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I formulated a great backup plan for my mother if something happened to me. It is called "not my problem," because there is only so much I can do. Other people would have to come in and solve it, because I would be dead or otherwise removed.
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Many of our parents should never have been parents. They didn't have what it takes to nurture another human being. We don't get to choose our families...does that really matter?

Why do we accept what amounts to lifelong prison sentences with them?
Why do we stay within arms reach rather than run far away from them?
Why do we feed their dysfunction rather than end the cycle of abuse?
Why do we waste our valuable energy feeling sorry for our abusers?
Why do we excuse our parents for having a hard life and taking that out on their children?
Why do we show infinitely more compassion toward our toxic parents than we show to ourselves?
Why do we allow our toxic parents to ruin whatever happiness we've created for ourselves by inviting them in?

Limits. Limits. And more limits with the goal of separating from your toxic parent is my advice to you, NJNY.

This is very difficult for me to write because I had a toxic parent but I believe that toxic parents belong in a hazardous waste dump, not in a lovely home playing BINGO, for example. (Sorry MidKid for using you as an example.)

I wish there were an Island for Misfit Toys for toxic people where they can figure everything out for themselves and leave the rest of us in peace. Toxic people don't want to change - they like themselves and think they're perfect - so I won't even bother with my biological father who is my toxic parent. If my father needs caregiving like my inlaws do, that's not happening with me. If my father wanted to visit for the holidays that's not happening with me. If my father wants anything from me a big, fat apology needs to happen before I even consider letting him into my house let alone my life. And I've felt guilty a few times but then my darling husband reminds me of why I should absolutely NOT feel guilty.

I think I understand, NJNY, because my father is the king of drama. It's time to bring the curtain down on your mom's act because no one wants to see the show anymore. It's almost a new year and there's no better time to make a big change.
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Happy New Year! I agree NY DIL--good time to start anew. You raised so many right-on-the-mark questions. I think the most powerful of all of them, at least for me right now, was, "Why do we show infinitely more compassion toward our toxic parents than we show to ourselves?" I truly want to focus on self-compassion this year. Have any of you read books by Brene Brown? I am reading her, "The Gifts of Imperfection," and I am focusing on self-compassion. It is hard, because there are no explicable answers to the questions you wrote. I know some people have an easier job than others tossing off the misbehaviors of toxic parents, but some of us just keep trying to make our parent(s) happy even when it is impossible. Jessie Belle--II love the idea of "not my problem." I will keep saying it and see if I can believe it. Thanks for writing--it is so appreciated.
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Unfortunately I HAVE to live with mine...It is horrible. I am 49. She has written off EVERYONE who has offended her she IS narsisistic..I am not making enough money to get my own place, so I totally feel for you. At least YOU can draw the line AND walk away. My brother is dead, and my sister has gone total NO contact. These narsisits get their power by controlling others around them. I am STUCK! She now is quitting her church cause people there have offended her. My only refuge is to go spend time at the barn with my barn friends and my horse, And NO I refuse to sell me horse to get my own place, cause I still wouldn't have enough for utilities anyway. An apt would by 850 a month and I only make 800 a month. PLUS utilities plus food, and working a PT job I don't make enough anyway. I have to have my horse to save MY sanity to get away from her....at least she wont go to the barn cause she was offended by people up there too. I wanted a horse my whole life and SHE refused to get me one...well now I have one. (I got my first on MY own at age 23 with MY money) and yes, this is what I CHOSE. Because everyone said I would NEVER ever be able to have one, so poo poo on ALL those naysayers. So I am forced to be around her BUT, I have drawn the lines as far as what I let her do to me. YOU need to draw that line too. Arrgh.
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NyDIL-
You raise some great questions--and I have no answers. 2 of mother's 6 kids have been very caring and involved with her, some have taken another path. I will never understand why. One of the BIG reasons she and dad had brother build on to his home was that I live only a mile away and they knew I would help them. And I have. They lived (previously, in the family home) less than a mile from my oldest sister and she saw them 2-3 times a year.
It has taken me 59 years to "get it". Mother will never change, so I am going to. Back to my therapist for a tune up--applying for a PT job and letting go of mother. I can't help her, she was making me literally sick, so I am stepping back. And you know what? She won't notice or care.
I'm not good at self-care, really. Years of being told you're sub-par will do that to you. Hoping that 2016 finds me happier and healthier (mentally!) We still have some hoops to jump through, but I am not letting mother drag me down.
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Aargh--this sounds awful. How old is your mother? Is she ill at all? I really don't know anything other than what you wrote, but is it possible to get an apartment with a roommate to share costs? I recognize the word "stuck" and know how hard it is to unstick! So glad you have a horse and a barn you can get to. I hope something can happen so you can have a better life. I have never worked so hard as I have now to gain some feeling of freedom. My mother's ever-changing moods make it so much more confusing, but I am truly making progress but it is phenomenally SLOW.
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She is 79, but NO health issues other than Asthma. She never smoked ever. Stress induced so she says. I was making twice the amount of money a few months ago, but gave that up due to the company I was working for, well, their ethics and greed, they had NO ethics and complete lack of morals....they were ripping people off, and along with 15 hour days with NO lunch or bathroom breaks ever, (I was there for 4 and a half years) I could just NOT be a party to what they were doing to customers and I was beyond exhausted. I had been in THAT industry for 27 years,(pest control) and hard to believe that mom said "WE need the money" more like SHE needed the money (money gives them power. Take away the money, and you take away their power and control).....with NO sympathy to what it was doing to me emotionally or mentally. I finally quit on that greedy company at 12:30 am first of November. I told her if I didn't quit, she WOULD be planning my funeral in a week. (I had been SO suicidal) So, I dropped my truck off with my uniforms IN it along with the company credit card, company phone, and tossed the keys in it. I felt so much better. I am currently going to be starting my own pest control business with a friend who also slaved there as well. His business IS already up and running. What that bad company did was NOT uncommon for them. Belittled employees, etc,Seemed like they did it to everyone who worked there at one time. Six veteran technicians all quit in the same way over 4 years. Sad, very sad...they never even offered benefits of ANY kind either. NOT worth my health. So, for now I am stuck here at moms. BUT, I hope I made SOME progress with mom last night...We have come to an understanding last night of sorts that she has HER activities and I have MY own lifestyle, and that the horse WILL NOT be sold under ANY circumstance since I worked my entire life and made it my number one goal TO have one. I rode yesterday and cried my eyes out the entire time I WAS RIDING WHILE TALKING AND CRYING MY EYES OUT because of the hell she has been putting me thru. We had a long talk when I got home from work last night. We have come to an understanding hopefully that she has HER life and I have mine. I AM trying to draw that line in the sand for now. I am fine, NOT suicidal at all. Will write later, and thank you so much for letting me vent. :)
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Aargh--I hope that your talk with your mother helped. I have had many talks with my mother and later it feels as though we did not have the same conversation at all... She remembers things in a very skewed manner. For example, I was doing great, set boundaries with my mother about her not getting another dog, and she was doing well. We were supposedly on the same page. Now she is sobbing and telling me she needs another dog for her safety and protection for when I go out of town. I hate leaving town because she is HORRIBLE when I do, but I have been going anyway for mini-2-3 night vacations (which I am grateful for...) Anyway...My mother was awesome after we gave away her last dog--no more dogs for her she said! I stated I was done helping her find a dog and she agreed. Now we are back to ground zero almost. We went to the doctor and he said to give it some time and maybe she could find a dog that is right for her. (Truly, each of the other dogs was not a good fit whether due to illness or behavior.) So, I have told her I will support her if she finds one but I will only look right around our area, not go hours away to larger cities like before. So... Dear reader-friends--don't yell at me too much for giving in regarding the non-stop dog saga. I am clearly not yet setting the great boundaries I tried to set, but I feel so exhausted with my mother and her ever-changing personalities and needs. I never know what she will want from one day to the next. I think I am making progress but it is so painful and slow. Your words are helping me, but then I cave. I still care about trying to make her feel happy and safe. I can't seem to help it! Please don't give up on me. I have never worked so hard in my life.
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SET YOUR BOUNDARIES! She is manipulating YOU. These narsisitics only have as much power as you let them have. I have drawn the line with my mom, I did that last night. She will have her things to do, and I will have mine...she DID try to plan MY next 2 days off for me...."'WE" will go here, and there, and etc,. etc., WHO was she to plan what I was doing on MY next 2 days off...My best friend wants to ride on Tues and Wed, and I told mom that "my bff and I have not ridden together in weeks, and we have a storm coming later in the week, so...I AM RIDING on Tuesday AND Wednesday FIRST THING in the morning, cause there aint a lot of daylight left AFTER IF we did your stuff"...and mom, we will do YOUR errands AFTER I am done riding and I must go to the feed store and back to the barn to drop hay off." then I said..."We can go do YOUR shopping after sunset, as sunset is around 4:45 pm here right now, and THAT is the way it is!"....Mom then backed down. So, you CAN see that by me NOT letting her tell me what I was going to do, she backed off. I was nice about it, and I feel soooo much better today. Remember..."HER problems are hers and NOT yours."Take time for yourself. If u don't, u WILL drive yourself crazy. THAT is exactly what I am doing for me right now....It is what I call my "ME TIME"...It is mine, and no one else can have ANY of it. For me, I went riding today, and at least this time I didn't cry my eyes out WHILE I was on board... I feel a lot better emotionally right now, and that ride was MY" ME TIME". I rode great and have some goals I am trying to accomplish while I ride. I must have a clear head in order to canter figure eights and attempt 'flying lead changes'...I cant do any of it IF my emotions are shot to heck. Great ride today by the way. :) Hugs.
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Aargh.. I am impressed. And so glad you were able to have your me time with your beloved horse and riding. Sounds like you are an awesome rider!
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My mother was a big part of breaking up my marriage. I had therapy and I strongly recommend it to you. You need to say "no" more often. All the advice I have read here is right on the money. Actually, I left both of them and got a divorce. I used to say my mother and my husband live together. They were just alike, both would tattle on the other one to get my attention. It doesn't sound to me like you are progressing fast enough. Get some professional help. My mother lived in an apartment downstairs at our house. My work involved traveling, a couple of days after she had told me she never cared about me, didn't care if I needed anything, had clothes, food, she just didn't care. I had to go on a work related trip. She started whining about how much she would miss me and she didn't want me to go.... (mind you I had about 3 years of therapy at this point) I just said. "Mom, get off it. You just told me you never cared about me, now you come up with this?" She didn't know what to say. When she would start bad mouthing my dad, whom she stayed with and who left her with a retirement fund. I finally was able to say, I didn't want to hear anymore about it. She picked him to be my dad and she stayed with him until he died. Every time she would start, I would repeat. Finally, she would start then say "Oh, that is right, you don't want to hear anything bad about him." I think the advice others have given is right on the money. When she gets mean, just say, I have to go, love you, and hang up. Remember, too, as far as her house is concerned. A little dust and dirt won't kill her. I promised Dad I would take care of her and I did, but I would never live with her again. She didn't want anyone doing her housework, except me of course. I would do it once a month. So, there is dust on the dresser, it is ok. At least mom did her own laundry and as she got older I turned the kitchen stove off and let her use the microwave, Grocery Stores have lots of frozen dinners. Meals on wheels didn't work for her because they used people with Downs Syndrome to deliver the meals and it just didn't work. I feel for you as I know all the rest of the responders do. Get some professional help to deal with this. It helped me in a lot of phases of my life. In fact, it saved my life, I mean that literally. Do you realize that stress hurts your immune system and can help diseases like Cancer start? My mom died at almost 95, that was 11 years ago. I don't miss her at all. She was able to stay in one of my houses until she was terminal. I took good care of her, but I don't miss her. Sad isn't it.
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I guess I rambled, sorry everyone. Another trick I learned was I would time her and after 10 minutes of hearing her bad mouth people, I would say, "Mom, all we have talked about for 10 minutes is bad things. Let's talk about something up building." First time it took her about 20 minutes, then she said, "So, how are the kids?". LOL.
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Not an "awesome" rider...we all are always learning and I almost lost my leg at the hip in April of 2013 on a horse I used to have in a very bad riding accident. Didn't know I was running around haha,,, for 8 months with Sepsis running throughout my system. But, It took me several months to recover from that physically AND mentally.... on the bad side of all this, Mom tried to charge me for the gas that SHE used coming to see me while I was in hospital for 16 days and several surgeries. ($23.00) Funny that she said "IF I had lost my leg, she was NOT a caretaker, she had a problem with "sick people" and that I would have to move out." I flat out refused to pay her.Now THATS narcissism at it finest.
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Hi MaryKathleen--I love your idea of putting a time limit on bad-mouthing others. Aargh--wow--it is hard to even read what your mother said to you when she thought you might lose your leg. Good grief. What is wrong with some people?

Hey everyone who is still reading--For what it is worth, I feel as though I made a bit of a leap of progress yesterday. It is not easy. We were on the phone and my mother said she needed to use the bathroom. Sometimes she tells me she really has to get off immediately and says she will call back, but she kept on talking with me, so I didn't think it was an "emergency," but then she had an accident. She called me and blamed me for not getting off the phone more quickly . I told her I would be over to help her clean up. I also told her she just should have hung up the phone if she needed to get off right away--like she has done many times before. So I went over and, understandably, she was upset she had the accident (it IS hard to get older in so many ways), but she was truly BEASTLY, blaming me with such an angry and hateful voice, and her face was so contorted with rage and hatred -- it was just too much. So... As I was cleaning up, I told her that I would not be treated like a slave and that she was just plain MEAN. She argued, but I kept it up and she finally said, "I don't know why I am mean." I told her that if she was going to speak to me like she has been I would just leave. She played all sorts of her old tricks, like starting to tell me how my father and she thought I was a cold person. I told her that, honestly, no one else has ever, ever said that. I have been told by so many people that I am kind, loyal, compassionate and have the patience of a saint. (Not sure that is true, but nice to hear...). She then started to tell me that my father didn't really love me, but I stopped her cold. I told her not to go down that path because I KNEW how much my father loved me and not to say anymore bad things about him ever again because I couldn't listen anymore. I told her he might not have been the husband she wanted but he was a loving father. She stopped immediately. Then we proceeded to have a decent discussion. She told me not to always try to find out what is wrong with her when she is upset--just to let things go, and I appreciated that advice and think she is right. She then told me I interrupt her and not let her finish what she is saying (I hardly can get a word in edgewise sometimes, but I do also interrupt) so I told her I would be more conscious of that and would like her to do the same because she continually interrupts me. We agreed to work on that. We continued to have a productive, adult discussion and although I was worn out, I felt like I said some things that I needed to say. Things I have not ever been able to say to her. She revealed some things to me that helped me understand her better. BUT, as is often the case, we will see what happens next... She often mulls over what I have said, twists my words, and then accuses me of all kinds of horrible things that I did to hurt her. Things I did not do. This is what I mean about her many personalities and me not knowing who she will be from day to day or even hour to hour. But, no matter what, I said what I needed to say. I see my counselor on Thursday (haven't seen her over the holidays), and I am grateful for that. Thanks for reading. Being an only child makes for a lonely path sometimes. Thank goodness for friends and this virtual discussion group.
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njny1952, Good for you in dealing with your mother, the world didn't end did it when you stood up for yourself? I am so proud of you for standing up for yourself and your father.
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You are a trained puppy, like me. When you were little, you tried to learn her moods because they changed so often. I told someone that my mother was like a box of chocolates - you never knew which one you would get ( sorry, Forrest!)

You are SO lucky that you have your own place, and you just have to let her go on voice mail and rant. Screen all calls from her. If you need to go on a vacation, just tell her you will check on her every other night, but will not come home unless the hospital calls. My mother does things like this, and she ENJOYS the reaction. That's what your mother did about the dog - she KNEW that you are tenderhearted and that it would break your heart. It was a little drama just for her and she ENJOYED it. Get her a stuffed dog - they won't do any doggy things to upset her.

My mother accuses me of being 'cold hearted' but I have had to be that way to survive being yanked on a chain constantly. You could put her in adult daycare at least - then she could run THEM crazy for a change, instead of you.
A friend told me once to just say ' sorry you feel that way' to any negative or hateful rants from my mother. You could try that.
Sometimes being a tough chick saves your life.
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ninj- DRAW the line! Make her responsible for HER own actions...The next time she pees all over the floor, when she starts blaming you for it, Say these exact words..."Well, I guess YOU have a mess to clean up then don't ya?"....(followed by)..."If you hadn't kept talking then you would have made it to the bathroom on time, have a nice day"!.....(then HANG UP THE PHONE). She must be accountable for what she did. The worst thing you did was going over there to clean it up. (she pulled you in to her funnel of classic narcisitic behavior by manipulating you) NO way in hell would I have gone over there to clean up potty waste. If she wants to live in filth then that is what has to happen. This sounds harsh and mean, but this is what you must do in order to save your sanity. This cycle will repeat itself A few years ago my mom broke a large lightbulb, then she looked at me and said "Clean that up"!...(I realized then that she made me clean her messes my entire life), I said "NO, THAT is your mess, YOU clean it up." I never did clean it, and the mess sat there for 6 months at which point she did finally clean it up. The point was to show her that she cannot boss me or anyone else around anymore. She hasnt ordered me to clean up her messes since then.
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@ Living south, I fear that the day when I get to put my mom in a nursing home (which IS many years from now) that the entire staff WILL quit cause no one can deal with her when she is in one of her moods.
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@njny...thanks, not an awesome rider...but working on it. haha. Practicing IS the best part... I did get my barn time today, but we did not ride today cause my bff ended up cleaning 4 stalls instead of 2, due to one lady has an ill family member and another lady was sick, so she took care of their stalls and such. It is okay, I am just fine with that. I try to help them as needed too. They too have helped me. Sometimes all of us need a little help. My bff and I have a definite riding appointment for tomorrow. Have you thought of taking up a new hobby like art, or crochet? Anything to be an outlet? Art "therapy" and gardening are wonderful ways too vent, or to express your emotions. When mom has me very frustrated, I clean stalls, or work on my "Fairy Garden". Sounds weird, but it works.
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One thing to note about care facilities: they do not have the history with your LO, and so don't react the way you do. It would be good for some of these folks to have to deal with real people whom they did not spend a lifetime manipulating. I have a few people in my life who are difficult, but fortunately I have been able pretty much to just ignore them when they go off on me. (I once left a niece on the phone laying on my desk ranting insults for an hour while I went on with my own work.) I hope no one is upset by the comparison, but I figured out something with my daughter's dogs (three yippy cockapoo mixes) who bark their heads off whenever some one comes into the house. I decided that I was not going to react to them (daughter yells at them to shut up) and so I ignore them and pet them only when they are quiet. Two of them figured this out in about a day, and whenever they see it's me they stop barking. The third one keeps barking, and keeps getting ignored until she quiets down. It's much harder to do that with people, but all we can do is try to break our conditioning and be clear about what we will cooperate with.
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Hi everyone--i love Living South's suggestion that I need to be a tough chick. I can definitely be too tender hearted. It is sometimes tough to weigh what is kind and appropriate to do for my mother and what is over the top. Aargh--I just didn't have the heart to demand that my mother clean up her own mess--I am in town and available, and it would have truly been hard for her to do. It wasn't pee if you get my drift. And it was a mess. Honestly, I don't love doing that, but I am glad I did. What I do mind is her nasty treatment of me and her expectations that she and her needs are more important than anything else. This week I have held firm and feel stronger, and she is behaving in a nicer manner (but we will see how long that lasts). I am actually planning a trip to visit my daughter and she is actually happy for me! But again, time will tell. I know how fortunate I am that I am not living with her --it would not be manageable--and that I have a supportive husband. I do have much to be grateful for. P.S. I also love the behavior modification technique suggested by partsmom. Being an educator, that makes perfect sense to me!
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Wow, reading through these just made a light bulb go off in my head! I have stopped going to Mothers to clean as she made it abundantly clear she doesn't want me "bothering and smothering" her. I HAD to drop a gift off to her for her friend that I had gone and purchased and while I was quickly wrapping the gift, Mother made a big deal about how she had spent the entire morning cleaning up a dead plant she had in the bathroom (I always water and replace the plants as needed) this was a fern that should have been replaced months ago but she thought she could bring it to life. The dirt was ancient (20 years) and dry and I guess she dropped it or something, so it went everywhere. I said "That's too bad.". She said "well, I hope you're happy, it took two hours to clean up". I didn't give a lot of thought to the comment--but suddenly it hits me that she EXPECTS me to still do all these grotty chores and I'm not going to. Probably the first time in 2 years she's cleaned up after herself.
I also got chastised by not running out and buying the gift on Saturday when she called me. I said "I told you I was done running around on Sat and would take care of this Mon." "But, W's birthday was YESTERDAY". (How am I supposed to know that? " Did you see "W" yesterday?" "No, not until tomorrow, but I talked to her an apologized that you hadn't gotten her gift". Gritted teeth. "Well, you have it now. Gotta run". And I am out of there.
This setting boundaries will get easier, right??
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Handled like a pro, MidKid. No hostility or accepting of guilt. Big thumbs up.
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I had a new experience this morning. I've been sick for a few days. Today my mother was so sweet and asked me if I wanted her to fix me breakfast. I told her no, but thanks for asking.

The idea of her doing something for me didn't set well. After I thought about it, I knew why. It was too little too late, and what my mother does can come with long-term strings attached. I grew up to be so cautious about her, knowing to keep all forms of emotional ammunition out of her reach. Guess I'll never trust her. Boundaries can become like walls after a while.
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The sad thing is that is often makes you suspicious of people who really ARE trying to do something good for you because you are so used to having strings attached to everything. My mother seems to think that giving me money will instantly fix everything up.
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I really can relate to reluctance to accept gifts from my mother because, even though she wants to give them to me, and is often really nice about it, she eventually does something that is so upsetting, I end up putting, for example, all the jewelry gifts away in a box. When things get better, I sometimes wear a piece, but more often than not, back it goes. I want to "feel the love," but it just doesn't stick and I don't want to be reminded of painful things so I put it away. I will eventually give them all to my daughter. On occasion, over the years, she has held gifts over my head. For example, she gave me a monetary gift, but expected me to use it to improve my home for when she came to visit. Conditional gifts are not gifts at all.

It has actually been a pretty good week, but I know it won't last. I AM GLAD I KNOW THIS! I didn't know it for years and now I do. I have lesser, more realistic expectations, but I have to remind myself daily how I need to manage myself in order to take care of myself. I swear this boundary setting is hard work!
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I am glad that I turned down the offer for breakfast. I cooked dinner this evening. I've been wearing gloves and mask when I cook because I'm contagious. When dinner was ready, Mom started talking about how she needed to go to the doctor for the balance/gait problem she is having. I know it is most likely the vascular dementia. She's been having trouble since 2012 and we've seen people, but she doesn't remember. So hear I am with gloves and a mask dangling, getting over a mild case of pneumonia, and she's talking about making an appointment for her tomorrow. I pointed these things out to her, but she really didn't click on it. She just got upset.

We've been down this road a few times before and I know there is no pill to cure age or the damage done by vascular dementia... except maybe PT, which she won't follow through on. Personally I am going to take it easy until I'm not contagious anymore. It is a Mycoplasma infection, so I don't want to spread it around doctor offices. (I do feel better already, but still infectious.) I was glad I didn't accept her offer of breakfast, though, since it would have been a handy emotional weapon for her to use.

After I wrote this morning, I thought about the wall I put up. I realized that my internal agreement was that I would help her, but want her to stay out of my life. There's really not much she can do for me other than introduce chaos.
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Emotional weaponry--great phrase. It was an awful visual that you wrote--you being sick and doing all the work. How do things get so out of whack? Never mind--I think we all know why. Hang in there--take care of yourself!
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njny, I haven't been working around the house. I've just been doing a few things that have to be done, like cooking and taking out garbage. The rest of the time I've been catching up on my own work on the computer. It had gone to nothing this past month. The nice thing about that was that I found almost $1000 that I had forgotten to transfer. It was like finding treasure. :)

One thing that was a problem is that Mom thought I should be well already. It has only been two days, but she was thinking it had been a week or more. She's lost her concept of time. She's also lost memory of going to the doctor not long ago for the same problem she wants to see him for now. I know what the outcome will be, so it makes no sense to go.
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JessieBelle--such fun we are having! 😁 Seriously, glad you do not do all the work around the house for your mother. Thrilled you found !000 bucks! I used to have a house keeper come for my mother twice a month, which cost me over $100 a month. I was working then and the only reason I had someone come was so that my mother could possibly bond with someone so that when I want to go out of town, I could hire this person to come and spend some time with her. But my mother would have none of the visiting when I left town. She felt as though it was an intrusion. Then she started complaining that the housekeeper (actually a caregiver) didn't such a great job. So... I cancelled the caregiver/housekeeper and I do some cleaning about once a month. I don't mind. Cleaning is easy for me but cooking is my greatest fear! I am happy to save the $100 a month. I know, I know... You are probably all wondering why I would pay for this instead of her. Well, she has a tight and fixed income so I pick up some of the slack, BUT I am truly stopping much of it. I saw my counselor today and it was so helpful. The best news was that I wrote a long synopsis of what my fears and limitations were regarding my mother about a month ago, and I have made a ton of progress in just one month. NOT THERE YET, but it was so reassuring to see some real gains. I am super excited because I just bought tickets to visit my daughter across the country and I am not shivering in my boots. My mother has given me such a hard time in the past when I left town, but I am just starting to feel a little sense of freedom. I pray it will last. I am progressing slowly but I am progressing!!! Happy tonight!
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