Needing to vent: Our parents are like children.

Hi I seeAustin, naus and llg andAnne and breadown and mindingourelders and roxie I feel like Miss Nancy on Romper room.

Isn't it funny when our loved ones have all the issues we are dealing with the love to get undressed.? When I was two as the story goes, I would take all my clothes off in the summer time, climb up on the fence and yell hi to the boys down the street haha no I don't do that anymore. But little kids and old kids just hate clothes don't they? Maybe its just being comfortable? I sure hope my mom doesn't start that there's a lot of flesh there to see. LOL You ll have a great week end and I will stop in later today to see whats new.

Austin, Great for you you keep up the good work you are doing Awesome and you deserve it. Yes we will take your husband to Oz and hook himup with the Tin Man , and say lots of prayers maybe with some time away from you he will realize how much he relies on you loves you an needs you and today for some reason I can't type worth a flip. Neon

continuing --- ER said hip and leg okay, gave her pain pills and said to see her doctor if it didn't get better. So yesterday we took a trip to the physicians office. Several xrays this time - final answer - she fractured her pelvis. Small non surgical break but will need physical/OT therapy. There is also the possibility of a TIA again seeing she cannot get her left leg to move - we get an MRI next Friday. So now we're dealing with Alzheimers, a fractured pelvis and the potential for another minor stroke. My biggest concern is that she will try to stand, fall again and the small fracture will become a big break. Isn't life grand?

I have not had time to catch up with comments. It takes 20 minutes to get Mom from her bedroom to the den. Promise I will catch up over the weekend.

Dear llg, you take care and try to get in some YOU time. Naus

Anne my thoughts and prayers are with you-you have so much to deal with and are still a comfort to all of us. Lig- I do not think she will get up on her own a fx. pelvis hurts like hell Neon I remember romper room GOD I am old.

Dear Austin, how sweet of you to say. Once again, you have gone beyond yourself (while going through so much yourself) to be a blessing to someone else. You are amazing! Thank you for your prayers. And Ilg, Wow! You have a lot to deal with there. Alzheimer's is tough enough, without the added difficulties associated with stroke and broken bones. Praying for both of you. I must be older than I think because I remember the name "Romper Room," but can't remember Aunt Nancy or anything about it. Is that funny or not?

You wouldn't believe how God answered your prayers, Austin! I couldn't sleep the night before my trip, and watched the clock till 5 AM. So I didn't leave early. I missed lunch with my girlfriend. But I slept in, and took an leisurely 200 mile drive down, even stopped at Goodwill for some shopping on the way. Bought my wonderful 8 year old boy a awesome pair of jeans for $2.00 -there really is a God! I went to the bank and things went smooth, and got good news about something that I've feared and worried about for months. Then met a recently widowed friend for the first time (her husband was a friend of my Dad). When I got there, she handed me a book about caregiving she had picked up for me. Then, she took me to a really nice place for dinner, paid for it, and invited me to stay at her beautiful home all night, and made breakfast in the morning to see me on my way. We're talking 5 star hospitality, "adoptive sister," and blessed friendship! Then today I went to my other friend's home, who helped take the rest of the world off my shoulders, by teaching me how to do the Fiduciary paperwork for the court (due soon), who also saved me $$$$$$ by not having to hiring an accountant. She fed me a wonderful lunch and gave me a plant cutting. She even tried to send food home for my husband as well. Wow! My hubby and son went winter camping this weekend, and didn't feel neglected, and I got girlfriend time. Did I get the major blessings or what?! Then when I arrived back north, visited the Dads at the Nursing Home, to find they were still both doing well. While I was down state, I bought my Mom some food for her dog, left her some cash and a couple grocery cards, and didn't even have to argue with her (she wasn't there! lol). So I got to be a blessing to her without her prior knowledge, and got no resistance or grief, because she was out with her girlfriend. Instead of the usual drudgery and chores, I got to "play angel," and got ministered to by angels. God is good! and I am doing better than I deserve. Tuesday (two days) my family goes back down for Mom's Surgery consult. Will keep you posted. Thanks again for your prayers, everyone. Take care of yourselves! I'm praying God blesses you, too.

Dear Anne, good to hear, you more than earned it! Naus

Thank you. You're up late! How's everything?

I bet I'm not up as late as you are LOL. I'm in Colorado, it's only 11:28pm. I'm waiting for my daughter to get home. She went to go see the "Phantom" of the opera play. I always wait up for her, even though she's 19 1/2. Things are good thank you. Must get up with the family at 5:00am. My 4yr old grandaughter spending night and going ice fishing with my other daughter age 12, and her PaPa, and Daddy. As soon as the noise begins, I know my Dad will be up too. Oh happy day! Everyone else gets to go do the fun things. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Naus

You still have ice? Why not take your Dad ice skating? LOL! Or camping in the living room with both Dad and 4yr old? Who says you can't have fun? We're allowed to have fun in Michigan, even at 1:37am. hugs!

PS, Could you say hello for me to my relatives in Denver? Thanks Naus!

My MIL and FIL, and my husbands family all live in Michigan. I was in Michigan last July. We plan on going back in August for my MIL 80th birthday. That woman puts me to shame. She is still working, and taking care of her husband, my FIL who has emphysema. Why are you up late, or so early I should say?

Up late catching up on puter posts after traveling for two days. Don't want to sleep when I can talk to you! :) Besides, I love to write when it's quiet enough to think. But have to get up in 6 hours, so should lie down soon. Thanks again for prayers. You've been a blessing! :)

Shall I say hello to MIL and Fil for you? Who watches your Dad when you travel to Michigan during our wonderful summer weather?

I am new to this board, but I am in need of some release. My Mom is 86 and starting 6 months ago, I started going to her home 25 miles away 4 times a week to help her with bills, medicine, and proper food for a diabetic. Christmas day she set her house on fire and she was not hurt, but the home was severly smoke damaged and I brought her to my home. I am dealing with that one day at a time.
January 7 she came down with a bloody nose that would not quit and her blood sugar was 375! Off to the hospital and it was discovered she had a platelet count of 3! They tried for 2 weeks with 6 blood transfusions and 5 platelet transfusions. Bone marrow biospy came back neg. Finally the docs were able to get it up to acceptable levels. The medicine they gave her made her sick. Then she was transfered to a rehab because she had not walked or even stood up for almost 3 weeks. When she found out she was going to the rehab, she called me and was screaming at me that it was my choice for her to go there and hung up on me. It was the doc who ordered it, not me! After being in the rehab for about 2 weeks, (which was a very good one in this area) she climbed over the bed rail and fell in the bathroom. Back to the hospital and more tests for fractures, stroke and blood. More blood transfusions. After 2 weeks back to the rehab. I went every day to the hospital and the rehab (I was laid off from my job christmas week).
Anyway, she was released March 10, only 5 days ago. They told me she was continent and could walk with a walker 250'. They showed me how to move her and ways to assist her. We have been to her doctor and a nurse , physical therapist, health care aide, and social worker are all scheduled to come to my house.
Well, things are very bad. She has fallen twice with me and my friend right there....she just let go of the walker. She never tells me she needs the toilet. My entire house is being peed on. I walk around washing floors, carpets, chairs, everything. The washer goes constantly. She won't eat! I sit for 2 hours each meal to get 2 bites into her. I have a wheelchair for her because I am afraid she is going to get hurt. Rehab recommended it. She cannot get up out of a chair or bed yet at 7:30 am today she got out of bed (I checked her at 7 and she was fast asleep), went to the bathroom and took off her diaper (put it in the sink)peed all over the floor, went back to her room took all her wet clothes off and was sitting in the wheelchair! Today she slept all day in the chair after she did eat a very small brarkfast and I washed her and changed all her clothes for the second time in 2 hours. I woke her several times to talk and ask her if she need the bathroom and she just went back to sleep. With the aid of my friend and adult son we decided she she go to the bathroom around noon. Well it took 3 of us 20 minutes to walk her with the walker 15 feet and another 15 minutes to get her on the toilet. THe wheelchair seat was dripping all over my house! Oh my, I don't think I can do this.
She has gotten up 2 times in 5 days when she knew I was in bed late at night and walked herself to the kitchen and bath without any walker or wheelchair, yet when I am around she cannot do anything. Does anyone know why this can be? I feel she is pulling my strings and not cooperating at all. I told her today she must eat and tell me when she needs the bathroom. She sneered at me with her eyes squinted and lifter her head to turn away. I don't know what is going on.

I am up at 7 and on my feet taking care of Mom till at least 10:30 and getting no sleep at night because sometimes calls for me at night or I hear something. My back is shot and very painfull. I have very uncooperative brother and he is not going to help. Oh, any info would HELP. Thanks

This will be the first summer Dad is with me. I just brought him here in November. Michigan is so beautiful. I liked it by Lake Huron. In-laws live in Sterling Heights. I think Dad will be in assisted living when we go next time.

Dear anndees, you came to the right place. Hold on to your seat belt! Have you been reading other posts? You will find lots of advice. Lots have been there, done that. Did a Social Worker at the hospital say she was OK to go home? Why wasn't she placed in a Nursing Home? Sounds like she and you need more help. Praying for you. Keep us posted.

anndees, you dear sweet thing! You need some help. Don't take this the wrong way, but you need some professional help for your mom so you can get a break. So glad you found this site, it will help you so much as it has helped me. You need a nurse to come in if you can afford it and help you out. Hang in there, we are here for you. Prayers to you, and BIG HUGS!

Anne, so what we get for staying up so late! LOL

Nauseated

The staff at the rehab, including the physical therapist and social worker said she could go home, but they either lied or Mom is pulling a mean trick on me!

I don't think your Mom is tricking you. I wish she was. Sounds like she has developed dementia from the diabetes issue. Read up on it as much as you can. Take Care of yourself and get some help. You may have to do as Anne suggested and put her in a nursing home. You can only do so much sweetie. Take Care, and get some rest. Tomorrow is another day, and the Lord knows what you have need of. Nauseated

anndees, sounds like you won't have to worry for long. She may be back in hospital soon. Can keep her there or send her to Nursing Home?

Naus, Colorado is beautiful, too. Hope to see it again someday. Lake Michigan is my favorite; both sides of Mackinaw Bridge. I live in lower; vacation in upper. Can't wait till July and August and to have my toes in the sand on my fave beach. We still have snow, and no crocuses yet. Hawaii sounds nice right now. And sleep. Good night all! Happy Lord's day!

thank you!

Hi Ann Marie,

It sounds as if you have a handful right now. I was in exactly the same place as you six years ago. I kept my mother at home

I agree with the rest of the gang Anndees. She will end up in a hospital or nursing home very soon with the way she is falling and so on. I see things in your post that are going on in my world, like it's amazing they can do stuff when you're not looking but can't when you are. Hang in there, keep us posted and try try try to relax in between things and sleep when you can. It's like being a brand new mother :) You'll live through it I promise :)

Anndees, I just read your post. I understand your situation and it is similar to what I've been dealing with with mom. The things she is doing are signs of dementia. Sounds like you are getting home health to work with you at home. Usually after a rehab stay, home health monitors the patient at home by doctor's orders. These people can help you, but you have to be brutally honest and explicit about every detail of what your day is like and your mother's behavior. Otherwise, they will work with her as if she is able to do as she was at the rehab. My mother at 89 fell and broke her hip in my home. I had moved her in with me after she had a brain stroke. Her brain function was not the same but she still was okay. After the fall, we did the hospital for 2 weeks and she was not recovering, when she finally did, we did the rehab for 20 days. Then, I brought her home with me. At the rehab, they made her do things that she has a lot of difficulty doing but they still made her and did the best that she could. When we came home, the PT person, was ready to go with exercises and mother could not do all of that. That is when I started telling to them, the home health people, as they came to the house the way that mother really was. They worked with her the best they could but clearly mother was declining. I called her doctor myself and explained how she was and got him on my side. Remember that the doctor gives the orders to the home health. To make a long story short, mother has signs of dementia and was not eating or drinking enough and acting weird although she could not get up and walk on her own anymore. She is now in hospice care as of 3 weeks ago. Dementia seems to be the culprit here for her and sounds like it is for your mother. Please let the home health people know and the social worker should be able to help you with either more information of assistance. They have resources that unless one asks, they don't tell you. I too lost my job the day after she had her stroke and still had to move her in with me. I am working 2 small part-time jobs to complement her income and that is how we are making it. I am glad that I am able to care for her, but I have gone through emotions of anger, resentment, more anger and more resentment. Now, I pray to God to help me be a better daughter and mother to my own children and every morning I have to thank God for being able to do this for her. This process started in May 2008 basically 10 months ago. Incredible. Stay with this site. There is a lot of good information that comes in daily.

Anndees and all the great folks who have posted - Know you are not alone. Moms vascular dementia started over 10 years ago after a stroke and several TIAs. We've been through surgeries for a broken hip and broken elbow. Now we dealing with a broken pelvis and possibly another stroke. Doctors also diagnosed Alzheimers last year -- I guess they call it 'mixed' dementia. Mom has fallen 4 times in the past month, thinking she is still strong enough to get up. Her BP was extremely low at the doctor's on Friday, not sure why yet. This morning Mom, in her head, was in the guardhouse at a military base and said nothing in the house that we've lived at for 20 years looked familiar. She started crying uncontrollably. For me that's when I feel like I can't do it anymore. But then I log on and see we are all praying for each other. It helps me to keep going. So know I am praying for you and hang in there.

I have to log on and read the other inspiring posts to keep me going, when I'm not changing sheets and towels, and cleaning up poop. I'm very tired. I try to catch a quick nap during the day, but just when I start to doze, Dad gets up and starts snooping around. I sometimes pretend to be asleep just to see what he does. He will go in my kitchen and snoop around. He will grab anything edible lying on the kitchen counter as long as it's junky. I put bananas and avacados, and a fruit bowl on the kitchen counter for him, and he won't touch them unless I serve them to him. But if he sees cookies, candy, or cake sitting on the counter, expect to see chunks missing, and crumbs everywhere, or frosting on everything he touches. What's up with that? I'm thinking I may have to go on food stamps pretty soon. He eats like a teenage boy, when it's served to him, like he never gets fed. Offer anything to him, and he will say no at the same time he is reaching for it. Try to get him to read a book, and he says no I don't want to. Try to get him to do crosswords, he says no I don't want to. I don't ask him what he wants to do anymore, because all he says is I want to get out of here. I want to go home. Since we have had spring like weather lately I set up a chair on my deck outside for him to sit in the sun and watch birds or other wildlife. It's quiet and peaceful unlike his own neighborhood, which he will probably never see again. I am trying to hang in here, but I really don't think I am cut out for this caregiver role, especially when I am constantly changing sheets, and cleaning the bathroom. I can't do this anymore. I must put him in assisted living, but he has no readily available funds, his annuities aren't mature until 2015, so he will suffer thousands in penalties, I'm not sure what to do. Must sleep, tomorrow is another day. Good night all! God Bless! Nauseated

Hi Naus, I'm going through the same thing with my ex-MIL.
all she does is sit in front of that darn T.V. all day (when she's not pooping on the floor). We actually got her to wear underwear finally. She refuses to wear adult diapers. She eats a lot of sweets also. Her dementia is getting worse, along with her hearing and eyesight. The T.V. blasts all day and drives us nuts. She won't go to the ear specialists or to day care. It's real difficult to get her to even go out on the porch and sit in the swing. Her paranoia is getting worse day by day. Always locking the doors (even during the day) We live in a rural area where there's no crime. I think she is just afraid of dying. We try talking to her and reassuring her that everything will be alright, but she is very distrustful of everyone. I feel like my life has been put on hold and is passing me by. I know that this too shall pass and it is my faith getting me through it. God bless you all and thanks for reading.

Dear Naus, have you heard "rummaging" is like looking for clues of who they used to be... All the things you describe sound like a normal day in Alzie Land. Dad 2 was in Assisted, but it wasn't enough help for him, and is now in a Nursing Home. Dad 1 was placed there by a Geriatric Psych Hospital, for his own protection and others-not our choice. It was the best decision for both, and they are doing fine. The best part is that we visit them every day. They are well cared for by staff, who work together to provide for all their needs, wants, etc. And we go to enjoy the Dad's and have fun with them. They are well loved, and don't feel "parked" and left to rot. They have full lives there, because there are men's groups, luncheons and shopping out, movies, church, and all kinds of stimulating activities for the residents. They are doing very well there. Just a consideration. It's not for everyone, but works great for some, perfect for us. Dad is doing so much better since they adjusted his meds. He's become more social and interactive, for the first time since last June. Praise the Lord!!! Talk to an Elder Law attorney for help with the financial part. We had to spend down some assets, but it was so worth it. Now we will spend their final days/weeks/months or years of life just enjoying them. And they love our visits, especially their 8 year old grandson, who is a bright spot to all the residents. Praying for wisdom for you and help for your Dad. God bless you, too, motherofmax.

Mom lives 200 miles away, and we are driving there today for a consult with her Cancer Surgeon, which will operate asap. Thank God for the nursing home and for Dad doing so much better, since we will be focusing on her immediate health needs for the foreseable future. Just as we were getting ready to move her closer to her husband, she was diagnosed with Cancer, on top of disc problems in her back, cysts on her kidneys, and Emphysema. She still lives in her own too-large home, and we're the closest relatives to care for her. Sad when parents start declining.

Naus, Anne, motherofmax, I just got in and had to respond, my mother also likes to snoop but she always did, I find that the only tastes she has now is sweets and salts. I think those are the last two tastes that are left too am cleaning crumbs spills, dirty bathrooms usually when i take my shower in the a.m. I do the bathroom when I get home from work its the kitchen and the bathroom. i think its just part of the decline. I do less housework these days unless its gross because it doesn't matter unless I have people over than get my son and husband to help get things in order, you can't make yourself crazy by keeping your home like you used to. I used to be a clean freak and don't get me wrong there are days it drives me asolutely batty. I feel I am the only one who can think in that house. I asked mother yesterday what was for supper I feel she can do that but in the 10 months she's lived with me I can count on one hand how many meals she has fixed for the both of us and still have fingers left over but can cook for herself all day long so figure that one out knowing her its just laziness. But laziness aside she is going downhill its tv all day long to the point my poor husband has to literally go to another room to watch it or she gets mad because he wants to watch his flat screen I bought him two christmas' ago, he is on the road and when he comes home after yard work and what not that is his relaxation. She sleeps during the day and stays up all night and eats candy and does Lord knows what in her room Its just not the norm for me but it may be for her who is to say. I must go for now but will check back later I had to go to a meeting and lost my train of thought started this about 2 hours ago. neon

Hi everyone - I tend to agree about the snooping, think it may be a way of connecting to something they remember. Mom spends lots of time looking through anything thats laying around, most specifically knick knacks and photos. And she goes through the same pile of bank statements almost every day. Think it comforts her to know the money is still there.

Anne, I almost wish someone would make the decision for me to put Mom in a nursing home. Her doctors say to start thinking about it, my therapist says I already should have done it, my bothers say never do it, Mom doesn't want it -- God how do you ever decide when or if it's the right time? Perhaps in our case some of the dilemma stems from the fact that we are New England stock - extremely independent - even with the broken pelvis Mom thinks she should be able to walk without pain pills and do everything that should could before the fall.

Neon, wish you could teach me how to let go of house cleaning. I still try to stay up until after midnight to make a dent in all that needs to be done. Mostly I'm trying to keep up with finances and paying bills. The house is a mess and I feel terrible about it. Guess I can blame that on Mom. She was a Navy nurse and used to hold 'white glove' inspections when we were growing up.

And the dogs are starting to act up because we don't pay any attention to them anymore. This is just not right for a dog lover like me!