I moved my mother into my husband's and my home in November of 2005. She had fell at home and broke her hip. She was not able to live on own any longer anyway. This gave us an excuse to move her into our home. She was a very independent woman before the accident, but things have changed in the last few months.
Her short term memory is not good at all any more. She can not wheel herself around the house any longer.
She just got out of the hospital back in June about a 2 week stay with a blockage in her colon and then she contracted VRE. That is not fun to have in the home. I felt so sorry for her.
I am starting to have crying sessions it seems like every other day anymore. I do not see my mother any longer I see a person declining quickly. I am feeling overwhelmed and I don't think my family sees it. I have told them I need to get away for a few days, but that never seems to happen. No one has time to watch or be with mom except me. I am the only child so this is all on my shoulders. Her brother is not any help they have not spoke in several years now.
I do not know if I am just going through a stage or if I am starting to get depressed. I am with mom almost 24/7 except when a homemaker comes in daily. A person can go to Walmart just so many times to get out of the house. I seem to have lost my friends because I can not get together with them anymore.
This on-line discussion is a life line for me. This way I can communication with people and see how they handle different things that come up in their caregiving also.
So if anyone has advice please let me know how to get myself under control.
Losing Control
Keep coming back here to let us know how you are doing.
Take care,
Carol
On the stress issue, I ordered some stuff from the alzheimers association. They are very good about sending free stuff. can give email addressess here? Just in case: they are a non profit and they are alz, dot, org.
Not that the materials helped directly with stress, but it did help educate me to the disease process.
Do what you must to take care of yourself.
Carol
Dare, when you come to the end of yourself, God is there. When we can no longer hang on, he carries us. I am sorry to hear you are sick. I pray you ask God to heal and help you. He is better than any drug or psychologist
God is the great Physician and Counselor. He is the one who loves your soul, and will see you through. Praying for your health and heart and strength in the Lord. He sees all and knows all, and is willing to help if we just surrender to him.
Now I have daily struggles begging my mother to get out of bed and getting fussed at every step of the way. I guess this is one of the symptoms of Alzheimers as she seems to sleep most of the time and I don't know whether to scream or cry.
My dad is a sweetheart most of the time although he and I both get frustrated and aggrivated about my mother's condition at the same time, which is hard. He is waiting on my sister-in-law to bring my neice over as they have been in town from Florida for 3 days and have not bothered to come by to visit her grandparents, which also pisses me off as I wasn't brought up to be so disrespectful. I guess they are too busy shopping and going out to eat with my sister-in-law's mother and we are always at the bottom of their priority list when they are is in town.
And people wonder why I am a bitch and have an attitude ....... go figure.....
Carol
My older brother and I share a house in AZ (Mom lives with us) but he is dealing with his own issues - very worried about losing his retail job. So he's depressed and not much help. My younger brother lives in SD so he can't help. I retired in 2006 with the anticipation Mom would need more care, but never realized how much harder it would get. They say she is still in the moderate stage, but lately she has been deteriorating quickly. The delusions are more prevalent and the irritability is increasing. Mostly I just wanted to vent .................
I'm so glad you are getting professional help. You will get to a point where you'll have to start looking at a memory unit in assisted living or a nursing home for your mother, for both of your sakes. You can only do this so long.
A lot of people are in very loving relationships with their elders, but a lot of people are afraid they will look bad if they say anything else. When I speak to groups, I give people permission to say that sometimes they hate it all, even if they love the person who was, and I see a lot of nodding heads.
You'll get real honesty here, because people aren't hiding behind propriety. Some in-person groups have people who are very honest, too. However, if you are only hearing lovinig things, it makes me wonder. People are supposed to be in the group to break the isolation and learn they aren't alone - even with negative feelings. Maybe this is a group that is very blessed, and that's wonderful. But, maybe you aren't the only one there with conflicting emotions and depression. You are just the one willing to admit it.
Keep taking care of yourself, and please come back here.
Carol
this is the place to be, you can vent, be encouraging, share your experiences and everyone understands. First and foremost you have to take care of you to be the best care giver you can be and that means your family to and we can't always have things turn out the way we want. My mother refuses to go anywhere except the doctor, the highlight of her life, the bank and to the dollar store for candy. and fun stuff. So be it I thought we would do things to gether but I just chauffer and lug and haul all the crap in and I make her put it away. Or it just sits. Because she doesn't want to do anything except get the mail. She has a fixation on the mail like I care what mail she gets, but I know my mom and she is saying stuff to others that she doesn't want me to know about and hey thats okay, I am not a spy don't want to be a spy and sometimes if you hear stuff about you when you know it isn't true it ticks you off and don't want to go there either. So I just let her do what she wants most of the time, make sure she's fed and clean, warm and goes to her doctors appointments and she doesn't do what they tell her to do either so its just a matter of time.
On a normal note don't forget to SPRING FORWARD THIS WEEK END Oh boy just what we need one less hour of sleep.
Take care everyone Neon
Carol, according to the Alzheimers clinic here, we should start thinking about a place for Mom, but I am in denial. I guess for me it means we're nearing the end and not something I am ready for yet.
Neon - right there with you on the mail. Mom's obsession is putting the mail in neat little piles everyday. For that matter, that seems to be a general obsession. She lines up everything in my brother's room - drives him crazy. And you should see how she folds and lines up Kleenex in perfect little squares. It helps me to laugh sometimes - the other night she took everything off her bureau and put it in the drawers - she had heard it was going to very windy on the east coast. We live in the AZ desert.
I am already taking medication for depression, anxiety and sleep. I need help. A hospice nurse comes in once a week, but just takes her B.P. and gives her more pills for the diahrea. I've suggested to her son that maybe she should in a nursing home, but he's reluctant to do that because she threatened suicide if he ever did. Now I'm looking into Adult-Day-Care but he doesn't even want try that because it would transporting her all time. I have no friends or relatives in this state to help out. Any one have any suggestions??
I hope you will have a good day. I took care of my mother-in-law with Alzheimers and she had the poop thing going on to and the pee thing, if necessary remove all panties from her drawer if she insists on wearing a pair fine but buy some adult pull ups they aren't quite as bulky as they used to be and put them in her drawer and I suggest in the bathroom to if you have room, I also had a small bucket with soapy water under the sink for dirty panties, I don't know about yours but mine would get it everywhere I used to ask her if she was a shit and spin I mean it was on the walls, shower curtain, sink floor, toilet, wall and that was just one bowel movement and as they get older they have more than one believe me. Good luck but Adult day care is not a bad idea and no one should feel guilty about putting a parent in the nursing home they aren't the looney bins they used to be. The ones we have here have all sorts of entertainment and the residents make friends and it really might be good for her like day care for 3 year olds. sometimes they make such good friends that it is good when they start to forget who their family are an don't take that personal if it happens its just part of the disease, watch the notebook, great story. But realistic.
Her suicide threat is something her son needs to forget about. That's a control thing, and it's controlling you, and he's letting it control you. If she needs a nursing home (and it sounds like she does) she will get hospice care there, you can visit as often as you want, but your visits won't be about cleaning carpets, they will be real visits. It will be a much better quality of life for all of you.
Adult day care likely won't take her with her incontinence, at least that's my experience.
Anyway, I think you are being controlled by your ex-husband as he passes the decisions and guilt on to you. Please do something. You are getting medical help for yourself, but you need relief from this and then you can give her the kind of company she really needs from you through your visits.
Carol
Adult daycare has been a godsend to me. I take Mom 3 days a week, about 6 hrs a day. She fights it, but seems to enjoy the people and activities when she's there. The staff is wonderful. I go to Starbucks, bikeride, see a movie, even go to my doctors when Mom is at daycare. Those 18 hrs are all mine and help maintain what little sanity is left. Believe me, at one point I was suicidal. Please everyone, seek whatever help you need. Don't ever let it get so out of control that you are at risk. It is hard to fight your way back.
llg yes you have to log in I usually read the messages log in back space twice and hit refresh than type and submit.
I hope things will change for you soon nauseated, Can he wash himself and feed himself, it might be time for a nursing home I don't mean that to sound cruel but thats what they are there for and as us boomers get older I am sure most of us will end up there, I have decided that if I have to go over to one I am going to take over activities or something and keep them people hopping. LOL