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If she's having short term memory problems then she needs to have an aide coming in daily. Even if it's just for an hour or two. Your aunt must be made to understand this. Show her the ceiling and explain why it's in the state it is. Then tell her that because you live two hours away, it's impossible for you to be there if something happens. If you let her meet with several potential aide/companions first she might take a shine to one and then get comfortable with them. It will also ease her mind to know that she has someone local who can help her with things.
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fthome246 Sep 2020
You (and pretty much everyone here) are right! She needs to have an aide come in and supervise her bath routines. I agree this is the best solution for now. I am getting a plumber in to check out a few things in her bathroom as well.
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First I would call her insurance company to see if can fix the water damage issue, and a plumber.

is she doing other self harm?
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fthome246 Sep 2020
No, no other self harm issues. Thanks for bringing up the insurance question. I will look into that.
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This isn't rocket science...solutions have already been invented....the one you want is a mechanism that shuts off the water at a specified level, usually that of the overflow drain; "flowban", for example, works on magnets and doesn't require any electricity or person present (as would an alarm, which I would consider useless). A good plumber will be able to explain the options.
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Rabanette Sep 2020
Flowban is def a good idea.

The problem I see is that now you're slapping a bandage on multiple problems. Fix the bathtub, something else will come up that you didn't expect or anticipate.

IMHO, it's more that once you see something like this happening you have to accept that it's time to look for help and/or to start thinking about what you and your family are going to do when things get worse. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but things will get worse, there is no 'recovery' from memory issues.
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My strategy with my mom is to solve the small things so I can address the big things. Call a plumber to have a outflow pipe installed, or change the fixture entirely so a shower is the only option.

I am not one who thinks these smaller things mean everything in someone's life must change. I know physical and cognitive decline is inevitable (I'm a cognitive neuroscientist). But, so many things can be solved with technology or old fashioned thinking outside the box.

When you do bring someone into her home, consider the way she would have invited someone in. How would she have welcomed someone or hosted a friend. Do those small rituals - tidy up, have refreshments, plan to sit and talk. Give her the opportunity to know someone who will be in her home when you are not there - especially someone charged with monitoring her bathing. Sometimes, we get so busy we forget to slow down and include those we are caring for in their care needs.

I wish you peace in your journey.
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