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Emotionally: Before my parents became ill, I was a fun, outgoing, life of the party with a ton of friends and a fantastic career. After I became their full-time caregiver, I'm suppressed with anger all the time because I'm not happy where I'm at in life. It's very lonely. And as time goes by, I just sad and frustrated because I'm no in a position to date and no man will want the burden of dealing my mother. My fear is that when Mom does pass, and I do meet the man of my dream - then he is struck with a severe illness - and I become a caregiver all over again. This just makes me sick to my stomach. I'm bitter all the time because I hear of my friends' moving up the career ladder, traveling, getting married, going to grad school...they are having the life I can't have. My father is deceased. So, it's just me and my mother - who is slowly declining - I hope everyday she'll die that day because her suffering is just hard for me to watch. I'm an only child with no other relatives, and I'm so tired of people telling me "I'm such a good daughter". I no longer view this as a compliment and I nearly seethe with frustration. I feel it's I'm tired Physically: Before being a full-time caregiver, I was athletic and always taking care of myself. After being a caregiver, I've packed on the pounds from drinking red wine to keep my sanity and to keep me out of a deep depression. Last week, I signed up for a total body transformation program at my gym because I'm tired of seeing what I see in the mirror. At least I'm at the point to make a change in my life. The stress of caregiving has also caused a pre-existing issue to worsen; for example, I recently suffered from a small case of an allergic skin reaction but it steadily grew during the week, and I know this is from my nerves flaring up because I hear Mom in her room talking absolute non-sense, rambling gibberish.
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It takes a physical toll. I was diagnosed with walking pneumonia today and prescribed antibiotics and rest. I actually loved hearing the word rest. It gave me permission to goof off the next few days and not be so responsible. This is the first time I've been sick since I had the flu in 1999. I think it has a lot to do with stress and the thermostat wars. The heat has been really bothering me and my lungs lately.
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I think that's true if a lot of us. A lot of us have gone to therapy. It helps.
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