Needing to vent: Our parents are like children.

anndees, you dear sweet thing! You need some help. Don't take this the wrong way, but you need some professional help for your mom so you can get a break. So glad you found this site, it will help you so much as it has helped me. You need a nurse to come in if you can afford it and help you out. Hang in there, we are here for you. Prayers to you, and BIG HUGS!

Anne, so what we get for staying up so late! LOL

Nauseated

Dear anndees, you came to the right place. Hold on to your seat belt! Have you been reading other posts? You will find lots of advice. Lots have been there, done that. Did a Social Worker at the hospital say she was OK to go home? Why wasn't she placed in a Nursing Home? Sounds like she and you need more help. Praying for you. Keep us posted.

This will be the first summer Dad is with me. I just brought him here in November. Michigan is so beautiful. I liked it by Lake Huron. In-laws live in Sterling Heights. I think Dad will be in assisted living when we go next time.

I am new to this board, but I am in need of some release. My Mom is 86 and starting 6 months ago, I started going to her home 25 miles away 4 times a week to help her with bills, medicine, and proper food for a diabetic. Christmas day she set her house on fire and she was not hurt, but the home was severly smoke damaged and I brought her to my home. I am dealing with that one day at a time.
January 7 she came down with a bloody nose that would not quit and her blood sugar was 375! Off to the hospital and it was discovered she had a platelet count of 3! They tried for 2 weeks with 6 blood transfusions and 5 platelet transfusions. Bone marrow biospy came back neg. Finally the docs were able to get it up to acceptable levels. The medicine they gave her made her sick. Then she was transfered to a rehab because she had not walked or even stood up for almost 3 weeks. When she found out she was going to the rehab, she called me and was screaming at me that it was my choice for her to go there and hung up on me. It was the doc who ordered it, not me! After being in the rehab for about 2 weeks, (which was a very good one in this area) she climbed over the bed rail and fell in the bathroom. Back to the hospital and more tests for fractures, stroke and blood. More blood transfusions. After 2 weeks back to the rehab. I went every day to the hospital and the rehab (I was laid off from my job christmas week).
Anyway, she was released March 10, only 5 days ago. They told me she was continent and could walk with a walker 250'. They showed me how to move her and ways to assist her. We have been to her doctor and a nurse , physical therapist, health care aide, and social worker are all scheduled to come to my house.
Well, things are very bad. She has fallen twice with me and my friend right there....she just let go of the walker. She never tells me she needs the toilet. My entire house is being peed on. I walk around washing floors, carpets, chairs, everything. The washer goes constantly. She won't eat! I sit for 2 hours each meal to get 2 bites into her. I have a wheelchair for her because I am afraid she is going to get hurt. Rehab recommended it. She cannot get up out of a chair or bed yet at 7:30 am today she got out of bed (I checked her at 7 and she was fast asleep), went to the bathroom and took off her diaper (put it in the sink)peed all over the floor, went back to her room took all her wet clothes off and was sitting in the wheelchair! Today she slept all day in the chair after she did eat a very small brarkfast and I washed her and changed all her clothes for the second time in 2 hours. I woke her several times to talk and ask her if she need the bathroom and she just went back to sleep. With the aid of my friend and adult son we decided she she go to the bathroom around noon. Well it took 3 of us 20 minutes to walk her with the walker 15 feet and another 15 minutes to get her on the toilet. THe wheelchair seat was dripping all over my house! Oh my, I don't think I can do this.
She has gotten up 2 times in 5 days when she knew I was in bed late at night and walked herself to the kitchen and bath without any walker or wheelchair, yet when I am around she cannot do anything. Does anyone know why this can be? I feel she is pulling my strings and not cooperating at all. I told her today she must eat and tell me when she needs the bathroom. She sneered at me with her eyes squinted and lifter her head to turn away. I don't know what is going on.

I am up at 7 and on my feet taking care of Mom till at least 10:30 and getting no sleep at night because sometimes calls for me at night or I hear something. My back is shot and very painfull. I have very uncooperative brother and he is not going to help. Oh, any info would HELP. Thanks

Shall I say hello to MIL and Fil for you? Who watches your Dad when you travel to Michigan during our wonderful summer weather?

Up late catching up on puter posts after traveling for two days. Don't want to sleep when I can talk to you! :) Besides, I love to write when it's quiet enough to think. But have to get up in 6 hours, so should lie down soon. Thanks again for prayers. You've been a blessing! :)

My MIL and FIL, and my husbands family all live in Michigan. I was in Michigan last July. We plan on going back in August for my MIL 80th birthday. That woman puts me to shame. She is still working, and taking care of her husband, my FIL who has emphysema. Why are you up late, or so early I should say?

PS, Could you say hello for me to my relatives in Denver? Thanks Naus!

You still have ice? Why not take your Dad ice skating? LOL! Or camping in the living room with both Dad and 4yr old? Who says you can't have fun? We're allowed to have fun in Michigan, even at 1:37am. hugs!

I bet I'm not up as late as you are LOL. I'm in Colorado, it's only 11:28pm. I'm waiting for my daughter to get home. She went to go see the "Phantom" of the opera play. I always wait up for her, even though she's 19 1/2. Things are good thank you. Must get up with the family at 5:00am. My 4yr old grandaughter spending night and going ice fishing with my other daughter age 12, and her PaPa, and Daddy. As soon as the noise begins, I know my Dad will be up too. Oh happy day! Everyone else gets to go do the fun things. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Naus

Thank you. You're up late! How's everything?

Dear Anne, good to hear, you more than earned it! Naus

Dear Austin, how sweet of you to say. Once again, you have gone beyond yourself (while going through so much yourself) to be a blessing to someone else. You are amazing! Thank you for your prayers. And Ilg, Wow! You have a lot to deal with there. Alzheimer's is tough enough, without the added difficulties associated with stroke and broken bones. Praying for both of you. I must be older than I think because I remember the name "Romper Room," but can't remember Aunt Nancy or anything about it. Is that funny or not?

You wouldn't believe how God answered your prayers, Austin! I couldn't sleep the night before my trip, and watched the clock till 5 AM. So I didn't leave early. I missed lunch with my girlfriend. But I slept in, and took an leisurely 200 mile drive down, even stopped at Goodwill for some shopping on the way. Bought my wonderful 8 year old boy a awesome pair of jeans for $2.00 -there really is a God! I went to the bank and things went smooth, and got good news about something that I've feared and worried about for months. Then met a recently widowed friend for the first time (her husband was a friend of my Dad). When I got there, she handed me a book about caregiving she had picked up for me. Then, she took me to a really nice place for dinner, paid for it, and invited me to stay at her beautiful home all night, and made breakfast in the morning to see me on my way. We're talking 5 star hospitality, "adoptive sister," and blessed friendship! Then today I went to my other friend's home, who helped take the rest of the world off my shoulders, by teaching me how to do the Fiduciary paperwork for the court (due soon), who also saved me $$$$$$ by not having to hiring an accountant. She fed me a wonderful lunch and gave me a plant cutting. She even tried to send food home for my husband as well. Wow! My hubby and son went winter camping this weekend, and didn't feel neglected, and I got girlfriend time. Did I get the major blessings or what?! Then when I arrived back north, visited the Dads at the Nursing Home, to find they were still both doing well. While I was down state, I bought my Mom some food for her dog, left her some cash and a couple grocery cards, and didn't even have to argue with her (she wasn't there! lol). So I got to be a blessing to her without her prior knowledge, and got no resistance or grief, because she was out with her girlfriend. Instead of the usual drudgery and chores, I got to "play angel," and got ministered to by angels. God is good! and I am doing better than I deserve. Tuesday (two days) my family goes back down for Mom's Surgery consult. Will keep you posted. Thanks again for your prayers, everyone. Take care of yourselves! I'm praying God blesses you, too.

Anne my thoughts and prayers are with you-you have so much to deal with and are still a comfort to all of us. Lig- I do not think she will get up on her own a fx. pelvis hurts like hell Neon I remember romper room GOD I am old.

Dear llg, you take care and try to get in some YOU time. Naus

continuing --- ER said hip and leg okay, gave her pain pills and said to see her doctor if it didn't get better. So yesterday we took a trip to the physicians office. Several xrays this time - final answer - she fractured her pelvis. Small non surgical break but will need physical/OT therapy. There is also the possibility of a TIA again seeing she cannot get her left leg to move - we get an MRI next Friday. So now we're dealing with Alzheimers, a fractured pelvis and the potential for another minor stroke. My biggest concern is that she will try to stand, fall again and the small fracture will become a big break. Isn't life grand?

I have not had time to catch up with comments. It takes 20 minutes to get Mom from her bedroom to the den. Promise I will catch up over the weekend.

Hi I seeAustin, naus and llg andAnne and breadown and mindingourelders and roxie I feel like Miss Nancy on Romper room.

Isn't it funny when our loved ones have all the issues we are dealing with the love to get undressed.? When I was two as the story goes, I would take all my clothes off in the summer time, climb up on the fence and yell hi to the boys down the street haha no I don't do that anymore. But little kids and old kids just hate clothes don't they? Maybe its just being comfortable? I sure hope my mom doesn't start that there's a lot of flesh there to see. LOL You ll have a great week end and I will stop in later today to see whats new.

Austin, Great for you you keep up the good work you are doing Awesome and you deserve it. Yes we will take your husband to Oz and hook himup with the Tin Man , and say lots of prayers maybe with some time away from you he will realize how much he relies on you loves you an needs you and today for some reason I can't type worth a flip. Neon

Hi everyone. I haven't posted for a week. My younger brother flew in last Friday to visit. The very next day Mom fell said she hurt but was okay and didn't want to go to the hosp. Next morning she couldn't put any weight on it so we took her to ER anyway. They took an xray

Austin, hope you are feeling okay, and getting some much needed rest and alone time. Take Care! Hugs! Naus

Austin, good for you! Praying you sweet uninterrupted rest, relaxation and refreshing while you are healing up. We could also pray for a "heart transplant" for that Man of yours. Will your son be helping you as well?

Breakdown, praying for your situation, that both will get some help, and you relief.

Naus, thanks for your prayers. My Mom called tonight to ask when I'm coming. I didn't tell her I'm coming tomorrow. I'm meeting a girlfriend for lunch, doing business in the afternoon, going out with a girlfriend for dinner, and maybe staying the night with said friend. On Saturday Mom has to leave for hours, and I could do lots of business at her house finding lost keys, searching through paperwork, etc. and I could do some surprise shopping for her, before blowing back out of town to see my hubby and son again. That way I'm doing my duty to Mom, but don't have to do her bidding too. We are all driving back down on Tuesday for her consultation with a surgeon prior to breast cancer surgery. (As Guardian, I want to hear what the surgeon says, and what to expect...)

Neon, always the life of the party! Thanks everyone! Pray for my attitude with my Mom, because I'll be in her house, and she is upset about upcoming surgery and also in a lot of pain. I need to be compassionate, and will be vulnerable because my steady hubby and son won't be along this trip. I'm building in escape plans just in case! (And surrounding myself with wonderful friends.) Mom is too, but poor Mom! Too much. First her husband gets put in a nursing home, and she was just getting ready to move by him. Now she has cancer that must be dealt with asap. I won't tell her I'm coming until I am close by, because it just works better that way. Thanks for reading and for sharing.

I had to go to the rehab again to give them a copy of the health care proxy because last time he signed a DNR even though he knows he has a proxy giving me power to make decisions and went to see him a few minutes and of course he started giving me orders of things the aides are suppose to do never even asking me how I was feeling since having surgery until I said I was not suppose to bend or lift anything heavy then he remenbered my health and I don't plan om going back for the next few days- he has plenty of clean clothes as soon as I got home I got orders of things to bring and I told him I was not comming in for a while and our son could take him what he needed whenever=he just does not get it that I am not his slave-I am going to get as much rest as I can while he is there.

Thank you for your input... made a decision to propose a few options to my dad and brother... Dad has dementia... forgets to take meds or takes to many sometimes and messes him up... same with eating... losing weight and getting ill... so, I will work with the both of them if they want to put a plan of action to place my brother first then reaccess my dads situation... if this is unacceptable then they will have to go with the personal care taker... either way this will eventually free me up to get gainful employment and get my life back on track... as for my sister, i have decided to respect her position and try not to rock the boat as, it will only tip over then we both will be up the creek... so please pray for me as you all in my prayers as well...

breakdown, sounds like you're feeling guiltyfor taking some time for yourself NOT do not do that. So you see between your sister and you; you have realized the issues that need to be dealt with she is interested in the title "executor" well don't that say it all. You are allowed to have some life of your own., I would do what I know is right, it seems the relationship with her isn't except when she wants to be noticed. and she isn't going to do anything positive for brother or dad just execute!!! think about that one! anyway do what you know is right, stick to your decisions and she don't have to like it Dad's money will be used to take care of him no matter who the executor is. Perhaps there won't be as much left over as she thinks it will. Do what is right for Dad, your brother and you everyone else is capable of taking care of themselves and when you scheme to do evil you get evil. God Bless you Neon

Hi Breakdown, I am not sure I understand what your Dad's medical issues are. If he has any at all?

But if he does I would start by putting your brother in assisted living regardless of what dad says it is stressful and a burden for him especially if he is having health issues. Than if Dad feels he needs to assist your brother perhaps there would be a place in the same facility for your Dad. this is sure a hard one I am so sorry there are so many self centered people in this society of ours but one day when they least expect it It will show up on their doorstep to. I hope I could be of some encouragement to you. If you Dad is having some heath issues and he is adamant about your brother not going he will put up some kind of fight, verbally, but if he cannot continue to care for your father that should be short lived. Take care Neon

my my my...
my gut says run...lol
but my heart says this is mine to bear... just spoke with the family... they have a personal care person coming in to care for my dad... no medical background... no one to monitor his meds just take him to where he needs to go doc appts, grocery store ect... only 4 hours a day... which is funny cause he does everything but doc appts on his own when she is gone...
Now he wants me to start taking over again... my sister says she is only going to help him when he is ready to go into assisted living... nothing else... she found out although she is the excutor she has not leagal authority to get him the medical assistance he needs... she tossed the whole we only did this because you said you were done... and I did... it seems to be the only way she or anyone else in the family will step up... sad when I think about it... so I guess I wont being going to Mexico... not sure I want to be around this attitude... I am desparately trying not to get angry and go off...
As for my Dad... I feel for him... but he will not get the assistance he needs and is becoming completely dependant on me... with my business and life in general already stressing me out... I am not sure how to proceed with him... for a year now I have been trying to get the family on board to place my 55 year old disabled brother in assised living...he currently lives with my dad... he is one excuse why my dad doesn't want to go to assisted living... he says he has to care for him... then the plan to target getting my dad in assisted living... No one hears this... I am so frustrated I could scream... it seems now that my sister is being her typically selfcentered self... If this is going to happen it will all be up to me...
RUN .... RUN... RUN... lol
someone please advise if you have any suggestions... both members of my family need assistance... how would you suggest I help them to see they need to move on...

Going with your gut, listening for guidance - however one puts it - it's generally a good thing. Sometimes our heads get us in big trouble, when our gut feeling is right on.

Carol

Dear breakdown, I don't know if this will help, but I have been listening only to my gut. Whenever I don't, and listen to someone else, something goes wrong every time. So just do what your gut tells you to do, it will never lead you in the wrong direction as long as you listen. Take Care! Hugs! Nauseated

Anne, prayers to you, and for your Mom! Have a safe trip! Keep us posted. Naus

oops, got cut off here. I was saying, as long as they get the two things that are most important, and you know what they are, they are the happiest creatures on this earth.LOL No offense guys, but you know I'm right.

Anne, you are very fortunate indeed. I too am lucky, my husband is wonderful too. We just celebrated our 25 years together, and he spoils me rotten. He is my best friend, my rock, and over the years has taught me so many things and has helped me to grow. But just sometimes, can be a royal pain in my ass, as I'm certain I can be too.

To all of you a good morning, and have a wonderful day! Hugs to you all! Nauseated

Hey neon, you are so funny! And you are right, and thanks for reminding me. It sometimes sounds like a lot of us are married to the same man.LOL And he does miss my warm body. In my teeny tiny house, lives a teeny tiny 74yr old man, and well...you know the rest, it's hard to have privacy that way. My Mom always said, "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach", this is true. As long as they get the two things that are most important, and you know what they are