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Hi dancetoday, lets do (dance today) I so miss dancing, anyway I was doing the same thing with my dad and mom actually today is the two year anniversary if you should call it that of dads death. thats another story but before he died he was so sweet and resolved all our issues, he was honest and I asked him some really hard questions, some things he wasn't even aware of and my mother blames everything that ever went wrong in the last 62 years on him, but now that he's dead she lights candles and tells me how much she loved him funny how people treat the ones they love so much, I made a joke about November people once her and my husband both november born???? makes me wonder anywho. My mother does the same thing to me and yes I could certainly use some extra bucks my mother eats like a horse but I wouldn't ask her Because her money means more to her than her kids, or anything else its the MINE syndrome, sounds like your sister is the same way. I have two siblings that do not help they both live 650 miles one south one north and they don't have to deal with the 24/7 now that mom lives with me for over a year now so we all understand how these things go I ran and ran and ran when they had their apt. Imoved them down here with me because I knew neither one of my sibling would ever offer to help them because there is just too much bad history caused by the parents but you have to do the right thing and somedays are much harder than others especially when there is no comfort from anyone else in your life, they all distance themselves because they do not want to be bothered or they do not know how to help or listen or plain just don't care. I am dealing with a lot right now but I can do it I am woman HEAR ME ROAR! At the ripe old age of 60 I am still learning to do things I didn't think I would need to do I thought in marriage some things a woman did and some things a man did but I found out a woman better know how to do whatever is necessary. AND THATS THE TRUUUUTH oh sorry didn't mean to spit on you LOL have a good day and come and vent, chat, laugh, cry with all of us cuz that's what we do.
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Hi Dancetoday,
Money is power - we all see this. There seems to be a power play going on with your mother. She is ready and willing to give you money for your family, but then rubs it in or otherwise abuses you. Flip-flopping. I've seen this often. Depression could figure in. Also, dementia starts much earlier than real "symptoms" appear. Researchers aren't really sure when it starts, but actually stage one of Alzheimer's shows little or no symptoms under test conditions.

So, keep your eyes open for changes. Hopefully, your mother will have her depression treated. But, unless this is a huge personality change, it does sound like she's using money as a control mechanism.

Bless you for how hard you are trying. Two jobs, kids and a mother who needs help. A lot of know what it's like to work as hard as possible, take care of a bunch of people, and still not come out financially. Our hearts are with you.
Carol
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I had to actually trick my dad into moving in with me. See, he didn't know he was moving in with me 1,200 miles away from his home out of state. I talked him into taking a vacation for the holidays. I had to do it this way. No others sibs to help out, and he couldn't live alone anymore, self neglect, financial abuse and fraud from others, long story. He has been with me and my family for about 7months now, and I am going crazy. My dad's house was paid for, up until two years ago, when he was defrauded out of it by taking a loan out on it for someone, another nightmarish story that would take hours to explain. But I believe dad had dementia long before, but hid it, and I did not know anything about the symptoms until it was all too late.
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Nauseated, no she has been tested and they say she does not have dementia. She does get depressed and her thinking is not very clear when she is depressed. I think she just takes her frustrations out on me because I am the one that is here. She won't talk about issues if you want her to at a time when we are all calm. She just changes the subject. So then she blows up like this. One friend said they thought she was probably anxious about my daughter moving out and not aware of it. So she is taking it out on me. Either that or my sister said something to her about not giving me money. My sister has plenty of money but she doesn't like mom to give it to me anyhow. One of those sibling issues to make it all more complicated.

It does sound like you at least have the condition of the house in your favor in getting him to move to assisted living. My mom's house is in pretty good shape although she hasn't used very good judgment with repairs and improvements she's paid for recently.

Dancetoday
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Dear dancetoday, you poor sweet thing! I too have experienced similar things from my dad. Does your mom have dementia? Their personalities change like that, and the ones that help them the most get persecuted the most. If she has dementia, it will only get worse. I hope she doesn't. She should be paying you for helping her if she can, since you are giving up so much to help her when you can. I wish I had all the answers for you, but I don't even have the answers to my own nightmare.

I have an appointment for dad tomorrow at an assisted living facility, 10 min from my house. We are going to take a tour, and make a decision. I did say a few months ago that he wanted out of here, and has been saying it for 7mos now. So now is his chance. He will be losing his house of 40yrs., it's just a broken down old house that he owes more on than it is worth right now. Hanging on to it, in this current economy will be more damaging than helpful, I see no other way out, but a short sale. Have a good night all, you will be in my prayers as well.
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Hi Nauseated,

Are you nauseated from issues of caring for family members? What is going on with me right now is that my mother is still living on her own but needs a lot from me. I drive her to the store and the bank, sometimes help her deal with bills, etc... But she has other help that she pays, too. I'm a single parent and my mom is not rich but she is doing ok from my father's retirement and their savings. Every once in a while I have some financial crises and she has given me money. I hate to ask her but there are times when I have. So a few days ago I took her to the bank and we had some paperwork to get done. While the banker was filling out a form, my mom went to get some cash. She asked me if I needed any and I said that I didn't, I was doing ok, thanks. Then a couple of days later I realized that I didn't have the money to pay for the summer programs for my son and I needed to reserve a spot and wouldn't get paid for over a week. We were going out to dinner with my mom and so I mentioned that I had that come up. She said ok, come in after dinner and she would give me some money for it. So when I went in the house after dinner (left my son in the car, thank goodness), she asked how much I needed. I started thinking it over out loud. Suddenly she got this look and tone of voice she gets when she is being really critical of me. She started telling me how I have to do SOMETHING about my finances. (I am working two jobs and raising two kids, there just isn't time to do anything more, I am trying really hard.) We have been through this before. I would love to do something about it but it just isn't happening. She got really awful and critical of me and told me she would give me this money but then nothing for my birthday. I said "fine, ok." Then she just went on and on about how I'd spent this money she'd given me at the beginning of the year. She did NOT give me any money at the beginning of the year. She had given some to my sister and told me about it and how she had just given her some this year. I said that she didn't give me any money. She just got madder and madder. So I left without taking the money even though she was yelling at me "Here, take it, take the money." It was awful.

Everyone who knows my mother thinks she is just the sweetest kindest person you could ever meet. They don't see this side of her, the way she treats me sometimes. She tried to call once yesterday (this happened Sunday) and I didn't answer. She isn't capable of talking about this. She will just want to pretend it didn't happen. Which isn't ok for me because it has happened before and I know it probably will again. But I know she isn't going to change, either.

Ok, guess that sort of summarizes it. Thanks for "listening."

Dancetoday
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Hi dancetoday, nice meeting you, this is a great place to let it go!!! I have found such comfort here the people are so amazing and caring it's like family maybe even better!!!Michele
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Hi dancetoday! Vent away, that's what we are here for. It is great, and much better than yelling and taking it out on our loved ones. Hope you find as much comfort here as we all have. This thread is all about venting, you don't need to read them all, would take forever. We just give each other support and get advice when we need it. Nice to meet you.
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Hi,

I'm new on here and not sure how these forums work. It is different than others I'm used to where there are multiple threads and you can see the various posts in a list and decide what to read. I felt like I would need to read through 1000+ posts on this topic before commenting. Is everyone keeping up with all of it?

I DO need to vent, but wanting to make sure I understand how these forums work first.

Dancetoday
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If your Dad is like my husband he would promise the moon and then do as he wanted to do anyway, but the lawyer should have kept the date since so many people were involved unless he planned not to be available for your Dad's wants.
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Lawyers, don't ya just love em!!!
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How about my Dad's attorney (supposedly smart person) getting us all together (Dad, sister, bro-in-law, me, my husband, our attorney) to propose an "agreement" where Dad would promise to be a good boy and we could let him go back home (2 hrs away). The agreement never got done, because on D-day his attorney was at an attorney conference, so Dad checked himself out of the facility and had his girlfriend drive him back home. So, it seems Dad's attorney won, because now we have to petition another county for guardianship and Dad's attorney doesn't have to travel the 2 hours - we do. And pay our attorney for travel time, etc. So, this is dealing with smart people!
Bigsister
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Neon -I sure wish you worked where I live we could use you here. I called the nursing home yesterday to ask for the phone number of the ombudsmen and the lady said we do not have one I said yes you do then asked to speak to the supervisor and she said I don't know and I told her it should be posted somewhere finally she found it for me.
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Now lets see if I can bring a smile to that beautiful face of yours NAUS, Yes, I encounter stupidity on a daily basis, not only here at work but in the world as well, seems common sense has flown out the window and people are just so full of themselves. My son is like me only I say it he wears it, he has tee shirts that say things like Silence is Golden Duct tape is silver, (hey baby I go for the silver. thats my answer)

I won't ignore you if you stop acting so stupid his tee shirt, my reply If you act stupid I will ignore you!

Would you like service with that? thats my saying when someone asks me a stupid question and my favorite

I have a stupid question ME: okay hopefully I'll have a stupid answer.

People do not care about customer service, I recently ordered something from Blair well not too recently over 2 months ago, got a email stating they rec'd my order, well it still ain't here so I contacted them and told them to keep the damn thing haven't had it in two months think I don't need it at all, they replied we have no record of you sending us a email for an order, I contacted them I didn't send it by email dipshit I mailed it to you you emailed me a confirmation keep it I decided you might have nice items but who needs the stupidity, I realize you have to downsize so you can make a Qadzillion dollars this year but to sacrafice customer service will do you in so if anyone else is having trouble with your company not being able to keep up with your orders because there is no one to fill them, someone has to do double duty and is too tired. I hope they cancel their accounts than you won't have so much to keep track of and can stay home and play video games, oh man was I livid. and I will pay this off and never order from them again my new motto if Wal_mart don't have it I don't need it. I hope this made you feel better so people don't follow thru on anything no matter what the subject and I take great pride in calling people back to make sure their problem has been resolved see I am the help desk at a five facility soon to be six facility healthcare system 3 nursing homes, 1 assisted living 2 hospitals and one to be built shortly. I take care of all computer phone issues and anything inbetween if the switchboard operator doesn't know who to send the call to she sends it to me so i take great pride in my work although somedays trying to drill information into some of the hard heads is very frustrating than I go home to mom . Ah isn't that the life??
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Hi All! Hope you are all well today. I'm still trying to catch up on the reading. All while trying to get people to phone me back when I ask with regards to dad's financial continuing nightmare, which has become mine. What is with people not following up on what they promise to do these days? When I tell someone I'm going to call them back, I do, when I tell someone I will be somewhere at a certain time, I am, etc. There is a lack of being conscientious these days. It must be nice to have the extra time in a day, to be able to waste other's. Am I venting here, or what? I am just so sick of it! People have cost me months of my time, and all they can say is I'm sorry. They are all so sorry, but still do nothing about it. I could go into detail, but not enough space here LOL. Hope everyone elses day is going much better. I just need to count my blessings, because it could be much worse. Love and Hugs to you all!
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Hey, at least your Mom has SOME interests. I can't get my dad interested in anything anymore. For awhile I had him assembling those little railroad sets-houses,barns, etc, and he was enjoying that. Thing is, he's slipped more since then, can't figure them out anymore, so now he doesn't even want to try. If your mom likes coloring and bubbles, she might like some toys as well-who knows? I tell my daughter (in jest-although there's some truth to it) "when I flip my lid, just plant me in a room with some cartoons on a loop and a mountain of loaded pez dispensers and I'll be in Heaven". I hope I'm as low maintenance as that and that I don't keep re-living everything negative. With my dad it's his next door neighbors from years ago. The Hatfields and McCoys had NOTHING on these two families. Truth being, the neighbors were miserable trash and made everyone in the neighborhood miserable at one time or another, but with my parents, it was especially crazy. Everytime they would do something, my father would obsess and obsess about it. My mother would usually be the one who actually handled it when it was all said and done. I remember her going after one of them with a shovel once. I think my dad has some sort of guilt that he didn't stand up for himself and deal with it properly. I remember the last straw being when they built a berm to actually try and flood our property. I remember looking at those pictures taken of the issue in question and the date that was stamped on them thinking "I'm going to hear about this for a VERY long time". Well, the date was 1973 and here it is 36 years later....One day, just out of the blue when we were driving home from the store he AGAIN brought it up (I've heard about it literally 1000's of times) I exploded and said "I never want to hear any of those stories again! I'm done! They are all dead! You've outlived every one of them--lived better than them--get OVER IT!!!!" He still brings it up when things get bad, and I still tell him to stop...I hope to God I never get like that--ranting about my ex-husband or some friend who screwed me over. The way I look at it, they are out of my lives and it's done. It's almost like some OCD thing with him where he HAS to talk about it. He has even blamed them for the problems he is experiencing now. When he gets like that, I try everything to get him to switch gears, nothing much works anymore. The only thing he seems to like are Lawrence Welk DVDs. I guess there's nothing he has to follow mentally, just old music. I've tried getting him to listen to music on CD's, but that seems to aggravate him after awhile. Also old postcards work pretty well--I buy old ones off of ebay from where he grew up and he looks at those over and over--so far so good.
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Boy, thanks for the warning about Nancy Grace! Makes me glad I don't watch TV. Bubble sound nice. Wonder if Dad's Nursing Home residents would like them?
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Yes it is much harder than dealing with a child as a child has no past and if there is one thing that gets on my nerves more than anything is hearing the same story I've already heard since I was 6 over and over and over again. I have banned those in my house especially the ones about my grandmother, My mother never could get along with her mother in law they lived with my grandmother way before I was old enough to have my own place than I became my grandmother, neither one of my parents knew how to take care of themselves they relied on my grandmother because my mothers parents refused they would buy us kids clothes at christmas that was about it and I remember a few times they brought us groceries but my fathers mother was always bringing us groceries or shoes or something anyway my mother hated my grandmother, I on the other hand loved her to death. I don't want to hear about your sick relationship with my grandmother I now know why they didn't get along my mother is lazy she is the laziest person besides my father who passed two years ago next wed. I just told my sister with all the board they charged us at that time 35.00 a week each plus we did all the cooking and house work and now my mother tells me how she was such a wonderful mother/cook this and that I just want to stick my finger down my throat and throw up the only reason I don't is I'll have to clean it up. Well my mother colors and blows bubbles so maybe cartoons might work, she likes movies about little dogs to so I really think she is going backwards in her dementia and if that be the case hey I can buy toys she don't like nothing else I buy except ice cream candy and cookies so lets go with some toys Oh I know how about a kite you know what they say about them go fly a but then she would have to go outside and someone would see her oh gee what was I thinking. we have a nice screened in porch bought her a nice swing cute little table and chairs I planted all kinds of pretty flowers she won't sit out there there is something wrong its too hot too cold too dirty too something pick one yeah Nancy Grace she jumps on everyone grinds a subject into the ground and is rude rude rude and thinks she is so self righteous and I just love it when someone calls in and says Oh nancy we just love you Where are these people coming from get a life, find somebody to care for and you won't have so much time to sensationalize someone elses life. I am sure they love being under a microscope. take care I'll look for the next post.
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Neon, LOL Sounds like you're familiar with the drama. (Nancy Grace-ughh,can you say "self-righteous self-promotion?")
I remember someone posting that it's like dealing with a child again and to try to deal with it as such. Fine in some extent, but what two-year old do you know grabs a knife to end a temper tantrum? Dealing with a child was MUCH easier--you could get their minds off of things with a little fingerpainting or cartoon viewing-- without them repeatedly screaming about someone who wronged them 102 years ago (OK- well, maybe 50 years ago)
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Oh, believe me, Anne, I know. I didn't think about a UTI, but I did tell his doctor he was more "aggravated" than usual upon our last visit.I did not tell her about the incident--why, I don't know, I guess as sick as it sounds, I just gotten to the point that nothing much surprises me with him anymore, but on the other hand, I am still embarrassed to say anything when he acts nuts. She upped his medication, which has helped keep him mellow. Thing is, is that I have dealt with this for SO many years. Sometimes I need to write it down in a forum such as this, or discuss it with friends (as embarrassing as it may be) just to remind myself that this is NOT normal. My father has taken anti-anxiety medication for over 20 years. He has always had some mild/moderate mental issues which have now become magnified with the dementia. I know he used to drive my mother insane with his odd behavior. It's hard to explain--basically he's always been very nervous, paranoid etc. I always called him an amped up version of Barney Phife. I know this will eventually end with nursing home care because in-home caregivers will not deal with it (as it should be) He is typical of a very passive person, in that when he finally gets angry ,his wheels come off the cart (so to speak). Although he has never hurt anyone physically in his life, he still can be very upsetting to deal with.I think it is part of the reason I have become so fed up. If it was new behavior and I could blame it on the dementia, I would probably be more patient. However, I have dealt with his behavior for many. many years and have watched it escalate. Now that dementia is mixed in with the stew pot, it's of course, much worse. Most of the time, he's pretty mellow. My mother passed away over twenty years ago and I remember her being so frustrated with him back then. I know if she had lived, she would not be dealing with this. I often feel that I shouldn't be dealing with it either. It's awful when someone you love does crazy things and even more awful when you become used to it.
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Beyond, boy sometimes I look at the names and than read the posts and you guys sure do know how to pick good names I have no clue where neonwocky came from anyway Beyond I can identify with the drama and the niggling until they get what they want and than there are a few good days and you think Gee we made progress than it starts all over again. and you are right nothing is ever good enough so give up trying. I think if my mother ever went out in the yard well first that would put me on alert LOL but if she yielded a knife and said she was going to kill her self I'd say want some help I know that's not nice but its a thought told you I was looney, of course, I wouldn't let her just mouthing off, but with her you have to call her bluff and walk away thats the best way to take care of all that unnecessary drama with her. You would think she'd get enough of that crap with the young and the restless and the enquirer and nancy Grace Oh my those shows get on my nerves, like I said previously I like peace and quiet and educational shows something I an wrap my mind around and learn from not all that weeping and crying and nashing of teeth there be plenty of that in real life if we live long enough. I've had enough to last me a lifetime. Well time to get out of this chair and exercise my legs get a breathe of fresh air and than come back in things have slowed down just waiting on two people to respond to items I am working on and will be back to square one which is the way I like it geterdone.
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They stagger to and fro and swat at what they do not know. Beyond! Get some help!!! Before someone gets hurt. Your Dad's crying out for help! They cause emotions in us they can't even begin to understand. When they become a danger to themselves, making threats, you need help. ER might be a good place to start! Really. Don't blow this off. Perhaps Dad has a UTI or some condition that can make him escalate, and should be treated. Or perhaps it's "just" Dementia. Sounds exactly like what we endured, until he got on the right meds. What am I saying? Dad had an "altercation" with someone yesterday! He's sweet and feeble one second, and hornet-like the next. Get some help. They never get better, only worse. If nothing else, get an evaluation and a blood test. Unless you like knife-wielding demented people in your neighborhood! Aaaahhhhhhh!!!!! Take care of you, Dad, and can the guilt. Get some help, fast!
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hello to all Yes, I know the feeling Anne, I am way to busy for one person and I see others who are not busy at all just eat sleep watch tv read and have it so hard it makes me sick. I am a bit depressed today can't rightly put my finger on it I think it started out with my work this morning someone asks me a question and people cut me off in mid sentence or yell into my office while I'm on the phone trying to troubleshoot a problem what I should be looking for so that kinda put me in a bad mood makes me just want to keep my mouth shut, I have 1 year 5 months and 2 weeks before I can retire, than i will find something to do in the line of painting if my body will allow it or something else I enjoy and make it a livlihood. sure won't be able to live off Social security and pension. not unless I get my bills paid off an they are worrisome as they are to most people.

Just had lunch with the little girl I mentor I only have two more weeks of that so than can slow down a bit and not rush around like a crazy person. the next thing will be school again in sept and in oct I will be giving a demonstration on flower arranging for a garden club one town over. that should be a fun thing but don't know what october will bring as don't even know what tomorrow will bring.l I jumped the gun on paying bills and had to call my bank thought a check was deposited yesterday and not until next wed. so will have to juggle this week add that to my many talents LOL.

Stay well my friends, I was very impressed with your posts Jerome, thank you.

sometimes we just need to get out of our own way!
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Hello all-thought I'd "vent" a little. I never get any time to go on here and write much, but every little bit helps. Seems like I have two decent weeks with my father and then on week of hell--then the cycle begins again. Comment on "perhaps you'd like a nursing home better" It might sound bad, some of the things we need to say sometimes, but it's necessary. I said the same thing to my father recently, but in not so nice a way. He was driving me nuts, plus I just didn't feel well at all, so I asked my daughter if she would just please care for him for the day. Basically just make sure he's fed and he has his meds. He is no longer incontinent so that is a big relief. I thought perhaps switching the caregiving duties might get him off my back. Not so....he kept coming into my room and aggravating me until I blew up at him. Basically trying to manipulate me (as he always does). I told him to just leave me the hell alone for awhile. That made it worse and he started hollering that he was "in a prison" and not able to do what he wanted. I just ignored him--which doesn't work either. He then stated that I was starving my animals (which really pissed me off, as he knew it would) He then proceeds to grab a box of rice crispies which he then throws in the cats water bowl. By now I'm furious, and I tell him to go in is room and settle down. I then go into the family room to cool off myself and I see him come into the kitchen and start going through the drawers.He then grabs a knife and goes outside. Makes a huge scene outside and threatens to kill himself. I took the knife away and got him back into his room and told him "he had written his ticket, the fat lady has sang, that's it! You're going into a home!" A lot of yelling back and forth, but after it was all said and done (for now )things have been decent since. Of course, he tells me he had no intention of killing himself, which i'm sure is true. My father has ALWAYS been big on drama. If he doesn't get his way, he badgers and aggravates until he does, no matter what. I try to remember that he was, in fact, a good father to me and that is why I am doing this now. I try NOT to remember how controlling he was and how difficult he could be (1000 times worse now). Anyway, my little slice for now of what life is like. This site helps a lot in that I see that other caregivers feel the same way. Christ, we do all we can for them and it is never, NEVER enough sometimes. It doesn't matter when we have days that we feel like hell, they simply don't care. They are like spoiled children that always have to have their way, or a temper tantrum awaits. However, there are sometimes days where they actually talk about something positive and it makes us feel like guilty idiots, Again, there is no way to win regarding our emotions. We just have to take it one day at a time and keep reminding ourselves that we are doing the best that we can.
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Hope your day is going well. I'm up to eyeballs in paperwork and Mom's dementia. Thank God he provides the strength and help we need for each new day! I'm busier than a...person should be. How about you all? Hope you are taking care of yourselves.
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Dear ladies, wow! My heart goes to you. Can relate, too.

Breakdown, so sorry about your Dad, and your loss. Thank you for your wise words of advice. I will use that ploy concerning reminding Mom (and myself) that when she's nasty to me, that "perhaps she'd prefer a Nursing Home," and that "I don't have to care for her." Thanks for that reminder. It might be a sanity saver, if I can remember the comeback when needed... Sure gonna miss you if you go away. But after Caregiving, I'm assuming there's..........life? I am praying you find some much needed and well-deserved rest. God be with you, Breakdown...

SacrificingDaughter, that "crushing feeling" is way so familiar! I swear Mom's Dementia, that she says she "doesn't have" makes me feel so sick to be around sometimes. It's oppressive and sometimes confusing. Moments she seems fine, and then the bottom drops out of everything. Thanks for speaking what I feel, because it validates I'm not alone, as it feels sometimes.

And Sulynn, God will help you. I can say that because he helps me, but it's easy to forget, and sometimes we feel alone when we forget to go to him. (I do, anyway.) I can relate to what you say "feeling like you're losing it." What an awful emotion to experience. When they say "hurting people hurt people," I think Demented people dement their Caregivers at times. Take care...God is there.

Praying for all of you! It's a bumpy path at times, with jagged turns, and steep inclines. We'll just keep lifting each other up, and praying for health, comfort and strength in the journey. God be with you!
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Sulynn I had the same thing, my dad was ill, but we did not realize how bad he was. Then, he just deteriorated and within two weeks was gone. It was a shock. My mom has so many health issues, and tries to be independent. I try to help her, but sometimes she gets so nasty and says things that really hurt. And it crushes me because I am only trying to help her, and make things easier for her, and am the only one of her three children who cares about her (the others are boys, go figure!). I take it out on my husband. God bless him, he puts up with alot, more than my mother's own sons. But at the end of the day, I can say, I did my best, I am here for her, and I always be as long as she is here. When we look back, we will remember the good times, and the hurt will be gone. Hang in there.
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Sulynn,
i will keep you in my prayers, one thing that happened when my dad went into his frustrated bouts and yelled at me that helped me, he stated rude comments and said he was going to fire me...LOL - I simply told him he could do that and no I did not have to do everything he wanted me to do when he was going to talk to me in that manner, I could take him to the nursing home if he preferred thier assistance. it didn't stop his frustrated attacks but it defused the immediate attack quickly. I don't know your situation with your mother, but I informed my dad curtly that he had a choice and I didn't have to be taking care of him, I was doing it becaused I loved him. Good luck...
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Hey Breakdown09

Sorry to hear about your dad. I know in some ways it could be a relief that they are not suffering but, in the end they are still gone. It was like that with my dad but, he went fast and was a surprise. My mom is in a bad way right now I feel guilty sometimes because I get overwelmed and frustrated with the situation. I know she can't help it but, the more I try to help her the more she yells at me and is mean to my kids who are just trying to help her. This is a tough situation to be in but, with gods help I will make it through this.
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