I moved my mother into my husband's and my home in November of 2005. She had fell at home and broke her hip. She was not able to live on own any longer anyway. This gave us an excuse to move her into our home. She was a very independent woman before the accident, but things have changed in the last few months.
Her short term memory is not good at all any more. She can not wheel herself around the house any longer.
She just got out of the hospital back in June about a 2 week stay with a blockage in her colon and then she contracted VRE. That is not fun to have in the home. I felt so sorry for her.
I am starting to have crying sessions it seems like every other day anymore. I do not see my mother any longer I see a person declining quickly. I am feeling overwhelmed and I don't think my family sees it. I have told them I need to get away for a few days, but that never seems to happen. No one has time to watch or be with mom except me. I am the only child so this is all on my shoulders. Her brother is not any help they have not spoke in several years now.
I do not know if I am just going through a stage or if I am starting to get depressed. I am with mom almost 24/7 except when a homemaker comes in daily. A person can go to Walmart just so many times to get out of the house. I seem to have lost my friends because I can not get together with them anymore.
This on-line discussion is a life line for me. This way I can communication with people and see how they handle different things that come up in their caregiving also.
So if anyone has advice please let me know how to get myself under control.
Losing Control
Carol
We didn't know what was happening with our parents because we lived far away, and just a visit here and there didn't alert us to anything. Things "appeared normal," mostly. And it's easy to brush off suspicions for awhile until things become "glaring." Don't mean to sound "cryptic." Do you understand what I am saying? We had some suspicions about things, but didn't think my parent's finances were any of my business. Someone at the bank actually tipped me off about my Dad's problems. She suggested I "come with him for appointments," and pressed a business card in my hand. Thank God! I not only listened, but started playing detective. What I found was not good. There was major trouble! And major debt. And Dad had major Alzheimer's. Wow! What discoveries. I felt like Chicken Little.
If any of you have even the slightest suspicions about your loved ones finances, and want to be of help, ask them. Or check it out. They may not want you to know, but if there's trouble, you may be able to help. They may not like it, but sometimes need someone to step in and help or be their advocate. You may be embarrassed to ask, but let them know you care. Some people are too proud to tell others they are struggling, so be observant. We can't just assume everything is fine. (Not trying to spread paranoia, just caution.)
Austin, prayer will be your greatest ally in your marriage and all the difficulties you have to overcome. God can do what you cannot. Yes, look out for your best interests, and get a separate account if need be. But always ask for help. God can guide and make a way where there seems to be no way. God can change hearts and move mountains, if need be. Or he can discipline in ways you could not. Trust him to help you, and expect he will if you ask. I speak in love, and hope I haven't overstepped boundaries.
Thank you so much for sharing. I feel vindicated. I feel like I may just be able to hold on to a modicum of sanity. All because of all of you.
Take care,
Carol
Oh and btw Anne. I've decided not to cut my hair since I was already pulling at it. If it were short than I'd be bald in no time. LOL!!!
Shar
And how they can be doing good one minute and then next is like the switch went off in their head.
Well just waying in a little.
The past 4 days have been going pretty good. Not been frustrated.
BLESSING TO ALL , ELAINE
Please keep us posted on how you are doing. With your father and now your brother - you've got a lot to deal with. We'll be thinking about you.
Carol
Hope all is well with all of you.
Congratulations! Enjoy some peace.
Best,
Carol
We didn't start out on a good note this morning, but cheerful nurses at the hospital helped. How amazing to see how far medicine has come. I'm blessed to be a part of all that's going on today, so far... Thanks for your prayers for my Mom. Anne
Shar
Dear breakdown, praying for your Dad and brother and you. I'm amazed they don't want you to visit your Dad right now. I hear that, too, at first. But then they said it was better for Dad to adjust to his new surroundings if I was there. I've been there for him ever since, except when away dealing with Mom. Praying all goes well with all you have going there. God will watch over him when you can't. Take care.