Needing to vent: Our parents are like children.

baffled i wish you could understand the whole story. i do love my grandparents i moved them in when they had no where else to go and have taken care of them very well also taking care of my kids who were 4,5 and 10 at the time this started. we have spent of 350K on night sitters adding to the house for them I would have to pay someone in the day for me to get professional help, bring myself to the doctor, dentist anything that takes more than a few minutes. i can't bring my kids to the movie, skating the park are a fair without someone here witch we have to pay. thanks for your input and one day i hope to find my way back sorry this was disturbing for you or anyone else .
sincerely Dare

Help- I need to screem the husband is acting up today- the aide is here abd he has been ordering both of us around likr he is a king-Berdine I never want to get out of bed most mornings- I do get up and do as mucg nas I can while he is asleep Neonwock when I retired on disability he got worse and worse and got ofsessed with going to docs over 100 in 8 months when you retire girlfriend find some way to be out of the house much of the day I am very sorry for you-the husband always felt his 14 meds or so were my responsibilty and just threw up his hands I made sure it was not owned by me -this is one of those BAD days and I am the one with fractures in my back- I might have the surgery but have to come home the same day and become the slave as soon as I wake up take care everyone-tomarrow will be better

195 Austin can you go outside or in a room away from him. take deep breaths close you eyes and picture something you really like or imagine winning something the lottery a game show something fun. i know its not much but sometimes a distraction helps a little. better feelings.
Dare

Dare,
This is a place to vent. It is better to share what you are feeling with others who may feel the same way. Thoughts are not right or wrong, it is the actions we take that define us. I just feel you said what others feel at times, but just do not say it. I can only imagine the stress you are feeling . Please keep posting and you will learn ways to cope with your feelings, get suggestions on how to take better care of yourself.
If you can, go online to read some things that might help you to feel better. You don't have to leave the house, and maybe having positive things to replace some of the resentment will help you.
There is a book called "The 36 Hour Day". Maybe you can find it and it may help you. there are a lot of things to help you on the Internet. Don't give up on yourself, or even ol' Granny either. Take care and let us hear from you. You will be in my prayers.God bless.

Hi All,

Austin, I am sorry for your continued pain. I am wondering if you can talk to the aide and inform her that she must shield you from this and do her job without you....I wish that there was a way for you to get at least a few days of healing time without all of this stress and physical pain. You are so strong, but at some point you are going to have to get some respite.

Noodlehead - you are wise - thank you for the thoughts in your post. They helped me, just to let you know I printed out a copy of your post and gave it to a neighbor who is having a hard time with her own issues....thank you!

I am always amazed at how much stress and physical exhaustion is on our backs - I am not telling you anything that you all don't know already - but sleep deprivation can trigger depression, which in turn creates a vicious cycle - the more depressed / tired you are the more your responses to stress keep you in the cycle. I hope everyone will seriously look at the physical symptoms that they are experiencing and give themselves a break. Once your body is hurting like that there is no easy fix, so remember to be kind, and sleep a little bit more, be a little bit kinder to yourself. even if it is a nap - or buying earplugs the next time you pick up prescriptions at the drugstore. we are all in the same spot - so I hope that what I am saying does'nt come off as preachy....as of this day, I am definitely running on empty too.

lindam thank you i appreciate you not judging me. i will look the book up online. your support and kind words mean alot.
sincerely Dare

Austin,
Girl, you know you have to breathe, take a breathe in, now let it our slowly. Another one, ok, now another one. I am sorry you and Cat are running on empty today. Maybe it's something in the water. Some things were said to me today that has taken me all day to sort it out. I swear I do not know where she comes up with this stuff sometimes. I got so hurt, which I usually do not take things so personal, but today, as Cat said, I am tired and having heart flutters.( I take medication for it, but it also makes me tired!!)
We need to have a "fill our empty buckets " party. I would bring a day out for all of you. Lots of hugs and pats, and just get stupid like I do sometimes and make you all laugh.
our job is hard , but thank God we all have each other. Breathe, ladies, breathe. Texas size hugs for all of you.

I just wonder if it's a full moon or what. My mom is acting terrible too. She is caming up with all kinds of weird stuff lately. She said that there are two girls missing and that she knows where they are. I asked her were and she said that some guy named Fletcher killed them and put them in the lake. I asked her what lake and she said the one right there,and pointed out the window in the driveway. And she wants to go and check on her mom who has been dead since 1968. She says that there are two guys up there (at her moms' house) waiting for her and that she saw something that she wasn't suppose to and they are going to kill her and put her in the lake. There is no reasoning with her about this so I have to lock all the doors and put stuff in front of them so I can hear her if she tries to leave. Right now our weather is in the minuses and if she gets out she could get really sick.To top that off I wrecked my granddaughters' car last thursday (hit a snow drift) coming home from taking my son to work slid towards the left with cars comong turned right did two 360's ended up in the ditch.Totaled the car, boy am I still sore. So I just wandering what else is going to go wrong cause it's really not starting out to be a very good year again. Barb

barb maybe its the moon or something weird everyone seems to be having difficulties today i wish you a better day tommorrow. don't think about the year but just the day good luck. Dare

Is it the moon or the season? It has been cold in our neck of the woods, Virginia, and getting out of the house is too hard on Mom. She does not want to get sick. I look forward to the warmer weather.

Me to I am ready to garden and work out some of my frustrations, I find physical work very satisfying and I don't think of anything except what I am doing, could say it's a mini vacation for my head

Barbees--My mom has been acting strange too, shes been saying people are on her roof, Tues. she called and told me people were upstairs robbing her! I know for a fact that no one was there. Weds. morning she called the police--again and said they were unauthorized men on her roof doing repairs!!!!!

Dementia, my mom told me the old lady next door 87 was having men over all night and a band playing every night, I went over around midnight for three nights and quizzed her about those nights she assured me they were there, I said well I sat out on the parking lot from midnight to 3 last night waiting for the band to show up cuz I was ready to dance and it was a quiet as a mouse, Well, there isn't anything with my mind I know what she's doing over there, shortly after she asked to live with me. Its a matter of time just don't know how much time.

Wow, Mari, talk about classic paranoia from either the wrong meds, or dementia. My mother-in-law was afraid to reach across her door frame into her hallway to get her paper because of the "people out there." There were only her apartment neighbors, on occasion, whom she'd known for years.

Hang in and try to get more medical help.
Carol

Rick Warren (REMEMBER HE WROTE " PURPOSE DRIVEN LIFE" )
You will enjoy the new insights that Rick Warren has, with his wife now
having cancer and him having "wealth" from the book sales. This is an absolutely
incredible short interview with Rick Warren, "Purpose Driven Life " author
and pastor of Saddleback Church in California .

In the interview by Paul Bradshaw with Rick Warren, Rick said:
People ask me, What is the purpose of life? And I respond: In a nutshell,
life is preparation for eternity. We were not made to last forever, and God
wants us to be with Him in Heaven.
One day my heart is going to stop, and that will be the end of my
body---but not the end of me.
I may live 60 to 100 years on earth, but I am going to spend trillions of
years in eternity. This is the warm-up act - the dress rehearsal. God wants
us to practice on earth what we will do forever in eternity.
We were made by God and for God, and until you figure that out, life isn't
going to make sense.
Life is a series of problems: Either you are in one now, you're just coming
out of one, or you're getting ready to go into another one.
The reason for this is that God is more interested in your character than
your comfort.
God is more interested in making your life holy than He is in making your
life happy.
We can be reasonably happy here on earth, but that's not the goal of life.
The goal is to grow in character, in Christ likeness.
This past year has been the greatest year of my life but also the toughest,
with my wife, Kay, getting cancer.
I used to think that life was hills and valleys - you go through a dark
time, then you go to the mountaintop, back and forth. I don't believe that
anymore.
Rather than life being hills and valleys, I believe that it's kind of like
two rails on a railroad track, and at all times you have something good and
something bad in your life.
No matter how good things are in your life, there is always something bad
that needs to be worked on.
And no matter how bad things are in your life, there is always something
good you can thank God for.
You can focus on your purposes, or you can focus on your problems.
If you focus on your problems, you're going into self-centeredness, “which
is my problem, my issues, my pain." But one of the easiest ways to get rid of
pain is to get your focus off yourself and onto God and others.
We discovered quickly that in spite of the prayers of hundreds of thousands
of people, God was not going to heal Kay or make it easy for her.
It has been very difficult for her, and yet God has strengthened her
character, given her a ministry of helping other people, given her a
testimony, drawn her closer to Him and to people.
You have to learn to deal with both the good and the bad of life.
Actually, sometimes learning to deal with the good is harder. For instance,
this past year, all of a sudden, when the book sold 15 million copies, it
made me instantly very wealthy.
It also brought a lot of notoriety that I had never had to deal with
before. I don't think God gives you money or notoriety for your own ego or for you to
live a life of ease.
So I began to ask God what He wanted me to do with this money, notoriety
and influence. He gave me two different passages that helped me decide what to
do, II Corinthians 9 and Psalm 72
First, in spite of all the money coming in, we would not change our
lifestyle one bit. We made no major purchases.
Second, about midway through last year, I stopped taking a salary from the
church.
Third, we set up foundations to fund an initiative we call The Peace Plan
to plant churches, equip leaders, assist the poor, care for the sick, and
educate the next generation.
Fourth, I added up all that the church had paid me in the 24 years since I
started the church, and I gave it all back. It was liberating to be able to
serve God for free.
We need to ask ourselves: Am I going to live for possessions? Popularity?
Am I going to be driven by pressures? Guilt? Bitterness? Materialism? Or am
I going to be driven by God's purposes (for my life)?
When I get up in the morning, I sit on the side of my bed and say, God, if
I don't get anything else done today, I want to know You more and love You
better. God didn't put me on earth just to fulfill a to-do list. He's more
interested in what I am than what I do. That's why we're called human
beings, not human doings.

Happy moments, PRAISE GOD.
Difficult moments, SEEK GOD.
Quiet moments, WORSHIP GOD.
Painful moments, TRUST GOD.
Every moment, THANK GOD.

NOW . PLEASE SHARE THIS WITH YOUR FRIENDS

Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and show thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not. Jeremiah 33:3

Hear my cry, O God

Cat- thank you once again for your insite. I left the husband sleep late tpday and cleaned and cooked up a storm and called our son to cheak out our washing machine and even wrote out more Christmas cards-almost done abd it is not even FEB. yet'

Austin you go girl, you're getting there. I am thinking about having a valentines party, everyone give cards just buy the kids cards like in school, all the food is red and white, some kinda little game with door prizes, or red carnations to all the men not the ladies this time and a little tea cup arrangement everyone takes a number who ever has the number I pick gets the arrangement mostly for the elderly and include my mom so it will be something different to look at. Will let you know what I come up with if you are interested. Just a little circle of friends will get on pc and snoop around come up with something maybe even have construction paper and have a prize for whoever comes up with the best homemade valentine or just a craft with glue sticks just like the kids you all got me thinking of doing kid stuff now should be fun take them back a few years eh?

neonwocky that sounds like a great idea,something I would never think of hope you all have a good time let us know how it goes

Hi all..
I need to vent. It always feels so good to come on this site and vent and no one judges me. Sometimes I feel like I will burn in hell for the way I think.

My 91 yr old mother can be so difficult at times. I take her to day care 3 times a week and on those 3 days she gives me a hard time. I hear excuses like .."I don't have to go so early...I don't feel good.....my stomach bothers me....you can pick me up early" and so on and so on. But...when the days come that she don't have to go she is up early and nothing bothers her. I also have a husband who has very bad COPD and on oxygen and I feel bad that we don't spend time together. He watches TV in the bedroom at night by himself because when mom is in the living room she keeps reading every word on the screen out loud. She stays up until 10 or 11 pm if I let her. I try to tell her to go to bed early so she can get up early and not be so tired all the time. When we don't go to day care she just sits around...sleeps...and won't even get dressed. I hate seeing this.

Mom wants me to take her out everyday and shop. I just can't do that. Here is an example: We were in Wal-mart...mom can't walk without a walker, but when I go for long shopping tours I use a small transport wheelchair. So I put her in the chair, because she don't know how to operate a mobile one, at the same time I am suffering with arthritis in my foot limping all over the place and then at the same time I am pulling a shopping wagon. So here we are knocking down displays..people running to us and me getting so embarrassed. Finally I said..."That's it we are going home." Well mom looks at me and says.."Why there is nothing wrong with you!"

She also has dementia...I can't even carry on a conversation. Sometimes I'm sorry I start one.

OK...thanks for listening to me...I guess today is not a good day for me..I am so stressed out.

Neonwock I am just starting to read Rick Warren's book on The Purpose Driven Life. I need to know what on earth am I here for...I know it will be a big help.

Mindingmom..............oh how I know the Wal-Mart shuffle as I call it. My mom walks, but with a shopping cart. I say walk, maybe for her, but for me it is a shuffle. Shopping at Wal-Mart is a three hour trip. It can be frustrating! I finally figured out why my back aches after the Wal-Mart shuffle.

I think it was Mother Theresa who said something like, "God only gives us as much as we can take, but Lord, don't have so much confidence in me!"

wow walmart can I relate to that but I look forward to it cuz it gives me at least a couple of hours of not thinking about home life I love walmart

I used to transport my mother in a wheel chair, with a walker hung sideways on the handles, so she could use that to support herself to get out of the chair and use a bathroom, etc. I chuckled (with sympathy and recollection of the misery, physical pain - I too have arthritis - and absurdity of the spectacle we presented) with mindingmom, because of the memories her description brought back. We couldn't get through aisles or doorways without a ruckus, and even knocked into another poor soul in a wheel chair. It was a nightmare.
Carol

My dad would always insist we take his old truck instead of my car for Dr.s visits, ect. My car would have been easier for him to get in and out of but noooooo. He had one of my nephews build him a step stool. Now my dad was 6'1" and even at 98 years old weighed about 180.
So, getting him out of the wheelchair, onto the stool and into the truck was always an ordeal.But the fun part would come when we got to the Dr.s office.
I would unload the wheelchair, the stool and get everything in position. Invariably, every time I would be helping him onto the stool, he would start hollering"You're hurting me. Go slower. Pick up my leg", ect.
The first time he did this I was mortified! People were staring, had their cell phones out ready to call 911 for elder abuse ! The more I tried to calm him down the louder and more irate he would get.
Needless to say that was one lesson on how to take care of myself. Next time, and all other times, same scene. I would just look at people, smile and shrug my shoulders.
If no one was around when we pulled up to get out, he was as calm as can be! Go figure.

FOLKS.. YOUR LUCKY YOU CAN AT LEAST GET OUT TO WAL-MART WITH YOUR PARENT. I AM STUCK IN MY HOUSE 24/7 WITH MY MOM. MOST TIMES I AM OK.. BUT THERE ARE DAYS LIKE YESTERDAY I WALKED AROUND WITH A CLOUD OVER MY HEAD AND CRIED LIKE A BABY FOR ABOUT A HALF HOUR.
MY DAYS RUN INTO ONE ANOTHER.. I GOTTA GO PEE.. AGAIN... CAN I HAVE SOME OLIVES?.. CAN I HAVE A HOT CUP OF COFFEE?.. I DON'T LIKE THIS AND IM NOT GONNA EAT IT!.... WHERE IS MY MONEY?....I'M SORRY IF I ASKED YOU THIS BEFORE, BUT CAN I HAVE SOME OLIVES AND HOT COFFEE.........IT GOES ON AND ON AND ON SO MUCH SO THAT THERE ARE TIMES I WANT TO SCREAM AT HER AND SAY PLEASE........JUST LEAVE ME ALONE FOR AWHILE!
I KNOW WE ALL FEEL THIS WAY AT TIMES.. BUT I JUST HAD TO VENT.....I LOVE MY MOM WITH MY ENTIRE BEING, BUT THIS IS THE HARDEST JOB I HAVE EVER HAD IN MY LIFE. SHE HAS BEEN WITH ME GOING ON 4 YEARS NOW AND IS IN THE LAST STAGES OF CONGESTIVE HEART FAILURE. WE HAVE HOSPICE COMING TO THE HOUSE TWICE A WEEK FOR THE NURSE AND TWICE A WEEK FOR THE NURSE AID TO BATHE HER. THAT AT LEAST GIVES ME TIME TO TAKE A SHOWER AND WASH MY HAIR TWICE A WEEK TO.
MOST TIMES I CAN REMAIN VERY UPBEAT.. BUT BOY THE LAST COUPLE OF DAYS HAVE BEEN A BUGGER FOR ME....I GUESS I JUST NEED TO REGROUP AND GET ON WITH THE CARE I PROMISED TO HER AND DEAL WITH IT.
THE ANGER I HAVE FOR MY ONLY SIBLING (BROTHER) FOR NOT HELPING ME AT ALL AND MY NIECES AND HIS GRANDKIDS AT TIMES ARE OVER WHELMING... BUT THANK GOD I AM ABLE TO LET IT GO MOST TIMES. MY BROTHER WATCHES MOM'S CHECKING ACCOUNT VERY CAREFULLY TO MAKE SURE THAT I DO NOT USE ANY OF HER MONEY FOR MY PERSONAL THINGS. I TOLD HIM I COULD LEGALLY BE CHARGING HER FOR HER CARE... HE SAID IT'S HIS MONEY TOO.. OMG.. SHOULD I SHOOT HIM NOW OR WAIT TILL MOM IS GONE.. LOL...
I SURE HOPE GOD HAS A SPECIAL PLACE FOR US ALL SOME DAY CUZ THE WAY I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW I WILL NEED YEARS TO RECOUPERATE FROM THIS.
GOD BLESS YOU ALL FOR ALL THE GOOD WORK YOU ARE DOING

"MY BROTHER WATCHES MOM'S CHECKING ACCOUNT VERY CAREFULLY TO MAKE SURE THAT I DO NOT USE ANY OF HER MONEY FOR MY PERSONAL THINGS. I TOLD HIM I COULD LEGALLY BE CHARGING HER FOR HER CARE... HE SAID IT'S HIS MONEY TOO.. OMG.. SHOULD I SHOOT HIM NOW OR WAIT TILL MOM IS GONE.. LOL..."

Pudin, isn't it nice how a sibling wants their inheritence protected but sees nothing wrong with letting others do all that free work? Hang in there, do what is right, and you'll enjoy your inheritence far more than he will. I've often wondered if the one sitting back doing all that checking on others if they wouldn't be the very ones to clip mom's checking account for their own personal use if they thought they could get away with it. Maybe your brother is judging you by what he would do. :)

Hi, I'm new to this site. Usually don't have time to sit at the computer, or won't take the time. Husband is asleep. He is totally disabled from a fall at work in 1996. He is paraplegic and then in 2004, his legs and ankles got wounds from knocking them on his wheelchair as he got into and out of bed or into the shower and he got a bone disease causing him to have both legs amputated above the knee. He has fought pressure sores on his bottom since he fell and now we are finding they weren't pressure sores. He's been totally in a special bed here at home since last May. He just had a surgery last Thursday and is still totally in bed until the surgery heals, if it does. Workers Comp pays me to tend to him, but they are nasty folks. The doctor ordered 7 hours per day care and they have been paying it, but yesterday I got something like a time card that I have to fill out every time I do something for him. He has a colostomy that does not work right, it blows off his belly at times causing a mess. It was done as a temporary thing so after the wounds healed he could have it reversed, but he still has regular bouts where his stool comes out where ours does and makes a horrible mess. And it's not 9-5 that these things happen. It's all times during the day and night. He has bladder issues, heart issues and anything else you can think of. He's in and out of the hospital regularly and I'm tired. I pray each day that I live long enough to see my two elderly dogs gone, and that I live longer that Bert because I don't want my children to have to deal with all of this. And he does not want to go to a nursing home. I think he would be dead in six months if he had to go to one. He would simply depress himself to die. We have been married 33 years. I think about getting another job, but he does not want home nursing and I think more than that, since he needs round the clock care, I believe he thinks they would put him in a nursing home. I get out to the grocery once a week or every other week and I've seen two of my granddaughters dance recitals since May. I'm as stuck in this house as he is. The kids and grandbabies come regular and stay the night from time to time so he gets to see them and I think it's what keeps him going. He says he's going to live long enough for all of them to remember him when he's gone. The youngest one is three. Not sure how to end this pity party, but would love to belong to your group. Thanks for listening, or reading. gail

GAIL HONEY.. YOU HAVE A LIFETIME COMMITMENT THERE SWEET LADY. WE ALL FULLY UNDERSTAND HOW YOU FEEL ONLY YOU SEEM TO HAVE IT WORSE THAN MOST OF US..
YOU WILL FIND VERY LOVING AND CARING PEOPLE ON THIS SITE. NO ONE JUDGES YOU FOR ANYTHING YOU FEEL OR SAY. WE HAVE ALL BEEN THERE.. DONE THAT...
YOU NEED A PLACE JUST FOR YOURSELF AND THIS IS IT SO USE IT TO YOUR ADVANTAGE PLEASE.
GOD BLESS YOU HONEY.. AND HANG IN THERE.. GOD PROMISES THAT THIS TO SHALL END... A BIG HUG FOR YOU KNOWING WE ALL NEED THEM.. JUDI

gail,
Welcome to this sight. My heart hurts for the load you are carrying. Your love for your husband speaks volumes about you. I don't think "tired" even begins to cover what you must be feeling.
This sight is a safe place to say what's on your mind and how you feel. You will receive alot of support. I don't think any of us get to this sight by accident.
You are not alone. You have alot to deal with, but please take time to let us know how you are. You are in my prayers. God Bless

Hi Gail,
Welcome. You've got a lot to handle and we welcome you to join us. It helps a lot to know you aren't alone. I hope you can find a way to get more help and get out on your own some. This is too much for anyone.
Carol