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Boy, oneandonly, I sure know how you feel as my dad is 96 too. I thought seven years ago when I first brought him to live with us that he would not last too long too. Guess God had something more in mind. I have a brother who does nothing and friends who just do not get it so I know how that feels. About a month ago, I emailed my "story" to the national family caregivers assoc. poring my heart out about everything and my user name was "Want my life back" and my password was "frustrated'. I got a quick reply back as I must of scared them and they suggested I see a therapist. I was crying the whole time I was typing that story, so I understand that it is not funny when we are in it. However, when we are somewhat sane things do look up. I actually did see a therapist right after I brought my dad here. My mom died at age 90 in 2002, then closed dad's house in 2003, then a brother died suddenly at age 49 in 2004 so I was pretty nuts!! I have to say the therapist really did help me and I am thinking now about going back as dad's needs have changed considerably. I know that "time-for-me feeling so well. Have you been able to get any respite care? There are grants out there. I was able to get $500 last year from our council of aging!! It was great! And they paid for sitters in the home as that is what I try to do. Some grants, however, will not pay for that as they want you to place your loved one in assistant living which is okay for a short stay; I would do that if they did not pay for my sitters here. Something I do when I can't get away is I go to the furthest part of the house and pretend that my father does not live here (lol). I know that sounds crazy but it works and I watch tv, or read, or eat....whatever makes you happy; it somehow separates me from the caregiving role I guess. Also, someone said if you walk around the house with a smile on your face it helps. It does because I did that and it felt so forced that I began to laugh as it seemed so stupid. I have discovered that I like gardening, something I did not do before. So, try new things and you might surprise yourself by finding something to help you disconnect from all the caregiving. Thanks for venting; it so helps to know there is someone else out there with a 96-year-old parent!!!
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Hi 1215,
Thanks for the reply. I will be sending my mom to respite care this summer (for the first time) as we have a family wedding out of town. She saw the place and liked it since she knows she doesn't have to stay there forever ( I only wish). Since I am an only child (Dad is gone over 20 yrs) I used to depend upon my adult children to help watch her when I went somewhere (I used to travel for work but can't anymore & now work from home). However my daughter recently had a baby and my son is expecting his first child this year so they are not available to help out as before.
I too have taken to the garden to reduce some stress. It does help but it seems whenever I get involved in something my mom needs something. They do have a certain "radar" when we try to do something for ourselves.
I know God has a plan for her but I wish I was in on it!!
Keep venting.........it is the only way we don't go looney.......
oneandonly
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LOL! You said a mouthful, Oneandonly. We'd all like to know the future. The fact that your mother is cooperating with this respite care outside the home is a good sign. Maybe she's ready for adult day care, which would occupy her during the day while you have time for a life of your own.

Carol
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Thanks to everyone who responded to my post last week. Your suggestions and advice are well received and very helpful. This website has been a helpful and beneficial resource for caregivers who are dealing with difficult circumstances. I hope that I can help someone else with some advice or words of encouragement. I was very upset and in my initial posting last week and regret using some strong words to vent my frustrations. I picked my mother up from her apartment today and took her out to lunch. We had a nice lunch and I enjoyed spending the morning and afternoon with her. I tried have a more positive and compassionate disposition and keep my frustrations and anger at bay. My mother expressed to me how lonely she gets living by herself and how she wishes she could still be living with her sister. My aunt broke her hip a year ago and also suffers from dementia. She now lives in an assisted living home. My mother lived with her sister for many years and now lives by herself in her own small apartment. For the first time in her life at 87, she is living alone with out any close friends or social network. Without any help from my only sister and brother, I`m the only person looking after my mother. She depends on me for everything. It`s all too easy to get angry at my mother for consuming so much of my life now. I realize that I`m more upset with my sister and brother for not stepping up to help my mother more than they do. Calling my mother once every two weeks or longer, and visiting her on the holidays is not enough. This situation is unlikely to change. As my mother`s only caregiver, I know that I`m going to have to accept it and take charge of this situation. I`m going to have to take a more pro-active role in using all the resources available to help my mother and take care of myself. As caregivers, we have to try to manage our time the best way possible to take care of ourselves as well as our loved ones we`re caring for. I think it is important that we maintain our physical and mental health. I try and find time to exercise everyday and eat healthier. A regular routine of exercise and good nutrition can relieve stress and improve our mental outlook. Being a caregiver can become overwhelming, depressing and become very stressful. It is imperative that we take care of ourselves and keep ourselves as healthy as possible. I read a surprising statistic the other day, 30 percent of caregivers die before the people whom they are caring for. We all need to try and do the best we can to take care of ourselves and get help when we need it. It`s nice to know there are people who are concerned and willing to help. I`m glad to know that there are resources such as this website that can offer help and comfort to people who are overwhelmed and struggling with difficult circumstances. I wish all of you the best and pray that you will get through this difficult process in your lives. Take care of yourselves, try to stay positive and may God bless you. Thank you.
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Hi David,
As you are finding out, one way to relieve that stress and isolation is by talking it out with other caregivers. People do say things on this site that I'm sure they wish they could take back, but these caregivers realized that the person writing is in a bad spot - nearly all of us have been there ourselves. We're glad you are checking back. Yes, that statistic is right on, and now researchers are finding it may be even higher. Caregivers all too often forget to take care of themselves (or don't have the time, energy or money). You are wise to realize you are angry with your siblings, rather than your mother.

Take care and please check in whenever you feel like it.
Carol
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Good for you oneand only; so glad you are getting away to the family wedding. Go and have a great time and do not think about your mother; she will be fine. It took me awhile to let go when I would get away. That is one thing my therapist told us to do; to get away every three months. Its easier said than done due to money mostly, but after hearing what the stats are on us dying before them I think I will surely find a way now!! Another thing I was taught was to lower my expectations so for David53 I know where you are coming from as my brother does nothing. It took awhile for me to lower my expectations where he was concerned and to let go of the anger and resentment. Because guess what..... while we are ranting and raving and angry, they are clueless and going about their business and are just fine. So, DO NOT GIVE THEM YOUR POWER!!!!! Get that respite care as it really does make a huge difference. I can tell when it goes beyond that three-month period. Don't feel bad about venting. Did you read my crazy stuff I wrote? That is the beauty of this site. We all are going through the same stuff and understand the ups and downs. We are here for you. Glad you mentioned the nutrition and exercise as they are very important. I need to get back to that. It is too easy to just grab anything to eat and be lazy as I am now. A few years ago I was doing so much better, eating well and working out. Also was seeing a therapist around that time. Hmmmm.....another reason for going back to my therapist. Think I will make that appt this week. Another trick is learning to be flexible and not get upset when our loved one interrupts us in the middle of what we are trying to do for ourselves. I had a wake up call last week as my sitter lost her sister and said to me, "Once they are gone, they are gone forever" I had to stop and think about that one and decided to just love dad as best I could and forget all else as much as possible!!
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1215- that was good advice about lowering our expectations about the one we are caring for I need to do that I have been easier on myself on things I do- good enough is good enough but I do expect more from him then will do and I just need not to do that anymore-please those of who pray-pray for me to have a good outcome with my meeting with the elder laywer on Tue and if not help me to accept what I have to accept I am planning plan # 2 so if I have to I can go to that-I am a person who see's black and white and that probably is not wise, take care all of you dear friends.
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Hi Austin,

I hope you will be ok. Hang in there - one pragmatist to another ..... let us know what happens.

C
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1215 - so well put. Thank you.
Carol
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1215,
Good advice. My husband and I are going for 3 days to small local resort. W have not had a break since November. Ad that was only for 2 days to go to a wedding. My brother is also a big disappointment. He does nothing and mom is OK with this! I am so looking forward to the mini vacation. I got a dog to love and occupy my time. We walk 1- 2 miles a day and she is the little love of my life. She is my therapy!!!

Good luck,
Linda
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Glad you are getting away; have a great time. My brother and nephew are coming next Tues for about three days but I will be entertaining them as they would not think to stay with dad so my husband and I could get away. But that is okay as I am doing it for my father, not them. Just going to remember good times and look at pics and hopefully have some crabs and crab soup as we are all from Maryland.

Do you have power of attorney? Speaking of parent being okay with what the brother does not do, it took me forever to get my dad to put me first as POA. It was that generation thing about the boy being the first born, etc. BS!! So glad dad finally realized after the lawyer talked to him about how lucky he was to have his daughter taking care of him. That was some years ago as it has now been close to seven that we have had dad.

We dog sit on Wed and will today for my son and you are right, that is great therapy. He has a pitbull Brownie he has had since a puppy so she is really sweet and a weimaraner boy Dallas. It is not too far so all in all about a couple hours. It is nice to get away from the house, pet the dogs, and then come back. Gives a fresh perspective.

We hope to get away after my brother and nephew leave!! Enjoy yourself!
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Hi 1215 I am originally from MD too please please eat a dozen steamed crabs for me oh how I would love some.

It was a very stressful weekend to say the least, I had something new happen to me thus going to the doctor in about 45 min. I had what one nurse at church called zingers. Little tiny sharp hit you in the left temple headaches, last for about 5 seconds and happen every 25 seconds, found out this is caused by BP but mine was fine this morning. Sooooooooooo needing to take care of me. Mom is going down hill fast I think loose bowels constantly and sleeping all the time I get home and she says are you home?? So need to get myself in order just had my first class in the no smoking, had a walk I guess 1/4 mile. will go on patches tonight, hubby will have to go outside to smoke I have got to do this if I have a stroke, mom is in a nursing home for sure there will be no one to take care of her and who will take care of me? I know my son will but I don't want him to I want him to get on with his life, he just broke up a four year relationship not of his doing and that's been stressful had to take a dining room and make a bed room out of it and rearrange three other rooms now in the process of going thru stuff for a yard sale need some extra bucks. I wish I could get away, so anyway I came home from church yesterday and took an extra BP med and a anxiety med and went to bed at 3 and slept till 8:30 felt so much better went back to bed at 11 after taking all my meds and slept most of the night. So please pray for me I have to really have to quit the smoking between that and the stress it's gonna do me in and I am not afraid to die I just have to clean out one more closet first. Hope you are all well.
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Hey Neon, Yep you better clean that closet out, heaven forbid anyone see what it looks like I'm right there with you!!!You make me laugh, I love it. I never heard of those zingers but good thing you found out what it is and keep an eye on the blood pressure. I'm sure your blood pressure will get better once you quit and you will do it I did. It's hard but really worth it.Take care now, Micheleangel
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There is alot of different thinks i've read that hit home for me. But right now this is the one bothering me right now.
What do u do with all the resentment and anger u have with the ones that said they was going to help?
Short story: I've been taking care ofmom fr over 10 years with dementia. Fell back in Jan 09. Started staying with her 24/7 and notice things was worse than thought (with her dementia). Brother and 2 sister in laws helped plus husband but seemed like i was there most of the time. If they had a problem they would call me to help. So decided to move her in with me. And has some one on here told they will all disappear. Which is what happened. The brother would hep some and would take mom over to his house for awhile. But he just couldn't handle her confusion or if she cryed. So after that always some excuse not to help. And his wife cn't handle nothing. The other sister in law (on husband side) said she would be there for me. Well she disappeared.
Mom is in Adult Day Care during the week. So that gives me time. But my husband is a work. So we never have anytime to ourselves. Weekend after weekend, evening after evening and no help. Ever where we go we have to take mom. We used to be more activite people til now.
After all is said and done. And we have survived dementia. What to do with the resentment and anger with the family. That is what is on my mine right now. Expectually the sister in law on husband side, she said she would be there no matter what else others did. Yea right. We use to hang out together go to lunch and that good stuff. Just don't know how i feel about her anymore.
Right now u sure do found out who will be there for u during hard times.
One think for sure my husband has been there for me!!!!
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Hi Elaine62, I can relate to you and I feel bad for all you go through. It is very hard, I know I do the same. I can tell you that all these people on this site are in the same boat and we do what we do because we care. I guess the siblings that don't help really are selfish people and you really can't change that. I know that I won't have to live with the guilt of never helping and caring like they will. I am so grateful too for my husband and kids don't know what I'd do without them, they help so much. I will keep you in my prayers and just remember we are always here for you no matter what!!! Take care now, Micheleangel
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Elaine and Michele,
Here is the odd point that I make to my friends. My brother, who does nothing, will never feel the guilt because he doesn't care and doesn't see mom as his responsibility. He sleeps at night just fine. We, on the other hand, have sleepless nights and worry because we do care. Go figure! My husband puts up with a lot and he is so patient. My only silver lining is that my brother's mil is coning to live with him soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now he will know ,first hand, what it is like!
Take care,
Linda
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Thanks for all the comments. I don't know why but this has been on my mine for weeks, about the anger and resentment. I guess i'm trying to deal with it now instead of later.
I can understand why sometimes about there feeling of not being able to handle it. Or what ever they are feeling. But u know we have the same feelings. All we are asking for is hours or a day out of there time, not weeks. I too would like to be able to go to the lake and go fishing again. Or go play a game of golf again.
We are in the process of saleling her home. And I left that to my brother. I said i'm taking care of mom u can take care of the house. All of it, cleaning it out, and getting it ready to sale and all the phone calls.

One other thing I've been reading on here. Is some of us looking for help finiancial. Don't know if this has been mention on here. But there is a program thru the VA. It is VA/A Place for Mom. If any of u have a dad that serviced in the service during war time, your mom may be eligible for benefits. And it don't mean that they had to be overseas. Just served during war time. Just check it out. I did and mom qualified. The only thing is they will have to go into a facility. Assited Living or Nursing facility. Right now just waiting on the home to sell, so we will have the extra money to use. Because most of these places are more than there SS. and what the VA will pay.( Max is $1057.00. Va.) So may have to have some more money to make up the difference. but any how i've been checking out all my options.

Thanks for the Prays we can all Use them, and on some days Big Time Prays, Take Care all, Elaine
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Hi All, well glad I make somebody laugh besides myself. Today is day three I have been doing well with my smoking cessation although there have been a few times I could have bitten my hand off. But Hubby is cooperating and doing his smoking outside. Took mother shopping tuesday eve after work she remarks i hope it isn't this hot the next time we go shopping I said well I guess you won't go again until November. Summer hasn't really started yet??? than last night she gives me her med bottles to have refilled. why in the world didn't you give them to me when we were out I could have dropped them off and picked them up today. Also at the bank I got her board money, yes I charge her board and she wanted phone with unlimited long distance so told she had to pay for that to but she has decided she isn't going to pay the whole thing well hubby has gone from five days a week to three since Nov. it has not helped our situation at all each month we get a little further behind and I spend at least 1000.00 a month on groceries I don't even eat. so will find ways to cut back. I try to make sure she has all the foods she likes and needs but she has plenty of spend money I would like to have a fourth of what she gets to spend every month so she can afford fruit and the like. Oh well in due time it will all be history. Went to doc monday he put me on antidepressant which one should take the edge off the quitting the smoking and help with the depression I feel because like all of you there is no help some from hubby and son but most of the "burden" falls on me and yes most of the time I feel it's a burden. Sorry to say I had hoped it would be different but it isn't any different now that it was 45 years ago. Now that my son has moved back home its like what is he doing what did he buy what is he going to do with this and that I said why don't you ask him because its none of my business he's a grown man and i don't control his life, (do you think she got the message???) Well as luck would have it the person my son was with showed up at the doctors office while I was there, with her oldest son, she told him I suppose not to even look at me and she wouldn't even look at me so that told me she knows she did wrong. Well I have a surprise for her tonight her Dad's birthday is tomorrow and they are going away. so tonight I am going to pop in and give him a small gift for his birthday ought to be really interesting. not staying long but after that I will know I did all the right things in the right way and the next move is up to them, they say they still want to be friends with us but time will tell it's been my experience that people will be your friend as long as you make the calls, do the emailing, stop by and lend the hand when they need it. If you stop you never hear from them again. Only once did someone find me that I helped in 1978 and we are still friends to this day. I hope you all find some way to enjoy your upcoming week end take some time for you if you don't no one else will. XOXOXO
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I have realized today that I have been amiss in planning ahead. My husband is an artist and needs to go to Pickens tomorrow to pick up a painting. Today I am calling sitters trying to get someone to stay for three hours tomorrow so I can go with him just to get out. He and I discussed it and we both realized we need to put it on the calendar and get the sitter ahead of time to just do some day trips nearby. Its also cheaper then paying someone for overnight care!! It does not sound like much but it does get us away from the burden of my father, and as others have said and are truthful about it; it is a burden even though we love them. So, we should not feel any guilt saying that. So, after my brother leaves after next week we will start doing that weekly even if we just go to a movie locally. We need to have a date day or night as it is also important to guard your marriage! And my guy is a saint as he cares so much and does much to help me; I am very fortunate! Don't get me wrong though as we all, as couples in this, argue from time to time as it is hard. We are back today reading our "In touch" with charles Stanley and praying. We pray for all of you as well as all caregivers everywhere. This time together in prayer in the a.m. really helps us to jumpstart our Christian walk in this as we do get weary!

Just as an aside, I have had physical therapy in and the gal is wonderful. My father is doing better as a result and gaining more strength. Medicare pays for this. We discovered that the therapist had an upper and lower body cycle that you can get at our favorite place we all like to visit (lol).....you guessed it .. Walmart!! Its around $25 and well worth the price. It can be put on a table too and used rotating the arms with the hands. My father could never use the bike in rehab before due to his knee surgeries, but he can do this easily even at 96. So, just thought I would mention it as some of you might be able to use it with your loved one.
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1215,
We have scheduled caregivers who come in for about 30 hours a week. It is expensive, but I would go nuts without it. After the summer is over, I will lessen the time to save money. Who wants to go out in the snow and sleet anyway? My one helper comes 3 days a week from 9 to 1. This takes care of breakfast, shower, laundry and lunch! Tow others come from 10 to 4. This gives me two entire days off and we even have a Saturday night person all year long. This is for our time together. It isn't cheap, but I need to have my independence. It works out well and mom pays for it. I tell her it is much less expensive than a nursing home. I use an agency for most of the coverage and there is no problem with accounting for the money; it is all recorded by them. Good luck and God Bless
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Hi 1215, You do need to get out once in a while. I had to get help with my Mom she comes in our home for about 4.5 hrs a day. It is saving me for sure!!! I can't do it all even though I have much help from hubby and kids, you really need that time. You and your hubby need it. Thanks for the prayers it's appreciated and right back to you, peace, Micheleangel
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Neon-I was hoping things would be getting better you-I am very proud of you for not smoking-it must be very hardut you can do it-I know you can. I have not been on much so busy. Surprise the husband called me and said he can not come home-at first I was annoyed because I had gone to see the elder lawyer and he had asked me about keeping him in the nursing home and I said no- I had promised I would bring him home-even though I was only going to have 7 hrs. daily for 2 months months and then cut down to 2 -4hrs shifts a week because after 60 days after a 3 day stay in a hospital he could go back ti a nursing home and by that time I could get him on medicaide. abd I was working so hard to be able to bring him home-but the next day the social worker called and said he really needs to stay there and even he realizes it now so today I went in to start the medicaid application but we only got through the insurance policies- I had no idea my life insurance is considered an asset-I have to be dead to get it. Things got so compilicated and after gathering so much stuff last week for the lawyer I just lost it and started crying a river so she calmed me down and called all the insurance companies and fax thing and I had to go to his room to have him sign papers etc. Then she said we had to stop for today and our large credit card debt is not considered at all and still have to pay it all off-I was so discouraged when I left but later when I called the lawyer he was more hopeful and was proud of what I had gotten done in one week but I did find out I still have to go in person to social service even though the social worker at the nursing home is helping me out as is the lawyer it will be never ending it seems. The husband called and he has accepted he has to stay in a nursing home and that is a big hurdel to get over, I did tell after we get on medicaide after we spend dowm what we need to I will get him in a nursing home closer to where we live and he will have his motorized chair and if he goes into we want-they did not want him as a rehab pt. but will probably take him as place it has plenty of areas outside it even has a duck pond and a lovely patio and there are a lot of alert pt. there and it is about 10 minutes from our church and close to our son's home - this is going to be a big change for us- but he has been in and out of nursing homes over 15 times since he retired and mostly the last 7 yrs or so-today he accepts it tomarrow he probably will be mad as hell again thank goodness for caller ID- well that 's my update. Take care.
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Hi Austin, You sure have been busy. I will keep you in my prayers and hope all calms down a bit for you, take care now.
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Roxie, a good cry seems to bring us some clarity afterwords, I have a melt down a couple times a month. You see I care for my mother with dementia. I have also found humor as an escape at times, not to make fun of, it just tends to lighten the load from my soul.....It is hard to find humor at times, especially while we are watching our parent's mindset fade. The latest humor was brought about when I saw sun flower seeds in the dogs bowl and when I inquired about it, she was convinced that the dog has always eaten sunflower seeds and no matter how I tried to tell her that it was for the birds not the dog, she became angry with me, so I left it alone, however I had to laugh about it...
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Hi Everyone, I haven't been on much lately either. Thanks for the vote of confidence Austin I need all I can get but I realized the cigarettes were NOT helping cope with the stress they were actually making my body feel worse, so today is #8 I am very proud of myself I have my moments but as each day passes I know this is it. I can do it and I will. I am so sorry for all you have to go thru but just like quitting the smoking just take one thing at a time. It helps for me to have my son back home I am so happy he is out of that relationship and he is a huge help both physically and mentally. God bless him he even cooks and does laundry, vacuums so while I'm at work he picks up the slack when he has extra time. He is just about settled in and now on to finish his education. My mom still stays in her room and lays in bed most of the time gets up and complains about how her tail bone hurts I tell her she has to move around more she says well I can't stand she really needs to lose weight but she won't so there is no use me getting out of whack about it she is not going to change and what will be will be. I was put on anti depressants it helps take the edge off the wanting a cigarette it also helps me emotionally, I was getting to the point I was getting so emotional over the least little thing and that seems to have fixed it of course it does other things to your body but right now my mental health and general health are the most important. I hope you all try to take care of you if you don't you can't take care of anyone else. Trust in God if I didn't I don't know what I would do. He always directs me in the right direction. love to all
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Hi Neon, Proud of you, you can do it. Baby steps one at a time!!! Take Care
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Life is Beautiful is a great illustration of love, devotion and protection using wit and light heartedness. If you haven't seen it, rent it. It may help you feel better. I don't know what your Mother's financial resources are. But if there are some funds available you may want to check out respite care at a local assisted living facility. You can get a mini vacation for a week or two and recharge your battery. God bless you, not every senior has a willing child to care for them.
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I don't have my mother in my home, so I cannot relate to that, however, if she was in my home~ I would not be able to handle it, so greatly admire that you can. My mother calls me or expects me to call her several times a day, but it is just so that she can say mean things or cry about how bad her life is..as a result, I have no life. We (my husband and kids and I) are getting ready to go out of town for a couple of weeks. She told me "She will not allow it!" and if I take the kids on a vacation she will "call social services and get them taken away from me!" Obviously that would not happen, but just to hear her say such things and tell me what a terrible daughter I am, is debilitating. I have been bending to every need for 10 years now, to the detrimate of my family. My kids and husband are fed up... I am an only child and don't know how to just cut her off.. She lives in a retirment community and today the beautician called me to tell me to come quickly... I went (of course) just to find out that she was crying and yelling at everyone because I was mad at her because she doesn't like the way I wear my hair!! Here she got everyone involved, but not because of the truth, just her way to make me look bad instead of her!! I went to the store afterward and thought that I was going to have a heart attack, I couldn't breathe... she is killing me and I don't know what to do about it!
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Dedestock, it sounds like your mother has some dementia or mental illness. For your own sanity, screen your calls and if she calls, maybe you could have someone else in her community that she is close to check on her and report back to you. Keep the conversations to a minimum, and if she starts getting your blood pressure up, say you need to go and you will call her back later when she calms down. You can't let her ruin your health. You have a family to take care of. I am sure everyone around her is on to her actions and are aware of how it must be affecting you. I know how it can be. My MIL lives with us and my husband is an only child. She is passive and doesn't talk very much, because we had to tell her if she couldn't say anything positive, don't say anything at all. She has a martyr attitude and was always saying crazy things like "just step on me if I fall down", and "put me on the curb". She once told my husband she wishes she never had children. It isn't easy to live with a person like that. You just have to ignore the crazy talk and realize that she isn't in her right mind. She goes to adult daycare 3 days a week and we take her to lunch once a week and we feel we are giving her the best care we can. But the emotional and mental part of it take a toll when you can't just take a vacation or leave the house for any length of time. Hang in there. My prayers are with you.
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dedestock,
I keep saying this, but it is true. Set boundaries. Can you get someone who will respond to her calls as a fill in for you? If she sees that you are not coming each time she cries wolf, she may think twice. I know it sounds harsh, but limit the times you call and see her. Tell her little about your personal life. My mom lives with me and always asks if our daughter has called( lives half way across the country). Sometimes I tell her, most times I don't. What we talk about is personal and private and I keep my relationship with my daughter to myself. When it is something she needs to hear, I tell her. You would be surprised at how liberating it is to have something that is not hers to be shared with. Also, count to ten, don't get caught up in her hysteria. I know it sounds impossible, but take those baby steps. Keep us posted and take that vacation. I am going away 8 days and I have not even told mom yet.
Linda
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