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For YOUR peace of mind, HAVE HIS COGNITIVE STATUS PROFESSIONALLY ASSESSED.

Ask his physician to recommend a PROFESSIONAL (psychiatrist, neurologist, psychologist, social worker) TRAINED in GERIATRICS, and request that that specialist’s report include your father’s ability to manage ADL, ESPECIALLY from the standpoint of PERSONAL SAFETY and ability to function independently in a familiar environment.

When you have gotten your copy of the report, MAIL A COPY to your sister.

The relationship between you and your sister may or may not survive this. It may be fractured but not permanently disrupted. Once she has read the professional report, the ball will be in HER COURT.

I myself learned to avoid ANY VERBAL INTERACTIONS when there was hostility between my fellow POA and me. I communicate now ONLY by text or email, because I keep records of everything he accuses me of.

Many relationships among siblings/mutual caregivers are disrupted during caregiving. You, as the hands on caregiver AND POA, have the ABSOLUTE RIGHT to being a conscientious and responsible caregiver TO YOURSELF.

For the time being, you MUST place your father’s needs and YOUR NEEDS far FAR beyond whatever needs your sister THINKS SHE HAS, whatever has caused them.
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Yes, this has happened to many carers on our site. Suggestions that might help:

* Provide details of a medical diagnosis of dementia. If you don’t have that, give details of the symptoms you are seeing, and ‘official’ information about dementia that confirms your own diagnosis.
* Find some information about dementia that includes the fact that it will include many many criticisms, many lies, and a lot of misinformation.
* Send the same information to your aunt, who may have more experience. If she understands, ask her to contact your sister, who presumably is also her niece.
* Make sure your information also tells her about ‘show-timing’, so she doesn’t make judgements based on just a short exposure (like a phone call).
* Ask if your sister can visit to see things for herself, preferably for a week to give you a break.
* Look up the information on ‘care topics’ (top RHS of your screen) for D for Driving, and send it to her in an email – the danger to father and other road users, how common this problem is, and how dreadful it will be if father kills an innocent person in another car and the family has to deal with the legal fall-out.

Many people have found that it is really hard for relatives to understand and accept the implications of dementia. We regularly have new posters who use this site to educate themselves. You may have to educate your sister, who can’t even see for herself.

Good luck! Margaret
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Martz06 Jan 2021
Thank you for the suggestions. Unfortunately my sister is in such denial that she tells me she doesn’t even believe in the term dementia itself. She says there is no such thing. Which is sort of hilarious as medical Doctors as well as natural Doctors all believe dementia is real. I think it’s her way of protecting herself, too bad she was causing more stress on me. Oh and my aunt who is 80 says nobody better ever take her license away even if she is a bad driver, so I don’t think she is one to be reasoned with either
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