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First , have a good talk with hubby about your perspective. Next, move MIL to a location as far from your bedroom as possible. You and your husband's marriage is the priority.
I'm also wondering...if she loves loud tv shows so much....isn't that a time for you and your husband to have some private time away from her?
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At mom's age, climbing stairs twice a day is not the best idea - however it does give her exercise and keeps her mobile. . . and you DO want her mobile. Moving her to a downstairs bedroom or creating a living area for her downstairs might help several problems. More privacy upstairs for you/hubby at night, while you're working, etc. Also it moves her tv to another area where the loud volume doesn't irritate you. You can also get her some of those tv ears to block out her shows all together - only she will hear it. So, if you have a room or two downstairs that could be converted to bedroom and sitting area for her, consider that. Then there would also be a 'family' living area where all can come together.

What are your responsibilities for her? You didn't really mention things you have to do for her, only that her presence is irritating. If you do have tasks, then talk to hubby about hiring someone to come and do things just for mom. Or perhaps get a housekeeper to help out everyone - a little cleaning, fix lunch for mom, change her linens, wash clothes, etc. If mom is no longer paying living expenses for her previous house, use her income to pay for extras around your house. And, I have to ask, did she move in to combine 3 incomes to make life easier and cheaper for all?????

There is a certain amount of this where getting used to someone else in your home being difficult. Then there is another issue of - you coming off a little harsh when you can't stomach being in the same room with her. I would suggest trying a little harder in that area. I would venture a little further out on that limb and wonder if you ever really did like the woman.

The flip side is you tell hubby you don't want her there, deal with his reaction to that, and then let the chips fall where they may. You agreed to the living arrangement, like it or not, so there's a good chance he will be hurt by your change in how you feel now. The marriage may suffer more after that discussion than it is right now, but you do have a right to determine your own future
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One thing that happens very often when parents live in our homes is that they start to feel as if it is their home instead of ours.

Usually when a parent arrives the children want them to feel comfortable and boundaries are crossed.

I suppose house rules must be established from the beginning.

It’s a bit awkward for the couple and the parent and when boundaries aren’t set there are always uncomfortable situations that arise.

I don’t know how many of you had keys to their parent’s house. I did. Mom would tell me to just let myself in when I went over. I never did. I knocked on the door and waited for her to say, “Come in, honey.” Then I opened the door with the key.

I never answered her phone unless she instructed me to. I didn’t snoop through her mail. In other words, I respected my parents privacy.

I would not be comfortable overstepping in someone else’s home, even my parents. My husband was the same way with his family.

I guess it all depends on the people involved. Some parents do respect privacy. Others don’t.

Living together with parents or any other roommates is a situation with very close quarters and it is usually too much togetherness!

When they need more and more help it is intensified. Of course it isn’t their fault. No one gets sick on purpose but nevertheless it interrupts our lives and we are not wrong for wanting a life for ourselves again.

It’s a matter of getting over the guilt. Trust me, I speak from tons of experience!

Therapy and this forum saved my life!
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I would suggest telling hubby that you need a bigger place and you are going crazy. You can't do your work at home and you cant go downstairs bc of the noise of the tv, and constant complaining. You need a house with a MIL suite. You weren't meant to live on top of each other. You will not accept the line- to bad your feeling bad. Im not, so I'm not going to lift a finger to change anything. That is not a marriage. That is being selfish. So either he finds a place or build a MIL suite onto your house.
If your hubby wants to be selfish how would he feel having to sell the house in a divorce? You can be selfish too by not lifting a finger to help his mother. It will now all be all on him. Tell him you don't hate her, but you need space. You like your friends but don't live with them either. You want your own space and trying to hide in closets isn't it. This is not working and will have to change. He is probably gone all day so its not a big deal to spend a few hours with her.
He can make you both happy by getting a place where everyone can be happy. Where she can blare her tv without you loosing your mind.
Im sure he's spending more time with her bc he knows she won't be around forever. Plus your probably bristly from putting up with the tv blaring all day and exasperated.
I would give him an ultimatum that you need a bigger space & mil suite, or construction on your place. Your doing all the sacrifices here.
I would also nip the complaining in the bud, by saying any day above ground is a good day. So stop complaining and change the subject abruptly. What are we doing for lunch? Dont let her go back to it. Keep doing that until she gets the message. People complain about illnesses do it for sympathy and attention.
How about getting her to a senior center for the day. Or maybe 3x a week. It keeps them active. She needs to do something besides sit. You get a break then. Sure she will complain but too bad. You need to work in peace. She gets friends and a purpose.
How about putting her in basement and turning it into a suite? Changing dining room into a closed room for her with sound proofing? Soundproofing anywhere. And a new hearing aid or head set for her. You need to work and hear yourself think.
I notice a pattern on here, of the men not caring when their wife is forced to live with the MIL. So women need to put a stop to that. Their ok with you being inconvenienced as long as they aren't. If you have to be inconvenienced with the noise etc, he can be inconvenienced packing to a new home with more room, or coming up with funds to make her a room or 2 that are sound proofed.
As for hot flashes, I use natural hormones on Amazon. Saved me bc Id get hot flashes, nausea and a weird headache all at once. Stopped it in its tracks. Or time to go to doc and say you need something.. That is also not helping things bc you have that to contend with too.
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