Needing to vent: Our parents are like children.

Marna A great Big Welcome and a Hug for you. I can only imagine how I will feel when it is time to take care of my husband. I have taken care of his mom my dad and now my mom My dad had MRSA to thats a tough one. Please know we have all had similar if not the same situations yes it is grueling, thank God for your Daughters and thank God you have recognized where you are. After all my experiences I know these are things we have to deal with. Being real about it helps post anytime all the time if you go back to read past posts you know i do all the time. Expect to hear from you this is a wonderful site what we don't know someone else does. If we are experiencing something new we can share it. This site has been a God send to me I try to encourage as much as possible, for that helps me in my plight and since I've joined I am not as stressed the stress will kill you. Take care and write soon Neon

Marna-welcome to this site-you will meet many wonderful people here-I also take care of my husband but do not have it at all as bad as you do. HE HAS HAD MARSA many times once it was 6 weeks of out pt. infusions now I have him go to rehab for the IVs.

(Marna) so it's off to the hospital again. It's this up and down thing that I can see coming... one day he won't come out of it...maybe we'll have to get hospice...I'm not ready to face it...the grieving process started a long time ago for me...there was a time when I thought I needed to know what is going on with him but now I have decided just to ride it out...we live one day at a time anyway.

You're 2/3rd of the way there, great progress you've made to handle whatever comes your way. Your clarity is impressive. You already know what many still have to learn: Our worries, frustrations and concerns will not stop the march of time. One day at a time is all any of us have. You're making the best of a bad situation. Carry on, and the best to you from all of us.

hi marna , welcome, keep posting i promise it will help. on these pages are the most informitive people i know. i say that having never met anyone face to face. I think the fact that you are recognizing the grief that has already started is good.try to take care of your self hopfully everything well go as god planned..... sandy

Hi Marna,

I am glad you found this site. With all that you are dealing with it is good to find others who understand a bit. When I first found this site it was such a relief to not have to explain MRSA or anything else - we can truly empathize and understand the sheer magnitude of what you are going through. Even one day at a time can be difficult when you are facing your husband's illness and all the emotions that go into coping and trying to redirect your energies where they are needed. Words can't describe it - and here on this site we can read between the lines. It is late, so I am the first to say hi, but rest assured there are many people who have similar experiences. This site is safe place to ask anything - even if you just really need someone to say hi so you don't feel so alone.

You take care - there is no timeline for grief, and there are alot of people who understand. Please stay a while and join us. It is good to meet you.

I'm new to this and have been looking around for someone who'll understand. I'm caring for my husband who has COPD with poor lung capacity and oxygen for 4 years. In Oct. he got MRSA in the hospital, so we had 10 days of out patient antibiotic infusions and after 2 more trips to the hospital, he got it again. We got the antibiotic that had a $759 co-pay, he took it and is on a down hill slide again. I don't know how long I'll have him, we've been married 56 years. I positively hurt when I see couples shopping together in Walmart or enjoying dinner in a restaurant. I'm having to learn about doing everything in the house as he doesn't have the energy to do anything extra. I manage to get family members to do repairs as needed and my daughters gave me a cleaning lady! I am able to get some time for me and also walk in the mall at least 4 days a week. I am self employed as a piano teacher an work at home about 15 hours weekly. You may think that I have it all together....some days things go pretty well...then he can get a big breathing problem and when we exhaust everything we have here...so it's off to the hospital again. It's this up and down thing that I can see coming... one day he won't come out of it...maybe we'll have to get hospice...I'm not ready to face it...the grieving process started a long time ago for me...there was a time when I thought I needed to know what is going on with him but now I have decided just to ride it out...we live one day at a time anyway.

Neon, 38 years? Wow, I still feel wet behind the ears! LOL OOOOOH, I love Celtic! Thanks neon, you too!

Me to right now I am listening to Celtic I love the Celtic Thunderespecially one song that reminds me of the hard times we've had thru 38 years of marriage and my one and only surviving son called my boy probably can find it on line to listen to if you have my space or something like that. Yes, that would be good for him, now mom can't hear so music is out of the question but I am getting ready to go thru two huge trunks of pictures to organize and Mom will probably like to see some of those. You have a good day. and a great evening hugs and love

neon

Actually, I need to remind him to use his cd player with headphones. Also, he has accumulated, by way of mail order and tv ads, numerous cd's that he hasn't even opened yet. Yep! If I can find him on a good day, which are hard to come by these days, I will yank out his cd's, and family photos, and sit with him on the couch and reminisce. I have 50's, 60's, 70's, I love ALL types of music.

Well gee I'm jealous I live way down south in the land of cotton away away

have fun glad surprises are surprises and wonderful. Yeah find some music they used to like he can reminise (sp) about the old days and its okay if he gets a little meloncoly (sp) but at least he can remember some good things to. That would be a great gift for him his own cd player with some special cd's you can find on ebay or amazon.

Oh Yeah Baby! I live in the rocky mountains, so coors is a friend of mine. Actually, I'm 30 min from the coors brewery in colorado. They give free tours everyday all day, and free samples, sometimes of their new products, MMMMMMMMMMM! I'll try that, Dad was always singing and dancing with my Mom. It's so sad to see that he shuffles when he walks now, and has arthritis in his back. I sure miss the old Dad! Today, is my 25th wedding anniversary, my children are going to babysit grampy so we can catch a movie, and dinner. Hubby's not telling me where we are going, a surprise. Have a great day friends!

well shoot I was on the wrong page no wonder I didn't see the post so really I'm not repeating myself LOL

sometimes this site bites I posted don't know where it went I'm logged in let me try again find some music your dad can relate to I am sixty Ilove the beatles still actually we went to a concert sat night to see The Fab Four Ed Sullivan and all, lots of audience participation, these kids even talk like them, there are a lot of groups but these hail from LA I recommend them for any Beatles fan. Go have fun life is too short I even had some Wine to help the Whine , don't ever stop whining to us we need you and you need to do it. But have some fun have some people over they don't hae to be friends they're hard to come by and see if dad wants to play cards or at least watch and tell you how to play your hand. Haha. Try to have as much fun as you can it sure does help so does some White Zinfindel and A cold coors light.

duh after rereading its beastie boys hahaha yeah I know them to go for it.

Hey whining is good don't apologize, bootscootin is good a little glass of wine (whine) is good or a good cold coors light. Beatle boys is that a group? I know the beatles yeah yeah yeah!! They are my favorite I went to a concert sat night to see The Fab Four they put on a great show ed sullivan and all with lots of audience participation and hey I was 18 all over again they even sound like them with their cheeky humor. They are the group out of LA cuz there are a lot of them it was worth every penny, I danced embarrased my husband, hooted, hollered gave them the peace sign only sign I know Far out baby I would do it again in aminute if they were back in town. gotta let it go sometime. I still have my vinyls Revolver etc. love it I have cds downloaded on pc at home and sometime I just let it rip Mom can't hear it no how the dog howls but hey I figure its not hurting his ears he's just partying with me. Let it all hang out music soothes the savage beast. Including dads find something he likes and play it for him I like some that go all the way back to the 50's so there is bound to be something he can relate to. Go for it and have fun life is too short and before we know it we will be them. Have a great day

roxie, vent let all out you are not alone, we are here for you.

lady, you can whine to us anytime, that's what we are here for, to try and provide comfort and support. naus

Hello all.
Sorry about whining a couple of days ago. I should have typed it and deleted it!!!! Thanks for all of the advice that you gave me. I really appreciated it.
Karen

I raised some hell the other day, if you could call it that. My dad was being a stinker, and sulking in his room. He's always turning my tv off. I'm not used to dead silence in my household, hasn't been silent in 25 years. Dad loves to sit in silence and stare into space. I had enough of his silence. I put on a CD, and cranked it up. Let's see, some Brooks and Dunn, Rascal Flats, I had me a little boot scootin boogie! I think even Dad enjoyed it because he came out of his cave to sit on the couch next to the subwoofer. Yeeeehaw! I thought about playing some Beastie Boys, or Korn, but I don't think his nerves could have taken it. LOL

Hey i want to raise hell with you and Naus and the rest of us on this site. we all deserve a big party. why do they stretch us so thin? they enjoy it. granny is not crazy she know exactly what she is doing when she says her sh-t. i think she is the best actress in the world.

Naus and Dare, I feel your pain, I think its because we do go out of our way to do the right thing, because no one else wants the responsibility and all we want is a little consideration and when they act like that and you have to walk around on egg shells all the time its like we are rubber bands stretch us out to see if we break. Half the time I don't think they know what they are saying and as human beings they can only see their side of the story. Take three kids all playing the same game they will each take their own experience and voice their opinion and each one will be different. Hang in there this too shall end. Its hard I know this is my third go around but with Dad it was not like this he did what I told him and God Bless him he died, I don't think my mother has long for this world either maybe another year than it will be done. Than I am going out and raise so much hell although I try to sneak some in here and there right now just to relieve the stress people will look at me and go "whats wrong with her" LOL. Hugs and love to you both. Neon

Dare, I know what you mean, I just don't know whether to sh_t, or go blind sometimes around here. It's like playing russian rhoulette. LOL mardi gras would be fun!

Naus, thanks so much, i just don't understand why they have to be so hurtful. and really think it is just fine to say cruel things. She thinks no one should get offended, but lord forbid anyone say something to her. she pouts and gets anxiety attacks or acts like it, so i don't talk back, that only makes it worse for me. oh happy mardi gras i am in Louisiana can't go guess why lol. Dare

Dare, here is a BIG HUG for you, you need it. I feel your pain when it comes to not feeling appreciated. You are such an angel, taking care of your granny, and all with a husband and kids. Just this morning my dad said to me again for the millionth time, "I'm going to lose my house, my tools, my gold, my .....WAAAAAAAAH!" I said don't worry Dad you're not losing anything yet, I'm trying to keep that from happening. He said "you don't care!" "You don't care about me, WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" No.....I just upturned my husband's and children's lives, and the entire household, to move you from out of state, so that I could take care of you 24/7. I give up! Not really, just venting. When will we ever learn to not let it hurt us? I guess, never, we're just human. Take Care Dare, even if granny, or anyone else doesn't appreciate you, we do. Naus

Don't know where to start. today granny asked had i been to see my sons duplex (he has been there for 8months) he is in college and about an hour away, i said no, she said why, i said i can't leave you that long, an hour there an hour back then she said i knew we shouldn't moved here. i told you that before we moved which she did not back then 5 and a half years ago. things were much different when we moved grandparents in they cooked, washed clothes, did dishes etc. the last few years they went downhill i've been doing everything. all i did was try to keep them happy and this is the smartass remark i get. if i knew it was going to be like this i am not sure what i would have done. nobody else was willing to help in any way. they didn't want to go to a nursing home or assisted living and i couldn't move in with them i have kids and a husband. this was the best solution i wish she would appreciate it. sorry for the gripe. Dare

Hi everyone, I see we are going thru one more day. that is encouraging, my post is especially for Ladyporcupine.

I moved my parents here over two years ago from Baltimore I live in Ga. I have a brother who lives in MD about 1 1/2 hours drive from where they lived and he hadn't been to see them in 10 years. When I lived in N C I would go up at least every 3 months and it was a good 8 hour trip. I even brought them down for a two week vacation. Now mind you Ihave never had a great relationship either of them but I knew from the time I was a little girl I would always have to be there and there is a lot of stuff inbetween these years that needn't go into. Well soon after I brought them here and Ihad everything ready I knew they only made a little bit of social security to live on because neither of them ever wanted to work they want the good things in life but don't want to work, well I'm so sick of working I could just throw up. Anyway this May Dad will be dead 2 years so I had some time with him 8 months and it was a good thing I brought them here. I got them HUD houseing reduced electric, food stamps etc the apartment was two bedrooms and very nice and the land lady had their rent down to 109.00 a month they had inspection every three months, which my mother hated which meant she had to get off her ass and do something. Well she came up with this outrageous story that I investigated that the 87 year old lady next door with dementia was having men in and they played a band almost every night and she just couldn't stand the noise anymore so could she move in with me. Well there was no band i was hoping there was I sure miss dancing and the men were relatives who took turns with their wives staying with the old lady. So mother has moved in with me since then I took her to a hearing doc and had hearing tested, her hearing is so bad she isn't even a candidate for a hearing aid she can't see won't have the cataracts removed and I noticed this week, she has forgotten how to use the oven, can't remember how to use the microwave, plus lots of other things. She is a self centered person always has been and I do get frustrated about two min after I walk into the door. I am two years to retirement and hope I get to make it but I sure would love a respite. I've been working full time since I was 15 and I'm tired of working especially when all she does is sit and If you can find someone to help you that is the best thing to do seems all my life I've been moving my parents to and fro gets old after awhile. If all else fails and your mother is on medicare/medicaid to to walmart for those 4.00 prescriptions I had to have my doctor rewrite my prescriptions so I could do that and I have insurance but this way I save close to 800.00 a year. Since I've moved my parents down here and have been going like the energizer bunny I now have High blood Pressue, 30 % blockage of my heart high cholesterol and take something for my nerves and to sleep and of course menopause, I'm like a walking pharmacy. LOL I take more medicine than my mother but than she knows more than the doctor does so she isn't going to take anything she doesn't agree with him about and it doesn't make any difference what doctor or what state. Also, its my fault she has lost her husband and has to live like this which by the way Ihave a very nice home or should say I had a very nice home until she got so destructive I should have left them in MD. You know what I think thats the first right thing she said in her entire life. Good luck to you. Live your life you have your daughter to think about and these are very formative years for her. don't let her grow up thinking you thought more of your parents than her you brought her into this world love her to death. I hope I have encouraged you somewhat Upward and onward. Neon

Angel dove, what a horrible experience! Some of our situations happened fast, like yours, and it's devastating. Some are slow, like Alzheimer's. I've experience both.

Thanks for the tip about elder attorneys. You found a good one, and thank God were able to save assets for yourself because of your disability. I will have to remember that, as I have a disabled son.

Everyone, be very careful to check out the elder attorney or estate attorney. Ask for references, as you would anything else. You, Angel, found a good one and got what is due to you. God bless you and your family. Thanks for the encouragement and please keep coming back to the site. We all need each other.

Carol

Ladyporcupine, don't feel bad - it sounds like you have a legitimate concern. If your parents can't afford a place, that's where government housing comes in. It sounds to me like they need a guiding hand to the right agency and then let the agency take over. As for your mom's medicine, there are also agencies to help with that. Or you can go straight to the manufacturers and they will often supply the medicine free of charge. When I was waiting on my social security and couldn't afford my medicine, one of them being Actos at $225.00 per month - I discovered the actos website and saw that there was help with the medicine. They sent me by mail a 3 months supply and another form to fill out if I needed more. Thankfully, my social security finally started so I didn't need the help after that. Your parent's situation can be depressing for them and for you as well. But, you need to regroup and think of other options which will allow everyone to move forward.

Sandi, thank you for your kind reply! It truly means a lot!

Lisa, sounds like you're on the right track!

Anne . . . I know what you mean about the venting and writing! LOL! Sometimes, it just feels good to let it all out . . . even if no one else sees it. But, if you want to talk - as you can tell, there are friends here to listen!

Hi ladyporcupine...See u are in quite a pickle.....Have you looked into HUD apartments for your parents to move into?? Think it means Housing Urban Development....It's run by the govt. and they only charge u what you can afford. So if your parents are only on SS they will get very low rent. Mom lived in a HUD apartment before she couldn't take care of herself any longer, and she was very happy there. People were great and the management took really good care of the apartments.....Try it...Look up HUD in the phone book, maybe in the Govt section.....Just a thought.....Take care.....:)

Dear ladyporcupine, will Dad talk to you and share info about his finances so you can help him plan?

Last night I spent a long time writing the biggest vent, and was kind of embarrassed about it. But it didn't post, even though I had logged in first. Phew! My husband said, "Some things only your computer should know..." lol