Needing to vent: Our parents are like children.

Hey everyone,

I was getting on to talk about pretty much the same thing. I'm having so much trouble dealing with my mom. She makes me feel so much like a failure at times. I gave up a job I loved uprooted my kids and moved to a state that she thought she would love to live in and now I am so miserable. I recently bought a baby monitor so if she needed me I could here and she called one of her friends and she just dogged me out like I don't spend enough time with her and all kind of things like that. I have been so down and depressed sometimes I just wonder why I keep doing this but, she is my mother but she can be so hateful and mean at times. My kids and I want to move back to Louisiana but, she don't and I can't leave her here. She is sickly and I know that is her problem but, why take it out on me and my kids she uses guilt trips for everything. Sometimes I feel like I am going to lose my mind. My oldest daughter tries to help me but, its not fair she has to go through this. My mom succeed in what she wanted me to herself away from all my friends and everything. Everytime I start to get a job she takes a turn for the worst and unable to leave the house. I feel like a prisioner at times. Is it possible to love someone and dispise them all at the same time. Then I get mad at myself because I feel like that. I know I promised I would always take care of her but, damn its getting hard. I am so glad I found this site because at least now I can talk to others going through the same thing as me I don't feel so alone as I did. THANK YOU ALL FOR LISTENING AND GIVING ADVICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rybelleken, I was just getting on to post about this same situation. Except it sounds like you get it more often than I do. My mom and I had gotten along pretty well for several months but she totally blew up at me last weekend and I've been crying a lot since. One of the things that makes this hard for me is that my mother won't talk about conflicts. This has nothing to do with dementia or aging. She has always been this way. My father was the one that would talk things over with me. When he was in the hospital shortly before he died, I asked him why he thought that mom couldn't talk about conflicts or even hear someone arguing. He said something like "Because she's so sweet. It is just not in her nature to be negative or to hear about negativity." Wow, that sure isn't the person I know. I'm glad he saw her that way and they got along so well. But even years ago when my mother was in pretty good shape she would criticize me. She would even take a stranger's side (someone she had never met but that I was having some problem with) and not mine. Will your mother talk to you? Could you say something to her like "It really hurts me when you tell me that I haven't done anything for you. I know you don't believe that. I don't understand why you say it to me. You know I've been here for you. I'm sure I'm not perfect, but I'm trying to help you as best I can."

My mother does have other caregivers. She is not bedridden. She doesn't leave her home much but she has people she pays to help her with a variety of things. Also, my daughter lives free in her basement (but will be moving out soon) and drives her places and buys groceries for her some. So when my mother chews me out and says really mean things to me, I have been tempted to tell her to just pay other people more to help her out since she is so unhappy with the way I am. But I don't. I stay a way a few days and then we see each other and it doesn't get discussed. If I tried, she would change the subject or start criticizing me again or act like I was being mean to her.

I know what you mean about feeling like a failure. I think when our own parents criticize us it goes deeper than if someone else does. My mother attacked me for not having enough money last week. Yet I work two jobs and I'm a single parent. Some of my child support is ending next month because one of my boys turned 18. I can't possibly work any harder. I often work 12 hour days and still do things for my kids and for her.

Is your mother involved in any type of gerontology program or center? Where my mother goes for some of her medical care is a university gerontology program. There is a social worker there who has met with us a couple of times, but it is always to talk about what my mom wants to talk about. I am thinking, though, of maybe calling her and seeing if we can meet with her to talk about this issue. My mother can listen to other people or talk to her friends about their problems. Just not her family.

That is very common the one receiving all the care telling their caregiver they do not do anything for them I guess it makes them feel less guilty.

Hi Rybelleken ,and welcome. What you express is very familiar. The crying, being the only one to deal with the problem and the ungratefullness that goes with it. I am also an only child and feel the same way.You might also read messages here of people who have brothers and sisters, but they are left alone to deal with a loved one anyway. As far as the ungrateful, rude behavior that is, unfortunately something that seems to be a pattern with many caregiving situations. Usually it's the one that is closest to them, and who does the most for them that receives the most grief. I have seen it time and time again with other people and I see it now with my father, who I solely care for. He also makes rude jibes at me and feels I do nothing for him (except feed him, make sure he is clean and safe, take him to endless doctor's appointments,take care of his bills, maintain his house--you name it) it is EXTREMELY frustrating, but you have to remember to not let it consume you. You have to make time for yourself, to spend time having fun with other family members, and to certainly keep a sense of humor. This is a great site for sharing problems and venting. Also look into services in your area regarding help in caregiving and support groups that are specific to your problems. Talking about it (or typing about it) helps. Also try not to take it personal when they verbally attack you. Can't say that I follow my own advice on that one all the time, but at least I can remind myself that it seems to be a pattern in caregiving and that I'm not alone.

I cry all the time...I think I have cried more since my mom moved in a year ago than I did as a baby...she has stage 4 breast cancer. She has bad short term memory and I am an only child so it all gets taken out on me. It is so hard to hear these awful ugly things come out of my mom's mouth. I am exhausted and we as a family have turned our life upside down and she is just so ungrateful. I drive her over an hr. to her oncologist, we were out of town every day for 2 weeks for radiation. She has been hospitalized numerous times for extended stays, I was there 24/7 everytime, yet she says to me today that "You haven't done anything for me." Feed her, support her emotionally as much as I have to give. Please somebody tell me how to get thru this. My kids are active and loving and wonderful and I am so tired and crabby and I feel like a failure in every area of my life. I don't know what to do anymore.

Hi all I just wanted to comment on the "humming thing" again, it's not really humming at all, it's the way that you would mumble under your breath that type of noise and whenever I do something that she doesn't like she does it more and louder and sometimes in a cocky way. It's so hard to explain I wish you all could hear it, then again maybe not! I'll bring it up next Dr. appt. thanks for your help though.

About the hearing problems....I have noticed that my mom can hear ok on the phone unless she has music playing (very loud) in the background. Sometimes I have to ask her to go turn it down because it's bothering ME and I'm not even there! If there is background noise, that seems to make things worse. That's why my mom says she won't wear her hearing aid. I guess it amplifies background noise, too, and they find that distracting. But she has NEVER worn it, always says "I guess I ought to start wearing my hearing aid." I'm sure there will be things that will be harder if she deteriorates more. But to me, this stage has its frustrations because she is not to the point that I can have legal guardianship and yet she doesn't do the things she should or always make the best decisions. So I'm neither able to tell her what to do or to feel ok about her independence.

Hello Meg, these people here are such wonderful caregivers, and offer so much support. If not for them, I'm not sure I could have made it this far. The answer is to keep things as simple as possible for them. At least, this is what I have found out with my father. I don't tell him everything, because some things are too complicated and confusing, and then he gets scared and then becomes angry. So I have had wonderful success in telling him that I have taken care of everything for him, and all he needs to do is relax, or anything else that he would like to do, within reason. I put a note in the bathroom to remind him to wash his hands, and change his undergarments. Most of the time it works, but sometimes not, especially in the evening. So, I just gently remind him to do it, and he does it. Just be gentle. Good luck, come back and let us know how you are doing.

Hello Meg, Welcome, I had a hard time with the wetting the bed too and I did the same thing , just told her the truth and it works most of the time. Sometimes she still likes to be the Mom and not listen to her daughter!!! It's confusing for them.
This is a great place to ask questions and feel good the people are wonderful and very helpful, best to you.

Welcome, Meg. As long as your mother is capable of understanding the truth - reality as you put it to her - you should do what you are doing. Certainly, don't say something hurtful if there is nothing to gain. But if she is able to change her behavior, keep telling her, as gently as possible, what needs to be done.

You have a lot to handle, since your husband has MD. You are a caregiver for two people. You'll have to balance the feelings of everyone, the best you can, and hopefully get some help so you can have some time to take care of yourself.

If your mother has dementia, and gets to a point where she cannot understand what you are telling her or if she gets violent or verbally abusive, you may have to consider a nursing home. A lot depends on her mental capacity. Your husband needs you. You can only do so much.

Do keep coming back to this site to talk. Sharing what you are going through helps the person sharing as well as the readers on the site.

Take care,
Carol

This is my first post. My mum has been with me for only four months and is nowhere near the straights of dire that I have read here. Nevertheless, its not necessarily the scale of the problem/s is it, but the impact. My husband has muscular dystrophy and now I have mum who is having to cope with her decline. My issue is that I have to tell her things she does not want to accept. Like wearing Tena pants in bed so she doesn't have accidents on the way to the loo. At least I'm able to have difficult conversations with her that she understands even though she might deny what I'm saying. I keep telling myself that its right she should know - I shouldn't hide things from her should I, if it impacts on all our lives together? How do people go about difficult conversations?

Hi everyone, my mom doesn't hum but she whew's alot and blows out thise huge sighs all the time its her way of letting me know hey I don't want to be walking or I don't want to do anything so don't ask me, it could be because she says she's in pain all the time but the doc and I have tried everything we can come up with to ease her pain and its either too strong, has a side effect, she reads every side effect they give you with the meds and has everyone of them or just refuses to take the medicine as prescribed because she says she doesn't want to take too many pills she only takes lipitor and a H/B med which isn't helping either I suspect she isn't taking that as prescribed either and when I suggest we put her meds in one of those weekly containers so I can know what she's taking and or not taking she absolutely refuses. I can only fight so many battles. I am going to lose them anyway. So I think sometimes its an attention getter It depends on the person I think Like Jerome said. I wish my mother would sing or hum I hum all the time always did but mom criticizes me she says you always act like your happy? Okay!

Hi Michele, the documentary on Alzheimer's was on HBO.
As for the humming, did you ask them if they were singing? Did you listen to see if it was a song they used to sing or favorite commercial? When my mom hums, sometimes I sing along, sometimes I ignore it. This is interesting as it has a bearing on the temperament of the person, the relationship of the people involved, the dysfunctional malady's, how far the disease has progressed and how one chooses to
react to it. As one loses the ability to communicate, they use other ways to try to communicate. Sometimes they are not trying to tell you or anyone anything, as much as they just need to get it out, to let it out, like venting, to ease emotional pressure.

Hello Naus, I was wondering if you would remember what you saw than on? I am interested in this about my Mom. I wonder how they treated this if it is a symptom?
It can be really annoying I hate to say it but its true it really plays on your nerves.
Thanks

It's an attention getter, maybe that's why. But I was watching a documentary the other night on alzheimer's, and they too were humming, or whistling constantly, so I think it is a symptom. I'm glad dad does not do that.

The husband hears others but not me unless I talk very loud then they think I am yelling at him and he hums all the time also and not soothing humming like my Grandmother use to do while she ironed but very anoying humming even the aides commeted on it at times.

Hi all, I'm getting soooo tired of repeating myself to my Mom but I just think she's getting into the habit of saying what, because if I talk quietly sometimes, she hears me!!! Do any of you have your parents making these humming noises? Its like she doesn't think we hear her but boy do we. She does this all day long I was wondering if that is another strange part of dementia or anxiety maybe? Please let me know if you have any answers, thanks

Hey Neon, my dad is so hard of hearing too. The other day, I said "get yourself ready, we are going shopping at wal-mart". I had to repeat it. When he was finally getting ready I said "are you almost ready"? He said, "where are we going?" I said "I told you already". He said "I can't understand you". I said it louder and louder, I know damn well he heard me. Then, just as a test later that day, I said lower "food is ready", and he gets up off that couch so fast, like lightning hit him in the ass! LOL

Hey okay I am wacky, So proud of your son you must be. I get the same from my mother took her to the hearing doctor about 6 months ago and had her hearing tested she's been hard of hearing for years and years, he said her hearing is so bad she is not even a candidate for a hearing aid, so sad to just let yourself deteriorate without getting something done, now she is supposed to have the cataracts off her eyes and she refuses. Acted like a baby when the eye doctor wanted her to sign the paper for surgery so soon she will be blind to boot I just can't wait to see what I will be doing then after you say something 5 times and you get louder and louder its very frustrating, although all Ihave to say is it's time to eat one time and bingo she's there

OOooops! Neon, didn't notice my typo! I'm glad you like it. I need to get to work but just wanted to drop a short note. I was off this morning to see my son get an award at the Governor's Mansion. My daughter brought my mother. She said that in the car on the way my mom couldn't hear her (she is deaf in one ear and hard of hearing in the other) so my daughter spoke louder. The my mom said "Don't SHOUT at me!" So typical!! :-)

Hi all Y'all, I heard thats how you address everyone when you live down here LOL

Neonwacky I think you got it dancetoday LOL kinda like it! Well shiver me timbers I just got a phone call from my husband. This morning when I was leaving I said would you like to have lunch today? His reply well I have this to do and I said Oh I'm sorry I forgot you are so busy all the time nevermind. some other time. Maybe!! so I guess he thought about it he really hasn't been in my life much in the last three to four weeks just doesn't have a clue that he could be and I could be so happy doesn't take much to make me happy just a little togetherness a few hours a week. I work to boy do I work and I go go go but I can always find time for him I will let something go for him I wish he would learn to do that for me so maybe at least for today he is. That is my blessing today. As for my friend yes, you never know when your time is up, this is what I want my husband to understand when you are gone all the time like he is and he never calls me during the week to let me know whether I admit to it or not it is a stress. I have explained that to him and have told him you don't know this could be the last time you see each other. you don't have to be old and sick to die.

I am so happy for you NAUS I know your home will be less stressful although that opens another can of worms you will have to dedicate time to visit your Dad, I know mine were the same way my son does not like his grandmother because she never took the time to be a grandmother but she thinks just because she is she should be worshipped. Well I tried to explain to her the only worshipping going on is to God, she is not a saint by no means and even is she were she still wouldn't be worshiped. You have to choose your words carefully. Or so I am told. Well one more hour and I will spend some time with my husband, thank you God, thats what I've been wishing and praying for, for weeks and I am grateful. So I guess I need to tell my husband that. Boy the seesaw world we live in but I'm not getting so up in the air don't know what the rest of the week end will bring he might bite my head off for something just to hear himself growl. I hope not I hate when that happens makes me a nervous wreck. See prayers do work between you guys and my church family prayers do work, I will give my friend a extra special hug tonight when I see her She as I had the same kind of relationship with her husband that makes it pretty tough when one loves so hard and the other one might love but can't or doesn't know how to express it. will check in later

Is it absolutely true that money does not bring happiness. I live in an area where the demographics swing from one extreme to the other. It's interesting to see that the poorer people always seem to enjoy get togethers with their familes and the wealthier people dread it. If you are outside walking, the poorer ones are all outside whooping it up in the yard. The rich ones can't wait to scurry inside before they have to talk to someone. I think I mentioned that I also work as a caregiver (along to being thrown into it in my personal life) The bigger the house (where it actually looks like a museum, and you can't find your way back to your starting point for the first day) the more mean and miserable they are. The couple I work for now have money (they own apartment buildings in Orange County), but they live very modestly and are happy. Actually happy with EACH OTHER! In my 16 years of doing this I have never worked with a couple that were happy. I usually turn down cases where it is a couple because they fight like maniacs.
Anyway, I agree with Neon that it is especially difficult when the personalities of a parent are so different than our own. I also love the rain (we don't see much of it) dad finds it depressing, I love Fall-dad loves Spring--as far as tv shows and movies we couldn't be more different. I try not to let every little thing bother me. Every since I've known him ,EVERYTHING bothers him. My daughter and I, however, are almost the same in everything. Hopefully that will hold for when I grow old.
Anyway, don't worry about money grubbing relatives--they are like that because they are filling some other void--which will never be filled. Ever seen those shows about lottery winners and the hell that they go through? Not to say that I don't buy the occasional ticket. Spending summers in a cooler place would be awesome!

Dear Austin sweetie, we appreciate you here. And as for home, you should be appreciated with all you have had to endure. They won't appreciate us until we are gone, and that is so sad. But you will have your reward in heaven for all the good you do. Love, Hugs, and Prayers to you, and all here. Have a wonderful weekend!

It is true money does not equal happiness when I was young I worked in a private psych hospital that was ser up like a country club and I had never seen such sad people in my life so I learned young it is not money that bring happiness for me it is doing voleenter work even thought it is pretty cancer pads of crocheting lap robes for people to put over them while in a wheelchair or striaghting out books in my section of the library or getting the church mail it is nice to be appreciated at least by others I do not get that at home.

Hi Dear friends! I posted here a while ago, but it must have disappeared into thin air. It said "your comment has been posted" and then poof! Oh well, yeah you're right Neon, duct comes in many different colors. I found that out when I went to Wal-mart to get my Mr. Fix-it some. All colors of the rainbow.

I sure could use a little lottery winnings too, LOL. But not meant to be I guess.
Neon, I'm so sorry to hear about your friends husband. It is so very sad. It just proves once again that life can be taken in a blink of an eye anytime. Don't know your friend, but give her a big hug for me.

My dad is going to assisted living in two weeks. I cannot wait to get my own house back in order again, whatever normal is, LOL. He seems to be accepting the idea, we will see if he accepts the change. He does not like the fact that it will be costing so much. But I told him, there are no other choices. I just hope he gets involved with the other residents, and takes advantage of all the activities they have to offer. He just likes to sit and stare, read magazines, or watch tv. But mostly he sits and stares when he runs out of stuff to read. I think novels are too complicated for him now. He won't do crosswords, or jigsaw puzzles. He hasn't wanted to be involved in my or his grandchildren's lives for a number of years. Whenever I asked him to attend the children's school or church functions, I always got "Do I have to?" "Groan, grunt, sigh, oh well, if I have to then, I guess." He attended grandparents day at my daughter's school once. I asked him to do it for her. The grandparents were treated to a nice lunch, and activity, then a photo with their grandchild. The photo he took with my daughgter shows him not smiling, corners of mouth turned down. What a momento that was for her. She is now 19yrs old, and still remembers that day. He has a new Great-grandson he is not even interested in. When my daughter and her family come to visit, he doesn't even turn his head to look at them. Just sits and stares at the tv, or off into space. This is so sad.

dancetoday, I think it already comes in different colors LOL I didn't mean to sound like I was chewing you out I wasn't. thats where my mother and I are this depressing person is always telling me how the rain is so depressing but I love the rain it makes my gardens grow. we are just too different she and I. That is the biggest problem I think. I know my mother doesn't want to hear about my health problems either and the funny thing is I have more than her but I keep on trucking no body wants to hear it. I work with someone whose father died about 8 months ago left them with money vehicles lake houses and more and its all consuming I see this person changing from a down to earth person to a what do we get next type. and everything is going to her head and if you say something you are the one with the problem because she is so perfect. I too could use some good luck win the lottery find a second job something to make the ends meet but that won't happen until I find a few more hours in a day. My mother won't even eat with us anymore she takes her food to her room I am at the point where I just don't care. I am treating people as they treat me from now on I used to live by the rule treat others as you want them to treat you WHAT A LAUGH!!! I know I talk to charlie browns teacher all the time to blah blah blah blah kinda gets on your nerves don't it? You try and have a good day I wish you all the best wish I could help in some way when I help others I don't dwell on my problems so much.

Neonwacky, you are right, money is not the way to happiness (but neither is being poor and I might not mind trying having more money for a while if I could). The other day I was saying to a friend that it isn't my fault that I didn't marry a doctor so I could stay home and not work and have everything taken care of for me financially. She said yes, but it isn't my mother's or sister's fault that they DID do that, either. I agree, I don't begrudge them that. But it was just that my mother brought it up and accused me of spending up $10,000 she'd given to me this year. Then she realized it was my sister she gave it to, not me. Once when my sister wanted me to contribute financially to an expensive gift she was getting for my mom, I said I didn't have enough and had utility bills I couldn't pay right now. She said "sometimes I can't pay utility bills, either." I said "Oh, come on, you can't pay your utility bills, yet you just got back from a cruise?" She said that was her choice and not mine to discuss, or something like that. So she tells my mom sob stories about her needs while spending money on artwork and all kinds of stuff. THAT is what bothers me.

I didn't ask my mom a bunch of questions. She brought it up. She ASKED me if I needed any money and then when I said that I did, she started to chew me out about it. That's what made it so upsetting. I had already decided it was a BAD idea to talk to her either about health or relationships. Those are out. Now I guess I just have to not talk about money, either. There is the weather, I guess. Then there is my mother complaining about her health issues, which I know she needs to talk about. It's just not a great dinner table conversation when I can't bring anything up and she has nothing to talk about except her health.

Yeah, my mom knows best, too. That's why I stopped talking about MY health issues. Even if I told her that a specialist had told me XYZ, she would say "Oh, I don't think so. I think you should blah blah blah."

You're right, life is too short. I think I'm going to go out and buy some more duct tape! Hey, it should come in more colors! Then when we are fixing things with it, we could have more fun decorating!

dancetoday, well honey I don't know what to tell you, I thought well stupid me I will try one more time so asked my husband if he wanted to have lunch with me today, Well, he might be too busy so kiss my foot ya know. I can use a drill have one, have staple gun and fix stuff all the time going to start striping my kitchen cabinets as soon as I get two rooms reorganized, and throwing lots of stuff away or giving away or even have a yard sale put a few bucks in my pocket. I don't really dance anymore either should find me a partner or join one of those dance classes and start doing that I just might in the fall. Too much to do right now and even tho my mother hoards herself in her room I think its at the point where I need to stay close to home for the time being.
You talk about your sister and brothers and their money honey let them enjoy their money that is their God there are greater rewards after this life make your goal towards them the ones in my life that are all consumed with their life and things think they have it made although they still continue to complain to me about how hard they have it, when my sister had a hurricaine problem "charlie" my husband and I drove twice 650 miles to be there for them, they have a much nicer home than we have and everything is better than it was pre hurricane but they are having such hard times can't even come for a visit and I can't go there and honestly don't want to. Go out on boats and have lunch and all kinds of things but still so tired so poor. Well they ought to try living with mother, feeding her, taking her where she wants to go which isn't much but so much waiting involved for me it drives me nuts. Than the poor pitiful me I can shop and buy but I can't lift the bags to bring in the house. Well last night I made her put her own stuff away she buys so much junk and clothes and never goes anywhere except the doctor and grocery store and dollar store and she sure don't wear them at home looks like a bag lady all the time. It's a shame they aren't my size. I won't even get that and there is no money here for me they neverworked(parents) so she gets minimum SS and 46.00 worth of food stamps I do make her pay board which she hates but she made us pay board when we were just trying to start out and she and dad lived with us several times because they were going to get evicted so don't worry about money it will always work out some of us aren't supposed to have too much and thats just the way it is for me that is the least of my problems I am behind on some bills because husband had a cut in work in november but slowly but surely getting them caught up and even got one paid off, that is my goal this year to get them paid off Ijust want to buy myself one more thing and thats a tire, and than I won't have to ask anyone to do anything for me not even lunch LOL Well hope you are feeling better try not to press your mother with questions it saves you a lot of stress. I find that the less I ask mine the better off I am, we have absolutely nothing to say to each other. she watches tv, sleeps, eats, reads her enquirer does her laundry and she's very satisfied, I stopped thinking she would be a part of our family and help a little bit with emptying dishwasher and little things but she doesn't want to be bothered she pays her board and thats all she thinks is required of her so I leave her to her own devices, she doesn't want to eat right and I stopped that battle to one day it will be death by salt or death by sugar she has HB and is getting bigger everyday. But she knows best and thats the way it is. I am not stressing over someone who knows it all and thinks I'm stupid and ignorant so I just go to work, do house work,make meals, work in the yard, do my mentoring, go to church, and bible study today I have a veiwing to go to a friend of mines husband was killed in a head on collision with another semi and he burned up so you see life is too short to worry about stuff we have no control over he was only 47. Take care and what don't get fixed use duct tape that seems to be a mans way of fixing things anyway I swear we used to live in a house and it shined it had so much duct tape on it. Week ends are just more work days for me won't be doing anything special either although I hoped we would but wrong again. That seems to be the one thing I am consistant about LOL

MindingOurElders, thanks so much for understanding. Sometimes I think NOBODY understands. My kids are too young to appreciate all I do for them. My mother thanks me at times but then throws these major guilt trips at me that wipe out all of the thank you's. My friends are married and have much more financial cushion than me and someone else to (at least theoretically) share the chores. She is on anti-depressants but I'm not sure it is making much difference, if any. She doesn't get out much. There are things she likes to do but often won't because of apathy, which I know goes with depression. She has rides to places and there is plenty going on that she still could do. I can only HOPE I will have the financial means that she does when I retire (not likely) so that I am not stuck at home. She at least has a choice but chooses not to go out much.

Neonwocky, dancing is the only thing that keeps me sane sometimes. I truly feel happy when I get a chance to dance. It isn't often enough. I can't just turn on music and dance at home because my kids are at the age that they would make fun of me and it would be such an issue it wouldn't be worth it. I have an ipod player in my room but not enough room there right now to dance. SOME DAY when I have some time, I'll figure out a way.

My sister has a lot more money than I do. She's married to a doctor and even if she wasn't, her profession pays a lot more than mine. They collect original works of art and take cruises and yet somehow my sister convinced my mom that she needed to give her a big chunk of money this year and not the rest of us (my mom had originally said she wasn't doing that any more as she needed the money now, her expenses were up, which is probably true).

I think part of why my mother blew up at me was that she got confused and asked me what I'd done with the money, and then realized it was my sister she'd given it to. Whenever she gets confused or can't remember something and she thinks that I'm somehow questioning her (sometimes I'm just trying to understand what she's telling me, not criticize her memory) she blows up at me.

Neon, I understand about the sibs. I haven't even mentioned that I have a brother who lives HERE who cut off all contact to my parents before my dad died. There is no real explanation. He is back in contact with my sister and brother but not to my mother or me. So there is no help from him. And he is a doctor so he has the financial resources he could help out but he doesn't and just sits and waits for his share of the money when she dies, I suppose.

I also totally relate to having to learn how to do what you thought the guy was going to do. I am SO pleased with myself when I use a staple gun, drill, etc. (so far, it's very basic). IF I HAD TIME (is there a theme here?) I would really learn how to make stuff and fix stuff and to H%#L with worrying about having a man help me out! Can't always afford to pay one (to fix stuff) and can't seem to find the free kind that's worth having around!

I hope everyone has a good weekend coming up, whatever that may be for you.

So far having a good day even though I told the husband I would go visit him today he said come at lunch abd bring a pizzia I said no it will be jr. whopper. Neon you have a good day I am so excited I lost another lb. only 5-10 to go and will be happy. We finally getting warm weather soon it will be time to buy veggie plants.