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GraceH, I have many of the same thoughts - and some of my siblings are in the same state. Two have gone so far as to blame Dad for criminal wrongdoings that they were involved with. It's his fault because he didn't watch one (CPA) close enough. It's also his fault that he left his cashbox open and unguarded - NOT! - for one of his grandchildren to steal thousands of dollars from it.
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Oh dear, that is really awfull. I am so exasperated with hearing about siblings who are no help, or who actually are hurtful. As I mentioned the only way for me to soothe my "resent" is to believe there will be some type of reward in the Hereafter, call it Karma, or a golden crown, or what have you, but those of us who have been doing battle with our siblings over our parent(s) care, deserve MUCH better than we are currently receiving. I have even had a heart-to-heart discussion with my parents' attorney, over the POA question, and from what I can determine, reading between the lines, this attorney has a "deal" going with the out of state sibling who has (you guessed it) total DPOA. Meanwhile, I am very busy doing Everything for my parent.....
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Thanks so much for your encouraging words....My half brother, Jay, was arrested and put in jail. This will be the third time since our Dad passed. Ever since my Dad passed (2 years ago ) Jay has gone off the deep end. He is on disability for Mental Health Issues.He caused his own divorce and lost visitation of his twins.His x wife has been leading him on by using him for a babysitter. I guess the state is now going to get an evaluation on him. He goes off the deep end and talks about satan and other religious things. He was on medication,,, We were so close all our life it was not till our Dad passed that he snapped and became another person. It took a while to see it.He has been through three deaths, his Dad, his divorce ( same thing as death), and My Mom is not the same and her memory is going.He has a bad temper. I am hoping they put him in somewhere to watch him. I have a gut feeling now that he has messed up badly and lost the right to see his twins he will harm himself My other brother is an alcoholic and has never been around.. But thankfully he has not been around for a few months,, After Mom is gone, if she goes before me, I will sell my house and move. I want to go to Florida, I am not getting any younger and these gloomy days and cold winters are starting to wear on me. I am the oldest and only girl and I have been taking care of my parents for 7-8 years. Mom has really serious depression , runs in her family. Thanks for listening. I am upset over my brother as it also effects my Mom...
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I feel the same way, my brother shows up once a month, my two sisters have moved out of state and offer useless criticism by way of face book, which I usually ignore, but my friends comment on it over the phone or in person. Sometimes I feel like I am an only child, also. Some days I feel like I would like a life, where I can come and go and not have to pay someone to sit with mom so I can go to the store, or have to run home cause the companions time is up. I choose to take care of her and that is what I am doing. She has been pacing for the last 6 hours and it will be time to put her in her room and put the gate up so I can get some rest.
Keep your chin up and doing a great job, try to ignore the other garbage from your sibling. Joel Osteen is a big help for me, a possiblity preacher.
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Know exactly the feeling.. I went out to get the mail. I was gone less then one minute. Came in and Mom was on the floor. I thought she had a heart attack. I went down to my knees and she says "I tried to swat that fly and fell down " she started laughing... I must have a strong heart.... Stuff like this happens all the time. As caregiver's we never know. Mom is now in Assisted Living. She has Diabetes, Memory issues, Congestive Hear failure. She needs to be watched 24/7. I did it for 7 years. She has severe depression. She was falling a lot. I know I made the right choice. She is on 4 shots at different times of the day for diabetes. Also diarrhea from sucking on sugarless life savors as she has dry mouth...She wears depends. I picked her up the other day to take her out and she messed in her depends and it went out all over her pants, I felt sorry for her. I find this stuff hard to watch and see her decline.... Now I just pay all her bills. But it is a job.. I can go see her , take her out for supper. It is less stress for both of us. She likes it and wants to be brought back for bedtime. I bought her a new bedroom set....She's an Angel:)
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Bless you, staystrong57! You are so right and isn't it wonderful that she wants to go back for bedtime. She sounds like she enjoys life when she can laugh at herself for falling because of a fly. You made the right decision and just tell her you love her as many times as you can. She may not always remember you, but she will remember your kindnesses. hugs and blessings.
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My latest sibling issue is he's telling all of dad's neighbors and some of our other relatives (uncles and cousins), that I'll sell everything dad owns out from under him. The irony is I'll have to, there is some truth to it, but he makes it sound as though it's for myself, and these stupid people believe that. Dad's house is in a horrible state, it's sinking do to cracked foundation, the house is actually sloaping, you can't even close the doors and lock them on the back of the house, out of four bathrooms, there's only one that actually works. I can't mow the yard and maintain it and take care of dad at my house too, I can't do everything, brother will not do any work on the house to maintain it even though he lives two miles away and doesn't work. So who maintains the house? Who keeps up the yard? So far the neighbors have, and they're tired of it. Dad doesn't qualify for Medicaid because of retirement assets and the house, so the house has to go, the house is only going to get worse. And yet, brother has the neighbors worried about the house being sold, and not one of them have yet to ask him why they are maintaining the outside of the house when he lives so close and doesn't work? Brilliant people. I could just bite the bullet in one giant swoop and liquidate everything, done, take the verbal barrage of insults from a dozen different people I don't know and a complete and thorough attack on my reputation, in the end only the attorney's knowing the truth as I slap down all the paperwork in front of them that everything has been handled appropriately and not one thing has gone to my benefit. Worth it, no.
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Been there done that. Sister is the POA, which mean to her that she is Mom's alter ego, in fact she thinks she is one and the same. I am sure she tells people that I am a bad daughter and a bad sister. And that she has to do it all.
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