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way, i hope your 🏖️ island vacation was awesome!!
regarding flying monkeys, unfortunately there are always silly people around the corner throughout life. huggg.

i hope you can keep the beautiful-island feeling.
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Golden ,
Relocation fairies . Lol.
And Yes DH is a very funny person . Both my kids learned his humor as well .
We have some very funny family group texts . And my daughter in law is the queen of puns .
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Fact is, Way, he wants to b*tch, he doesn't want to go to the library. And they see themselves as the righteous ones who "know" what should be done.

I'm sorry but I had to laugh about “ Guess who doesn’t want to go to the library “.. Lol. Echoes of mother telling others that I never bought her any clothing,

And my sister coming for a visit and asking me "Have you seen mother's room?"

I wanted to answer her, "Who do you think moved the furniture in and set it up? The relocation fairies?"

I just turned my head and rolled my eyes. They haven't a clue!!!!!
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Thanks golden ,
Uggh . DH and I went away last week on vacation . So step siblings drive out to visit FIL in AL for 3 hours for the first time in a year , while we are gone , acting like they were helping out . Left us with a laundry list of ridiculous things . The best was to get FIL a library card because he wants to go to the library and we never take him . And he says he has run out of books that interest him at his facility . The man has had a library card for the public library for a year . We got it right away when we moved him close to us because we know he reads a lot . He never wants to go when we’ve asked him . So we gave up . AL he lives in has a wall of books shelves that he takes books from and reads . DH brought FIL lunch today . DH comes home and said to me “ Guess who doesn’t want to go to the library “.
And they think they are doctors too , but I won’t even get into that .
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((((((way))))) Denial reigns. So easy for people who aren't there much. I get it. And so frustrating for those who are there.
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Oh boy , Couldn’t find this thread at first 🥵. I just penned a group email addressing it . I would like to ignore the garbage they are throwing but , it’s out of hand . 🐒🐵🙉
Sure, fly in and visit for 3 hours once a year and decide you know how to fix a stubborn man with with a broken brain. 😡😤👿
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You Americans take soooo long to choose a leader, we Canadians have sped through the whole thing just a few weeks after writ is dropped (wiki says the longest campaign was 78 days, but current limits are now set at 50 days)
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The constant functionality problems with this site that does not seem to be a priority with AC!

AND I am not at all ready for another presidential campaign season!
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Way,

I would be tempted to stay on an island. Sip a tropical beverage for me!
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way, enjoyyyyy the island!
❤️🙂
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aj6044.
I’m sorry that on top of the sick calls today you had to hear the neighbors gossiping . That’s terrible . They have not got a clue I’m sure of what is really going on .
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Golden , Need

It’s 82, sunny with a nice breeze right now in Aruba . I don’t want to leave this Island and go home 😭😭😭😭
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aj,

I am sorry that your caregiver called in sick.

About the neighbor, try to ignore her. She has absolutely no idea what you are going through so she shouldn’t be talking about you.

I hope that your caregiver returns soon.
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Actually nothing with my mom. I caught my mom's neighbors gossiping about me today. Wtf. Also caregivers called in sick. Love that for me.
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Golden,

It’s 78 degrees here and sunny!

We have the long, hot and humid summers. My daughter hates the humidity and I think that’s why she fell in love with Denver.

Let’s face it, the Rocky Mountains are beautiful. We are flat as a pancake here.

She loved being able to drive to Vail, Breckinridge and other parts of Colorado to experience being in the mountains.
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Need - and I can't imagine living without it. It's all what you are used to. At least this is melting when it hits the driveways, sidewalks and roads. But for sure this is being a long winter.
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Golden,

I can’t imagine living with snow like you have. My daughter and her Siberian husky miss the snow in Colorado.

I am still puzzled about my southern daughter loving the snow! Her dog loves to play in the snow.
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Barb - I have had to draw a few very hard lines with my kids, but eventually we got through it all and everyone was a bit the wiser. I know it isn't easy. Glad you can arrange some time to be with your dgd.

venting - sure it's caregiving. Hope you figure out a way to avoid this hole again

need sorry about your dh's foot problem. I hope it is easily fixable and that's the last of it for a while.

way - don't you love the armchair experts! NOT!!!!

My whine - it snowed and all grass is white again, and it is still snowing ❄🌨❄
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Now my husband is having foot issues! Everything has been whacko since his minor surgery. First an infection after surgery and now he’s walking on crutches.

I first thought it could be gout. Foot issues can be related to the antibiotics as a side effect.

They are going to do an ultrasound and testing to see if they can find out what is causing the swelling and pain. Meanwhile, he will continue hobbling around on crutches.
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Barb and Geaton,

I feel there is a difference between enabling and helping someone over a hump.

I have no issue with helping someone over a hump when they simply need a push to get started.

Anyone can find themselves in a position of needing a little bit of help now and then.

I’m talking about a person who has suddenly lost their job or something of that nature. In other words, someone who didn’t bring their circumstances upon themselves.

I think it is incredibly difficult not to want to try and fix things that are going downhill fast.

Whenever I foolishly tried to fix something beyond my control I made things worse for myself and them. I had to learn the hard way to step away.

I was young and naive. It was also about trying to spare others pain. I would have given anything for my parents not to have to deal with my oldest brother’s issues.

I learned that no matter who said what, my brother was not going to listen to reason. He was in too deep and sadly he lost his life to drugs.

He was a talented person who owned his own business and had a wife and children only to lose it all due to his addiction. He wouldn’t go to rehab. God knows, I tried to get him to go. He was an interesting guy. He would go cold turkey and stay sober for awhile and then relapse again.

Knowing that drugs cost him his life breaks my heart. It’s been years since he died and I still find it disturbing.

We don’t stop loving our family because they are not making wise choices. We may hate what they have done. We can’t allow them to rob us of our lives.

Even after we succeed in not being overly involved, we still hurt inside. Healing takes time.

Sometimes we find beautiful surprises in life and other times we feel frustrated, hurt and sometimes even angry, but mostly just plain sad about certain things. I had to see a therapist for quite awhile before I was able to get a grip on my emotions.
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@Stacy122

Your doctor should never have told you steps don't matter. Any activity is better than none.
My ortho doctor told me to walk as much as I'm able to. Use the stationary bike too. Even if you're not getting your heart rate up it's still benefitting your health.
Walking or riding the bike even at a slower pace helps build strength and stamina. It also helps with circulation and muscle tone.
You keep walking at any pace you can.
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Geaton, thank you for those wise words!

I feel like I'm making little bits of progress; hopefully, DD will find her footing.

Thank you so much for your beautiful post on Lea's thread today!
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Barb, in my "adventures" with our eldest son I had to learn how to not enable him. It's still hard, because it involved innocent children (his own). The best (simplest?) definition of enabling I've found is this: Enabling is doing for someone something that they can do themselves. Helping is doing for someone something they can't. The murkiness for me comes in figuring out what my son couldn't do himself. The answer is that he could do most everything on his own... it was just me not liking how he was doing it, when he was doing it, where or why he was doing it. Auto-swoop becomes ingrained in us Mothers. It's hard to kill that switch but sounds like you're doing it!
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When the flying step monkeys come to visit after a year and then text us that FIL with dementia (who is usually very rude, and demanding ) was a pleasure to visit . Showtiming to the max!! 🙄🤦‍♀️
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My whine is not really about caregiving, but in a way it really is. It's about the consequence of caregiving. I'm so behind with all my deadlines at work. I'm feeling so down. I hope I have better news to give soon.
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Barb, very pleased to hear your good news! 👍 And of course support your boundary setting.

My own DD has been learning the consequences of 'swooping' herself lately. She saw what I did from a step away.. yet I suppose one must live it to really learn.

I am about to watch her take a big step into the unknown.. for better or worse time will tell. It's all *experience*.

I'm following JoAnn's 'show the way' not 'be the way' too.
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Thanks. NHWM.

You know, I learned the concept of "swooping" here.

As long as I was always stepping in to be the solution, the problem wasn't getting solved.
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Barb,

Glad that your husband received good news and that they were able to cauterize the vein.

Also very happy that you are able to spend time with your granddaughter.

I think it is horrible how some families use children as pawns and don’t allow children to see extended family, grandparents, aunts or uncles because they aren’t seeing eye to eye at the moment.
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So good news from DH's ENT. He has a vein that popped which is what led to the bleed. ENT cauterized it and will check it again next week.

Problematic daughter and I have been able to have civil convos via text around granddaughter care and pick up.

I am finding that restraining myself from over-doing for her (volunteering to pay for stuff mostly) feels good. So much less resentment on my part.
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You know what is weird? The delayed posts.

At times, it shows that the post didn’t go through. Then quite a while later the post will show up.

I have had this happen when sending or receiving texts on my phone. A delay in seeing the text. It’s supposed to be sent immediately but sometimes there are quirks!
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