I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
I’m happy that DH seems to have a better way to deal now. I just hope he doesn’t get the guilts when FIL passes . He has no reason but still ……..
PS. I see why you noted it’s a whine moment. That could have almost looked like one of your jokes . 😞
i need to find a clone, who looks a bit like me, talks a bit like me, and does my work better than me.
The sister sounds like a different kettle of fish and much more able.
Dh is right. You shouldn't be feeling bad about the food - definitely not.
I am glad your dh is getting tired if the guilt trips. And I am glad he is angry. It's appropriate for the way fil is behaving. Now to use that anger constructively...You have to protect yourself from hurt with these kind of people.
DH seems to have gotten past the F.O.G lately which is good. DH like you has decided how much he is willing to do for him and that’s that he says . He also said that the sister is cooperative so far with her kids and has always been in their lives unlike DH’s Dad. So DH says his Dad can not compare his situation with his sister who still lives at home . And he told me not to feel bad about him complaining about the food.
DH seems to be fed up with the guilt trips . DH says we have been taking him out the last 2 months and for his birthday took him and his sister and sister’s daughter and he had his pout face on and threw us under the bus . DH is angry
cw - I hear you. I had this whole house (built about1978) redone abut 12 years ago with none of these problems. And they used to say in the housing boom here in Fort Mc that houses were put up by drunken sailors in a high wind. According to the fire department the pipes should not have been plastic The nailing fault was that whoever did it didn't know you don't nail near the sprinkler system. R said it is normal to have them placed there. He has done years of renos.
Way - goodness gracious!!!! I hate that dripping sound!!! So you had a nail in a water conduit too and it was only a matter of time before it leaked. I think an able carpenter knows to check for pipes, wires etc. before nailing, I know about not being listened too - not R but others. Like I live here, I was here when it happened. I know my house!
Way - it has gotten to you and no surprise there. This man is unpleasant and you owed him nothing yet you have looked after him. You WERE thrown under the bus by his complaining to his sister. How can you not feel that way? This is all on him and not on you and dh. He doesn't appreciate what you do for him. I suspect he is one of those who really don't want to be happy, but get their purpose in life by complaining, especially about the people who help them. Mother did that about me to anyone who would listen. I simply had to decide what I was going to do for her and be satisficed that I had met my own standards. I was never going to meet her standards.
It would be sensible to check up on the bathing routine. Honestly, I would be inclined to tell him I was curtailing my visits if he didn't bath and then follow through. Who needs it???
I thought the reno guys were coming this morning so I am sitting here dressed at 9 am which is unusual. I really need my quiet mornings. I guess they will text me or something. I may go back to bed!
And thanks Golden , we are trying to not let this past weekend’s visit with extended relatives get to us , but FIL had his pout face on the whole time . I understand he’s unhappy , but it is hard to not feel like we were thrown under the bus by his complaining to his sister . The sister’s kids so far have managed to keep her out of a facility , but here is the thing , she is cooperative . Also , On her own she used the bathroom before we left for the restaurant , and before she left to go home . She was showered, clean , walks better than my FIL . FIL as usual did not use the bathroom or change his disposable underwear at all while we were with him the entire visit . The rest of us all used a bathroom at some point . He didn’t smell great to begin with, it got worse as the days passed . Not sure how often he’s letting them help with showers again. I told DH to ask the facility.
Gee, that’s not that old. It was just carelessness and it does present problems for y’all.
It’ll get done. Just a pain in the butt for the time being.
The original problem with the first flooring material was a manufacturer defect. The planks wouldn't lock together properly
This one should never have happened. The plastic hosing should never have been used, and then it should never have passed inspection. And whoever put on the baseboard for this fairly recent carpet that we removed should not have nailed it anywhere near the sprinkler system. R says when replacing baseboard if you see the sprinkler system you don't nail anywhere near it, which makes sense.
Just a series of errors that added up to cause us problems!
It looks like it will be a small delay and little damage for which I am very thankful. At least the new flooring wasn't affected at all - only the old carpet which we are throwing out anyway. I have to look at the bright side.
They started in the kitchen and oh my gosh, they discovered issues when they took out the cabinets to replace.
The same thing happened in the bathroom. They had poor electrical work throughout the home.
The house itself had good bones and it was a beautiful old home with lots of character but unfortunately repairs were not done up to par.
They ended up spending more than they had intended to spend on the renovation.
I’m sorry that R has run into surprises in his renovation process. More time and money! At least, it’s going to be fixed the correct way now.
More problems at the condo. You couldn't make this stuff up.
R took off a baseboard and water sprayed out from a nail pinhole in the dry wall. The neighbour below had water running down his walls. Not much and no damage thankfully.
Apparently whoever put in the sprinkler system used plastic hose, in that section anyway, and whoever put on the baseboard nailed it right through the hose so we had a finger in the dyke situation. Amazing it held so well for years.
They had a gong show shutting off water and the hose was still spraying. Finally R cut a hole in the wall, and put a clamp on the hose which will hold it for now.
Being the sprinkler system, the fire department is responsible for fixing it The guy who came was amazed that it passed inspection. Because the system is shut off to some parts of the building now they have to have a man on fire watch over night. The repair guys will come at 6 am to fix it.
Of course, this caused some excitement in the building and the neighbour ladies were out in the hall, as well as the guy from below and a couple of others. Quite a social occasion, I gather.
They should be able to go ahead with the flooring tomorrow once the sprinkler system is fixed. Of course now there is some drywall that needs patching so that means painting as well. Is this ever going to end????
R remarked at least we won't have water from above as we are on the top floor. (As long as the roof is good!) And we don't have a basement that can flood. I am surprised at this sprinkler system error as this is not a cheap condo - quite the opposite.
Well, just another side road on this journey of moving into more suitable housing as I age. I hope I am not too much older by he time I get there!
I see people jogging in our heat. No way! I would faint. Early morning and later in the evening are the only times that I can go for a walk in our heat.
Regarding the smoke - these days it comes and goes quite quickly. Today it is moderately bad. By tonight it may be gone - or not. When I open the door for kitty I get a whiff of wood smoke and it is hazy. I saw one person was running on the trail. Not a good idea in my view! I am quite careful to avoid it and find that the a/c does a good job in the house. Not coughing much at all which is a good sign.
Thanks to all for your concern. I hope we aren't sending any more smoke to the US. 🙂
Occasionally, she would drink a smoothie. She did like soup, or a boiled egg with a piece of toast.
She used to say to me that she only ate because she knew that she had to but she wasn’t hungry.
The doctor told me that she should gain weight but how could I help her gain weight when she only nibbled at meal time.
Llama., thanks
It’s awfully hot here. We have short winters and long summers! Spring and fall are my favorite seasons.
I love the fall season in New England. The fall foliage is stunning. I wish that we had fall foliage. Those red, orange and gold leaves are spectacular.
If he is concerned or fearful, he hasn’t shown that to us.
I hope you are taking care of yourself despite the worries with your brother.
Let the relatives drop all the hints they like without batting an eye. You know that your FIL is well cared for and that is all that matters.
His sister doesn’t see her brother on a regular basis. I’m sure that she cares about her brother and wishes for him to be content. ‘She can sweep her own front porch before she tells you to sweep yours!’ I love that expression! 🤣
He is probably enjoying the additional attention and is running his mouth with his sister. Some people are quite good at embellishing the facts.
I am also sorry about you getting a lot of smoke again. Please stay safe. I haven't been online much recently, so I am now reading posts.
Fil is going to complain about something no matter how good it is. Just the nature of the man and many people in facilities. Mother complained about food, too. A good part of it is in them. They may need pureed food, their tastes/appetite may have changed or they may need something to complain about.
Don't for a minute think you are the cause of his complaints. Your dh is right. Fil should be thankful you do as much as you do for him. (((((hugs))))
Anyway, DH told me not to feel bad. He said FIL is lucky we bring him as much food as we do, considering his history of practically ignoring us for years and how difficult he has been the past year. The food at his AL is good. We have eaten it. He hasn't had a good appetite for years before going into AL and now blames it on the food. We took him to his favorite restaurant 2 weeks ago and only ate a few bites. Yesterday took him out and he didn't eat a lot either.
I love my iced tea in the summer. Very refreshing. I don’t use sugar. Lately, I have been making mint tea.
I haven’t bought Powerade in awhile. I should keep some in the fridge.