Needing to vent: Our parents are like children.

Cat- thank you once again for your insite. I left the husband sleep late tpday and cleaned and cooked up a storm and called our son to cheak out our washing machine and even wrote out more Christmas cards-almost done abd it is not even FEB. yet'

Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and show thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not. Jeremiah 33:3

Hear my cry, O God

Rick Warren (REMEMBER HE WROTE " PURPOSE DRIVEN LIFE" )
You will enjoy the new insights that Rick Warren has, with his wife now
having cancer and him having "wealth" from the book sales. This is an absolutely
incredible short interview with Rick Warren, "Purpose Driven Life " author
and pastor of Saddleback Church in California .

In the interview by Paul Bradshaw with Rick Warren, Rick said:
People ask me, What is the purpose of life? And I respond: In a nutshell,
life is preparation for eternity. We were not made to last forever, and God
wants us to be with Him in Heaven.
One day my heart is going to stop, and that will be the end of my
body---but not the end of me.
I may live 60 to 100 years on earth, but I am going to spend trillions of
years in eternity. This is the warm-up act - the dress rehearsal. God wants
us to practice on earth what we will do forever in eternity.
We were made by God and for God, and until you figure that out, life isn't
going to make sense.
Life is a series of problems: Either you are in one now, you're just coming
out of one, or you're getting ready to go into another one.
The reason for this is that God is more interested in your character than
your comfort.
God is more interested in making your life holy than He is in making your
life happy.
We can be reasonably happy here on earth, but that's not the goal of life.
The goal is to grow in character, in Christ likeness.
This past year has been the greatest year of my life but also the toughest,
with my wife, Kay, getting cancer.
I used to think that life was hills and valleys - you go through a dark
time, then you go to the mountaintop, back and forth. I don't believe that
anymore.
Rather than life being hills and valleys, I believe that it's kind of like
two rails on a railroad track, and at all times you have something good and
something bad in your life.
No matter how good things are in your life, there is always something bad
that needs to be worked on.
And no matter how bad things are in your life, there is always something
good you can thank God for.
You can focus on your purposes, or you can focus on your problems.
If you focus on your problems, you're going into self-centeredness, “which
is my problem, my issues, my pain." But one of the easiest ways to get rid of
pain is to get your focus off yourself and onto God and others.
We discovered quickly that in spite of the prayers of hundreds of thousands
of people, God was not going to heal Kay or make it easy for her.
It has been very difficult for her, and yet God has strengthened her
character, given her a ministry of helping other people, given her a
testimony, drawn her closer to Him and to people.
You have to learn to deal with both the good and the bad of life.
Actually, sometimes learning to deal with the good is harder. For instance,
this past year, all of a sudden, when the book sold 15 million copies, it
made me instantly very wealthy.
It also brought a lot of notoriety that I had never had to deal with
before. I don't think God gives you money or notoriety for your own ego or for you to
live a life of ease.
So I began to ask God what He wanted me to do with this money, notoriety
and influence. He gave me two different passages that helped me decide what to
do, II Corinthians 9 and Psalm 72
First, in spite of all the money coming in, we would not change our
lifestyle one bit. We made no major purchases.
Second, about midway through last year, I stopped taking a salary from the
church.
Third, we set up foundations to fund an initiative we call The Peace Plan
to plant churches, equip leaders, assist the poor, care for the sick, and
educate the next generation.
Fourth, I added up all that the church had paid me in the 24 years since I
started the church, and I gave it all back. It was liberating to be able to
serve God for free.
We need to ask ourselves: Am I going to live for possessions? Popularity?
Am I going to be driven by pressures? Guilt? Bitterness? Materialism? Or am
I going to be driven by God's purposes (for my life)?
When I get up in the morning, I sit on the side of my bed and say, God, if
I don't get anything else done today, I want to know You more and love You
better. God didn't put me on earth just to fulfill a to-do list. He's more
interested in what I am than what I do. That's why we're called human
beings, not human doings.

Happy moments, PRAISE GOD.
Difficult moments, SEEK GOD.
Quiet moments, WORSHIP GOD.
Painful moments, TRUST GOD.
Every moment, THANK GOD.

NOW . PLEASE SHARE THIS WITH YOUR FRIENDS

Wow, Mari, talk about classic paranoia from either the wrong meds, or dementia. My mother-in-law was afraid to reach across her door frame into her hallway to get her paper because of the "people out there." There were only her apartment neighbors, on occasion, whom she'd known for years.

Hang in and try to get more medical help.
Carol

Dementia, my mom told me the old lady next door 87 was having men over all night and a band playing every night, I went over around midnight for three nights and quizzed her about those nights she assured me they were there, I said well I sat out on the parking lot from midnight to 3 last night waiting for the band to show up cuz I was ready to dance and it was a quiet as a mouse, Well, there isn't anything with my mind I know what she's doing over there, shortly after she asked to live with me. Its a matter of time just don't know how much time.

Barbees--My mom has been acting strange too, shes been saying people are on her roof, Tues. she called and told me people were upstairs robbing her! I know for a fact that no one was there. Weds. morning she called the police--again and said they were unauthorized men on her roof doing repairs!!!!!

Me to I am ready to garden and work out some of my frustrations, I find physical work very satisfying and I don't think of anything except what I am doing, could say it's a mini vacation for my head

Is it the moon or the season? It has been cold in our neck of the woods, Virginia, and getting out of the house is too hard on Mom. She does not want to get sick. I look forward to the warmer weather.

barb maybe its the moon or something weird everyone seems to be having difficulties today i wish you a better day tommorrow. don't think about the year but just the day good luck. Dare

I just wonder if it's a full moon or what. My mom is acting terrible too. She is caming up with all kinds of weird stuff lately. She said that there are two girls missing and that she knows where they are. I asked her were and she said that some guy named Fletcher killed them and put them in the lake. I asked her what lake and she said the one right there,and pointed out the window in the driveway. And she wants to go and check on her mom who has been dead since 1968. She says that there are two guys up there (at her moms' house) waiting for her and that she saw something that she wasn't suppose to and they are going to kill her and put her in the lake. There is no reasoning with her about this so I have to lock all the doors and put stuff in front of them so I can hear her if she tries to leave. Right now our weather is in the minuses and if she gets out she could get really sick.To top that off I wrecked my granddaughters' car last thursday (hit a snow drift) coming home from taking my son to work slid towards the left with cars comong turned right did two 360's ended up in the ditch.Totaled the car, boy am I still sore. So I just wandering what else is going to go wrong cause it's really not starting out to be a very good year again. Barb

Austin,
Girl, you know you have to breathe, take a breathe in, now let it our slowly. Another one, ok, now another one. I am sorry you and Cat are running on empty today. Maybe it's something in the water. Some things were said to me today that has taken me all day to sort it out. I swear I do not know where she comes up with this stuff sometimes. I got so hurt, which I usually do not take things so personal, but today, as Cat said, I am tired and having heart flutters.( I take medication for it, but it also makes me tired!!)
We need to have a "fill our empty buckets " party. I would bring a day out for all of you. Lots of hugs and pats, and just get stupid like I do sometimes and make you all laugh.
our job is hard , but thank God we all have each other. Breathe, ladies, breathe. Texas size hugs for all of you.

lindam thank you i appreciate you not judging me. i will look the book up online. your support and kind words mean alot.
sincerely Dare

Hi All,

Austin, I am sorry for your continued pain. I am wondering if you can talk to the aide and inform her that she must shield you from this and do her job without you....I wish that there was a way for you to get at least a few days of healing time without all of this stress and physical pain. You are so strong, but at some point you are going to have to get some respite.

Noodlehead - you are wise - thank you for the thoughts in your post. They helped me, just to let you know I printed out a copy of your post and gave it to a neighbor who is having a hard time with her own issues....thank you!

I am always amazed at how much stress and physical exhaustion is on our backs - I am not telling you anything that you all don't know already - but sleep deprivation can trigger depression, which in turn creates a vicious cycle - the more depressed / tired you are the more your responses to stress keep you in the cycle. I hope everyone will seriously look at the physical symptoms that they are experiencing and give themselves a break. Once your body is hurting like that there is no easy fix, so remember to be kind, and sleep a little bit more, be a little bit kinder to yourself. even if it is a nap - or buying earplugs the next time you pick up prescriptions at the drugstore. we are all in the same spot - so I hope that what I am saying does'nt come off as preachy....as of this day, I am definitely running on empty too.

Dare,
This is a place to vent. It is better to share what you are feeling with others who may feel the same way. Thoughts are not right or wrong, it is the actions we take that define us. I just feel you said what others feel at times, but just do not say it. I can only imagine the stress you are feeling . Please keep posting and you will learn ways to cope with your feelings, get suggestions on how to take better care of yourself.
If you can, go online to read some things that might help you to feel better. You don't have to leave the house, and maybe having positive things to replace some of the resentment will help you.
There is a book called "The 36 Hour Day". Maybe you can find it and it may help you. there are a lot of things to help you on the Internet. Don't give up on yourself, or even ol' Granny either. Take care and let us hear from you. You will be in my prayers.God bless.

195 Austin can you go outside or in a room away from him. take deep breaths close you eyes and picture something you really like or imagine winning something the lottery a game show something fun. i know its not much but sometimes a distraction helps a little. better feelings.
Dare

Help- I need to screem the husband is acting up today- the aide is here abd he has been ordering both of us around likr he is a king-Berdine I never want to get out of bed most mornings- I do get up and do as mucg nas I can while he is asleep Neonwock when I retired on disability he got worse and worse and got ofsessed with going to docs over 100 in 8 months when you retire girlfriend find some way to be out of the house much of the day I am very sorry for you-the husband always felt his 14 meds or so were my responsibilty and just threw up his hands I made sure it was not owned by me -this is one of those BAD days and I am the one with fractures in my back- I might have the surgery but have to come home the same day and become the slave as soon as I wake up take care everyone-tomarrow will be better

baffled i wish you could understand the whole story. i do love my grandparents i moved them in when they had no where else to go and have taken care of them very well also taking care of my kids who were 4,5 and 10 at the time this started. we have spent of 350K on night sitters adding to the house for them I would have to pay someone in the day for me to get professional help, bring myself to the doctor, dentist anything that takes more than a few minutes. i can't bring my kids to the movie, skating the park are a fair without someone here witch we have to pay. thanks for your input and one day i hope to find my way back sorry this was disturbing for you or anyone else .
sincerely Dare

"nobody likes her she has always been evil i took them in because 5 years ago i didn't think they would last this long the doctors only thought 1 or 2 years well look at me now!" dare

I don't think I've ever read anything on here more disturbing than that. Might I suggest your FIND THE TIME AND THE MONEY to get some professional help for yourself? Whatever has gone on, has gone on too long and you need to find your way back.

neon if she can afford it i would put her in a home you are not going to have any time to enjoy what life you have left. i also had a child when i was 20 and grandmother threatened to take him away offered to baby sit so i could go out then said i rather go out then take care of my own child it was just a way to control me grandma only had one child my dad witch died 18years ago i have one brother who don't do ANYTHING. i have missed out on so much fun with my kids because i (we) can't leave the house unless i find someone to stay with her no one offers no one visits her they don't even call nobody likes her she has always been evil i took them in because 5 years ago i didn't think they would last this long
the doctors only thought 1 or 2 years well look at me now! Dare

neon unfortunately she sounds anorny like grandma, stubborn and mean, she has always been that away oh and she lies all the time. i don't like talking to her because she can't hear when she does she don't listen you have to repeat over and over. oh i would throw the trash can away and if she does use the potty put small bags in for easy clean up best wishes
Dare

Yes, unless her health is so bad she will have to go to a nursing home I am a little 5"2 122 lb woman she is 178 lbs 5'7 hard headed and hateful and I will only put up with so much from her, there has been a lot I mean alot I have forgiven her just as an example she wanted to take my first child from me said I wasn't fit to be a mother, I was 20 I worked I paid her all my money except bus fare to take care of him she would leave him in his crib all day never change a diaper and his diaper rash was my fault do you know I would have done anything to get out of there and practically did but I also knew I had to think of this child she locked me out of the house one day when he was 18 months old this is in the 60's I had to take her to court to get him cops didn't do anything back then they called it a domestic dispute so she is very lucky to have me well thats my opinion she has other children and they want nothing to do with taking care of her and I don't blame them I just have this stupid need to do everything "right" I guess because all my life in her opinion I never did anything right and its see you were wrong I love my mother I like others feel envy when I see woman who have great relationships with their mothers and I really thought at this time we would finally get close, but there are days she doesn't even talk to me and you know what at first I was really stressed out about it but it doesn't matter to me anymore.

neon i was just wandering that when you retire will you have to take care of her fulltime?


Noodle I definitely feel like i am taking care of another child

she is 82 but she is deaf I had her hearing checked and it is so bad she isn't even a candidate for a hearing aid, I took her to the eye doctor all I've heard for the last upmteen years is I need glasses we've given her money for glasses for 20 years that I know of when she lived in MD well she has cataracts now won't have them removed, has high cholesterol, won't eat a good diet only wants pepsi, potato chips ham sandwiches anything in a can that is loaded with sodium, she has high blood pressure, she has arthritis of the spine so her back hurts all the time won't take the meds the doc gives her for that for fear of being addicted? At 82 who cares? I am 60 I won't list my problems they are more than hers but I take my meds or I wouldn't be able to function and I have to function . I want to function Now we are fighting a pottie issue, she is controlling its her way or no way so I just do what needs to be done, she got a new prescription card I am trying to put a folder together with all her info so I won't have to hunt when and if something happens it will eventually, I have a pottie that was my dads, I had my husband bring it down so she can use it at night, as of this time she is squatting over a tiny trash can that was at my desk at night well if your back hurts and you are almost 100 lbs over weight you shouldn't be squatting. She won't go anywhere except once a month to the bank and to the dollar store to get her treats, and her lottery tickets. other than that she sits and sits and sits and sits and sleeps and eats and sits. she is up all night long tearing up papers and doing only knows what its very nerve wracking and draining. I try to give her flowers, compliment her, make her nice hot meals she pushes it all away so I have backed off and let her do her own thing, she falls she's going in the nursing home the end, I know that sounds terrible but enough is enough. at this point I think she is or has been suffering with dementia, if you heard the story I got on why she wanted to move in with me you would have had her committed. No lie!

We have the "new mother" syndrome but aren't suited for it mentally or physically if we're over 45. New mothers are usually young and excited! Think about it. There's sleep deprivation, up in the middle of the night for potty, poopy diapers, feedings, tantrums, cheering ups and lots of other similar things. Our time isn't our own mentally or physically.

We need to take care of ourselves somehow because if we go nuts, get sick, give up, there is no one to take care of our loved one. I guess I've watched too much TV, but they stress and pound into our heads to TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST!

(grin)

she is 82

Thanks everyone for respnding it sure does help alot Bernardine

neon how old is your mom? Dare

It's the mental strain that brings on the fatigue. Somehow, we just have to change out outlook on things, even if it only last for a few days.

Yes, yes, yes, this afternoon I had to decide (Now I am at work) should I get a cup of coffee or take a nap I am getting to that phase in my life where a nap would be nice I get up every morning between 4:30 and 5 and go to bed at 10 every night from the time I get up it is go go go, yes I am tire, mentally, physically, emotionally, before Mom came, I moved my parents to my state and took care of them both in their own little apartment than Dad got sick he was at one hospital or another for 4 months than had a stroke than died than did all the running for mom now she's been with me 8 months, I am tired. But keep on trucking couple more years I can retire I hope and than I get some time for me. Hang in there with both hands it will get better think about something that happened in your life previous it worked out it always does somethings just take longer. XXX's and OOO's Neon

hey I am so tired all the time i hate getting out of bed everything seems like a pain in the you know what. today has been hell grandmother took her morning pills feel asleep woke up and took her night pills she is shaky confused etc. worse than usual. I think we have a form of depression thats making us tired. Dare