Needing to vent: Our parents are like children.

Lazor you did a fine job, keep up the good work,

for the rest of us men included, if you are tired of going to walmart do something nice for you.

Go have a pedicure if you can afford one so relaxing, spring is everywhere take a camera and make some pictures of things blooming or things you like and have them framed put them in the room for your Care giver I used a old window and cut the pictures down to fit the windows so it looks like you are looking right out side, old buildins, new hay growing whatever do the same in the winter time change out the seasons something new to look at you get out and its a treat for every one I still love the pedicure I got a month ago ready for another one just as soon as I can scrape up the $$. have a great day

Bravo, Lazor, you're a hero and an angel!

Well yall I know I haven't posted in awhile but yesterday was a nightmare for me as well as scared me also. My mother in law had 4 teeth pulled the day before okayed by doctor cause I called him just to make sure and to CYA because I knew if anything happen the family would be all over it. Well Yesterday something did happen MIL had a seizure omg I was so scared because I just knew I was going to loose her. Dixie my dog stayed right with her and so did I. Dixie just kept licking her arm and trying to stay close to her. She was amazing. The seizure only lasted a couple of minutes and she slept for a few more minutes and was out of it. She looked and Dixie and called her name. I was so proud of that little dog. She was a lifesaver. While all this was happening I called 911 to get ambulance the dispatcher was wonderful. I then called my husband and he came straight home not to far behind ambulance so we got to the hospital. My venting is what happened next. But let me back up a second I check MIL response her movement to make sure she hadnt had a stroke and she confirmed what I knew had happen it was just a seizure. Now back to the hospital. The doctor on duty I knew him for many years I couldnt have asked for a better dr on duty. I had her med, her diagnosis the whole nine yards. He said do you want this chart I think you can fill it out better than I can. lol He was real please with all imfo I gave him. He ran all test that needed to be done. It was a very good experience for MIL and me in the ER. He made us both very comfortable and at ease. Well while we were on our way to the hospital My husband decided he thinks to do the right thing He calls his brothers. The one with the wife that works at the hospital that thinks she knows everything and the other one he could reach. I did and talk with his wife which was a very good response there. The one hubby got hold of was the nightmare. Needless to say Him and my husband decided they werent going to go to hospital they would wait till we called. Well the next thing we know him and know it all wife appeared. The son went back to see his mother and in a demanded tone said he wanted to talk with the dr and he wanted a cat scan done which the dr had already ordered. I said I will tell him you want to talk with him. While this brother was back there with me the know it all wife jumps down my hubby throat. I won't go into details but I was so glad he had to deal with her drama and not me. I stayed back there with MIL the whole time because I felt I should answer any question the nurses and dr had and to make sure her care and needs were met since she had eaten or taken her morning meds. I did step out and let the daughter in law go back for a few minutes and then went back again. Meanwhile I waited for test results and all. The son got tired of waiting says he tried to go back again and the Er wouldnt let him so he and know it all wife left without me knowing. Well I had the dr was going to talk with them and they left.
Needless to say hubby learned a lesson that I said all along when we tak her to ER don't call them until we know what's going on. Okay now friends tell me did I do anything wrong. Oh the most important thing MIL is fine it was a reaction to pain meds that she had taken she is fine she ate good and sleeping good. At least for now.

Amen BGB! Beyondfrustrated, you are right, there is always a calm before the storm. Nice talking to you all, and reading your stories makes me feel better. Have a great day all of you. Neon, so glad to have you back!

When i'm down in the dumps, i just log on, knowing that i'm not along makes me feel better. LOL

Hi all-I loved Naus' comments-that's also why I love this site--it's not out to sugar coat everything. I feel the same way when I hear "it's not his fault". Although I know it's the disease, that's the LAST thing I want to hear sometimes. Things have been petty decent, but came home to a relapse this morning. My daughter tries her best to keep an eye on him at night when I work (she's 23) but things still get by her. Came home to a pissed bed (that hasn't happened in awhile) diaper on the floor, mess in the kitchen--he now has to use "thick it" in a lot of suff so it's a gooey mess--He went into the kitchen and spilled it all over the floor--the cats had walked through it all night (of course) and there were sticky prints everywhere-AND one of them had puked (probably lapping up this mess). Of course, more obscene words than were ever spoken by the roughest sailor came out of my mouth....
Speaking of weather-the direct opposite were I live. It was 102 degrees on Monday and Tuesday so I fired up the swamp cooler...my dad immediately comes out of his room, sits right in front of it and starts bitching that he's cold....luckily it's cooled down again today. It's going to be a horrible Summer--not looking forward to this house cooking up and having him complain everytime the cooler is on (try keeping your temper when it's 117). Oh well, I had a couple of decent weeks. I hope this behavior isn't back already. I know it very well might be--best to all-

Hi Naus, I have missed you! What a mess, I can certainly understand that I took care of my MIL and she had alzheimers and she would do the same thing every day in the bathroom at least with no carpet but I used to think she pooped and spinned at the same time it was everywhere, showercurtain, sink, floor , toilet behind the toilet places you wouldn't even think it could be at first I thought she did it on purpose than learned that some of her meds, she was also a diabetic made her have loose bowels all the time but I still don't know how she got it everywhere. My heart goes out to you especially with power outage. Now as for how much snow does it take to flush a toilet it takes alot I would say about 6 large pot fulls well you melt it down and keep adding snow thats how we used to do it when I was a kid but there were times when we didn't have to do that because we didn't have indoor plumbing when I was growing up. You can read some back posts to know what has been going on with me and mom. I am taking her shopping she has said she will help out now with some groceries tonight we will know what her idea of groceries are I suggested some meats and canned goods knowing her it will be potted meat thats meat and a canned good right? LOl

Glad you are almost back to "normal" I understand the mood swings and the clarity and nonclarity very much could he also be having mini strokes, my mother in law did and there were a few days I almost lost my mind

Take care and good to hear from you Neon

Hi Nause,
What a nightmare! Everything compounded by that horrible power outage.

Toward the end you mention the change factor. That is not unusual, but it is frustrating, because about when you think they CAN help it, they have a day when it's obvious that there's no logic in their thought. You have a bit more than anyone should have to handle.

It's great to know a new life will enter your world.

Take care,
Carol

Hi everyone, I have been too busy to post for the past week or more. I'm sure you can imagine why. Many things going on. Today, is probably the day my grandson will be born. Daughter has been having pains for 3 weeks. Today, more clues to delivery time. I'm so excited. Had the most challenging weekend. We had a major snow storm, lost power for three days. And I'm going to vent here, because I haven't done so for awhile. Right after we lost power, guess who decided to have a major shitfest all over the bedroom? You guessed it! And guess who had to clean it? Right again! I really thought I was going to lose it over the weekend. I am on well and septic, and those of you who are, can guess the consequences. We have a generator, but not powerful enough to run a well, refrigerator, and heating system all at once. We were fully prepared to have no power for 1-2 days at most, but not for three days with a bowel and urine incontinent person for that length of time. Also, I had a house full of family, total of nine persons. I was boiling water all day, just to make flushes. I guess I was blessed that we had snow to melt. Do any of you know how much snow, and time it takes to melt snow enough for just one flush alone? Give me some guesses, and I will see how close you come to the right answer. It's a good thing I can now LOL at all this, now that it is over. I am still trying to catch up on all laundry. I had to unfortunately throw away the nice sheet set, and mattress pad that used to be my daughter's since dad ruined it. I know what you all are going to say. Why don't you use those waterproof bed pads? I did! In fact I had three on the bed one under each mattress pad, and one just under the bottom sheet. Two mattress pads because I was washing mattress pads along with sheets everyday. I thought this would prevent extra laundry. Instead of asking me for help, and telling me about the problem, he decided he would cover it up with the bedding. It was like walking into a nightmare. He had gone through all the pads, one mattress pad, and bottom sheet, and decided to cover it all up with the remaining bedding. Mind you, I have no washer or dryer for three days. I had to end up throwing away one mattress pad, one bottom, and one top sheet. At least it didn't get onto the rest of the bedding. I pulled the covers back to a nightmare! He left dirty diaper and all in a pile just to spread around. He even managed to get it on the carpeting which when he is gone will have to be replaced. And to top this all off, he decides he is going to clean it up, only making it worse! Everytime I told him to stop he wouldn't. Then to really top it off, I told him to clean himself up with baby wipes. He told me it wouldn't do any good. I said at least wipe your ass off with the wipes, he got mad at me and refused to. This is how he was, for the next two days. If we had not been in the middle of this storm, I would have had the paddy wagon take him for the weekend. Sorry for this long vent, but I have been holding it all in for a long time, and had to explode without exploding into him. And of course, everything that goes wrong with him is all my fault! I'm sorry to offend anyone, but I am so sick of everyone telling me, "He can't help it", "He doesn't know what he is doing", "Don't take it personal". I already know all this! But why can't I get it through my blockhead? Maybe it's because he hides his deficiencies still, and comes off like he can do everything for himself, and I keep discovering that he is much worse than I had thought. Or that some days, he can be clear headed and remember to do things, and others not. This disease can be so deceiving. God give me the strength to cope and be compassionate. God bless all you caregivers! Hugs, and Love to you all. Nauseated

I read somewhere that in most all other countries family takes care of their elders. Howcome we never hear about how they manage to deal with it? I can't seeem to find a web sight for insight.

Am I just a complainer hiding behind humor??? That's it!!!! I'm nuts!!! Where's my Prozak???

Shar

Hi everyone..I'm new here and in desperate need to see what everyone is writing, as I can relate so well to all of what your saying. I am caregiver as well and am taking care of my 94 yr old mother. Sometimes I feel so frustrated and helpless. I'm the only child and there is no one else in the family but me. So all the responsibility lies with me. She refuses to cooperate on the most important issues like wearing protective panties, so there are messes to clean up as well as being hungry all the time and going into the kitchen to eat whatever is handy. One time she had the cat and dog food and I found out she had been eating some of it..Of course there are awful messes to clean up from her forays in the kitchen..I love her but sometimes I positively can't stand her..There is so much more with attitudes. I feel I can't breathe, like the life is being drained from me. I have COPD which exacerbates the problem. I keep on trucking though because I'm all she has and I am doing my best to keep her home.
Well that's enough for now, I'll save the rest for later. LOL

Hi Kathleen,
This is a very active thread. There are responses nearly every day, so please do keep coming back. Maybe your computer just pulled up some old responses. Also, feel free to start your own thread.

Take care,
Carol

Hi Wheat, Welcome. Yes it all sounds familiar. Please keep checking back. At least you'll know you have people who really do understand.

Take Care,
Carol

Yes, we respond continuously. Some of the threads may have started back a ways, but many are still viable sites. Nice to meet you, Kathleen. Welcome :)

Does this site still have people responding. I see the latest dates are from 2008

Neon, perhaps she knows a good thing when she sees it. Beggars can't be choosers. You're an angel to do it. Blessings to you both. Welcome Wheat

I am a male 54 years of age and been taking care of my dad and mom since 2005. I feel all of your pain in seeing our parents going down slowly . My parents are 87 and 85 , dad with dementia and Parkinson's and mom with Nerapathy and heart problems and arthritis through her whole body. All I can say is, it is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life . I gave up my job and home out of state to move to Florida and take care of them . So my family and I packed up and here we are 4 years later and nothing. But you know , I have my parents and they can't be replaced and that's what keeps me going, as well as my kids and partner. We are all in this together and know it is a day to day experience. Those of you like myself with no job and doing 24/7 care for our loved ones are gods gifts, I feel . I guess we were the ones chosen. ( By the way, I'm not religious but do pray alot lately ) I have family that says they will help[ , but doesn't . Does that sound familiar? Well, all of you out there that are caregivers for a family member know that you are being watched over and will be paid back for your overwhelming kindness and dedication. Keep your chin up and we're all in this together

she has lived here a year with me now over the course of the last 38 years her and my father have lived with me three other times. If she didn't feel comfortable the last three times why did she ask to move in?

Maybe your Mom doesn't feel as comfortable because it is still your home. And guests never feel as comfortable as when in their own space, no matter how nice the accomodations. It's a hard transition for our loved ones. All of it. I understand the whining, which is gentler terminology. I'm praying for your Mom's comfort, and for your patience, understanding, forgiveness, grace and peace. Love, Sis

Maybe your Mom doesn't feel as comfortable because it is still your home. And guests never feel as comfortable as when in their own space, no matter how nice the accomodations. It's a hard transition for our loved ones. All of it. I understand the whining, which is gentler terminology. I'm praying for your Mom's comfort, and for your patience, understanding, forgiveness and grace. Love, Sis

Well Anne, I do try to keep my sense of humor. Ya gotta laugh about it or you'll be crying all the time and I was called a cry baby when I was a kid all the time cuz I'm sensative but don't want to deal with that right now. Well, I started this with it had to be her decision so I can't very well pick her up and say outta here I did say yes when she wanted to come in the first place. so maybe she'll shut up about having a little one bed room apartment unpack the rest of her stuff and get rid of the empty boxes she's been saving and settle in and live the rest of her life like she has a damn family. That's all I want her to do yes she has pain yes she is old I understand that I'm not so old I have pain I keep on going I understand we are all not alike I understand she has always given in to her pain, I do not, I understand she is a whiner, I am not I'm a bitcher. I understand we are different, but I don't understand if your daughter says Mom make your self at home put your things where you would like them, your daughter incorporates things so that she feels a part of things and she thinks I'm taking her stuff shoot I have enough of my own stuff but to leave in boxes for over a year like someone is going to steal it or hide everything in your bedroom sorry the room is only so big. thats the kind of stuff I don't understand I don't understand trying to be a part of things trying to have fun, putting me down, insulting me in front of my friends, I do understand she does those things to make herself feel important I told her last night I will always be your daughter but I am a grown woman I have been taking care of me and you almost all my life so respect me I am not your door mat starts with the same letter but is completely different. Of course, she doesn't think she uses me well I have to stop now after that last statement I am laughing so hard I need to go to the bathroom

My post got cut off. Good thing, too, because one of the comments I wrote wasn't very nice. (Got convicted...Holy Spirit restraint???)

But I also wrote: ...Praying for Shar and your Mom, and all you all. Joy, too. Thanks, I'm going to Google Seroquel. Blessings and hugs from The Feisty Firstborn, Anne

Yeah Austin its a real BITE ain't it? You work so hard all your life for everyones happiness and just when you see a glimmer of hope for a little of your own someone puts a big black blanket over it and you grope your way out to try to figure out what is it now. two steps forward 152 back. I have been rolling that around in my head all morning now and that is what is so depressing, you are right things will be just hunky dory for 2 weeks than back to the same ole stuff. Now someone suggested I get her a dog well I have two and three cats I need another animal to take care of like I need a hole in the head yes lets make mother happy its okay of Cheryl is losing her mind lets make some more work for her she will be so busy she will be numb and drop over from exhaustion than the rest of them will just have to walk over her or open the door and roll her out. I don't mean to sound so hard but thats what it seems like to me and these things can be said because these people are 800 miles away literally. and they don't have to deal with anything just their nice litle clean houses, go where they want, garden when they want play when they want rest when they want and never have to leave the house. I just love it when everyone is so full of advice and don't know what its like and you are right she will be back to the same old thing in about 2 weeks if it lasts that long. I am sorry for your troubles as well what a shame You know this is going to sound so cruel but with that being said. There ought to be a place for people who are not old and do not have alzheimers but the ones who don't give a damn about anyone but themselves and don't have enough sense to take their medicine when they know it helps them that they can go to some island or something and they could all live together in a nice little commune (thats the sixties coming out of me) LOL and commiserate with each other and perhaps get with the program. Well keep him there as long as you can Austin if they have to run him to ER once a week they will get tired of it and dope him up and keep him in bed on a IV gee what a life. You take care of you thats what I'm going to do don't know how but will do my best, don't know if it is going to be worth trying to spend more time with her or just keep on like we have been. I do know one thing I'm keeping my mouth shut and my eyes straight ahead In about three days I will probably be bleeding from the mouth and the tongue will be hanging loose from biting it. But we will see as usual I will give her another chance but right now my head is reeling. You take care yep I was almost there and I guarantee she will outlive me. No doubt in my mind. So if its gonna happen hurry up already ya know. later

Neon, you are so very funny. I'm thinking you should move her anyway. I plan on doing that with my Mom, unless the Nursing Home gets her first. And Shar, so glad to meet you, sister! Cher you were my role model, but I totally understand. My Mom's still at home, too. I keep threatening to move her, but it's easier to listen to her whine from the comforts of her own home. Don't they know how good they have it? Why would they want to trade that for "greener grass"? Seems it doesn't matter what solution I come up with, Mom's not choosing to be happy. Yesterday I called and asked her how she was doing. She said, "I can't breeeeeaaaath..." I told her she was breathing. She replied, "I'm not dead!" Right. So quit complaining. When the Visiting Nurse got there, Mom never even told her she'd had difficulty breathing that morning. Is Mom playing games with me??? Her Psychologist can figure it out during her home visit today. Praying for your Margaret, and your husband Austin. That "unresponsive stuff" is scary

put her on seroquel, i did for my mother and she is 80% better. we tried a lot of other drugs and this is the only one that works. 2/ ady.

Neon I am so sorry you got so close this time and I hope that soon it will work out for you. My husband had to be taken to the hospital again for being unresponsive it was almost dark when they called me and I decided not to travel there and told the nurse and said I hope they do not admit him because I already owe 2 days for the bed hold and I do want to stay with this nursing home because of the social worker and we are having a family meeting tomarrow-I called the E.R. and told them he had all the test last Tue and it was only dehydration- they did send him back after about 7 hrs, now that he is hung up with the vapors LOL it probably be a weekly thing it gets lots of attention-his mother use to have-spells- all the time and now he will also-at home I disregard them so he does not have them often. Your Mom will probably be good for about 2 weeks but at least she knows you mean business so hopefully her backslides will be brief-my son has told me what not to say tomarrow so I do not get in a bind but a real jail might be better than the one I will be in soon-and I will not be cleaning up you know what.

Shar, I didn't realize we were related but I guess we are I really am Cher haha

short for Cheryl. Well its good to know I am not alone to but I knew that since I've been on this site, I pray to God I never make life miserable for anyone I have been in a bit of a pickle now for about the last three years just go go go and feel so worn down I could just lay down and die in fact there are days that seems like a really good place to go. But I know there is more "work" for me to do I know that because SHE ISN'T MOVING I am really stressed today between that and work but I'll get over it I always do sometimes it takes longer than other times so will see what's going on when I get home its always a box of surprises some of them empty LOL Aim to get my house in order and get my garden planted I would like to enjoy this summer just a little bit haven't had a summer in the last three years it stops right now Always something to deal with ya know its like you have enough of your own stuff in your own life well nice to meet you Shar and so glad to know I have other siblings now who was doing the fooling around I wonder????

Neon, I'm sorry but after, (I have been thinking about this all night and I think it is best for me to stay here ) I LOL. you have inspired me. the next time my grandmother tells me just find me a place, i'm going to do just as you have done. and see what i come up. I'm sure the story will be the same. You go girl.

BGB

I'm so glad I'm not on this boat ride by myself. I was going to vent but after reading your particulars I realized you were also talking about my mother. I feel better now.

Shar

Good morning wherever you are: I just realized why I never go to disney world (I LIVE ON A ROLLER COASTER) I took home boxes, the application to be filled out for the apartment for my mother and she said I have been thinking about this all night and I think it is best for me to stay here ---------------------------------
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that was breathing. Okay! than unpack the rest of your stuff get rid of the empty boxes, stop talking about getting a one bedroom apartment and plug in. We had a talk will not go into all the details in essence she said first off I don't want you talking to me like a child Hahahah I said than you must start acting like an adult don't ask me for every little thing and what you want me to tell you to do, look around you clean up behind yurself if you cannot and are in pain than let me know I am not a mind reader, help out with groceries, the phone bill something if you want to be a part of the family than act like it get to know the kids. well I don't know what to say okay ask how school is going that is sure to get a 10 year old animated. sit on the front porch take advantage of all the things we bought and put in for your pleasure. Please pray that this is a turn of events for the better as you can see I called her bluff, and I hope and pray she will now see that she is lucky to have us because no one else will have her. She could have such a good life if she would just settle down and not have to have so much drama in her life, I like a peaceful life and I am going to have it she is more than welcome to join me but I will not put up with any more bunk. keep me in your prayers and more importantly pray for her tell God you are praying for Margaret. He will know who you mean. thank you all for listening to my saga. I hope you have a good day and the admiration has dried up LOL we are back to square 1