steps will be coming with a gift. DH says “ I’m not playing that game. I don’t care what they bring “. His father already has made it clear for years that he prefers them over his own kid anyway . I feel bad for DH.
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Way, I have cousins who were raised by a single mom. Her mother did an incredible job raising her children without the benefit of an involved father.

For Father’s Day, my cousins send their mom a Father’s Day card and gift. They wish her a happy Father’s Day and tell their mom that she was the best mom AND dad ever!

All of my cousin’s hard work paid off! Her grown children are responsible like she is and show her appreciation for the sacrifices that she made for them.

She scrimped and saved to raise those children. She continually encouraged them.

I think it’s so sweet that her children tell her Happy Father’s Day.
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cwillie. None of my siblings nor I live near my parents graves , that’s sad . Two of my siblings were near them until they retired and moved . My parents followed me 18 years ago out of state to take care of them, but wanted to be buried back home .

Need. I don’t want to think about the end of year holidays yet. Also , My mother died on Thanksgiving Day 😳
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Way,

Special occasions can be stressful! Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter!

I can see why some people look at them as just another day.
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cw,

I place flowers on the graves too.

I often think of something that my grandmother would say. She adored flowers. My grandfather grew the most beautiful roses. Her expression was, “Give me flowers while I am living and can enjoy them.”

I loved helping my grandfather in the garden. It gave me tremendous pleasure to bring her the fresh cut roses that grandpa handed me to give to my grandmother for the dining room table. 😊
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Your mention of Father's Day is causing me a little bit of anxiety because it reminds me I haven't gotten around to taking any flowers to the cemetery this year; I am the last family member living locally so of course all of that has naturally fallen to me. There are so many graves now and keeping the flower arrangements looking presentable has become such a hassle, but then would hate for out of town family to go there and feel that the graves are not being looked after.
I hate being the responsible one.
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Uggh, Father’s Day is bringing more flying monkeys with their “ suggestions “ to visit this weekend. I just got over the other flying monkeys that came last week for FIL birthday . Hopefully this should be it for awhile. 🙄
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i'd like my clone to go running for me, do push-ups, sit-ups,
while i eat the cake and biscuits. i know it doesn't sound like a fair deal, but...
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cloning mission is not going as planned. well it was a nice dream while it lasted.
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hugs beatty!! :) :) :)
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Feeling so comforted by everyone's well wishes earlier 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

I'll update when ready. Feel a bit.. protective..? I suppose right now. All ok but feel like I need to press play to start a very long roadtrip playlist - going to be a l o o o n g journey.
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You know how they say, “Things come in 3’s.’ Two of my best friends and I were all pregnant at the same time.

One friend said, “It’s twins!” The other one said, “We are expecting twins too!” They both said to me. “Now, it’s your turn! Twins?” Nope! Only one baby.

One had identical twins. The other had fraternal twins.
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HotHouse, Of course, they should be raised as individuals. No question about that.

They are most definitely individuals. Yet, most twins will tell you themselves, that they share a bond that is different from ordinary siblings.

It is interesting how parents dress them alike. Many parents dress all siblings alike when they are young.

Children have their own distinct personalities and preferences. It’s fascinating watching children grow and develop their own unique identities.

Siblings can be raised in the same household and be as different as night and day in their personalities.
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Twins are fun but it is important to raise them as individuals.
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Not a bad idea, Bundle! Your clones would be a big help!
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Way,

I’m sorry that your twin didn’t survive.

I wanted twins when I was pregnant. There’s something really special about twins.

Twins are fascinating to me. The ‘twin talk’ of babies is so cute! It’s a special kind of bond.
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Need , I had a fraternal twin that died in utero .
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right, need! while i'm at it, i'll get 3 or 4 clones. good to have some spares. 1 of them can bring me grapes in the morning, and prepare my coffee. another one can bring me flowers every day.
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Bundle,

A clone would be nice!

I always wanted a twin so I could pull pranks on my parents and teachers. There were two sets of twins in my neighborhood that I loved hanging out with. They had so much fun pulling pranks on everyone.
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hi way, hug!! don't worry. it's not that bad.
but a clone would be very handy. i'll try to go find a place where i can get cloned, with additional feature: super efficient at work.

🤓
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