SO agreed to take one day off to take his mom to the hospital and back. Tomorrow. He had to take off for it. But it's just one day.
His "weekend" is now, and guess what. SIL (Brother's Wife, she AIN'T NO SISTER TO ME) chose to take off this whole weekend since that was a signal he was in "to help." And of course this witch got the brother to call me to make it all seem like "family."
I said to SO, so, will you call HER to pull a toilet if you MAGICALLY have a family member show up last minute? Even the MOM didn't know about SIL's planned disappearance until yesterday. Now momma's texting him and bugging him all day when he had to go to work, and only after she got sick of it did she command me to tell him she was expecting him at 1.
We can go into all their diagnoses and how "they might be gone in a year." Yes and due to medical science, that could be 5, 10, or 15. Their Medicare plus paid for by dad's retirement is better than any insurance I ever had, and they pay for everything.
And so can you, ILs. So can you. It is UNFAIR to stick someone making less than your PAID "daughter" in law to skip out because a relative is just dropping in, and it is WRONG for her to be glomming onto SO because "it's your parents."
She let hers die alone when she didn't and hasn't had a steady job in the 21st century, until this one. This is a job obligation for which they pay her handsomely for.
You don't want to spend an afternoon reciprocal pulling toilets? Well then take some of your own money or negotiate with your own employers on PTO. As of now, they don't even give their other aide ANY time off and that aide is doing the weekend shifts since she would like time in her timeshare.
Enough is enough.
Seems the OP is angry & doesn't want to be ordered around, used as free labour or taken for granted. Fair enough.
But agree 100% with all JoAnn29 said.
PeggySue, your anger is flashing warning signs to you here. Use it to stand up for yourself.
Be firm with what you will & won't do. Aim for *assertive* like a boss (rather than losing your cool).
"Brother's Wife on her own accord scheduled both of us"... Point out that YOUR time is arranged by YOU. She can offer work/chores you think about it. You decide & let her know.
Same goes for your partner. HE decides what HE will do.
It's OK if this differs BUT the BIG issue may be if you differ on the wider values surrounding this issue. Eg Some families work in a collective way - some in a more individual way (varies a lot across cultures). This may be a big topic for you to discuss. Is your partner is as invested in your joint financial future as you are?
(There are men, the 'Good Son' who stay at beck & call for parents or siblings. If they can also work, earn, respect their partner & home obligations this can work. But if their role as family workhorse means they neglect their own life - probably gets them fast ticket to solotown, losing their spouse, house & then have to move into Mom's garage).
What I do get is, that you and SO live together. Thatbyou are the bread winner because SO parents seem to want him at their beck and call. That SIL takes it upon herself to take time off that she seems to get paid for and your SO doesn't get paid for anytime he does do for them. That his parents can afford aides when one is not available.
I also think you should rethink this relationship. You may be marrying the man but the family comes with it.
My question is, how many hours does SIL work a week and how many does the weekend aide. First, they are both entitled to time off. From the discription of the parents, I'd say they aren't easy to be around.
Maybe time for SO to get a full-time job and not be available. Seems like his parents can afford hiring help. "to pull the toilet" is not a US thing. So not sure of the meaning. 65k means if SIL only works 40hrs a week she is being paid at least $30 an hour. Thats a lot for unskilled nursing. Time for SO to put his big boy pants on and set boundries to what he is willing and not willing to do.
Difficult to follow as well as the second post.
BUT reading the profile if (and this is a big IF) "stb wife" means SOON TO BE wife and you, PeggySue2020 are having problems now it will not get better after you get married. So sit down and voice your expectations or walk a way or this will go on for as long as the In Law family exists or your marriage exists.
It didn't last a week.
Even though we were all supposed to be paid equivalent, he needed to go get a job. Even according to all of them. So he got one. It pays health benefits but if you're not making commission on top of it, that's about all it pays.
This however lets him have some leeway in taking time off. But it's not like I'll be paying every expense so he can go babysit over there at a 24-hour notice because Brother's Wife's sister suddenly decided to show up.
He's going to get bored there and start doing productive things, such as painting their downstairs stairwell. Maybe moving their couch. In which case, IL users, you should have taken him up on his first offer to work at least p/t for you.
Not everyone is as rich as you, ILs. Your whining to him the other day that "when we're gone you can do ANYTHING YOU WANT" is macabre.
You have two paid caregivers, ILs, and when you or either one of the people you hired wants to designate PTO, then you have to call an agency to get someone out there for that PAID time. Otherwise it doesn't get done.
Just like a toilet. A hot water heater. It doesn't get done unless you pay for it to get done.
Quit pretending that it's not work, Brother's Wife. If you were just volunteering, you would not be making $65K from them.